Eminent Marriage Counselor and Psychologist Shivani Sadhoo Explains
Every relationship is unique and built on trust, love, and commitment. Cheating disrupts this foundation, causing emotional distress and eroding the bond between partners, jeopardizing the integrity of the relationship. Understanding why a cheating partner continues to deceive is a complex endeavor, involving a blend of psychology, emotions, and personal motivations. In this article, India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo explains the reasons and ways to deal with it.
What are the types of cheating?
Types of Cheating could include anything from the points given below as shared by Shivani Sadhoo.
- Emotional Cheating: Harbouring romantic feelings for someone outside the committed relationship, often sharing personal thoughts and emotions with that person rather than with the partner.
- Physical Cheating: Engaging in intimate physical acts with someone other than the partner.
- Cyber Cheating: Pursuing romantic or intimate (physical) interactions online, including online affairs.
- Financial Cheating: Concealing financial actions or spending without the partner’s knowledge or consent.
Reasons why partners cheat on each other and what are the solutions?
There are several factors that may compel partners to cheat on each other but they also have solutions to come out of that trap:
1. To Protect their ego
Cheating can inflict guilt and shame on the unfaithful partner, making it hard for them to confront their actions. Lying becomes a defense mechanism to protect their ego from further damage. They may rationalize their behavior, believing that the truth would expose them to judgment and rejection.
Solution: Seek non-judgmental support from friends, family, or counselors to gain perspective and build resilience.
2. Fear of confrontation drives the cheating partner to fabricate lies, evading the emotional turmoil they caused. Fear pushes them deeper into deceit, avoiding inevitable pain and confrontation.
Solution: Encourage open dialogue to confront the truth and rebuild trust.
3. Relationship preservation
Paradoxically, dishonesty is used to salvage a deteriorating relationship. They fear the truth will end it.
Solution: The solution lies in fostering a safe space for communication, encouraging honesty, and addressing the root issues to rebuild trust and improve the relationship’s prospects.
4. Escape from Emotional Responsibility
Infidelity often stems from unresolved emotional issues within the relationship. By lying about their indiscretions, the cheating partner avoids taking responsibility for their emotions and the underlying problems.
Solution: Encouraging couples counseling can provide a safe environment to address these issues and foster understanding and empathy.
5. Denial and Rationalization
Human minds are adept at rationalizing behavior, and a cheating partner may have convinced themselves that their actions were justifiable due to their partner’s perceived shortcomings. In such cases, lies become a tool to maintain the illusion that their choices were warranted.
Solution: Encourage open communication to challenge rationalizations and address underlying issues, fostering mutual understanding and accountability.
6. Fear of Abandonment
A cheating partner may harbor an irrational fear of abandonment, believing that the truth would push their partner away forever. The lies become a desperate attempt to cling to the relationship, even if built on shaky foundations.
Solution: Reassure your partner of your commitment to working through issues together, creating a safe space for honesty and understanding.
7. Lack of Empathy
Empathy plays a crucial role in human relationships, allowing us to understand the emotional impact of our actions on others. Unfortunately, some cheating partners may lack empathy, making it easier for them to lie without remorse.
Solution: Encourage empathy through open communication and perspective sharing, emphasizing the importance of considering each other’s feelings to rebuild trust.
8. Double benefit
In a relationship, some individuals lie to experience the benefits of both stability and excitement. The thrill of deception empowers them, leading to a double life with a wife/husband at home and a girlfriend/boyfriend outside the home.
Solution: Address root motivations and consequences of lying to establish trust.
Remember that no relationship can thrive that is based on lies and specifically, constant lies. Honesty and communication are the foundation of any healthy relationship.