Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Shares Couples Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Finger-pointing can quickly turn a loving connection into a battleground of accusations and hurt feelings. Blaming is a natural human response to avoid responsibility, but it’s not constructive. It’s tough when the blame game becomes a regular part of a relationship.

Let’s find out why partners blame each other in a relationship and what are the ways to break this vicious cycle from India’s top relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why does the blame game begin?

Shivani Sadhoo says, there are certain factors that initiate the blame game. Some of them are:

Childhood experiences: 

These shape our coping and communication strategies. If individuals face blame or criticism, they may unconsciously blame others in relationships.

Protect Self-esteem:

Blaming others helps preserve a positive self-image and shields self-esteem, as admitting fault might be perceived as a weakness.

Lack of Empathy:

It hinders understanding others’ perspectives, leading to a tendency to blame instead of considering their viewpoint.

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Shivani says, every problem has a solution, you simply need to find it. Some of the ways to deal with the blame games are:

1. Use “I” Statements: 

Instead of pointing fingers and using accusatory language, express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you blame me for everything” rather than “You always make me feel bad for …”

2. Accept your fault: 

Acknowledge your own mistakes and be willing to apologize when necessary. This sets a positive example and encourages your partner to do the same.

3. Forgive and Forget: 

Learning to forgive and forget involves letting go of past grievances and not holding on to grudges. It means releasing the need to continuously blame each other for past mistakes and choosing to move forward with a fresh outlook, fostering understanding and healing in the relationship.

4. Identify the root cause: 

Identify the root problems causing conflicts. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives without immediately assigning blame. By pinpointing the real issues, you can work together to find constructive solutions and improve your relationship.

5. Be Patient: 

Practice patience by actively listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Empathize with your partner’s feelings, communicate calmly, and avoid retaliating. This fosters understanding, promotes healthier discussions, and strengthens the bond between you both.

6. Nobody is Perfect: 

Of course, no relationship is without its hiccups. We’re only human, after all. So, let’s set realistic expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal here. It’s about progress. Celebrate the small wins along the way and acknowledge that change takes time.

7. Talk to each other: 

Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners must be willing to express their thoughts and emotions openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage each other to share feelings and listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. This way, both partners can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find constructive solutions.

8. Listen to each other: 

Actively listen to each other’s perspectives without interruption or defensiveness. Mutual respect and validation of each other’s feelings are essential. Together, find solutions to address the issue constructively, focusing on changing behavior rather than assigning blame.

9. Seek Professional Advice: 

Overcoming the blame cycle can be tough, especially if it’s ingrained. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can identify toxic patterns, offer insights, and guide partners toward healthier communication and conflict resolution.

10. Be Compassionate: 

Show understanding and empathy toward your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This approach encourages open communication, fosters connection, and paves the way for resolving conflicts constructively.

It is never too late to break free from the blame cycle and embrace a healthier, happier future together. Relationships are a journey of growth, and learning from challenges and mistakes can lead to stronger connections and personal development.

Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some amazing tips for couples to nurture their relationship as parents

A baby brings boundless joy to new parents, for within their tiny form lies the miracle of life. While the demands of parenthood may challenge their time and energy, the flame of love between mom and dad can still persist.

Balancing the demands of parenthood and maintaining a strong connection with your partner requires effort and understanding. In this article, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo offers some tips and tricks for nurturing your relationship as a new parent.

What are those ways to nurture your relationship as a parent?

Here, Shivani Sadhoo shares some of the methods, that could make your transition to parenthood a smooth ride.

Why Communicate with Compassion?

Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As new parents, take time to listen to each other’s concerns, fears, and joys. Be mindful of your partner’s emotional needs and offer support and encouragement.

Choose your words carefully, speaking kindly and respectfully, even when fatigue and stress take hold. Remember, open and honest communication will help you navigate the challenges together and deepen your bond. When your baby cries, you’re compassionate. Extend that to your partner. Relationships change after a baby, but growth happens when you change together.

