Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Key Summary

• The seven vows are not outdated rituals; they reflect timeless principles like trust, respect, and shared responsibility that still define strong relationships today.
• Modern couples interpret these vows in practical ways—through emotional support, financial partnership, and mutual growth.
• The essence of Saptapadi lies in intention, making it a relevant guide for building meaningful and balanced relationships in today’s world.

Are the “Saptapadi” still relevant in 2026? Beyond the ritual, the seven vows of a Hindu marriage contain profound psychological blueprints for partnership, respect, and shared growth. Renowned counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo breaks down each vow, revealing how these sacred pillars can strengthen modern relationships and resolve contemporary conflicts.

Marriage in Hindu tradition is not just a social contract; it is a deeply spiritual commitment rooted in centuries-old rituals and beliefs. One of the most meaningful parts of a Hindu wedding is the Saptapadi—the seven sacred vows taken by the bride and groom as they walk around the holy fire. Each vow represents a promise that shapes the foundation of their life together. While these vows were created in a very different era, their essence continues to hold value even in modern relationships, where expectations, roles, and lifestyles have evolved significantly, shares marriage counsellor and couples therapist in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Do the 7 sacred vows still matter in modern relationships?

At first glance, these ancient promises may seem symbolic or even outdated in today’s fast-paced, individualistic world. However, when we look closely, each vow addresses timeless aspects of a successful partnership—trust, mutual respect, emotional support, and shared responsibilities.

The language may be traditional, but the intent behind these vows aligns closely with what people still seek in meaningful relationships today. In fact, they offer a grounded framework that can help couples navigate modern challenges like work-life balance, financial stress, and emotional disconnect.

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says, “Ancient in words but modern in meaning, the seven sacred vows are not just promises made around the fire—they are lifelong commitments that quietly shape love, resilience, and companionship in every phase of marriage.”

The First Vow: Nourishment and Well-being

The couple promises to provide for each other and ensure a healthy, fulfilling life. In today’s context, this goes beyond physical nourishment. It includes emotional care, mental health support, and encouragement to lead balanced lives. With rising stress levels and demanding careers, this vow feels more relevant than ever.

The Second Vow: Strength and Support

This vow focuses on building physical, mental, and spiritual strength together. Modern relationships thrive when both partners act as pillars of support during tough times. Whether it’s career setbacks or personal struggles, standing by each other is still one of the strongest indicators of a lasting bond.

The Third Vow: Prosperity and Wealth

Traditionally, this vow emphasised earning and managing wealth together. Today, it reflects financial partnership—shared goals, transparency in money matters, and mutual decision-making. In an age where both partners often contribute financially, this vow reinforces equality and teamwork.

The Fourth Vow: Love and Mutual Respect

The couple promises to cherish and respect each other. In modern times, respect has become the backbone of any relationship. Love alone is not enough; understanding boundaries, valuing individuality, and maintaining dignity in disagreements are crucial elements that echo this vow.

The Fifth Vow: Family and Responsibility

This vow is about nurturing family and fulfilling responsibilities toward children and elders. While family structures may have changed, the idea of shared responsibility remains important. It now includes supporting each other’s ambitions while balancing personal and family commitments.

The Sixth Vow: Health and Longevity

Here, the couple prays for a long and healthy life together. Today, it can be interpreted as encouraging healthy habits, emotional stability, and being mindful of each other’s well-being. It also subtly reminds couples to invest time in their relationship despite busy schedules.

The Seventh Vow: Lifelong Companionship and Loyalty

The final vow seals the bond with a promise of lifelong friendship, trust, and loyalty. In contemporary relationships, this vow resonates deeply. Beyond romance, couples today seek companionship—a partner who understands them, grows with them, and stands by them through every phase of life.

Why These Vows Still Hold Meaning?

Even in a world where relationships are constantly being redefined, the core principles behind the seven vows remain unchanged. They speak about partnership rather than dominance, commitment rather than convenience, and growth rather than dependency. What has changed is how these vows are interpreted and practised.

Bridging Tradition with Modern Reality

Today’s couples may not consciously remember each vow they take during the ceremony, but they live them in different ways. Whether it’s sharing household responsibilities, supporting each other’s careers, or prioritising mental health, these actions reflect the same values embedded in the vows. The tradition, therefore, is not outdated—it has simply evolved.

Summary:

• Emotional abandonment occurs when partners remain physically present but emotionally disconnected, leading to loneliness, silence, and loss of intimacy within the marriage.

• Cultural conditioning, suppressed emotional expression, shifting expectations, social pressures, and poor communication commonly contribute to emotional distance in many Indian marriages.

• Healing begins with acknowledging the disconnect, communicating openly, investing meaningful time together, practising patience, and seeking professional counselling when needed.

