Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

We all know that the wounds of betrayal cut deep. The act itself is painful, but it’s the breaking of trust that leaves lasting scars. When someone you love and trust betrays you, it feels like your world is crumbling.

Your sense of security vanishes, and you’re left questioning everything—your partner, your relationship, and even yourself. In these moments of profound hurt, one question often looms large: Can you truly forgive the person who hurt you?

Eminent marriage counselor and relationship counselor, in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her thoughts on the topic.

Forgiveness is more than just saying “I forgive you.” It’s a personal decision to let go of anger and the desire to punish someone who has betrayed your trust. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you approve of their actions or let them off the hook for what they did. It also doesn’t mean you should forget what happened or stop holding them accountable.

Instead, forgiveness is about choosing not to hold onto grudges or resentment. This process can be important for your own well-being and can help rebuild trust in the relationship. While you may still worry about the possibility of being hurt again, forgiveness can pave the way for better communication, understanding, and stability in the relationship.

What are the Ways to Try Forgiving Your Partner?

Relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo, says some of the ways to forgive your partner are:

Face the Fact

Perhaps the first and foremost step in forgiving your partner is to face the truth head-on. Acknowledge that betrayal has occurred. There is no point in denying the fact. Embrace the reality of the situation without falling into denial.

Accepting the betrayal allows you to start processing the emotions and understanding what went wrong. This step is essential for moving forward; it paves the way for healing by helping you confront the pain and begin to work through it. Only by accepting the truth can you truly begin the journey of forgiveness.

Be Honest to Your Feelings

Be true to yourself and acknowledge all your emotions—anger, disappointment, or pain. It’s normal to feel these things after a betrayal. Allow yourself to fully grieve the loss of trust and the relationship. Don’t bottle up your feelings; express them openly. Reflect on how the betrayal has affected you and communicate these feelings to your partner. Both partners should share their emotions to foster understanding and healing.

Analyse The Root Cause

Before you reach a conclusion, it is essential to understand and analyze the root cause. Try to find out the reason for the betrayal. Reflect on what led to this moment and whether unresolved issues or unspoken feelings contributed. Both partners need to be honest and open, avoiding blame or insults. Remember, the goal is to work together towards healing, not to attack each other.

Candid Conversation

Always remember that words can heal as well as hurt. If you choose to forgive your partner, open communication is essential. This means not just talking but truly listening to each other. Both partners must be ready to share their feelings, fears, and concerns honestly.

Discuss what led to the betrayal and what changes are needed to prevent it in the future. It’s important to focus on learning from past mistakes rather than dwelling on them. Set new expectations and boundaries together, and be transparent about everything. Keeping promises and meeting expectations are vital for rebuilding trust and moving forward.

Patience

Time can be a powerful healer, though it often demands patience. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is not an overnight process; it requires steady, consistent efforts from both partners. The one who betrayed must show through their actions, not just words, that they are truly committed to change.

This means going the extra mile to demonstrate reliability and honesty but remember, meaningful change takes time. The hurt partner must stay positive and believe in their partner’s genuine efforts, understanding that rebuilding trust involves ongoing commitment. Both partners need to work together with patience, believing that, over time, their relationship can be mended and strengthened.

Sometimes, rebuilding a relationship after betrayal involves facing the truth, acknowledging your feelings, and understanding the root cause. Open, honest communication and patience are key. Forgiveness is about letting go of grudges and working together to rebuild trust. Though challenging, it can lead to deeper understanding and a stronger bond.

A boy meets a girl. They fall in love and get married. And the movie ends. But that’s where real life begins. The reality of marriage often contrasts sharply with the fairy-tale romance many envision.

Once the honeymoon phase fades, couples can find themselves grappling with a diminishing emotional connection. The vibrant conversations and shared dreams may give way to mundane routines and silent meals.

While it’s natural for relationships to evolve, losing that emotional bond can be distressing. Emotional bond is vital in a relationship as it gives you that feeling of comfort and safety and mental strength to carry on with your life.

If you find yourself in a marriage where the emotional connection has faded, it’s essential to address it head-on rather than merely coexisting in tolerable proximity.

What to do when you feel no emotional connection with your husband?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi NCR, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few strategies that one can adopt in this situation.

Communication is key

Communication is not just a tool for resolving conflicts but a vital means to rekindle emotional connections. By engaging in open, transparent conversations with your partner, you build trust and address any insecurities.

Regularly check in on each other’s feelings, listen intently, and validate each other’s perspectives. Scheduling dedicated times for deeper discussions, such as date nights, fosters understanding and helps maintain a strong, loving bond.

Clear reassurance and thoughtful communication ensure that emotional needs are met and relationships remain vibrant.

Strategic vulnerability

Embrace strategic vulnerability to build trust and deepen connections. Start by sharing something personal, like a challenging work experience or a hidden feeling, to move beyond surface-level interactions. Instead of answering “good” or “fine” when asked about your day, openly discuss your true emotions and experiences.

Encourage your partner to share by asking detailed, thoughtful questions. Demonstrating vulnerability and openness should be mutual, so be willing to lower your own defenses to foster a more intimate and trusting relationship.

Words mean a lot

A simple “thank you” or “everything will be fine” can uplift your husband and provide him with mental strength. Even if he accidentally breaks your favorite dinner plate while trying to help, it’s a gesture worth appreciating.

Small acts of kindness, whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for decades, should never be taken for granted. So, don’t hesitate to express specific compliments and affirmations, like “I deeply love you” or “I appreciate your efforts,” to ensure your partner feels seen and valued.

Be spontaneous

Pleasant surprises, from spontaneous dates to planned getaways, infuse excitement into relationships, breaking monotony and keeping the spark alive.

While life’s busyness can lead to a comfort zone plateau, maintaining spontaneity—through thoughtful surprises—reminds partners of the joy and effort that once defined their bond.

Though spontaneity often requires preparation, it encourages stepping out of routine and connecting deeply. Regularly engaging in such moments prevents the loss of vulnerability and intimacy that can occur in everyday routines.

Boundaries matter

It is not necessary for a strong emotional connection to lead to unhealthy enmeshment or total dependence. Thriving relationships involve setting appropriate boundaries, even with close family members.

While maintaining a deep bond with parents or siblings is important, overly close relationships can sometimes undermine more intimate connections with a partner or children.

Establishing clear boundaries by identifying problematic behaviors and communicating what you will and won’t accept allows you to preserve your unique sense of self while nurturing loving relationships.

Practice self-care

A healthy relationship thrives on both partners enjoying their own “me time.” Too much togetherness can deplete the energy and experiences that interdependence brings.

Strong marriages feature partners who are interdependent but have rich hobbies, careers, and social lives of their own. Prioritize self-care and allow your spouse to do the same.

Spending time alone helps you appreciate your own company, fosters authenticity, and enhances self-worth, alleviating feelings of abandonment when apart. Include “me time” in your schedule for a balanced, secure relationship.

While it’s natural for emotional connections to ebb and flow in marriage, addressing this challenge with open communication, strategic vulnerability, thoughtful affirmations, spontaneity, clear boundaries, and self-care can rejuvenate and strengthen your bond.

By actively investing in these aspects, you foster a resilient and fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever felt unheard, had your emotions suppressed, or found yourself constantly questioning your actions in a relationship? If so, you might be a victim of manipulation. Manipulation involves harmful influence over others, targeting their mental and emotional sides to achieve personal gain.

Manipulators create an imbalance of power, taking advantage of their victims to gain control, benefits, or privileges at their expense. They lie, make excuses, blame others, or strategically share selective truths to feel superior and powerful.

What are the ways to handle a manipulator impactfully?

There are tactics you can use to deal with a manipulator. Top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi, and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few in this article. 

Do you feel you are being love bombing, and what to do?

When manipulators use love bombing, they shower you with excessive praise, attention, and gifts to create dependence and control. This differs from genuine affection, which seeks nothing in return.

Recognize love bombing by its overwhelming nature, especially early in relationships. Protect yourself by maintaining high self-esteem and healthy boundaries. Be wary of excessive flattery, redirect conversations to objective matters, and focus on facts over emotions. This helps you resist manipulation and maintain control.

Do you think a third person is being involved in how to Avoid Triangulation?

Another form of manipulation in relationships is triangulation, where one person involves a third party to avoid direct communication and manipulate situations to their advantage. To protect oneself, it’s crucial to recognize signs of triangulation early on. Address the issue openly with all parties involved in a group setting to promote clear communication and prevent further manipulation.

Establishing norms for transparent communication and addressing insecurities openly can create a safe emotional environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Are you thinking you need to draw the limit?

Sometimes, saying, “That’s enough” does the trick. It is important to realize that setting clear boundaries is crucial in dealing with manipulators. By defining what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate, you can offer help without being taken advantage of. Keeping a journal of boundaries helps clarify your thoughts and strengthens your resolve.

Manipulators often exploit weak boundaries, so establishing firm limits protects your emotional well-being. Knowing where you end and others begin prevents manipulation, whether through overly rigid or overly involved boundaries.

Body Language Matters to protect yourself against manipulators

Did you know that your body language can reveal a lot about how you feel, which manipulators might use against you?

When dealing with manipulative people, be mindful of signs like crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, slouching, fidgeting, or speaking softly, as these can signal insecurity or submission. Manipulators often use intimidating tactics like standing too close, intense eye contact, or authoritative gestures to assert dominance.

To stay in control, maintain a relaxed posture, direct eye contact, and use assertive gestures. These signals show you won’t be easily manipulated and can help manage such situations effectively.

Are you being pushed into a guilt trip? Don’t feel guilty if you are a victim of manipulation

Say NO to Guilt-Tripping guilt-tripping is when someone uses your emotional connection to manipulate you into doing something, even if you haven’t done anything wrong.

It can strain relationships by making you feel stressed or resentful for not meeting their demands.

To handle a manipulator who guilt-trips you, assert your boundaries firmly and express your feelings clearly. Request that they ask for what they want directly, without emotional manipulation. Make it clear that you have the right to say no and that any agreement will be genuine, not coerced. This approach helps maintain balance in the relationship and reduces the stress and anxiety caused by guilt trips.

Be Calm when you are facing manipulation

Being aggressive doesn’t help when dealing with a manipulator. Instead, staying calm is key. Manipulators aim to provoke emotional reactions to control you, using tactics like belittling or intimidation.

By staying emotionally detached and practising self-regulation, you can frustrate their attempts. Plan your responses calmly to avoid getting caught up in their game of control.

This approach helps you maintain clarity and control over the situation, reducing their influence and preserving your peace of mind. While it is not easy to handle manipulators, understanding their tactics and employing proactive strategies can empower you.

By setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional composure, and fostering transparent communication, you can safeguard your well-being and assert your autonomy in relationships, thwarting manipulation effectively.

Anybody who has been a victim of workplace bullying knows the pain that this type of harassment and humiliation causes. Well, once the bully has been dealt with, don’t expect to feel fine afterwards. While you may feel a sense of relief, that you are no longer experiencing the daily stress of working with a bully, you also may have some residual impact from what you experienced. Workplace bullying often has a lasting impact on your overall mental and physical health.

As a result, there will be days when the path to recovery may be challenging. Something somebody says may trigger those familiar feelings of anxiety. Or, you may worry every time you disagree with somebody. These feelings are all normal. But with minor work and extra effort in taking care of yourself, you will get your life back. What’s more, you can take what happened to you in the workplace and learn from it. Use it to strengthen you as you move forward with your life and your career.

The key is to not grant what happened to you define who you are as a person. Identify that workplace bullies have a choice. You did not deserve to be bullied. Place the responsibility for the bullying on the shoulders of the bully and move forward. Leave the hurtful words and the actions in the past.

Eminent psychologist and corporate counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo share 5 ways to heal from workplace bullying. Here they are.

1.  Make Your Health A Priority

Victims of workplace bullying deal with a bulk of health issues including sleeplessness, stomach issues, headaches, and stress conditions. They also may deal with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, eating disorders, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Talk to your doctor about any symptoms you are feeling. It’s also a good idea to find a counselor.

Remember, being targeted by a workplace bully does more than affect your mood or self-esteem. It also can affect your physical health. Do not defer in taking care of yourself. Neglecting your symptoms can lead to a host of other health issues. Staying healthy should be your top priority.

2.  Find Emotional Support and Validation

When bullying happens, the victim is often accused of having a problem or being the problem. Continuous criticism, rumors, lies, and gossip can take its toll leaving you feeling lonely, isolated and hopeless. But remember you are not alone. In fact, workplace bullying is a widespread issue that affects workers daily. Consider finding a support group in your area or starting one of your own. Find validation for what you have experienced and identify that there is nothing wrong with you. It will take work to build up your self-esteem and overall confidence again, but it can be done.

3.  Change How You Look At the Experience

Many times, a person who has been bullied develops a very narrow view of life because the bullying they experienced consumes their every thought. Think about things other than what you have gone through, things that have meaning or purpose in your life.

