Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Modern life has become so hectic that even 24 hours is not enough. Our brains are busier than ever before. Finding time for each other sounds like an impossible task. But, sometimes we need to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of everyday life in order to reconnect with our significant other. The need of the hour is to spend some quality time together as a couple. And what could be more blissful than a romantic getaway far from the madding crowd? Let’s find out from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s top marriage counsellor, how a romantic getaway can add magic to your relationship.

Makes your relationship stronger: Besides rejuvenating your soul, a romantic getaway makes you stronger as a couple. From hiking to scuba diving, and spa treatments to candlelit dinners, you spend time together from sunrise to sunset. This constant togetherness rekindles the spark and strengthens your relationship further.

Stress buster: Travelling together takes away all your worries. The change in environment makes you feel happier and healthier. With beautiful surroundings, your mind remains calm and composed. As a couple, you can savor these moments of peace and comfort. Studies reveal that regular romantic getaways improve your quality of life. The stress of your stressful days can be left behind, albeit temporarily.  

Renews intimacy: Romantic vacations bring two people closer. The bond of love and trust deepens. They get more comfortable with each other. This allows couples to confide in one another and become good friends. Spending time together in a romantic ambiance enhances emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. It gives them the strength to handle tough situations together.

Know each other better: While traveling together you discover another side of your partner. You see your partner in a different light. Getting out of your comfort zone and exploring new places together simply helps you to know each other better. It develops mutual understanding, trust, and confidence.

Reduces conflicts: Travelling broadens your perspective. Romantic vacations give you the opportunity to accept and adjust to new circumstances where you learn the art of cooperation and coordination. This helps you to become a better problem solver. It reduces conflicts and disagreements.

Become happier: Taking time off from your busy schedule and traveling together helps to recharge your mood. By stepping away from their daily grind, their mind becomes stress-free. The mere act of planning a vacation together creates an environment of anticipation and excitement. This feeling of something to look forward to itself gives you a positive vibe. You feel happier as a couple.

Rekindles love: Sometimes romantic feelings fade away as life takes a roller coaster ride. Romantic trips can help you fall in love with each other once again by creating beautiful memories that you will cherish for a long time.

Takeaway

So, what are you waiting for? Stop making excuses and pack your bags for that much-awaited romantic vacation to come back home relaxed, recharged, and rejuvenated. 

If marriages are truly made in heaven, then why are divorce rates increasing globally? Is it because of the pandemic or should we blame the 7-year itch? Whatever the reason, divorce is not a solution because problems do not disappear after a divorce. Nowadays, people have become accustomed to everything being disposable. We keep changing our gadgets, our jobs, and even our life partners. Many couples feel divorce is the only way of getting out of the routine. However, that is not true because even if you feel that your marriage is on the edge of collapsing, it is within the realm of repair.

What are the ways to bolster your marriage and avoid divorce?

So, if you’re wondering exactly what you should be doing to bolster your marriage and avoid divorce, scroll down to read a few ways suggested by Delhi’s top marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Expectations must be realistic: We feel upset when our expectations remain unfulfilled. Usually, marriages fail when partners cannot fulfil one another’s needs, leading to disappointments and disagreements, and in most cases, divorce. Learn to burn your resentments. Instead, sit and discuss which of the expectations are realistic enough to be fulfilled and what kind of adjustments can make things better.

Communicate daily: Proper communication will foster emotional intimacy that will strengthen the relationship further.

No secrets: Transparency is the best policy when it comes to any relationship. Let your better half know all about you—your ambitions and aspirations, your deep concerns, and your deep fears without invading your privacy. Being transparent builds trust and fosters intimacy and a sense of security in a relationship.

Laugh with each other: Love can keep a couple together, but shared laughter strengthens the bond between the two. Laughing and giggling with your partner helps to overcome stress and conflicts in a relationship thereby making it stronger. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Money matters: While it is true that money isn’t everything, yet one of the main reasons for divorce today, is related to finance. Couples must share their financial expectations to strengthen their marriage. Whether it is sharing your debt and credit status or combining of finances, you must be aware of each other’s financial goals.