Written by Shivani Misri Sadhoo | 17+ Years Experience Certified EFT, CBT, DBT Therapist | Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital

Marriage often begins with emotional resonance. Two individuals feel seen, heard, and understood in ways that make connection feel effortless. Conversations flow, silences feel comfortable, and presence itself becomes reassuring. Emotional safety, not grand gestures, forms the foundation of intimacy. Over time, however, many couples discover that sharing a home does not always mean sharing a life. The bond that once felt warm and responsive can grow distant without any dramatic conflict or visible rupture.

Emotional abandonment is one of the most painful yet least discussed realities in long-term relationships. It rarely announces itself loudly. Instead, it quietly settles into daily routines—short conversations, distracted responses, mechanical interactions, and a subtle sense of being alone even when together. Understanding this experience is the first step toward preventing long-term emotional damage and restoring relational closeness, reveals Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a marriage counsellor in Delhi.

What Is Emotional Abandonment in Marriage?

Emotional abandonment is not physical absence. A partner may be present in the same room, participating in family events and daily responsibilities, yet feel emotionally unreachable. The deeper connection—empathy, attentiveness, shared emotional space—gradually weakens.

Couples who once instinctively understood each other begin to feel like strangers. Conversations become transactional. Emotional needs remain unspoken or dismissed. One or both partners may stop expressing vulnerability because it no longer feels safe or meaningful. Over time, the relationship shifts from companionship to coexistence.

This form of disconnection can be deeply isolating. A person may feel unheard, unseen, and emotionally unsupported within the very relationship that once offered comfort. Loneliness intensifies because the partner is physically near but emotionally distant. The home remains intact, yet emotional belonging fades.

Shivani Sadhoo says that “Emotional abandonment in marriage is not the absence of a partner’s presence, but the absence of their emotional participation. Two people may share a home, a routine, and responsibilities, yet feel worlds apart when conversations lose warmth, listening turns mechanical, and feelings remain unacknowledged. The deepest loneliness often comes not from being alone, but from being unseen and unheard by the one person who once felt like home.”

“Reconnection begins the moment silence is replaced with honesty and distance is met with intention. When couples choose to acknowledge emotional gaps, communicate with empathy, spend meaningful time together, and seek guidance when needed, relationships regain their human depth. Marriage is sustained not by endurance, but by emotional presence, mutual understanding, and the daily effort to stay connected.”

Why Is Emotional Abandonment Common in Indian Marriages?

Cultural expectations play a significant role in shaping relationship dynamics. Many individuals grow up learning that endurance is more valuable than expression. Adjusting silently is often praised, especially for women, who may feel responsible for maintaining family harmony even at personal emotional cost. This discourages open dialogue about dissatisfaction or emotional neglect.

Men, on the other hand, are frequently conditioned to suppress emotional expression. Emotional openness may be perceived as vulnerability or weakness, making it difficult for them to articulate feelings or respond empathetically. As a result, emotional communication within the marriage weakens.

Modern marriages also carry evolving expectations. Many partners today seek emotional companionship, mutual respect, and shared decision-making alongside stability. When traditional roles remain rigid but emotional expectations expand, disconnect emerges.

Social pressures further complicate matters. Couples may continue living together for children, family reputation, or financial security. Outwardly, the marriage appears stable; internally, emotional distance grows. Without conscious effort to nurture connection, routine replaces intimacy.

Silence is another powerful contributor. Small misunderstandings, when left unaddressed, accumulate over time. Gradually, partners stop discussing their inner world. Emotional withdrawal becomes habitual, and the relationship feels functional but lifeless.

How Can Couples Rebuild Emotional Connection?

The first step is acknowledgement. Emotional distance cannot be addressed if it is denied. Recognising feelings of disconnection without self-blame allows space for healing. Awareness transforms vague dissatisfaction into a solvable concern.

Open communication follows acknowledgement. Honest conversations—spoken with calmness and respect—allow both partners to express emotional needs. Equally important is listening without defensiveness. Feeling heard restores emotional safety and encourages reconnection.

Patience is essential. Emotional repair is gradual. Trust and closeness rebuild through consistent, small efforts rather than dramatic gestures. Allowing time reduces pressure and prevents further emotional strain.

Shared experiences also help revive connection. Meaningful time together—simple walks, shared meals without distractions, or small activities done jointly—recreates emotional familiarity. Presence matters more than extravagance.

Professional guidance can be transformative when communication feels stuck. Marriage counselling provides a neutral, supportive environment where both partners can explore concerns safely and learn healthier ways to reconnect.

Moving Forward with Awareness and Intention

Emotional abandonment develops quietly but affects deeply. It is shaped by silence, social conditioning, emotional suppression, and unaddressed expectations. Yet, it is not irreversible. With honesty, communication, patience, shared presence, and guided support, couples can rediscover emotional closeness.

Emotional Connection vs Emotional Abandonment in Marriage — A Comparative Overview

Aspect	Emotionally Connected Marriage	Emotionally Abandoned Marriage
Emotional Presence	Partners feel heard, valued, and understood	Partners feel unseen, ignored, or emotionally distant
Communication Style	Open, warm, and meaningful conversations	Short, mechanical, or avoidant interactions
Emotional Safety	Comfortable sharing feelings and vulnerabilities	Hesitation or fear in expressing emotions
Daily Interaction	Shared moments feel engaging and supportive	Routine interactions feel formal and lifeless
Sense of Togetherness	Feeling like a team and life partners	Feeling alone despite living together
Conflict Handling	Issues discussed and resolved respectfully	Problems avoided, leading to silent resentment
Relationship Experience	Emotional warmth and mutual reassurance	Emotional isolation and inner loneliness
Long-Term Impact	Stronger trust and deeper bond over time	Growing distance and weakening attachment

Marriage thrives not merely on shared responsibilities but on shared emotional life. Rebuilding that inner connection restores warmth, understanding, and the sense of togetherness that sustains long-term partnership.

In conversations about personality and emotional health, most people are familiar with terms like narcissism or people-pleasing. Yet there is another, quieter pattern that often goes unnoticed—echoism. It doesn’t show up as loud self-importance or dramatic behaviour. Instead, it hides behind excessive humility, silence, and self-minimisation. Understanding echoism can help you recognise whether you are genuinely kind—or unintentionally erasing yourself. Let us find out from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an experienced couples therapist and relationship counsellor.

Who Is an Echoist?

An echoist is a person who fears appearing self-centred and therefore suppresses their own needs, opinions, and achievements. The concept was popularised by psychologist Craig Malkin, inspired by the Greek myth of Echo, a figure who could only repeat others’ words and gradually lost her own voice.

In psychological terms, echoism is often described as a personality pattern at the opposite extreme of narcissism. While narcissistic individuals seek admiration and attention, echoists feel deeply uncomfortable receiving attention. They tend to:

• Downplay accomplishments
• Avoid expressing strong preferences
• Feel guilty asking for help
• Stay silent to prevent conflict
• Struggle to assert personal boundaries

An echoist is not simply shy or introverted. The defining trait is the anxiety around taking up space—emotionally or socially. They may believe that having needs makes them selfish, so they minimise themselves to feel safe.

What Is Echoism in Simple Terms?

Echoism is a coping style where a person consistently puts others’ emotional experiences ahead of their own, to the point of self-neglect. It often develops as a protective strategy in environments where attention leads to criticism, rejection, or overshadowing by dominant personalities.

Over time, the individual learns that being “low maintenance” feels safer than being expressive. They may pride themselves on not needing much, but internally, they might feel unseen or unheard.

How Is Echoism Different from People-Pleasing?

At first glance, echoism and people-pleasing appear similar because both involve prioritising others. However, their motivations differ.

People-pleasers generally seek approval. They want to be liked, valued, and appreciated. They may say yes to everything, avoid disagreement, and overcommit—but they still hope their efforts are noticed.

Echoists, in contrast, do not want attention. They do not crave validation. In fact, praise can make them uncomfortable. Instead of wanting recognition, they prefer to stay in the background. Their focus is not on gaining approval but on avoiding appearing demanding or self-focused.

Another difference lies in self-awareness. People-pleasers usually know what they want but suppress it to maintain harmony. Echoists may become so disconnected from their own desires that identifying them becomes difficult.

Emotional Effects of Being an Echoist

Echoism can quietly impact self-esteem and relationships. When someone repeatedly silences their own needs, emotional exhaustion can build. They may feel invisible in friendships or romantic partnerships, especially if paired with dominant personalities.

Over time, this dynamic can lead to anxiety, suppressed resentment, and difficulty making decisions. Because echoists rarely assert themselves, others may assume they are always content—even when they are not. The real cost of echoism is not kindness; it is self-erasure.

Can an Echoist Change?

Echoism is not a permanent personality label. It is a learned pattern—and learned patterns can shift. Growth begins with recognizing that having needs does not equal selfishness.

Developing balance involves practicing small acts of self-expression, accepting compliments without dismissing them, and slowly building comfort with being seen. The goal is not to become attention-seeking but to allow yourself equal emotional space in relationships.

So, who is an echoist? An echoist is someone who minimizes themselves out of fear of being “too much.” Unlike a people-pleaser who seeks approval, an echoist seeks invisibility. While this pattern may once have served as protection, in adulthood, it can limit connection and fulfillment.

Healthy emotional living is not about dominating others or disappearing for them. It is about existing fully—without apology.