Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Marriage counselling is a powerful tool that helps couples navigate challenges, rebuild trust, and rediscover emotional intimacy. However, it’s natural for couples to wonder if therapy is genuinely making a difference, especially when progress feels slow or subtle. The journey to a healthier relationship is rarely linear, but certain signs indicate that your sessions are moving in the right direction. In this article, we’ll explore what marriage counselling is and highlight the positive signs that suggest your therapy is working, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is India’s leading Gottman Certified marriage counsellor.

What Is Marriage Counselling?

Marriage counselling, also known as couples therapy, is a form of psychotherapy that helps partners resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen their emotional bond. Conducted by trained professionals—often licensed therapists or counsellors—these sessions offer a safe space for couples to express concerns, understand each other’s perspectives, and work towards shared goals.

Therapists may use various approaches like the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), depending on the couple’s unique issues and personalities. Whether you’re dealing with communication breakdowns, infidelity, parenting disagreements, or emotional distance, marriage counselling provides structured support to heal and grow together. Some of the signs that show your marriage counselling is working are explained by marriage counsellor Shivani Sadhoo.

Signs That Your Marriage Counselling Is Working

Improved Communication – One of the first signs of progress is the ability to talk more openly and respectfully. If you and your partner are starting to express your thoughts and emotions without yelling, blaming, or shutting down, it’s a strong indicator that therapy is helping. Effective communication lays the foundation for resolving deeper issues.

Increased Emotional Awareness – Therapy encourages self-reflection. As counselling progresses, both partners often begin to better understand their own emotional triggers and needs. You may find yourself saying, “I didn’t realise I felt that way,” or recognising how past experiences affect your reactions. This awareness creates space for empathy and growth.

Decreased Conflict or Healthier Conflict Resolution – Arguments may not disappear entirely, but you’ll likely notice a shift in how conflicts unfold. Fights become less frequent or intense, and you both begin to resolve disagreements more constructively. You’re no longer trying to “win” arguments, but instead working toward mutual understanding.

A Renewed Sense of Teamwork – Healthy marriages function as partnerships. If you and your spouse start referring to problems as “ours” instead of pointing fingers, it’s a sign you’re developing a collaborative mindset. Counselling often helps couples move from a “me vs. you” attitude to a “we’re in this together” approach.

Increased Affection and Intimacy – As emotional barriers dissolve, affection often returns. You might notice more hand-holding, hugging, or simply enjoying each other’s company again. Rekindling physical and emotional intimacy is a major sign that healing is underway.

Willingness to Change – Another strong signal that therapy is working is when both partners show a genuine willingness to change their behaviour. Whether it’s being more patient, setting healthy boundaries, or managing stress better, real change indicates commitment to growth.

A Safe Space Is Being Established – When both individuals feel safe to be vulnerable in and outside therapy sessions, it shows trust is being rebuilt. A safe emotional space is essential for long-term connection and healing.

Therapy Feels Less Forced – In the beginning, couples may attend sessions out of obligation or desperation. Over time, therapy may begin to feel like a helpful, even welcomed, space. You might look forward to sessions, not just to “fix” problems but to understand each other better.

Clarity About the Relationship’s Future – Even if couples ultimately decide to separate, therapy can still be considered successful if it helps them make that decision with clarity, mutual respect, and emotional closure. However, in most cases, couples find renewed clarity in staying together with realistic expectations and shared goals.

Marriage counselling is not a magic wand—it requires effort, honesty, and time. But when it works, the results are transformative. If you notice better communication, emotional safety, greater intimacy, and a shared commitment to change, these are all strong signs your therapy is making a difference. Stay patient, trust the process, and remember that the journey to a healthier relationship begins with small, consistent steps in the right direction.

Scenario: You look back on life post your last, specifically toxic breakup with a newfound sense of contentment and peace. You were in a relationship with someone who hardly ever valued your time and was never emotionally present. Then started the gaslighting: denying your feelings, not acknowledging at all the very real issues plaguing your relationship, always looking for an easier way out. Sounds familiar? Perhaps for many.

Your relationship always hurts you and you are still trying to come to terms with reality. You are not thinking about falling in love again, since it is out of the question for you now. You are now terrified of love. Fearing if you fall in love again, someone may again take the part of you and turn their back

Shivani says individuals who have had traumatic breakups show physical and emotional signs of distress. In several cases, intrusive thoughts occur. The abandonment issues simply got worse while a few lose the ability to care about others and keep a distance. In certain scenarios, trauma is not mandatorily a by-product of a bad romantic relationship but has deeper roots during childhood.

What are the ways to come out of trauma and fall in love again?

India’s eminent Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways to come out of trauma and fall in love again.

Unmask and counter the traumatic experiences

People are mostly unaware of the patterns that are an outcome of traumatic experiences. If you are fearful of falling in love again, it could be because you are holding on to a pattern of mistrust. Actively acknowledging, addressing, and countering your trauma with a therapist is the first healthy measure in the process. Find a qualified counselor who can navigate how many levels of trauma can impact you. It is a journey you should take in a safe environment. Do not lose patience. Unmask your traumas in a systematic and gradual method rather than startling yourself into it.

Understand trauma is just a part, not your complete self

A parts approach to navigate through traumas. Trauma never completely goes away and anyone telling you the same otherwise is only deluding you. But you can regulate it. You start by acknowledging that your traumas do not form the whole of you but just a part of you. Otherwise, you will end up giving your traumas plenty of power.

Re-develop your self-esteem

Once you acknowledge and understand your trauma plenty of healing can begin happening. Coming out of a traumatic relationship not just means the ostensible loss of the relationship itself, but also a loss of your sense of future. It is essential to keep the two separate in order to re-cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself. Your identity gets attached to them and you cannot imagine your life without them. This is why, it is vital to stay away from any casual sex and hookups. Everyone wants to heal quickly and move on swiftly but there is a shortcut. Take your time to heal. A break-up is a good time to reset. Search inward and begin with trusting yourself again.

Form a healthy support mechanism

People mostly become victims of confirmation bias—seeking and concentrating just on those experiences around them that confirm their fears. Let’s say you had a break-up and you constantly surround yourself with people who also faced a break-up and they are constantly feeding your mind with something. This is in spite of the fact that your circumstances are completely different from theirs. After all, all break-ups are not the same. This is an outcome of confirmation bias and you need to avoid validating your fears. It is important that you do not surround yourself with people who will belittle your experiences or gaslight you. Surround yourself with positive people or at best seek a therapist.

Be rational with evaluating the threat

Probably the sole bright thing about coming out of traumas, specifically in romantic relationships, is that you end up being truly aware of any red flags. That is if you are not repeating the same pattern again. But mostly, in the process of avoiding any red flags, people end up being overly cautious with potential partners. It is vital to not be hyperactive. You need to distinguish between red flags and the normal imperfections in any relationship.

Probe yourself, and how it serves you

When you end up isolating yourself because of bad past experiences, that way you simply end up further hurting yourself in that process. You need to interrogate yourself: What are you safeguarding yourself from? By living in an illusion, that no one will have the ability to hurt you if you do not go out, you are anyway still going to hurt because of the loneliness that comes with that mindset.