Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Every relationship has some rough patches. Sometimes, rough patches can stretch into weeks, months, even rough years. If you feel you are currently in the middle of a lengthy rough patch and you are not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is a good time to stop and evaluate what you want from your marriage. At what stage do you take a step back and evaluate where you are through an objective lens? Sometimes it takes a lot more than perspective, sometimes you need to look for the red flags.

Here are the possible signs in this blog shared by India’s top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo indicates you could be in a loveless marriage.

Couples Therapist Shivani says, be honest with yourself and do a rigorous inventory of your emotions. Although this exercise is not easy, it is far, far easier than staying in a relationship where you are putting nothing in and getting nothing out.

If you feel like you identify with more than one of them (or many), open a dialogue with your partner, look for a marriage counselor and reach out for additional help.

You Cannot Fill the Silence

If you have started to realize that during dinner, long drives, evenings on the sofa, any time spent together, all go in silence and neither of you makes an effort to fill it with quality conversation – this is the sign of a problem. It is unrealistic to hope for great, easy, flowing dialogues anytime you two spend an hour together, but the complete reverse is not symbolic of a healthy and happy marriage.

You are Preoccupied with Other Issues

A better replacement for looking directly at our own problems is looking directly at other people’s problems. If you are actively looking out for opportunities to tuck into some hot gossip with close friends or family, trying to insert yourself in their problem or their solution, then you have to take a step back and ask yourself why you are devoting so much of your time to these distractions.

Feeling Antsy

If you are experiencing itchiness, simply being in your skin is like wearing too-tight clothes, you might be repressing some emotions. Your subconscious is trying to convey to you something that you are not ready to hear (or to admit for yourself). Feelings of restlessness may be a signal to you that you are overlooking something that needs your attention.

You get Intimate Hardly Once a Month or none at all

Definitely, none of the couples are having the same insanely exciting and toe-curling sex that they did at the beginning of their relationship – but abstaining totally takes your foot off the gas. Sex is a physical expression of the love you pledged to each other in your vows, so if you have put your sex life on the backburner for far too long (even if you are still practicing the other forms of your love like friendship, listening, laughing) this is the time to re-prioritize intimacy.

Everything your Partner do or say gets on Your Nerves

Part of marriage is getting annoyed by your partner; it is literally the price for entry. But it is another thing completely when all the time they make a noise, ask questions, snore in bed or load the dishwasher (improperly), it feels like your skin is rushing. If you notice enough of these annoyances in a row (say, a couple of weeks straight) you could be in danger of entering the red zone.

It does not feel Fun anymore

Relationships include a lot of work – and anyone who has been married for any duration of time can attest – but you work at it because it’s fun. Because you enjoy each other, and the relationship brings light and laughter to your lives. But if the fun has gone, the laughter has died down, and the light is dimming, then what’s the point of all those works?

You are way too Close to have an Emotional Affair

Even if you are not comfortable acting on your feelings (and moving towards a physical affair) you feel very attracted to a person – or people – outside of your relationship. You could be leaning on this person for support, divulging a plenty of intimate details, and deepening the connection you feel with this person. Your partner could not accuse you of any inappropriate behavior, but you know you cannot be honest with yourself about how you feel about this individual. That is a strong sign you need to seriously evaluate your commitment.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

There are specific issues in your marriage that cannot be changed today. No matter how well you try, some marriage improvements take time.  But the given choices shared in this blog by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo with you today will immediately improve your marriage.

Couples Therapist Shivani says it has been seen these four things change your marriage for the good and the absence of these things could change your marriage for the bad. It would be wise to choose all of them, if possible. But even opting for trying for just one could be a game-changer.

Presume the Best for your Partner

Several couples often spend years being defensive with one another. One of the partners would ask a question and the other one would be defensive. And, vice versa. Being defensive is never going to build intimacy. When you presume the worst of your spouse, you automatically place them in defense mode. In defense mode, responsibility is not taken, grace is never shown, patience runs dry and arguments are frequent. When you presume the best of your wife or your husband, there is a confidence that even while you disagree, you know in your heart deeply that your spouse is for you. When you have confidence that your partner is for you, intense discussions help build intimacy instead of shredding it. Presume the best and be proven wrong.