Do it together as a team

Parenthood is a team sport, and collaboration between partners is vital. Share the responsibilities of childcare and household chores, support each other’s needs, and find a balance that works for both of you. Recognize and appreciate each other’s contributions, acknowledging the value of teamwork in creating a harmonious environment for your family.

Nurture intimacy

After having a baby, physical and emotional intimacy can be neglected. Yet, it’s vital to prioritize a romantic connection. Make time for intimate moments like cuddling, date nights, or heartfelt conversations. Small gestures and expressions of love foster a strong bond.

Take care of yourself

Remember to take care of yourself amidst the demands of parenthood. It’s essential to nurture your own well-being, as it directly impacts your relationship with your partner. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. By taking care of yourself, you’ll have more energy and positivity to invest in your partnership.

Express appreciation

Show gratitude for each other’s efforts and support. Recognize and acknowledge the hard work and dedication that goes into being a parent. Small gestures of appreciation can go a long way in fostering a positive and nurturing environment.

The Power of Giving Space

Granting each other space as new parents fosters personal growth and maintains individuality. It involves recognizing the importance of alone time, pursuing hobbies, and nurturing friendships outside of parenthood, strengthening the partnership.

Conflict management

Managing conflicts effectively is crucial in any relationship, and this becomes even more challenging when you have a newborn due to the added stress and exhaustion. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, such as “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need support with…”. This can help avoid blaming and encourage understanding.

Seek Support

New parents often feel overwhelmed. Seek support from family, friends, or professionals. Connect with experienced parents, join groups, or consider couples counseling. Asking for help lightens the load and strengthens relationships.

Embrace Imperfections

Parenthood is a journey of constant learning and growth. Embrace the imperfections and understand that mistakes are inevitable. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and your partner. Celebrate the small victories, and remember that every day presents an opportunity to strengthen your bond and create beautiful memories together.

As you embark on the incredible journey of parenthood, remember that nurturing your relationship is just as important as caring for your little one. Enjoy this remarkable chapter of your lives, cherishing the moments of joy, and growing stronger as a couple with each passing day. And if you need any help, we are there to guide you. 

In a properly functioning body, sleep helps the brain to process your emotions and memories at the optimum level. When you wake up well-rested your brain maintains a healthy mental and physical energy all throughout your day.

On the other hand, sleep deprivation restricts brain’s ability to do just the superficial activities like sticking to a daily routine work. All throughout the day, the person may find challenges to gather enough mental energy to think and innovate and at night the brain would get so much exhausted that simple relationship activity like conversations with partner, romantic feelings and sexual drive may turn Zero.

Across the world, scientific research is gradually suggesting that sleep may be the biggest factor in maintaining a good relationship. Quality of sleep of either one or both the partners may affect everything from attraction to break-ups. Today India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how poor sleep can be affecting your relationship.

1.       Poor sleep habits generally turn a person unattractive 

After all nobody like the company of a mentally exhausted person, even the emotionally tired person himself/herself looks for solace. In a relationship too, mental exhaustion that is generally triggered by poor sleeping habits, reduces attraction between partners.

2.       Poor sleep can fuel conflicts. 

Research suggests that sleep deprivation is one of the primary causes of couple conflicts. Poor sleep leads to poor or irritated mood that causes frequent couple conflict, less understanding of partners’ emotions, and poorer conflict resolution.

3.    Sleep issues may increase marital aggression.

People with poor sleep habits often find it hard to control their impulses. This is one of the most discreet triggers for degradation of relationship quality. Scientific studies have confirmed the links between sleep trouble, self-control, and aggressive behaviors. Hence problematic sleep translates to lower self-control, couples suffer from more aggression in their marriages.

4.       Healthy sleep encourages a healthy sex life. 

Behavioral studies have identified that men and women are less likely to be in the mood for sex if they’re sleep deprived. Good and adequate sleep translated to more sexual desire and more likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner.