Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Whether it relates to your relationships, career, or your own self well-being, knowing how to tough through disturbing situations by finding ways to be emotionally strong can positively impact your life. When it comes to stress, it can affect many people in various ways, some might cry every time they are frustrated or guilty. While others choose to be quiet and hide until they feel good. Though, there is nothing wrong with either of those situations. Being aware of how to manage your emotions and dictate why you are feeling them can help you understand yourself in a better way so that you can stop considering yourself weak.

Emotional strength comes from when you allow yourself to be both independent and dependent. This means developing up your internal resources and becoming comfortable seeking and accepting help,

Learning how to handle life’s misfortunes is a great method to build your emotional strength.

Delhi’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo share tips to make yourself emotionally stronger.

Respect the Strength Of Your Past

It becomes difficult to be emotionally strong if you keep living in the past. You need to throw away those thoughts and accept the reality that those struggles made you who you are today, which is a strong, better person. Many a time we have bitterness from the devastation, slavery or even family history of violence and crime. You can instead, respect the struggles and our cultures in a way which are positive. Do not discount the struggle, instead see how it can be a way to respect the strength in your past. If you can honor the strength of the past, you are a result of that past, so you honor yourself and become stronger.

Make Healthy Choices

A lot of your emotional strength generally comes from within. This means you will most likely feel your best if you eat healthily and treat your body with utmost care. Remember that every time you make healthy choices, you actually strengthen yourself. For example, have you selected an apple over a sweet candy, one point scored for becoming stronger? Have you taken a stroll and enjoy the view? Another point scored for resiliency. Honor every time you create a healthy decision.

Help Others in Need

It may sound weird to help other people especially when you are trying to figure out things for yourself. But when you are unselfish you can become strong because the care you show towards others can reverberate and look into caring for your own life, too. Helping others creates empathy and it makes us a better person, over a period of time. This way you become stronger emotionally.

Embrace Your Adversities

Never beat yourself up when things are not going your way. Failing is a part of life and how you look to challenge and accept it can really alter your perspective in a positive manner. Try to practice some positive psychology and start to embrace all your challenges and adversities as your greatest teachers and power for changes.

Identify Your Emotions

Do not look to criticize or punish yourself for having certain feelings. It is natural to feel low, angry or jealous. When you experience any negative emotions, carefully analyze them and figure out what you want your next step to be. Allow yourself to identify and accept every emotion you have and then decide if you want to follow this emotion or let it go.

Relationship Tips by Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Many of you believe that love should be similar to the kind of romance you see portrayed in movies, television, and storybooks. Due to this notion, you may feel that a romantic relationship are less if you do not experience this kind of fairy tale relationship.

Many a time you feel like if you can have a perfect prince or princess then life will be a lot easier. You will think that your life will be safer forever.

The reality is you did marry a prince or a princess but that person is also a human, who will have faults and shortcomings like any other person, does not matter how wonderful he or she is. You need to understand that at some point you have to let go of the unrealistic metaphor of romantic love in order to search true happiness.

So, how could you make relationships work and remain happy?

You need to begin with the understanding of what eternal love is and then redefine and update the romantic fairy-tale into a healthier kind of love.

Today, Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals how to create a strong, intimate relationship. Here they are. These will help you to create true intimacy, find real love and be truly happy in your relationship.

Use Relationships to Teach You How to Be Complete within

Relationships are not just about having another person fulfil you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “ONE” to love the gaps in a relationship as much as the closeness.

Look Your Partner For Who He or She Really Is

The tragedy in romance happens when you look at the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to show, the idea of him or her. When you understand that more often than not you do not actually know your partner, you start to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

Be Willing To Learn From Each Other

The idea is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the image of how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and pointing fingers, remain awake to what is yet to be healed in yourself.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In order to accept that love cannot save you from being alone, try to learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the core of the relationship, you will feel complete and happy.

Own Who You Are

We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re desiring for something that is beyond reach, something in our partner that we do not think we possess in ourselves. Sadly, when we finally get love, we discover that we have not got what we were looking for.

Understand that true love only exists by loving yourself first. You can get only from another person what you are willing to give yourself.

Embrace Ordinariness

Once the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we find ordinariness, and we often try to do everything we can to avoid it. The idea is to see that ordinariness can become the real “spice” of intimacy. The daily loveliness of sharing life with your partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

Monitor Closely Why a Fight May Start

Many couples create distance by fighting and then making up time and again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating scenes and escaping real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you will have a better sense of why you are fighting and are likely to fight less.

Expand Your Heart

One thing that unites us is that we all want to be happy. This happiness generally includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create true intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good inside you. It will be easier to identify the good in your partner when become connected to the good in yourself.

Focus on Giving Love

True happiness is not about feeling good about yourselves because other people love you this is more about how well you have loved yourselves and others. The unintentional result of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

Let Go Of Expectations

You might look at things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will certainly cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in particular ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Create upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurture to yourself when you require it. This way you can allow love to come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

These are some ways by exploring them you can create a strong and intimate relationship.

There is an old saying that developing a relationship is easier than maintaining it. We are living in such a world now where relationships are becoming complex day by day. We often look to run away when it is the time to mend the relationships due to various reasons. But once a relationship is broken, it’s very hard to recover. Thus, it is very important to pay attention when you start to feel that your relationship is on the verge of collapsing. When you start observing that you are saying we need to talk more, it is a sure sign that relationship is collapsing. Thus, this becomes very important to repair a relationship before it becomes too late. You have to be patient and devoted to the problems that need to be taken care of.

Delhi’s Eminent Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her insights on how to repair a relationship that is collapsing. These are:

Find Out The Reasons

Before you try to repair the loopholes of your relationship, you need to find out the root of the issues. If you observe a change in your partner’s behavior, try to find out the possible reasons behind it. Since, you are well aware of your partner’s interests and concern areas, finding out the reason and fixing the problem would not be a difficult task.

Enhance Your Communication

Before involving in an argument, try being a good listener. Always ensure that you always lend an ear to what your partner wants to say. Honestly saying, you cannot be the only one talking all the time. If you let your partner speak, it makes them feel valued and gives you an opportunity to understand the issues better.

Spend More Time With Each Other

Try spending a good time with each other. Even if it involves doing something which you do not like, put an effort. Spending more time with your partner will help you find out the real problem and then you can look for ways to resolve it.

Do Not Bring Up The Past

Even it is a past issue or a long-forgotten fight, avoid discussing the past. It will only make the situation difficult by blowing things out randomly. Pay attention to your present, address the complaints and try to resolve the causes that are ruining it. You will never be happy discussing what happened in the past.

Learn To Forgive

If you can forgive your partner, it will help you save your relationship. Repairing your bonding and connection issues is all about understanding each other and giving another opportunity. Forget what has happened and start afresh. It will help detox your mind and prevent the past from clouding your judgments.

Learn To Compromise

When you are in a committed relationship, it is also about making compromises. You cannot always have things as per your wishes. The earlier you accept this; the better opportunities you will have at repairing things. A relationship that is on the verge of collapsing requires more compromises than a healthy one.

Talk About Your Feelings

Never expect your partner to guess your emotions and thoughts. Rather, be vocal about your feelings. If you do not talk openly about your feelings, your partner will never be able to understand it. As a result, it will create a communication gap which would be be very tough to bridge.

Relationship Tips by Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Human relationships are quite fickle and tricky at times, particularly in marital life. You never know what will happen next in your relationship. More so if it involves cheating on your partner. When someone you love and betrays your trust, it can feel like a hopeless situation. But when you learn how to move on after cheating, it’s completely possible for your relationship to survive.

Here’s how to turn your relationship around, repair trust, and get things back on track. India’s eminent marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals 5 ways couples can survive cheating.

1.    Practice Gratitude

Does not matter what happened in your marriage, coming back to gratitude will set the groundwork for positive transformation.

If you feel destroyed by betrayal and despair, take a moment to focus on appreciation. Think about all the things you appreciate about your mate. After a few minutes of refocusing in this way, notice what changes inside you.

2.      Completely Face Your Feelings

When you are hurt or emotionally broken, you may tend to blame, run, fight, judge or explain. If you can stop and fully feel the heartache gently, you will be surprised at what is possible. When you step completely into the sensation in your heart, beyond thought and explanation, the feeling commences shifting.

3.    Try to Do Things Together

Couples who spend time together and have shared interests recover from cheating much more rapidly and effectively. Try to discover or rediscover things that you can do together that you both enjoy. Always remember that not all hobbies or activities are costly there are plenty of things you can do together that do not cost money.

4.   Create a Vision of the Past And The Future

One of the ways that couples can learn how to move on after cheating is to think about the past like when they first met or got married. How did you fall in love? Why did you get married? How did the relationship look like back then?

Now, assume about the future you wanted together enjoying your golden years of togetherness, travelling, playing with the grandchildren, and enjoying family activities. What would it look like? Create an image of these things and how nice it can be to share this with the person you love most the person with whom you are married.

5.   Start a better-than-ever relationship

Take a relationship education course or counselling that starts by helping you identify the weaker areas in your relationship and then try to strengthen them for future happiness together. The more powerful your skills for talking together about sensitive issues are, the less likely you will be to drift apart or to let anger or disagreement rifts lead to resentment or fights.

According to past sociological & psychological studies & surveys, 67% of couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years of a baby’s life and this deterioration often persists into subsequent years.  In fact, one study showed that couples notice a 40% increase in arguments after having a baby, and two-thirds of these couples admitted that these were often “silly” arguments caused by stress or exhaustion.

Though many couples are over the moon about their new bundle of joy, they also struggle with work-life balance, more loneliness, financial stress, friendship changes, more chores, and minimal free time.

New parents are also sleep-deprived, which, research suggests, greatly diminishes their ability to stay positive, communicate, and manage your emotions. One study revealed that working couples felt their daily workload increased by 4 hours each day after they had a baby.

Today relationship expert and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some important tips that new or would-be parents can follow & practice to avoid the decline of their relationship & closeness after having their baby.

1. Understand, Communicate and except that there will be change in Sex life

Women and men are wired very differently – a new mother can be totally consumed with baby care all day and night. She may simply feel ‘all energy drained out’ after giving so much of her body to the baby and energy to household chores. Conversely, the guy’s way of feeling close is to have sex. As this is where things can break down, communication and understanding play a vital role in increasing the intimacy.

Counsellor Shivani suggests all husbands that during their early fatherhood phase, instead of ending up staying away from the wife and feel rejected in their heart, they should put efforts to do baby care & household chores and try to get their wife as much as possible the free time to take rest. This will definitely go to win their wife’s attention and heart and gradually will make them come closer their husband.

2.  Mothers should find some time for themselves

Remember if you feel worn out after a long day, you can’t expect to feel excited about your relationship: you need to keep loving yourself in little ways so that you have good energy and loving feelings towards your partner.

“It’s important to find ‘me’ time as well as “we” time,” says Counsellor Shivani. It can be good to stick a reminder  fir the things you need to do for self-care – from painting your toenails to watching a movie on Youtube while you feed the child or call a friend or check emails while baby has a kick on the floor,

3.  Plan The Time You Can Spend with your partner.

Good relationship maintenance requires couples to spend quality time with each other and after the baby comes, free time looks like a distant dream. Hence couples must recognize the requirement to spend quality time and they should plan accordingly. Like every weekend you may keep you child with his/her grandparents and go to watch a movie or have a dinner in the restaurant.

4.  Both the partners should try to join parenting classes

In today’s nuclear family parents put too much attention on their single or two children and as result, today’s parents commonly argue over whose way is right, because both partners are adjusting to their new roles and responsibilities.

Many young fathers feel left out, especially if the mother acts as the baby’s primary caregiver. New moms often feel as if their husbands are ill-informed or less experienced and that sparks the frequent arguments.

Hence before the baby is born, both the partners should conjointly visit the doctor and most importantly both should try to attain parental classes that generally been organized by all major hospitality chains or by individual counselors.  This way they will adopt coordinated parenting style early in their life instead of wasting their precious time arguing, criticizing each other parenting style and distancing themselves from each other.

About the author: Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is the consulting psychologist with Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Counsellor Shivani has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad.She is one of India’s eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels.