Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Several couples face at least four out of five common marital problems at some stage of their prolonged companionship. Shivani Sadhoo says if you are among that group too, take heart: every marital relationship has certain issues. The good news is that by being proactive rather than reactive, you can make a huge transformation and see growth and health come to your most essential relationship.

Some couples always struggle with communicating. They are not able to find time to discuss because one of the partners is always busy with work during the day and exhausted in the evenings. This is when perhaps you suddenly realized you needed to schedule a lunch date just as if you were scheduling it to catch up with a friend. But things always do not work like that. Here India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some solutions to the 5 major marriage issues.

Lack or absence of emotional intimacy

Planning time to be intentional in sharing your mind and heart with one another is vital here. Talk about things that are truly important to you, and remember not to disagree with or challenge your spouse when they are being vulnerable and telling you what is most essential to them. If time is an issue, look to create a dedicated time into your weekly schedule to be intentional in doing this; otherwise, it is not going to happen.

A dearth of physical intimacy

One great idea for enhancing physical intimacy is to plan time for it. If you both are aware that you have agreed to be together on a specific day and time, you would be able to make it a priority and mentally get ready to enjoy it.

Communication

One method to address a lack of communication is to decide a time for a face-to-face each day, even if it is only for 15 minutes. Make it the same every day, so it is easy for neither of you to miss this opportunity. Do this prior to you spending time with the kids. Or if daily planning is too difficult perhaps because of your professional commitments. Then set up a dedicated day of the week.

Losing interest or lack of appreciation

It is important to opt to put the relationship above everything else, including work and your kids. Act like you are dating again. Enact as you did then. Take time to pay attention only to your partner. Have both of you take the texting challenge to make certain you are staying in touch through the day.

Finance

Decide upon a time to work out a budget that is agreeable to both. Agree to sit down to check at expenses at the end of each month. If the discussion is prearranged and you both come to the table with complete transparency, then the conversation about finance could move from the emotional and into the practical ones.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

One of the oldest and biggest mantras to a healthy and lasting relationship is trust. It is a fragile yet powerful adhesive that holds two people together. It certainly is hard and at times a complex task to develop trust when you are beginning out in a relationship. But it is not so much of an arduous challenge once both the entities in a relationship are in it together says Shivani Sadhoo.

Here India’s eminent relationship counselor and couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some effective tips that will assist you to form trust, feel loved, respected, secure, and content in your relationship.

·       Understand the causes why you two are together and make certain the reasons are right. Develop a framework around your relationship first.

·       If you love somebody, you have to respect them. The more respect you form between the two of you, the greater the love is. Define things that makes you feel disrespected and agree not to use that as a ploy in your relationship.

·       Do not expect the sort of romance that is shown in movies. Have realistic expectations related to your relationship and romance. You need to know that true romance is an outcome of respect, trust, and freedom of expression.

·       Always express what you feel like. If you are too worried or scared to speak out, it will simply make it difficult for you in the future. Make certain you let it all out of your system for the benefit of your relationship.

·       Providing each other space is equally vital as spending quality time with each other. Both of you must enjoy a space where you do things individually that makes you happy.

·       Changes are inevitable. You fall in love with a person’s mind and the person you fell in love with is bound to change with time. You need to expect and accept it. It is basic human nature to change, so do not let it get in your way.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of pandemic, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

If one is anxious, one would know it, correct? Well, that would be good, but the truth is several anxious persons are not certain what they feel. Recognizing and naming emotions is a skill to learn, that not everyone is good at doing. There are certain signs you can use to identify if you are struggling with anxiety but avoiding the emotion at the same time, says Shivani Sadhoo.

As you may know, several health issues are also linked to stress-related issues. Some studies have also indicated that issues such as IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and headaches are also the causes of anxiety.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog shares certain signs that suggest you are anxious, but perhaps do not know about it.

Signs Anxiety is Troubling You

Anxiety shows up when you do not have the sort of control in life you would like. For instance, anxiety naturally happens when you are driving on a snow-covered road and realize that your car has begun to slide; as the car slides, you do not have the sort of control you would like.

Anyone can experience this emotion that arises due to the loss of control in any number of situations, including work, relationships, or in other aspects. One can also experience anxiety when visualizing or imagining future events where one might not have control, like giving an office presentation a week from now. One can be anxious and still look calm, conduct normally, and accomplish important things. Anxiety is not every time about looking or acting like a nervous person.

Here are certain signs.

