Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Rahul and Apoorva dated for nearly 4 years before getting married. Before marriage, they lived in separate places and gave each other the needed space. Though they are both independent, Rahul and Apoorva truly enjoy each other’s company. They share the same interests and dreams of the future. As a married couple, they are simply in love, but they have both observed lately that they have been arguing more than normal. Rahul wonders where these conflicts are coming from, and what it means for their marriage.

Marriage counselor Shivani says If, like the above-mentioned couple, you are also alarmed by the presence of conflict in your relationship, do not worry—arguing is fine. Arguments can simply be a sign that you have become more codependent (the good kind). When you mix your routine, habits, and finances with someone else, it is completely natural for your personal differences to become more pronounced.

The reality is, as a couple, you are two separate entities working as a team. Sometimes being part of a team is a difficult task, but you may already know beforehand that working through a rough patch with your partner can draw you closer to each one. The top reasons couples argue applies to several married couples, so you are not alone.

India’s top Relationship and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us the top reasons why couples argue.

Money

When you think or see of couples arguing, money is one of the major things that come to mind. Money matters can put lots of differences in your personalities and values in huge contrast. Money is probably something you made decisions about by yourself before being in a serious relationship, so it can be really difficult when you have to share the decision-making process.

Shared Responsibilities

Sharing your domestic space with someone you really love can be wonderful and fun, but it also means having to share up the chores. Sometimes it may feel like one person in your relationship is doing all the tasks, so little things like unloading the washing machine can come to seem like a tall ask. Things like sex, your expectations regarding the cleanliness will not necessarily be clear to each other until you take some time to discuss it.

Jealousy

Jealousy is hard to discuss, but it can play a big role in any good relationship. Seeing your partner talking with a coworker may make you feel unsure of his/her feelings or stir up your own sense of insecurity. Hearing about how much you enjoy your job and how successful you have been there could make your partner feel a little jealous. Both halves of every couple likely feel a little bit uncertain of themselves at times. Reaffirming that the love and respect you have for each one can help put you both at ease.

Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a vital part of your relationship. You and your partner may have different physical needs. Maybe you want your partner to initiate the act in bed, while your partner wants to have the act more often. Talking about what turns you on and makes you feel loved can lower down on the amount of argument you do in this important area of your relationship, in a way that feels good and satisfactory for both of you.

Poor Communication

Miscommunication or poor communication can pop up mostly when you both have plenty on your plate. In the aftermath of miscommunication, you probably feel hurt. An expectation you had was not fulfilled, you may wonder if your partner is actually listening. Sometimes you hear something different than what was actually said, or your words come out in a manner you did not mean.

Feeling of Not Being Appreciated

In closely knitted committed relationships, much of that you do is at least partially for the benefit of your partner. Feeling such as your actions are unreciprocated or unappreciated can mostly precede an argument.

Feeling Fatigued

Between juggling kids, profession, extended families, and friends, you can spread yourself a little extra thin. When you are exhausted, a little remark or a messy room can make you feel more upset than usual.

See, you and your partner are bound to lose perspective once a while but remember it is okay and normal for couples to argue.

If you notice that you and your partner are regularly bickering or getting trapped up in arguments, there might be underlying patterns that require to be addressed in a safe, open, manner like in couples counseling.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

According to Marriage and Family Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In this time of pandemic going or meeting someone is a big challenge. Specifically, when there is a constant threat of getting infected from COVID-19. But, in spite of this life goes on and the certain things that used to bother you on pre-COVID days they still bother you and relationship issues between a husband and wife is one such thing.

This pandemic has seen a lot of changes and marriage counseling is no different either. Marriage counseling from the traditional face to face counseling has got another alternative and that is Online Marriage Counseling. The dynamics remain the same but only the mode of marriage counseling has changed.