Show kindness and respect: Mutual respect is one of the cornerstones of all successful marriages. Be kind and considerate towards each other. Marriage is all about the little things. Small gestures of love and appreciation add a whole new dimension to your relationship. Consider picking up her favorite coffee table book or flowers from the store. Use the golden words—please, sorry, and thank you frequently.

Bottom line

Marriage is all about sharing and caring. A marriage is built day by day and brick by brick, just as Rome was not built in a day. A lot of work goes into living “happily ever after”. So, keep investing in your relationship and make the right changes that will bring sunshine to your life.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the plethora of “quick fix” relationship advice offered by various books, magazines, blogs, and daytime TV talk shows? Though there is no doubt it is presented with good intent, much of this advice is terribly contradictory. Such as a quick-fix weight loss program, it abandons any effort to support hypotheses with research, basing guidance rather on personal opinion and anecdotal evidence.

Probably, the most prominent quick-fix advice is that communication – and more categorically, learning to resolve your conflicts – is the key to romance and an enduring, happy relationship. This notion is a myth, and it is hardly the only misconception out there.

Myths are destructive to your relationship because they can lead couples down the wrong way, or worse, convince them that their relationship is a hopeless scenario, says Shivani Sadhoo.

What are some of the most common myths about relationships?

Through this blog, leading marriage counsellor and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the most common myths about relationships.

Communicating and employing active listening skills in trying to reach conflict resolution will save your relationship

While active listening is surely a useful skill, it alone cannot save your relationship. As Dr. Gottman points out, “even happily married couples can have screaming matches – loud arguments don’t necessarily doom a marriage.” We all have our disagreements, in a range of different ways. So go ahead, break all those active listening rules! Bear in mind your affection and respect for each other, and remember that using a softened startup when bringing up a problem can override natural variations in conflict style.

Neuroses or personality issues ruin a marriage

Everyone has issues they are not totally rational about, but they do not necessarily interfere with our relationships. The secret to a happy relationship is not having a “normal” personality but finding someone with whom you mesh.

For instance, a person has a problem dealing with authority – he hates having a boss. If he were in a relationship having an authoritarian partner who tended to give commands and looked to tell him what to do, the outcome would be disastrous.

The point is that neuroses do not have to ruin a relationship. What matters is the way you deal with them. If you can accommodate each other’s strange aspects with care, affection, and respect, your relationship can thrive.

Common interests bind you together

It depends on the way you can interact while pursuing those interests. Imagine that you and your partner are walking hand in hand inside your favorite used book store, smelling that old book smell, coffee in hand, headed for the “Literature” section.

Romance is in the air. But wait! Just around the corner in “Politics,” a couple seems to be having an argument! Books are flying and tempers are flaring. “You stupid! He will never get sufficient electoral votes!”

Clearly, enjoying the same activities could create an incredibly strong bonding between you and your partner, but these activities could also be a source of tension, depending on the way you interact while pursuing your common interests.

You scratch my back and…

It looks to make sense that deals must be made in order to maintain a sense of fairness and balance and that in romance a kiss must meet a kiss and a smile meet a smile. In reality, deal-making and contracts, quid pro quo, mostly are done in unhappy marriages.

Do not keep score. Build bonding and strengthen your relationship by freely providing each other with positive overtures and support.

Dodging conflict will ruin your marriage

Everyone has separate methods of dealing with disagreements. A continuous barrage of honest criticism, for instance, might not be the best policy. An example here is when you head to the living room to watch the game, rather than getting in a tiff with you about the noise and constant TV watching, your wife goes for a run and comes back feeling better.

When you are upset with your wife, you go into the backyard to play catch with your kids. Each of you finds a way to self-soothe, and both of you go on as if nothing happened. Finding a middle path that you both can agree on can let you talk things out when you truly need to while averting clashes over every trivial matter.