It is Hard for You to Name Emotions

If you pass through your day without thinking much about what you feel, have a problem explaining to others what you feel, rarely ask others what they feel, and are not certain what leads to feeling good or bad, you could be struggling with alexithymia.

The Chronic Pain or Other Health Issues Began During a Stress or Transition

If you try to look back at when your shoulder started to hurt, your lower back went out, or your overwhelming fatigue crept in, you may find that your life was in a major transition or stressful period. Perhaps one of your kids started school, or your daughter left home, you lost a job or your parents died, graduated from college, or began a new job. Transitions and stress are significantly hurdled some because of the lack of control in these situations, which leads to anxiety.

You Have No Idea What You Need

When your basic needs for connection with others, competence, and freedom are not met, you are going to experience negative emotions. If you are not aware of your own needs, you might not be aware of what you feel when your needs aren’t met.

You Do Not Share Your Emotional Ups and Downs with Others

A person who openly shares his life with others talks about emotions. A person who connects with others majorly through activities such as work, sports, or discussions regarding politics may not be getting below the surface to discuss what they feel or need.

Coping Strategy of Your’s are Not Healthy

Although you keep telling yourself you are doing well, you are consuming more alcohol, picking up your past smoking habit again, spending more time and money using unhealthy products to manage your sleep problems, watching more television, and reacting angrily at pretty minor irritations or nothing at all.

Having Unexplained Pain Issues

If you have life hurdles and unmet desires but no clearly defined emotions, chronic pain might be what you do feel in the end. The stress you feel during work, the unhappiness you experience at home, and the pressures of life formed emotions, emotions that assist you to know that something is wrong and needs attention. Think of physical pain as an alternative method of your brain getting your attention that something is not right if your emotional warning system is switched off.

Are you also struggling to identify your emotions? Or do not know what to do? Don’t worry psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo will assist you and guide you to come out of this phase and help you overcome your anxiety-related issues.

Probably, marriage brings about the biggest transition in an individual’s life and no matter how ready he/she might be, it will always take the person by surprise. When you begin living with your spouse, changes are bound to happen. Some will bring joy, while others may challenge your patience and sanity. How you adapt to those challenges marriage throws at you and adjust to the changes, will further dictate the course of this lifelong relationship, says Shivani.

So, through this blog renowned couples’ therapist, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few changes and challenges the sacred bond of matrimony would bring in your life.

There will be Several Vulnerable Moments

When you begin your conjugal life with a partner, he or she will gradually discover your strengths and weaknesses. You will share your deepest secrets, desires and tell them things, which you may not have told anyone before. But when you share such intimate details with a person, you are bound to feel vulnerable. There will be times when you would wonder if you have done the right thing by revealing it all, but this is what marriage is. Everyone and every circumstance will demand that you trust your partner with your heart and soul. It will not be simple initially, but things will fit into place with time.

Relationship with In-laws Might not be what you Hoped for

We have sufficient Hindi movies and TV serials highlighting the strained relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. It is only natural for people to form a perception of the partner’s family much before even they are married. However, an individual would only get to know how that relationship would alter his or her life only post getting married. It could be for the good or in the predicted lines of what we have seen in TV shows or movies, but one thing is certain—it will create a deep impact on your life.

Responsibilities will Increase

Under usual circumstances, responsibilities, when shared between two individuals, will decrease. But not in marriage. With every passing year, you will end up getting more responsibilities. And by responsibilities, it is not merely meant for materialistic goals. When you are married to someone, you also have to bear the responsibility of looking after his or her wellbeing. And your partner will also have to do the same. The weight of responsibility can at times be overwhelming but when you do a fine job, the rewards will also be manifold.

Certainly, you will Yearn for some Me Time

Companionship is a wonderful thing. Post marriage, the starting days will be nothing but full of sheer joy. You would see new things that may have remained unobserved till now. You will be spending plenty of time together—be it visiting friends and relatives post the wedding or shopping for household items. The world you kept for yourself, your bed, your room—all the things will now have two people in it. And there will come a time when you would wish that you could spend some time alone, simply like the way you did before you were not married. And such thoughts will be immediately followed by a feeling of guilt. Believe it this is not simple.

Money will be an Important Factor

It is easier said than done, that love is all you need to keep you happy. But only love cannot provide the food on your plate or the roof to live under. Only money can. You will need to have a bigger house, probably buy a car and when you have a family, you will need money to pay for your kid’s school fees. Marriage can teach even the most carefree individual about the importance of money in his life.