Eminent Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says if you and your partner have been contemplating couples therapy, then you are in good company. Almost all couples can stand to benefit from online counseling. Online couples therapy can assist couples understand their relationship patterns, dysfunctional coping technic, communication issues, and personality differences. Unlike what most people assume that online marriage counseling, will not work the same way as a face to face counseling or is not just for those who are struggling with problems in their relationship. Then this is a wrong notion to carry around as online couples therapy is equally effective and useful.

Thought you cannot meet physically with a couple’s therapist during this time, you can book online couples therapy appointments, also known as teletherapy. As long as your therapist makes sure that the sessions are confidential and that all precautions are taken for the client’s protection, both video, and home sessions can be equally effective as in-person sessions. Clients are given tools and homework assignments to support them navigate through their process and, if done properly, there should be no hindrances to the client’s progress during this time

In this blog, India’s leading Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo broadly tells about the benefits, you can avail from online marriage counseling.

Here they are.

The Home Advantage

Every online couple therapist knows how helpful it can be for a client’s remedy when they perform a visit, which usually, takes place in the client’s home rather than the therapist’s office. As a counselor, it gives an opportunity to really get a deeper glance at what things are like in the household.  With teletherapy, you are already home. “In their own home environment, couples tend to show more transparency to the therapist.

With online couples’ therapy, this process is fast-tracked because the clients are already present in the comforts of their home where they will do most of their practice.

Without Feeling Exposed, You Get an Exposure to the Therapy

Perhaps the thought of going into a marriage counselors’ office makes you uncomfortable. It is perfectly OK! Online marital therapy removes this hurdle while still giving you useful tactics to improve your relationship. Couples who are afraid of getting exposed to therapy through a screen is a great alternative to the therapeutic process.

Able to Have a Stronger Emotional Bond

It is not comfortable for most people to open up and feel vulnerable, even with their own partner. But when the fundamental love or attachment bond is strong between partners, they are more adaptable of weathering storms together. Methods such as Emotionally Focused Therapy can help couples to understand each other’s attachment patterns and triggers so they can better understand each other and see their negative pattern as the enemy and not the individual. Then, they can be vulnerable with each other and connect in confidently rather than attacking or ridiculing each other and destroying the bond.

Learn to Communicate More Effectively

One of the finest useful tools, you will learn in both online and face to face couples therapy is how to understand your partner well and how to get your partner to understand and know you better. The best method to do this is through verbal communication. Plenty of conflicts begins when one partner says, “You are so insensitive and mean!’ which makes the other partner put up his/her defenses for safety. A helpful approach that is mostly recommended is to practice interchanging ‘you’ statements with ‘I’ statements, or telling the partner how you are feeling rather than telling them how they are behaving.

You Learn to Set the Boundaries

Probabilities are, you are not accustomed to spending every waking second with your partner, but this is likely become your reality provided the stay-at-home orders. It can be comfortable to feel on the defense with your partner, who could be getting on your last nerve at this stage. Online couples therapy can assist ease the tension by letting you know how to set boundaries and maintain a healthy balance of harmony, unity, and separateness. Boundaries can aid couples to avoid codependency and maintain respect for each other and the overall relationship.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

The coronavirus has resulted in excessive stress, anxiety and fear among society and these are critical emotional triggers has further worsened people’s emotional health, leading to a rise in mental health issues, relationship problems, suicidal tendencies and more.

On the other hand, due to the current pandemic that demands social distancing has resulted in in-person sessions in all professional healthcare industry – extremely risky for both the healthcare professionals and for the clients.

Question: Then how the leading professional healthcare institutions are meeting the rising demand for effective therapy?

The answer is adopting the digitalization of counselling sessions. Talking on this issue, India’s leading relationship expert and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares, “resuming normal life is incredibly appealing, especially for psychotherapy. But mid-pandemic in-person psychotherapy may not be such a good solution, especially when people have options and access to video conferences through their mobile and laptops.”

Counselor Shivani adds, “for almost everyone today, video or audio-based telehealth has become a better choice than meeting in-person behind masks, screens, face shields, disinfectants, physical distance, ventilation, symptom monitoring, contact tracing, etc.”