Affairs are the primary cause of divorce

In several cases, it is the other way around. According to a project it was found that around 80% of divorced men and women cited growing apart and loss of a sense of closeness to their partner as reasons for divorce, as opposed to just 20-27% blaming their separation on an extramarital affair.

The reality is that most affairs are not started in an attempt to quench an unfulfilled desire for physical intimacy, but rather in an attempt to find friendship, support, attention, caring, concern, and respect beyond a relationship that feels lacking in these qualities.

Men are not biologically, “created” for marriage

Specific, theorists call upon natural evolutionary differences between males and females to argue that men have always been predisposed to have as many offspring as they can and follow successful reproduction with one female with a fast sprint to the next available, while women are inclined to nurture their young and look to keep the father close for protection.

The conclusion they had is that men are just biologically more likely to have affairs. This is, in modern times, not a particularly worthy or accurate observation. It has been found out that affairs have to do with the availability of potential partners. According to one theorist, since women have entered the workplace in huge numbers, the number of extramarital affairs of young women now slightly exceeds that of men.

Men and women hail from different planets

You have all heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This specific notion you may dispose of easily. Here is math for you. Dr. Gottman says that “the deciding factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the physical intimacy, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by around 70%, the quality of the couple’s friendship… and for men, the deciding factor is, by 70%, the quality of the couple’s friendship, so men and women come from the same planet after all.”

According to The Oxford English Dictionary intimacy has been defined as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or impacting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”

While couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, from a psychological or relationship’s view intimacy generally, denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is mostly present in close, loving relationships like in marriages and friendships. The word is also at times used to refer to sexual interactions, but intimacy does not have to be restricted to be sexual only.

Though intimacy could undoubtedly exist beyond romantic relationships, it most usually pertains to dating and marriage. The word intimacy has been derived from Latin word “intimus,” which means ‘inner’ or ‘innermost. In the majority of romance languages, the word intimate refers to an individual’s innermost qualities.

Intimacy lets people bond with each other on multiple levels. Therefore, it is a mandatory component of healthy relationships.

Through this blog, India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo covers the different forms of intimacy and how you can make more of it in your relationship.

What are the types of intimacy that exist in a relationship?

Upon hearing the word, most of you perhaps instantly jumped to thinking about physical intimacy, but other forms of intimacy are simply as important, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s have a look at some different kinds of intimacy.

Physical intimacy

While holding a hand or hugging are both examples of physical intimacy, this form is most commonly used in reference to sex. And while sex is integral in relationships, you can also showcase physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact.

While these minor physical displays of affection might seem mundane, they can actually help you and your partner cultivate a feeling of bonding and closeness.

With reference to sex, a part of intimacy is also about feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make certain that you are asking for the same piece of information from your partner. In this manner, you can facilitate a safe haven where both of you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, needs, and desires.

Emotional

Emotional intimacy can also be one of the most vital aspects of a relationship. One specific journal defined emotional intimacy as involving “a perception of closeness to another that lets sharing of personal feelings, accompanied through expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstrations of caring.

To harvest emotional intimacy, take the proper time to listen to and share with your partner every day. Also, make notes of special moments or things that remind you of your special one so that you can let them know you are also thinking about them.

Studies have suggested that self-disclosure helps build feelings of intimacy inside marriages, which will make your bond even stronger. A big part of it is sharing your thoughts and feelings with transparency, honesty, and listening to your loved ones when they do the same.

Experiential

While couples do not have to be joined at the hip, shared experiences are essential in healthy relationships. They are also mostly the way that relationships start, so experiences could even add an aspect of nostalgia for long-term partners.

If you are looking to deepen your experiential intimacy, this is an excellent moment to book a trip or try out a fun new date spot or activity in your city. Try to learn something new with regard to your partner.

Intellectual

See, you do not have to watch a specific TV show together every single night, but it could be fun to have intellectual conversations with your significant other, mainly if you work in different fields. Find new topics to discuss; simple website searches pull up tons of conversation starters.

If you put good effort into having conversations beyond the everyday monotony, it will keep things fresh within your relationship.

Spiritual

While this could be referring to religious ideas and beliefs, it also means something way more profound, such as sharing actual beliefs and values. Your values and beliefs could align with religion or even general health and wellness. Regardless, it is necessary to share these vital aspects of your life with your partner.

This could also be an opportunity for you and your partner to talk about what role you exactly want spirituality to play in your lives if you have a family.

Methods to form intimacy

Not an issue of how long you two have been together, it is always important to develop your intimacy levels. Here are certain simple, practical methods to enhance and expand your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

• If you are not in the mood or are extremely exhausted from having sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
• Plan for a trip to a place neither of you has earlier been to. It is fun to experience new things for the first time.
• Keep aside the gadgets even if it is only during a meal or while you and your partner watch a show together. Rather, make certain to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or a specific experience.
• While listening to your partner, make yourself completely emotionally present to them. If you at all cannot manage to do this when they are talking to you, calmly explain your case why and then set aside a specific time in the future to listen to what they have to say.
• Send each other articles so that both of you can have fun and something new to discuss. This also assists in building intellectual intimacy, and it could provide you a much-required mental break if you have kids, or a caregiver to another loved one in the extended family.

Related Blog Post on Intimacy and Relationship

If you have ever been the victim of infidelity, the first thing you probably asked was, “why?” The outcomes of infidelity are numerous, and it is just natural to seek to know why your partner opts to cheat, even if knowing why does not bring you any relief. There might be any number of reasons, and there are several kinds of infidelity and cheating that could shed some light on those reasons, opines Shivani.

Infidelity, or cheating, is an act of being unfaithful to your partner. It usually, means engaging in sexual or romantic relations with another person other than his or her significant other, damaging a commitment or promise in the act.

Each instance of infidelity is different and fulfills a distinct need. Even though knowing why a partner cheated probably would not lessen any pain or anger you feel, being capable to rationalize the behavior and define it will allay some confusion. It could also help you feel more confident in terms of how to move forward from the situation, whether that means working on healing your relationship or moving on or should you decide to split up.

What are the five different kinds of infidelity?

Learn more through this blog by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo where she explains five forms of cheating and things to do if you find yourself the victim of infidelity. Here are the types:

Opportunistic Infidelity

Opportunistic infidelity happens when one person is in love and attached to their partner, but succumbs to their sexual urge and desire for someone else. Generally, this sort of cheating is driven through situational circumstances or opportunity, risk-taking conduct. Shivani says not every act of infidelity is premeditated and forced by dissatisfaction with a current relationship. Perhaps, two individuals were drinking or in some other manner thrown into an opportunity they never anticipated.

Post the fact, the more in love a person is with their significant other, the more guilt they will feel as a result of their physical encounter. However, feelings of guilt seem to fade as the fear of being caught abates.

Obligatory infidelity

This sort of infidelity is formed on the fear that resisting someone’s sexual advances will have an outcome in rejection. People might have feelings of sexual longing, love, and attachment for a partner, but still, end up cheating since they have a strong requirement for approval. Also, their need for approval could cause them to act in a manner that is at odds compared to their other feelings. In simple words, some people cheat, not due to the fact they want to cheat, but because they require the approval that comes besides having the attention of others.

Commemorative Infidelity

This kind of infidelity happens when a person is in a committed relationship but has no feelings for their other half. There is no sexual desire, love, or attachment, just a sense of obligation to keep the couple together. Lacking love and lacking commitment to a present romantic partner are both linked to general feelings of relationship dissatisfaction.

These kinds of people justify cheating by telling themselves they have every right to look for what they are not availing of in their present relationship. Unfulfilled sexual needs could easily come into play here. Perhaps, in their established relationship, individuals are not engaging in the frequency of sex, the pattern of sex, or certain sexual behaviors that they aspire to. This could contribute to their logic to cheat.

Romantic Infidelity

At times (but not always) a deficit in a present relationship leads people to have extradyadic affairs. This sort of infidelity happens when the cheater has a small emotional attachment to their partner. They might be committed to their marriage and making it work, but they desire an intimate, loving connection with someone else.

More than possibly, their commitment to the marriage will stop them from ever leaving their spouse. Romantic infidelity means agony for the other man or woman and the cheating partner, rarely does it go into a long-term, committed relationship. Marital issues have to be quite severe prior to a spouse will leave the marriage for another individual.

Conflicted Romantic Infidelity

This happens when people experience true love and sexual desire for more than one individual at a time. Despite the idealistic notion of having just one true love, it is possible to feel intense romantic love for several people at the same time. While such scenarios are emotionally possible, they are quite complicated and seem to create plenty of anxiety and stress. In this scenario, cheating partners, in their effort not to cause anyone harm, mostly end up hurting everyone.

What to do after being cheated on?

Now that whatever confusion you have hopefully been assuaged, it is up to you to decide what kind of steps to take next. Several marriages and relationships can survive infidelity, but whether or not yours will survive depends on what sort of infidelity took place and how much work you are both willing to put in. It is simply common sense to know that an opportunistic or a habitual cheater will cheat irrespective of how many times their cheating has been discovered and forgiven. Having said that any other reasons why your partner cheated do not mean they would not cheat again, so bear that in mind while deciding what steps to take next.

Family habits are a lot more than just an activity practised at home to create a healthy family. It is a manner of life that brings the complete family together and boosts the eternal bond of love and support shared by every member of the clan.

Shivani says early childhood is the perfect time to instil healthy family habits in your child because they are more likely to grow into it and stay in the pink of health in their later years.

India’s leading Family counselor and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo discusses in more detail insights about healthy family habits and characteristics of a Healthy Family.

What are the healthy family habits that are key to happiness in your life?

Let us take a look at the healthy habits that promote a healthy family and support shaping the future of the child.

Have at least one meal together

Sitting together as a family and having a meal is one of the major healthy habits practised by a healthy family that has a remarkable impact on children. It presents them with a sense of belonging when every family member shares stories of what is happening in their lives over small conversations filled with laughter and smiles.

For example, talking to your children about what is happening at your workplace or the list of things you require to do prior to their grandparents’ visit tomorrow provides them an insight into how healthy households function and molds them for the future. It is also a good way to get to know more about what is happening at school and look out for any signs of bullying or child being any kind of victimization.

Allocate a minimum of 30 minutes toward fitness

This is another part of a healthy family habit to encourage your kids to spend time playing outdoors to make sure they are fit and active since daily exercise and healthy families are synchronized with each other. It also adds up as quality time to bond with your kid.

You can either go for a fitness activity such as yoga and aerobics or go in for a sporty thing like running in the park and swimming. You can also think of going for cricket coaching classes or taking basketball lessons together, to learn sports and stay fit at the same time.

Set a schedule apart to play

Kids love playtime. Whether it is a fun board game with your teens or something as simple as building blocks with your tiny ones, playtime is great to forget your worries and pay attention to what really matters – your kids and also a part of a healthy family habit. No matter how frequently you shower your little ones with toys, clothes, gifts, and other materialistic things, the sole thing that matters to them is your time.

You can also think out of the box and indulge in other fun activities such as gardening and connecting with nature. This healthy family habit also acts backward, as children are teachers too, this is a brilliant way to disconnect from your monotonous routine and connect with your child.

Have a no gadget zone

In the present day’s digital age, it is not an uncommon sight to see a screen between a parent and a child. Kids have become so accustomed to digital gadgets that they mostly find solace in watching a cartoon online or playing a game, which is not a good sign. To end this habit, and transform it into a healthy habit, consider having a no-gadget zone in your home. For instance, you can make your dining room a no-phone, no laptop zone so your family is able to enjoy uninterrupted meals together. However, this rule applies to parents too, as actions speak louder than words.

Maintain a bedtime routine

Reading a story to your child each night is one of the finest practices regarding healthy habits, and it can be more advantageous than you can imagine. Not just will it encourage them to read, open up a whole world of imagination, trigger their writing talent and form their listening skills, but it will also assist them to find comfort in the tone of your voice and the warmth of your hug. Furthermore, the healthy family habit of reading to your child will bring in a consistent bedtime routine, and help them fall asleep faster and have better sleep.

Plan your weekends in advance

Weekends and family time have always walked hand-in-hand. Let your family be aware of your plans or begin a discussion on what can be done, so your kids will look forward to every weekend with excitement. It is a manner of showing your commitment to a healthy family and sends out the message that even you are equally excited to spend your free time with them.

The plans are not needed to be too extravagant. You can go for simple and fun activities for kids like going to the beach and indulging in some delicious street food or taking them to the latest animated movies of their choice. However, give your best to stick to the plans made, as a broken promise might lead to a broken heart.

Have a look at their nutrition

No list of healthy family habits is fulfilled without the benefits of nutritious food. Encouraging your kids to have a nutritious diet is one of the cornerstones of good parenting. Rather than forcing your kids to eat their vegetables, make them aware of the nutritional benefits they offer. For instance, ask them to eat more carrots for a healthy vision or drink milk for stronger bones.

In this manner, they will know why they are asked to do it and will make it a part of life, rather than something to do simply because you said so. You can also encourage your kids to help out in the kitchen and cook up a storm with simple recipes, so they come to know the nutritional value of what they eat.

Eventually, it all comes down to you being the role model for your kids. Forming healthy lifestyle habits to encourage an active lifestyle for kids involves you altering your way of life too. Thus, it is essential to practice what you preach and be the one you want your child to become.

A healthy relationship or marriage is commonly defined by the couple’s bonding condition where both the partners feel connected to each other and they feel satisfied with how the relationship is growing. A healthy relationship is best suited to travel through all difficult stages of life and survive the iron of time. But unfortunately, that does not happen too often. Many a time we witness couples who are happy today face issues like infidelity, breakups, and disinterest in sex in the future.

Why relationships that are happy and fine today, can break tomorrow?

India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 3 must-have qualities for long-lasting love. She suggests it happens because many times, couples fail to identify if their current non-problematic relationship is actually healthy or not? They fail to identify unhealthy relationships on time and thus fail to take correction steps, effectively on time.

In today’s blog, Shivani Sadhoo shares 3 key qualities of a healthy relationship, that can help couples if something.

1.  Both the partners can communicate clearly
Many a time, one partner does all the talking and the other just listens, the person who does the most talking may identify the relationship as healthy, but what about the partner who might have stopped expressing him or herself. Thus, clear and direct communication by both partners is the first sign of a healthy relationship.

2. Partner’s trust

The second sign of a healthy relationship, is the partner’s complete trust for each other in all key areas of marital life like money, investment, parenting style, faithfulness, and others. Plus, each partner respects the other’s decision on these matters.

3. Partner feels independent

A healthy relationship does not mean staying happy together at cost of sacrificing self-identity and personal space. It’s important that the couples have their own identity independent of their partners. This means having your own interests and hobbies, or your own friendship circle that is separate from your relationship.

But this also doesn’t mean that the husband goes to a party every Saturday night while the wife waits at home and she takes care of home chores and children alone. Make it a collaborative effort, husband must understand and express the gratitude for wife’s contribution if she is a housewife and alternately both husband and wife should take out time to spend quality time together as well as to spend some time for their individual interests.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes remaining happy in a relationship can be tricky but with a trust that has developed over the years remaining happy is not that difficult at all. After all love, trust and compatibility play a big role in being happy as a couple.