You Might not Fall in Love with your Partner

It may sound strange but not all married couples fall in love with each other. Though there are exceptions who tied the knot after falling in love. In several arranged marriages, where the would-be-spouses only get to know each other shortly, hope to find love post marriage. Now, love may happen but there are also probabilities that they may never fall in love. Moreover, plenty of couples fall out of love after being married for a long time. Does it mean their marriage too falls apart? No, not for everyone though

You might associate bonding with your spouse in the early stages of your relationship. But whether you are 6 months or 6 years in, there are always numerous opportunities to grow closer with your partner says Shivani. Learning methods to bond in a relationship could be a lifelong pursuit, but it certainly does not have to be difficult.

Couples Therapist Shivani says there is a difference between struggling and putting effort into your relationship. With bonding, at times it will simply take a little bit of conscious effort. “Bonding with your spouse takes effort. Sometimes ‘bonding work’ feels simple and at times it feels difficult. Bonding with your partner seems easy when it flows out of shared interests, hobbies, and experiences. So if you can recognize what small ways you are already sharing with your partner, you might be a step closer to bonding even more, and potentially growing your love and bonding.

You do not have to ask each other the endless questions that lead to love, or do any kind of forced activity or bonding, simply to get to know your partner better. At times simply expressing your interest will do the magic. And professionals who work with couples have identified some brilliant ways to bond a little bit more with your partner — methods that you may even already be doing to some extent.

This blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways to enhance the bonding in your relationship.

Express Interest and Curiosity

When you have been together for a considerable time, or even live together, you and your partner might fall into the pattern of asking fewer open-ended questions: questions that start with “how” or “why,” and normally do not have a “yes” or “no” answer.

“It appears so simple, but it is easy for couples to end initiating open-ended questions since they fall into a habit of taking each other for granted. The reality is that you and your partner will change over a period and that you need to constantly update your knowledge of your partner. Asking open-ended questions helps boost emotional link and friendship within the relationship.” Being aware of how you ask your questions will help you develop this bonding as a habit.

Verbally Express Your Appreciation

Saying “thank you” to your loved one may seem more like an act of politeness, instead of an act of bonding, but appreciation is a lot more nuanced than that.

This too looks simple and you are perhaps doing it to a certain extent, but appreciation gives huge benefits,”. When you show appreciation towards your partner you create a protective shield surrounding your relationship [since] appreciation counteracts contempt — which is one of the major destructive forces in a relationship. Learning to show your appreciation regularly will assist you two grow even closer than ever before.

Give Priority to your Partner’s Emotional Calls

While you might know your partner better than anybody else, it can still become easy over some time to not always see when they are reaching out to you emotionally. Paying attention to “emotional calls,” and responding to them is an integral form of bonding.

Emotional calls are all small attempts to bond with your partner throughout the day, If, you wish to improve the health of your relationship, make it a priority to see your partner’s attempts to connect with you. Respond to their calls by lovingly responding and meeting their needs and communicating to your partner that you are there and care for them.” It is worth finding avenues to respond or pay attention to your partner, even when they are communicating non-verbally, to show your bond.

Make an Effort at Eye Contact

When you and your partner have been staying together for quite some time, the realities of everyday life as a couple might mean that you are not staring lovingly into each other’s eyes as much as you once used to. But working towards more eye contact could be a major boost in terms of bonding.

Partners can bond with each other by maintaining eye contact regularly, while they communicate, specifically, if discussing important topics such as their feelings, experiences, or needs. So even if you are not in your honeymoon stage anymore, at least you will be opening the windows towards more honest and vulnerable communication.

Keep your Phone Down

While there is something to be said regarding a connection so deep that you can sit in silence on a couch, scrolling through social media, and not feeling awkward about it, there is still a certain thing to be said about dedicated phones and gadget-free time for couples.

“A truly vital task you should do to make your partner feel worthy and appreciated of your time is to put the phones down while communicating, which also enhances bonding. Whether it means actively following a no phones at the dinner table or bedroom policy, or simply leading by example, you might find that these moments are good opportunities to bond.

Initiate Physical Touch

Having or maintaining a strong sexual connection with your partner is great, but physical touch does not have to be saved for moments of sexual intimacy between you and your partner only. Making physical touch a more common, regular habit in your relationship could be quite beneficial.

A simple task you can do to facilitate bonding is through physical touch when you are in the same space such as watching TV, cooking together, or getting ready to go out. Sometimes, a simple and gentle touch is good enough to create a substantial emotional association. Not all touch has to lead to anything, and practising it more can support grow the bond between you and your partner.