Question: is online counselling are as good as in-person counselling?

A decade back, online video interactions were not effective, when internet speed was largely poor, therapy has often been disdainful of telehealth, opposed to “warm” psychotherapy work performed via a “cold” screen. Its resistance to the concept has changed little over the years.

A recent scientific study was done by the American Psychiatric Association suggests that online therapy today works just as well as traditional face-to-face therapy. Studies, looking at outcomes for clients and the quality of their relationships with therapists, found them equal across telehealth and in-person conditions. Since this meta-analysis (92 studies and 9,000 clients), many other studies have confirmed the value of teletherapy.

The study further states that today’s clients are receptive to telehealth counselling because it involves no driving to an appointment, no searching for a parking space, no worries about childcare while they’re away, no need to switch providers if they move, and no problem if the specialist happens to be far away.

The second biggest advantage that online counselling holds over in-person counselling is that online therapy opens the door for clients who are located in geographically in different places, cities, countries and would find extremely difficult to travel a long distance to attain counselling sessions.

You have just turned 30 or even are of more than 30 and you are still single, whereas, all of your friends and colleagues are married, engaged, or are already committed and dating someone. Even though you are happy, confident, and have an active social life, but you are slowly or rapidly starting to worry that there is not anyone out there for you. The situation can become worse and tricky more so when you also end up countering questions be it from your family, relatives or friends when are you going to get married or even seeking out for a steady relationship.

Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo says these kind of thoughts or questions are at times good enough to suddenly rattle your mind and you start to question yourself regarding your own abilities and it reaches a point when you also look to seek validation from others by asking questions like “Am I good enough” or “Is there something lacking in me” and several other questions.

Today in this blog Delhi’s eminent Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells how can you continue to date in hopes of finding a good and stable relationship without appearing desperate.

Here, are few ways that will help you how to stop the feeling of desperation when you are single?

To Start with the Benefits of Being Single

Every place you see, from movies to magazines, you are mostly told that being in a relationship equals being happy. The good news! That’s 100% not correct.

You have probably heard it earlier, but the only way to put your finest self out there is to first get comfortable with yourself and your alone or me time.

Rather than focusing on what you do not have, think about what is great about you and your life currently. Being single has numerous perks. Taking sudden road trips and being the driver of your own life and destiny

Whenever you feeling sad or desperate, always remember those good points. It will take some time and practice, but almost every negative thought about being single can be switched to a good one.

What is more based on life various life experiences discovered that finding love is not about wearing the proper outfit, going to the best restaurant for a first date, or waiting 5 days after that date to text. It is about looking inside you and asking yourself 2 major questions.

What Parts of Life Matters to Me?

Once you have thought and identified about the following 6 areas of your life, you will have better clarity of what you are all about, which will also assist you to identify compatibilities in a potential partner.

• Money

• Faith

• Family

• Lifestyle

• Profession

• Health

How do you see each core area? Where do your values, priorities, and goals of life are places? Are you happy and satisfied with your priorities, or do you need any of them to change?

Next, ask yourself which 2 aspects stand out the most in terms of how you want to spend your life in the future. Remember that there are no correct or incorrect answers here, or opinions.

From that list, you may end up being attracted to someone who appears nothing like what you thought was your “kind”. It has been found that partners who share beliefs about those values are more likely to stay together over the longer course.

Remember, a couple can share all-important life values even when they have contrasting interests and hobbies, and even when they are of 2 different races, religions, or have quite a dissimilar social background.

What is that I Need or Want in a Partner?

Do you actually know how the right person would look like if you meet them today? The majority of the people do not take out time to think about what they want in a romantic relationship. In an attempt to open yourself up to a connection and not feeling desperate, decide exactly what you need or want in your partner.

Defining that person, you want to be with is a bit like making a list before you head to the store. It streamlines the procedure, keeps you away from making random or desperate selections, and prevents you from wasting time and also money, the last thing you want at the store or even in dating.

Get yourself a piece of paper and divide it into 2 columns. On the left, list a minimum of 5 must-have qualities that you require in a partner. Do that person’s age and appearance matter? What about personality traits? Would you prefer someone sensitive, inquisitive, easygoing, adventurous, or street smart?

In the right column, list another 5 deal-breakers. Maybe it is like drinking or smoking cigarettes, being in a financial problem, having terrible behavior, or usually, being closed-minded. These are the 5 things that, as good as you try, you simply cannot tolerate or allow in a partner.

When you meet a new person, this list will become a handy tool. It will remind you to ensure your needs are being met. Rather than worrying about what your date thinks about you, as you may have done before, your list will assist you to determine if that person could fit into the future you envision.

Key Thing

In the end, by understanding knowing yourself and what matters to you both in life and in a partner, you will feel far less desperate and anxious. When you move around with a positive attitude, you will find the right person for you. Please be assured they are out there.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counselor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Though certain people attract others like a magnet to iron, others are completely ignored. However, humans are social creatures. Even if you think of yourself as a loner, you still require to communicate daily with a fairly large number of people. But at times people simply do not like each other, mostly without any reason.

However, the situation could be different. It is possible that there are solid reasons why people avoid some on a larger scale Below are some of the most common reasons why people ignore you as per Delhi based Psychologist, and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

You Do Not Listen To Others

Nothing is more frustrating and hurtful than a person who only talks about own self. And the persons are making no effort to hear what the other person has to say. Maybe this is time to shut your mouth and open your ears, to reduce the number of people who are your haters.

You Criticize Excessively

No one likes people who only know how to criticize, and never gives compliments to the other person. Sometimes, some things must remain silent and you should let people enjoy the things that make them happy.

You Are A Limpet

Every person needs a bit of time for himself/herself and your friends also. If you act like a desperate limpet, it is possible that you will attract the wrong way of attention, so allow others to take a small break from you.

You Are Never Guilty

Putting blame on others or inability to accept mistakes is another trait that people cannot tolerate in others as it is simply impossible that you are never guilty.

Selfishness

If you mostly avoid paying bills, please be sure that the other person around you will notice that and they will not appreciate your behavior at all. Sometimes it may happen that you are short of money or may not have but is a totally different thing to be selfish.

Rude

If you are someone who behaves rudely, insulting others and belittle them stop that because it does not make you a person with whom people like to mingle. Of course, you will get yourself in a situation when you disagree with others. Or you will see something you do not want to see, but that does not mean to raise your voice tone.

Erotomania is one of the rare mental health conditions that happen when someone is obsessed with the idea that another person is strongly in love with them. The other person could be a celebrity, rich, or of a high social position. The condition is also called De Clerambault’s syndrome.

In this article Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about what is erotomania and what are the symptoms.

This thought on being loved by the other person is considered delusional since it is not based in reality. In the majority of the cases, the person has not even met the person they are fixated on. Some people having this syndrome might believe that a stranger they have just met is in love with them.

A person having this condition could believe that the other person is trying to send them secret messages. They can feel this is happening through the news or thoughts also referred to as telepathy.

They may find it almost impossible to give up on their belief that the other person loves them, besides the lack of evidence that this is true. Erotomania can be linked with other mental health conditions that involve delusions or maniac behaviors.

Symptoms

The major symptom is an individual’s false belief that someone is deeply in love with them. There is mostly no evidence of the other person’s love. The other person might not even be aware of the existence of the person having erotomania.

A person having this condition may talk about the other person continuously. They can also be obsessed with trying to meet with or communicate with the person so that they can be together.

Some of the common symptoms are as follows:

• Obsessively watching media related to another person if they are a celebrity or prominent figure.

• Repeatedly sending letters, emails, or gifts to the other person.

• Constantly making phone calls to the other person.