Speak Less and Listen More

Some individuals are control freaks. Control freaks have to be correct and have to have the last word. Because one always trying to prove he/she was right and always trying to have the last word, one would listen but just to have a response or counterpoint. Sounds similar? Do you interrupt your partner when he/she is talking? Do you find yourself thinking of a response in your mind as your spouse is speaking? Do you not even acknowledge what has been said prior to you proving how right you are? Your marriage will change today if you listened to your loved one in order to understand, rather than to be understood. Scripture says it like this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slower to become angry.

Stop Attempting to Change your Spouse

Many times couples often wish if they could have back the amount of time, energy, and emotions that they spent believing that we could change the other. One often thought if they yelled loud enough, made their point strong enough, were right enough, slammed the door hard enough, they would change. It never works. When one assumes the responsibility to change the heart of their spouse, they assume the role of God or nature in their marriage.  One may say can I just set you releases from something. Understand you do not have the power to change a human heart; only nature does. The best advice that can be given is, that will transform your marriage is to pray simply for your spouse and ask if it can change you.

Do Not Put Your Partner Down in Public

Some partners have this habit. They did not even realize how often they did this until the separation. One such instance could be making fun of your partner in front of other people. It could be horrible for your partner. When you make fun of your spouse or insult your spouse in front of others what you convey is how insecure you are with yourself. Do you encourage your spouse up in front of others or simply rip them apart?  There is nothing that will destroy intimacy faster than putting your spouse down in front of others. On the contrary, there is nothing more fulfilling than having your spouse compliment you in front of your friends or your family. It could be a huge factor.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Are you finding it difficult to get along with your mother-in-law?

Do you wish you could have lesser stress over your relationship with her?

Whenever we think about a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, unfortunately, most of the time a negative image comes to our mind.

In-laws can be the cause of a great deal of stress and frustration especially, to a young mother if she is not equipped to balance the demands of child-caring, house-cleaning, working and nurturing the relationships of her loved ones.

Mothers-in-law may be difficult to manage as some may benchmark you against their high standards, pick on everything you do (especially if you are living with them) and interfere when you try to discipline your kids.

But there are some ways to help resolve disputes with your mother-in-law.

Renowned, psychologist, marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to have a better mother-in-law and daughter in law relationship. Here, they are:

1. Pick Your Battles

Not everything is worth arguing over. If your mother-in-law prefers you to follow a certain criterion when you keep your stuff.  Particularly, if you live in her place, give yourself space and time to accommodate her preferences.

When it comes to arguments over issues which are really important like the choice of school for your kid, you can at least remind her in a polite manner that you listened to her for a lot of  other things and followed them. Can she let you have your own way for this one thing?

2. Try to Woo Her At Regular Intervals

You might be thinking. Is it really possible? Nevertheless, give it a second thought. Every woman likes to be loved and appreciated, not just from their husbands and sons but even their daughters-in-law. Keep aside your pride and ego, and ask her out for her favorite activity or thing once in a while.

Set aside time and a reasonable budget (you don’t need to go overboard) to take her to eat her favorite cuisine, shop for clothes, travel on an affordable holiday or treat her to a movie or a concert of her choice.

Give a beautiful bouquet of flowers once in a while and let her show it in front of her friends.

Even a small act of love, like buying her lunch or dinner when she is sick, will help to open her heart towards you.

3.  Never Try To Out-Argue Her. Especially In Front of Others

As Indians, we value respect towards our elders a lot. More so as a daughter-in-law. Even if your mother-in-law is wrong, unless this is a life-threatening event, let her have the last say and absorb your words. When she is cooled down and you too, try interacting with her nicely, and ask her to consider your point of view too.

Yes, it means you have to eat humble pie, but if you value your relationship with her, somebody needs to take a step back first. After some time, when she feels you are not a threatening daughter-in-law, she may change her stance on how she responds to you.

4.  Find Allies

If you can make an ally with anyone else to intervene on your behalf, for example, your husband, children or siblings-in-law, do it in advance. Build goodwill with them so they can vouch you’re not a bad daughter-in-law when you get into a dispute with your mother-in-law.

5.   Discuss Your Concerns

There are many external factors that throw a spanner into your relationship with your mother-in-law. These could include stresses in getting a job, managing demands of work and family, health issues of yourself or family members, or major changes diet, going back to your studies etc.

If you do face external concerns, share them with your mother-in-law. Try to let her understand what’s going on in your life and how you’re trying your best to figure these things out. She may just give you that little bit of extra space you need at the moment and at best can also, provide you with a good idea.

Anybody who has been a victim of workplace bullying knows the pain that this type of harassment and humiliation causes. Well, once the bully has been dealt with, don’t expect to feel fine afterward. While you may feel a sense of relief, that you are no longer experiencing the daily stress of working with a bully, you also may have some residual impact from what you experienced. In fact, workplace bullying often has a lasting impact on your overall mental and physical health.

As a result, there will be days when the path to recovery may be challenging. Something somebody says may trigger those familiar feelings of anxiety. Or, you may worry every time you disagree with somebody. These feelings are all normal. But with minor work and an extra effort in taking care of yourself, you will get your life back. What’s more, you can take what happened to you in the workplace and learn from it. Use it to strengthen you as you move forward with your life and your career.

The key is to not grant what happened to you define who you are as a person. Identify that workplace bullies have a choice. You did not deserve to be bullied. Place the responsibility for the bullying on the shoulders of the bully and move forward. Leave the hurtful words and the actions in the past.

Eminent psychologist and corporate consellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to heal from workplace bullying. Here they are.

1.  Make Your Health A Priority

Victims of workplace bullying deal with a bulk of health issues including sleeplessness, stomach issues, headaches, and stress conditions. They also may deal with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, eating disorders, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Talk to your doctor about any symptoms you are feeling. It’s also a good idea to find a counselor.

Remember, being targeted by a workplace bully does more than affect your mood or self-esteem. It also can affect your physical health. Do not defer in taking care of yourself. Neglecting your symptoms can lead to a host of other health issues. Staying healthy should be your top priority.

2.  Find Emotional Support and Validation

When bullying happens, the victim is often accused of having a problem or being the problem. Continuous criticism, rumors, lies, and gossip can take its toll leaving you feeling lonely, isolated and hopeless. But remember you are not alone. In fact, workplace bullying is a widespread issue that affects workers daily. Consider finding a support group in your area or starting one of your own. Find validation for what you have experienced and identify that there is nothing wrong with you. It will take work to build up your self-esteem and overall confidence again, but it can be done.

3.  Change How You Look At the Experience

Many times, a person who has been bullied develop a very narrow view of life because the bullying they experienced consumes their every thought. Think about things other than what you have gone through, things that have meaning or purpose in your life. There are several benefits to positive thinking. If you are having trouble doing this on your own, a counselor can help you redirect your thought processes. What’s more, avoid feeling guilty about how you confronted the bully or the length of time it took you to take an action. These things are in the past. Leave them there.

4. Educate Yourself about Workplace Bullying

If you are puzzled by what has happened to you, read everything you can about workplace bullying. While it can be frustrating to read about the issue, in the long run, it will help you come to terms with what happened to you. What’s more, being educated about bullying will prepare you for future confrontations. Some victims of workplace bullying even become advocates or support group leaders for others suffering at the hands of a workplace bully.

 5. Find Closure and A New Beginning

Part of the healing process is being able to put the past behind you and detach from the trauma and humiliation you experienced. Sometimes finding this closure involves switching jobs or careers. But you also need to realize that your identity is tied to more than just your work. Rediscover who you are. Develop new interests, new hobbies, new goals, and new dreams. Do not allow yourself to be preoccupied with what happened to you. Instead, find a better way to shift your focus and put the past behind you.