Make Rituals Together

Creating rituals or traditions as a couple could give you two something to look forward to daily, and be able to make sure that you and your partner are continuously building your connection — even if you have hectic daily life schedules.

Creating a ritual of bonding — like going on a walk post-dinner, or having coffee ready for your spouse after putting the kids to bed or in the morning so that you can talk about your day, could be something you both look forward to as well. Whether you decide you wish to build in daily, weekly, or monthly rituals, there is something about the continuation of these simple acts of bonding that could help actually, level up your existing connection.

Whichever method you decide to grow your bond with your partner, probabilities are — you are already likely well on your way. Bonding has no concrete targets to get as it is something a couple does and keeps on doing, for the course of a relationship. And making even the smallest of changes in your daily interactions could assist blossom your love even further.

Besides the newlywed bliss, there come some ups and downs. It is pretty normal to hit rough patches in the first two years of marriage says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, but do not panic. By understanding certain changes and roadblocks you might experience in early marriage, you and your partner can still work together to lay a strong foundation for the years to come.

This article by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo highlights the reasons why your first year of marriage is so important.

Why your First Year of Marriage Matters

Couples Therapist Shivani says the first year of your marriage is full of transitions and adjustments as you and your partner adapt to the new roles. Yet the way you handle and manage this period of adjustment is key to the longevity of your marriage, say researchers.

A decline in love, affection, respect, and responsiveness and a boost in ambivalence within the first couple of years of marriage can be an indicator for divorce after 13 years. This was as per a study in 2009 on the predictors of marital satisfaction and stressors.

The study also saw that couples who divorce during the first couple of years showed signs of disillusionment and were negative toward each other in the first two months of their marriage. Those couples who were still happily married were those who were able to have positive feelings about their spouses during this early period in their relationship.

Some other research shows that newlyweds could be more prone to dissatisfaction because of unrealistic expectations or the level of what they experience against what they expected in terms of marriage. Common unexpected adjustments include some of the following:

·       The “minor things”

·       Competing Loyalties

·       Letdowns

·       Serious Accountabilities

·       Relationship Roles

·       Sex

One more study recorded that newly married couples who estimate that their happiness levels will increase (or at least remain the same) within the first four years of marriage are more likely to experience a decline in happiness over time.

Divorce is also quite common within the early years of marriage because of the transition itself into marriage and parenthood, specifically among couples high in neuroticism who have been known to have reduced overall levels of satisfaction in their marriage.

Major Red Flags in Early Marriage

·      Fear of conflict

·       Incapability to have fun together

·       Lack of mutual respect

·       Lack of romance and intimacy

·       Married quite early or for the wrong reasons

·       Over-commitment of time and other things

·       Over-spending

·       Selfishness

·      Excessive dependence on parents

·       Unrealistic expectations

Priorities during the First Year of Marriage

If you see yourself a bit depressed post your wedding, it is fine. Honeymoon blues are just normal. Both of you have been caught up in time-consuming wedding preparations.

It is a certain bet that once you do not have that stress or pressure to deal with, you will have a sense of loss. It is the same as the post-holiday letdown that various people experience. However, it is essential to not ignore this period of depression.

Besides this to keep the romance alive, there are other priorities a couple will have to face as well.

Decide how to Handle Money

Discuss clearly whether you wish to manage your finance and money separately, jointly, or having a combination of separate and joint accounts. Either way, do not speak lies, honesty is critical when it comes to avoiding conflicts because of money.

Find out Ways to Manage Chores

Splitting up household chores fairly helps eliminate stress in your home and ensures a happy marriage. Bear in mind that you will possibly have to re-evaluate the list from time to time.

Look for Ways to Spend Free Time

While together time is valuable, you also need quality time outside of your relationship for personal space, growth, and independence.

Make Time for Sex

Even when your lives are busy, keeping your sex life healthy has to remain a priority. While on average most couples generally get intimate once a week, it’s important to find out what works for you to maintain intimacy.

Set Boundaries with in-laws

Have a discussion with your spouse about what is fine and what is not as far as involvement from your in-laws. For instance, can they drop all unannounced or do you expect a phone call or text first?

Understand and Respect Differences

While your core values are possibly the same, your partner’s thoughts and beliefs might differ from your own. Understanding and respecting these differences will assist you to avoid judgment and improve your relationship.