There are several benefits to positive thinking. If you are having trouble doing this on your own, a counsellor can help you redirect your thought processes. What’s more, avoid feeling guilty about how you confronted the bully or the length of time it took you to take action. These things are in the past. Leave them there.

4. Educate Yourself about Workplace Bullying

If you are puzzled by what has happened to you, read everything you can about workplace bullying. While it can be frustrating to read about the issue, in the long run, it will help you come to terms with what happened to you.

What’s more, being educated about bullying will prepare you for future confrontations. Some victims of workplace bullying even become advocates or support group leaders for others suffering at the hands of a workplace bully.

 5. Find Closure and A New Beginning

Part of the healing process is being able to put the past behind you and detach from the trauma and humiliation you experienced. Sometimes finding this closure involves switching jobs or careers. But you also need to realize that your identity is tied to more than just your work.

Rediscover who you are. Develop new interests, new hobbies, new goals, and new dreams. Do not allow yourself to be preoccupied with what happened to you. Instead, find a better way to shift your focus and put the past behind you.

Some habits die hard. Especially if habit or experience is developed during childhood days. That impact lasts for many years. Maybe you know the ways your childhood impacts your relationships. Maybe you have never thought about it. We see the impacts of bonds and relationships.

From a normal perspective, strong bonds are what keep us grounded, feeling confident and secure in ourselves and the world around us. We all need and desire to feel safe and secure; this is what motivates a lot of us. Sadly, we get stuck in our (not so helpful) coping strategies that ultimately deny us of this and we often don’t even realize we do this. Especially in our adult relationships.

Have you ever wondered why you do the things that you do? Have you ever looked at yourself objectively and asked yourself, “What’s really going on for me?” Well, it could be time to think on those lines Eminent psychologist, marriage counselor, and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo states 3 ways your childhood impacts your relationships.

1.      You Don’t Trust Easily

Trust is the base of any relationship. When you as adults find it difficult to trust others, it may be due to deep-rooted issues from your childhood’s past ruptures with the people you were easily supposed to trust. If your parents or relatives neglected you, abandoned you, emotionally or physically victimized you, criticized you and created a relationship that was based on terms and conditions, you don’t realize that you deeply feel a sense of insecurity as you evolve into your environment and sense of self as you grow.

This doesn’t mean your parents didn’t love you, and this doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. This may mean that the tools they had weren’t always productive. Often, your parents “did the best that they could with what they had,” but that doesn’t mean the impact of those means or lack of it should be dismissed. It had an impact.

If your parents or guardians don’t give you the unconditional space to be human-like have emotions, mess up etc. Then you start internalizing emotions and start adapting to your insecurities by not trusting others around you and becoming protective of yourselves in many different ways.

2.      You Always Need A Lot Of Assurance

If you forge an insecure bond with your parents or guardians in infancy and childhood, (whether it’s because they were helicopter parents and never allowed you to have any sense of autonomy, or because they were never around you), you deeply develop a sense of insecurity and doubt in yourselves.

Maybe you weren’t given the reassurance as a child that was required for you to feel a sense of confidence in yourself to explore and make mistakes; maybe you weren’t ever acknowledged, to begin with. Might be you were acknowledged too much and everything you did was criticized or validated in a positive way. If everything you did in our parent’s eyes was unseen or seen under a microscope, or seen through rose-colored glasses, you weren’t given the space or freedom to feel confident in our own achievements, shortcomings, and mistakes.

How does this impact your relationship? Fine, to start, you may find yourself really defensive and it may be because you’re feeling insecure. Instead of giving your partner an opportunity to reassure you, you push them away with your defensiveness because you are struggling and don’t know how to soothe or feel comforted.

3.      You Feel Panic Immediately When You Perceive Your Partner Is Pulling Away

It may be illogical, but in those moments your brain isn’t able to reassure you that you are just being illogical and you have nothing to worry about. If you experience an immediate or overwhelming sense of panic when you perceive your partner is shutting down, moving away and or leaving you, this may be due to your childhood experience.

If you experienced any abandonment growing up, this deeply rooted trigger can become extreme in your adult relationships. You may find yourself feeling immediately upset and needing to repair an issue immediately in order to soothe the panic and fear. This may ultimately push your partner away if they want space or are afraid of conflict and the two of you may find yourselves in a difficult situation.