• Being convinced that the other person is also attempting to secretly communicate through glances, gestures, or messages in the news, TV shows, movies, or social media.

• Making embellished but false situations in which the other person is pursuing them, stalking them, or trying to get in contact with them.

• Feeling jealous because of a belief that the other person might be in contact with other lovers or might not be faithful.

• Harassing the other person openly, sometimes to the extent of being reprimanded or arrested by law authorities.

• Losing interest in work other than talking and thinking about the other person or doing activities linked to them.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes remaining happy in a relationship can be tricky but with a trust that has developed over the years remaining happy is not that difficult at all. After all love, trust and compatibility play a big role in being happy as a couple.

Though there are no secrets or formulas for remaining happily married there are certain things that can ensure a merry time for the couples. And definitely some habits before going to sleep are some of those.

In this article, Delhi’s Best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares things happily married couples do before going to sleep.

They Go To Bed At The Same Time

Keep in mind that, a couple that sleeps together remains together. Thanks to your busy schedules, you hardly get time to spend with each other. In fact, a few couples, who have a different working schedule, may even go to bed at different times. However, it is important for couples to go to sleep at the same time, which helps them to keep intact the warmth and intimacy in their relationship.

They Do Not Attend To Phone Calls Or Texts

Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse in your life. Your overdependency on your phones, particularly social media, can affect your lives and those around you. This is the reason why several couples who enjoy a happy marital life, keep their phone on silent or attend to calls only when it is a real urgency after they go to bed.

They Do Not Bring Their Work To The Bedroom

If you are somebody who continuously thinks about office work on your laptop or phone even minutes while going to bed, you need to alter this habit as quickly as you can. People who think about work past bedtime is less possible to have a happily married life.

They Do Not Go To Bed Angry

This is one trait that happily married couples are seen doing. They seldom go to bed angry. Even if they had a fight or an argument, they make it sure to resolve it. Harboring negative emotions while going to sleep not only impacts your health but also affects your peace of mind in a negative manner.

Keeps Their Bedroom Clutter And Gadget Free

The bedroom is the only place where a couple gets the chance to spend time with each other without any disturbances. This is the sole reason why married couples keep their bedroom clutter and gadget-free ends up spending some quality time in each other’s company.

You have all given your entire energy into the wedding for days and months, and you have gone through the complete process of hiring, buying, and returning everything possible. Now, you are beginning to feel blues. Is post-marriage depression a reality, or is it all in your mind?

The reality is: 1 in 10 brides reports feeling post-marriage depression, and it is likely this number is often under-reported most of the time. You are not alone, and brides, in particular, tend to suffer from it, though grooms can also feel a bit of this.

Here is what you need to know about post-marriage depression according to Delhi’s Top Psychologist, and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Causes Post-Marriage Depression

Like any kind of depression, it is difficult to know exactly what causes post-marriage depression. 1 factor appears to be the difference between brides who perceived the wedding as their big goal and those who thought about the wedding as the beginning of a new chapter in life. If you have been preparing for the marriage like some would cheer on like during the run in a favorite sport, it is no surprise you are feeling blue.

Another reason can be the events linked with the wedding. If you are planning a honeymoon, you might be stressed out about it. If you have already done it, the disappointment of getting back to your own home and normal life again could be daunting. Perhaps you and your new partner are now living together for the first time. Depression can definitely result from the changed living conditions, even when you are happy living with your new spouse.

How Can You Prevent Post-Marriage Depression?

If you have not yet held your wedding, it is smart to be searching ahead to what you can expect to post the wedding, good for you. There are lots of things you can do to assist prevent post-marriage depression, though there are no sureties.

First, stay grounded as you plan your marriage. Bear in mind to keep looking past the wedding to your future schedules and the daily things that matter to you, rather than wasting all your energy into the wedding every day. This entire focus will leave a gap after the wedding, so avoid being completely engrossed by the process.

During the wedding and after it, remember that your moment could be here, but you will not remain the center of attraction. Though you can enjoy it, try not to get accustomed to it. Highlight those near you and their efforts and achievements. Sometimes, that can feel better than being the center of attraction.

Lastly, try to share the burden. Not only will this stop you from being totally absorbed in the wedding or from being the center of attraction, but it will ensure you do not reach a zone that alienates friends and family. These people around you will be your critical support post the wedding, as well.

How To Alleviate Post-Marriage Depression?

If you see yourself missing the frenzy of planning and excitement, or feeling blue without actually knowing why you can still recover from post-marriage depression all by yourself. The most necessary step to take is to seek out a therapist if the depression carries on or if you feel like you need to see a specialist you are not the first to suffer from post-marriage depression, nor you will be the last.

You can initially try to shift the planning and creativity-based tasks to something else. Marriage involves a huge amount of both, and this needs both left-brain and right-brain types. You can plan your career or take up a new activity. Learn to dance, take a course in learning a language or simply help some other person.

Have you ever thought about up a new hobby? You might have to drop hobbies in order to make time for the marriage, so this is the perfect time to pick them back up. Never give in when the temptation to spend the extra time watching TV programs. It will only add to the depression. Rather, get involved in something. You can join social work, take up a sports activity, or start exercising daily. In fact, exercise and yoga are some of the best remedies for depression.

How To Set Goals To Recover From Post-Marriage Depression?

Suppose there are no underlying biological or medical causes for your depression, you might be able to treat it by merely shifting your focus and your goals. Rather than planning for a wedding, take a look at the stuff you have always wanted to do. Those things that keep you awake at night. The things that force you daydream about how you could ever possibly achieve them.

Whatever that dream is that you forgot about in the hours of planning the marriage, bring it into the forefront of your mind again and start planning.

Plan meticulously. Do not simply idly think about it time and again. Make a deadline that forces you to get creative as your wedding did. Use checklists and diaries, tell all your friends about the deadlines, make small steps, and recruit your loved one’s help.

There’s no reason why you should have to suffer from post-marriage depression. If the depression continues, talk to a specialist, and remember to confide in your partner, friends, and family. Your support system is always the finest of you, and they can be a source of comfort and joy as you divert your focus from the wedding to your new life ahead.

Psychology says manipulation is directly influencing someone’s beliefs, desires, or emotions, such that a person falls short of ideals for belief, desire, or emotion in ways typically not in his/her self-interest or likely not as per the situation in the current context.”

Manipulation is an art or perhaps even a pseudo-science, may be a dark science to an extent. History is replete with examples of manipulation.

Is it good or bad?

Thanks to the digital connectivity sharing information is a cakewalk in today’s fast-paced life. But this same connectivity also helps in manipulating the public perception of reality through ‘fake news’. But manipulation can be positive or negative depending upon whether it takes the form of persuasion or coercion.

Persuasion is about getting people to do things they want to do whereas Coercion is about getting people to do things they don’t want to do. Inspiring or encouraging a person to do something that can be beneficial for him if he is afraid of doing is called good manipulation.

While using somebody for your own self motives with primary means to hurt that individual whom one is using is bad manipulation.

Positive manipulation motivates employees to achieve their goals thereby improving organizational performance.

Using negative manipulation, manipulator twist words, play on emotions and manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. This kills the confidence of the person being manipulated.

What goes on in the mind of a manipulator? Psychological reasons behind the manipulation.

Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us the reasons behind the manipulation. They are as follows:

Narcissistic Mentality: Manipulators usually suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and the deep need for admiration. They consider that they are better than others. They are not concerned about how others feel. Individuals with narcissistic personality (NPD) may find it difficult to form close relationships. So, they may resort to manipulation to maintain a good relationship with their partners.

It’s In Their Family: Sometimes manipulators have a difficult childhood wherein they are deprived of love and affection, status and privilege from their family members. Sometimes they struggle for economic and social survival. This is what turns them into manipulators.