Though there are no secrets or formulas for remaining happily married there are certain things that can ensure a merry time for the couples. And definitely some habits before going to sleep are some of those.

In this article, Delhi’s Best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares things happily married couples do before going to sleep.

They Go To Bed At The Same Time

Keep in mind that, a couple that sleeps together remains together. Thanks to your busy schedules, you hardly get time to spend with each other. In fact, a few couples, who have a different working schedule, may even go to bed at different times. However, it is important for couples to go to sleep at the same time, which helps them to keep intact the warmth and intimacy in their relationship.

They Do Not Attend To Phone Calls Or Texts

Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse in your life. Your overdependency on your phones, particularly social media, can affect your lives and those around you. This is the reason why several couples who enjoy a happy marital life, keep their phone on silent or attend to calls only when it is a real urgency after they go to bed.

They Do Not Bring Their Work To The Bedroom

If you are somebody who continuously thinks about office work on your laptop or phone even minutes while going to bed, you need to alter this habit as quickly as you can. People who think about work past bedtime is less possible to have a happily married life.

They Do Not Go To Bed Angry

This is one trait that happily married couples are seen doing. They seldom go to bed angry. Even if they had a fight or an argument, they make it sure to resolve it. Harboring negative emotions while going to sleep not only impacts your health but also affects your peace of mind in a negative manner.

Keeps Their Bedroom Clutter And Gadget Free

The bedroom is the only place where a couple gets the chance to spend time with each other without any disturbances. This is the sole reason why married couples keep their bedroom clutter and gadget-free ends up spending some quality time in each other’s company.

You have all given your entire energy into the wedding for days and months, and you have gone through the complete process of hiring, buying, and returning everything possible. Now, you are beginning to feel blues. Is post-marriage depression a reality, or is it all in your mind?

The reality is: 1 in 10 brides reports feeling post-marriage depression, and it is likely this number is often under-reported most of the time. You are not alone, and brides, in particular, tend to suffer from it, though grooms can also feel a bit of this.

Here is what you need to know about post-marriage depression according to Delhi’s Top Psychologist, and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Causes Post-Marriage Depression

Like any kind of depression, it is difficult to know exactly what causes post-marriage depression. 1 factor appears to be the difference between brides who perceived the wedding as their big goal and those who thought about the wedding as the beginning of a new chapter in life. If you have been preparing for the marriage like some would cheer on like during the run in a favorite sport, it is no surprise you are feeling blue.

Another reason can be the events linked with the wedding. If you are planning a honeymoon, you might be stressed out about it. If you have already done it, the disappointment of getting back to your own home and normal life again could be daunting. Perhaps you and your new partner are now living together for the first time. Depression can definitely result from the changed living conditions, even when you are happy living with your new spouse.

How Can You Prevent Post-Marriage Depression?

If you have not yet held your wedding, it is smart to be searching ahead to what you can expect to post the wedding, good for you. There are lots of things you can do to assist prevent post-marriage depression, though there are no sureties.

First, stay grounded as you plan your marriage. Bear in mind to keep looking past the wedding to your future schedules and the daily things that matter to you, rather than wasting all your energy into the wedding every day. This entire focus will leave a gap after the wedding, so avoid being completely engrossed by the process.

During the wedding and after it, remember that your moment could be here, but you will not remain the center of attraction. Though you can enjoy it, try not to get accustomed to it. Highlight those near you and their efforts and achievements. Sometimes, that can feel better than being the center of attraction.

Lastly, try to share the burden. Not only will this stop you from being totally absorbed in the wedding or from being the center of attraction, but it will ensure you do not reach a zone that alienates friends and family. These people around you will be your critical support post the wedding, as well.

How To Alleviate Post-Marriage Depression?

If you see yourself missing the frenzy of planning and excitement, or feeling blue without actually knowing why you can still recover from post-marriage depression all by yourself. The most necessary step to take is to seek out a therapist if the depression carries on or if you feel like you need to see a specialist you are not the first to suffer from post-marriage depression, nor you will be the last.

You can initially try to shift the planning and creativity-based tasks to something else. Marriage involves a huge amount of both, and this needs both left-brain and right-brain types. You can plan your career or take up a new activity. Learn to dance, take a course in learning a language or simply help some other person.

Have you ever thought about up a new hobby? You might have to drop hobbies in order to make time for the marriage, so this is the perfect time to pick them back up. Never give in when the temptation to spend the extra time watching TV programs. It will only add to the depression. Rather, get involved in something. You can join social work, take up a sports activity, or start exercising daily. In fact, exercise and yoga are some of the best remedies for depression.

How To Set Goals To Recover From Post-Marriage Depression?

Suppose there are no underlying biological or medical causes for your depression, you might be able to treat it by merely shifting your focus and your goals. Rather than planning for a wedding, take a look at the stuff you have always wanted to do. Those things that keep you awake at night. The things that force you daydream about how you could ever possibly achieve them.

Whatever that dream is that you forgot about in the hours of planning the marriage, bring it into the forefront of your mind again and start planning.

Plan meticulously. Do not simply idly think about it time and again. Make a deadline that forces you to get creative as your wedding did. Use checklists and diaries, tell all your friends about the deadlines, make small steps, and recruit your loved one’s help.

There’s no reason why you should have to suffer from post-marriage depression. If the depression continues, talk to a specialist, and remember to confide in your partner, friends, and family. Your support system is always the finest of you, and they can be a source of comfort and joy as you divert your focus from the wedding to your new life ahead.

Psychology says manipulation is directly influencing someone’s beliefs, desires, or emotions, such that a person falls short of ideals for belief, desire, or emotion in ways typically not in his/her self-interest or likely not as per the situation in the current context.”

Manipulation is an art or perhaps even a pseudo-science, may be a dark science to an extent. History is replete with examples of manipulation.

Is it good or bad?

Thanks to the digital connectivity sharing information is a cakewalk in today’s fast-paced life. But this same connectivity also helps in manipulating the public perception of reality through ‘fake news’. But manipulation can be positive or negative depending upon whether it takes the form of persuasion or coercion.

Persuasion is about getting people to do things they want to do whereas Coercion is about getting people to do things they don’t want to do. Inspiring or encouraging a person to do something that can be beneficial for him if he is afraid of doing is called good manipulation.

While using somebody for your own self motives with primary means to hurt that individual whom one is using is bad manipulation.

Positive manipulation motivates employees to achieve their goals thereby improving organizational performance.

Using negative manipulation, manipulator twist words, play on emotions and manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. This kills the confidence of the person being manipulated.

What goes on in the mind of a manipulator? Psychological reasons behind the manipulation.

Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us the reasons behind the manipulation. They are as follows:

Narcissistic Mentality: Manipulators usually suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and the deep need for admiration. They consider that they are better than others. They are not concerned about how others feel. Individuals with narcissistic personality (NPD) may find it difficult to form close relationships. So, they may resort to manipulation to maintain a good relationship with their partners.

It’s In Their Family: Sometimes manipulators have a difficult childhood wherein they are deprived of love and affection, status and privilege from their family members. Sometimes they struggle for economic and social survival. This is what turns them into manipulators.

It’s In Their Genes: Manipulative behavior can be hereditary too.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): BPD might help manipulators to satisfy their emotional needs or for obtaining validation. This happens because such manipulators feel insecure or abandoned.

Give Me Power: Manipulators love the feeling of being powerful. They love to control people and situations. They want to be the king and be in charge of everything.

Lack Of Consciousness: This is another reason for being manipulative. They believe that the only way to achieve their goal in this ‘unsafe world’ is by manipulation.)

Last but not least, whatever the psychology behind manipulation is, manipulators can change for the better. They just need the right guidance for that to overcome that negative trait which becomes a part of their life.