It’s In Their Genes: Manipulative behavior can be hereditary too.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): BPD might help manipulators to satisfy their emotional needs or for obtaining validation. This happens because such manipulators feel insecure or abandoned.

Give Me Power: Manipulators love the feeling of being powerful. They love to control people and situations. They want to be the king and be in charge of everything.

Lack Of Consciousness: This is another reason for being manipulative. They believe that the only way to achieve their goal in this ‘unsafe world’ is by manipulation.)

Last but not least, whatever the psychology behind manipulation is, manipulators can change for the better. They just need the right guidance for that to overcome that negative trait which becomes a part of their life.

Here are a few stress busters for children and teenagers!

A teenage child suddenly stops attending school, despite being a good student. When asked, she would simply slam the door and lock oneself in for hours. After a few days, the child finally told his parents about being bullied at school. The child was under severe mental stress so much so that the kid even tried committing suicide.

Every individual has some trouble, but when you worry it becomes double! Hence, don’t worry, be happy!

Currently, India ranks the highest in the world in terms of the suicide rate for the youth between the age groups of 15 and 29. About 9 out of 10 Indians suffer from stress.

What is stress?

In today’s fast-paced world, where one has no time to stand and stare, the word ‘stress’ needs no formal introduction. However, in simple words, stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. For instance, when you sense danger, be it real or imaginary—the body’s defense system kicks into high gear in a rapid, automatic process called the “fight-or-flight” reaction or the “stress response.”  

What causes stress?

Stress occurs from the tension between an individual’s reaction to hard times or challenges and his or her ability to handle and resolve the stressful situation. These situations and pressures that cause stress are called Stressors. Stressors can be either physiological (or physical) stressors or psychological stressors.

Physiological (or physical) stressors put a strain on our body i.e. very cold/hot temperatures, injury, chronic illness, or pain.

Psychological Stressors are events, situations, individuals, comments, or anything you interpret as negative or threatening. For e.g. unable to secure good grades at exams or being bullied at school or relationship crisis.

Good stress and bad stress

Psychology says the pressure of exhilarating, creative successful act is beneficial while that of failure, humiliation, and infection is detrimental.

Good stress motivates and keeps you on your toes during an important presentation at school or college, increases your concentration level and even drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. Athletes even break the world records under stress.

Bad stress is when stress stops being good and helpful and starts affecting your physical, psychological and social health and reduces your productivity and creativity.

How To Distress? / A Few Effective Stress-Busters/Ways of Beating The Stress

The best way to relieve stress is to learn the skill of managing it. Here Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the various ways/tips and tricks of beating/ handling stress in children and teenagers.

Eat Right:

You are what you eat. Junk food not only hampers a child’s physical growth but also affects their brain development. So, say NO to junk food and YES to healthy food like fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, a variety of protein foods, and low-fat dairy products. Eat a balanced meal for a healthy body and a healthy mind.  

Think Positive:

Learn to be optimistic! Train your brain for more positive self-talk. Think ‘I CAN’ rather than ‘I CANNOT’.

Listen To Music:

Music can be a great healer for relieving stress. It acts as a medicine for your stressed mind.

Exercise Daily:

Exercise pumps up your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins and is a great stress buster.

Empathize/ Sharing And Caring:

Parents must try to put themselves in their kid’s shoes and understand their point of view. This is called cognitive empathy. After all, sharing is caring! Listen to your child and help him or her to deal with the daily stress and strain of life.

Rest Is Must:

As per the National Sleep Foundation, teens must get 8-10 hours of sleep daily. This helps to regulate hormones, consolidate memory, solidify learning, and restore energy.

Reduce Screen Time:

Teenagers who spend seven hours or more a day on screens (excluding schoolwork) are more prone to stress and anxiety, are less emotionally stable compared to those who spend just one hour a day on screens (excluding schoolwork).

Meditation:

Meditation helps teens and children to deal with peer pressure, to be more focussed, be more confident and thus acts as a great stress buster.