Learn to Handle and Manage Conflict

While conflict is bound to happen, how you handle or manage conflict can make a difference in your marriage. Give your best to maintain a constructive attitude and mutual respect, and be ready to recognize your partner’s point of view.

Discuss Expectations

From household chores to physical intimacy, it is essential to discuss what you expect from your spouse. After all, unmet or unrealistic expectations could create significant stress in your relationship.

Sadly, several couples avoid topics that might become heated. But doing so will do a huge disservice to your union.

What to Do If You are Struggling

The ideal thing to do is hold an open and honest conversation with your partner, without blaming, about your issues. You may initiate by saying something such as, “I think we both are struggling to adjust while being married.”

From there, you might figure out what marriage assistance options might be a good fit for you both. It might be setting aside time to read and discuss self-help books, seeking guidance from a trusted source, or perhaps pursuing couples’ therapy. It is also important to:

Refrain from Blaming your Partner

The blame game will simply exacerbate any struggles you and your spouse are having. Rather, discuss what you feel is happening and ways you can work together as a couple to bridge the gap.

Have Realistic Expectations

Unfair expectations could get the better of your relationship, for instance, you expect your spouse to live up to what you see in romance movies.

Give yourself and your Spouse Time to Adapt

Marriage is new to both of you, so it is essential to have patience as you adjust and adapt to your new roles and responsibilities.

Remember you can Assist your Spouse Grow, but you cannot change who he/she is

While you cannot change your partner, you can alter your reactions and responses, which might prompt your partner to want to change theirs.

Value your Partner

Do not take them for granted. Making an effort to say thank you or I love you and showing appreciation can go a long way in making your partner feel good about themselves and your relationship.

Spend Quality Time Together

Enjoying few one-on-one times can support strengthen your bond, form intimacy, and create cherished memories in your marriage.

Even though the first couple of years of marriage are supposed to be the most difficult, they are mostly remembered as the most joyous. Those could be a great time of intimacy and discovery.

There is a lot more to learn about each other and so much to express to each other. During the newlywed stage, you can lay the foundation for a life-long, meaningful partnership. Thus, enjoy and romance one another.

When there appears to be more emotional turbulence than fulfillment in your relationship, or when your time together becomes a lot destructive than constructive, you are perhaps in a dysfunctional relationship

The roots of dysfunctional relationships mostly stem from childhood. Those who were raised up in a troublesome environment may not have had healthy relationships modeled.  They might subsequently end up repeating dysfunctional patterns in their own romantic relationships.

Mostly, unresolved individual problems can also lead to dysfunction.  After all, the journey to a strong, healthy connection has plenty to do with how well you know yourself and how safe and mentally healthy you feel. There cannot be any relationship with someone else that can compensate for your own unhappiness, no matter how well it is. Expecting your partner to make you happy, content, or fulfill could lead you to disappointment and dysfunctional patterns.

Even though no relationship is perfect, it is the genuine and mutual desire to communicate respectfully and manage conflict that can assist you to weather the most difficult storms.

Here, in this article marriage counselor and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs that one is living in a dysfunctional relationship.

Higher Levels of Conflict

Destructive communication involves a never-ending pattern of escalation. Imagine beginning off a discussion with; “The problem with you is…”, or “Why are you always so self-centric?”. It is quite simple to see the intensification of negativity this could invoke. Certainly, there is no such thing as a relationship having no conflict. Only a specific percentage of problems are solvable. So, what couples ought to have is a sense of forgiveness, conflict management, and good communication skills. This is probably the biggest hallmark of a healthy relationship.

In this sense, the danger is never the conflict, but disconnection. If you do not consistently confront your issues, you can end up in a never-ending circle of negativity, repeating the same argument time and again. It is when you have issues reconnecting and resolving your problems, or end up avoiding your problems altogether, that you feed dysfunction.

Emotional Disconnection

The reality is everyone needs emotional security to grow and thrive in a relationship. When one reads and responds, shares and listens, they create a relationship where emotional trust and safety exist and intimacy flourishes. It is not unusual for modern-day stresses and obligations to pull you apart. While several couples can come back together and heal, some stay chronically disconnected and might need assistance learning to connect.

Being emotionally out of tune is specifically destructive if your partner is attempting to make a bid for connection, and rather than acknowledging the bid, you turn away. For example, you see your partner, specifically, sad one day, instead of reaching out and/or asking if they need to talk, you overlook them and go on watching TV. Emotional involvement, active interest, and concern for your partner are signs of healthy functional relationships. A serious indication of dysfunction happens when you notice your partner stops bothering or fighting for the relationship.

Imbalance of Power

When you feel a power hierarchy within the relationship, where one of you is controlling the majority of the decisions shows very little respect, offers no compromise, or one where you do not dare risk honest self-expression, then you are likely having an imbalance of power in your relationship. This could look like one partner is asking for more and the other pulling away, or where you have small influence and are ignored.

In healthy relationships, both partners vouch for power during a conflict. But when power and control are prioritized instead of love and respect there will possibly be dysfunction.

Blame

Mostly the frustrated, dissatisfied, and unhappy couples are those who blame their partners for problems in the relationship. On the other hand, those who take personal accountability for solving their issues score highest in marital satisfaction.

Taking personal responsibility is vital to happy relationships. It means if your partner crosses a line, rather than blaming yourself or your partner, you take charge of the problems that come up. If you take responsibility for your role, and you both feel it is your duty to make each other happy, you will possibly decrease dysfunction.

Resentment

A high level of resentment within a relationship is the silent poison that mostly leads to destructive and harmful communication patterns. Resentment leaks into your daily interaction and makes your attempt to repair things more difficult.

Prolonged resentment sours your views on the relationship.  It mostly ties up with pride, identity, or values and can feel impossible to get rid of. Resentments require to be understood.  Ask yourself, what is creating these feelings? Is it linked to the past? Mostly resentment is rooted in deep core values and beliefs being threatened. Look to focus on your own feelings, then explain what the problems represent and mean to you.

Overall, it is well known that one cannot completely avoid conflict, disengagement, power struggles, blame, or resentment within relationships. One can have their attitude and mindset, however.

Try to look out for compassion and prioritize your relationship; nurture, and take an active part in the well-being of your partner. This goes a long way to functional, healthy, loving, and caring relationships.

Getting married is a life-changing and wonderful feeling. After all, taking a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone and sharing every aspect of it is a quite big decision.

Shivani Sadhoo says if this one decision goes wrong, both the individuals in the marriage and their respective families are bound to suffer. Thus, choosing the right person is vital to living a happy and content married life.

If you are wondering whether you have married the right person or not, no need to worry. Here are subtle signs shared in this blog by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate you have married the right person.

You Simply can be Yourself Around your Partner

When you are around the right person, you feel free to show your true traits – the good, the bad, and the ugly – without any feeling of being awkward about them. Also, you do not feel under any pressure being judged about anything.

Feel Quite Comfortable Whilst Sharing Anything with them

Perhaps something happened in your past that you are not so confident in telling other people or whether you did something terrible that you always regret. Whatever it is, you must be able to tell your partner and know that they will only listen and support you.

You can Visualize yourself Growing Old with that Person

If you two feel and see yourself sharing wine, traveling, and enjoying each other’s company and other aspects of life down the road, do not worry. It shows you have made the right decision.

You Believe that she/he will become a Wonderful Spouse and Parent

If you wish to expand your family, you need to be marrying a person who also loves kids. Even if he is still too conservative to hold a baby, you will know deep down what kind of a parent he/she would be by his/her qualities and character.

You are Loved Unconditionally

In your heart deep inside you know this person loves you no matter what. Even when you mess up, when you say something terrible, or when the person is terribly annoyed with you.

You have Simply Chosen to be with them

In certain cases, people often can get sucked into relationships where they feel stuck. When you are with the right individual, you still remain you and you are making a conscious choice to share your remaining life with your partner.

You have Flourish in a Positive Manner all through your Relationship

When you marry someone, that individual will shape the person you become while you grow together through life. If you are happy with who you are today it is also because of your partner, you will continue to be happy and content with how you continue to evolve.

Signs of a healthy and happy marriage are pretty much noticeable. Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo says that your actions and body language depict how as a partner you treat each other.

Critical details of your body language can convey the state of your marriage, whether it is a happy or a sad one. Hence, this blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo brings to you some expressions, or rather, certain body language that clearly signifies that a couple has a healthy marriage.

Eye Contact

If you and your partner maintain good eye contact while talking or discussing any issues, then it certainly means that you both prioritize crystal clear and transparent communication. This also indicates that you both are truly listening to each other. If by any means, your partner is ignoring you, then he/she will shift the gaze to something else.

Mirroring

With time, couples unintentionally begin to mirror each other’s actions or habits. You will see yourself unconsciously following your partner’s footsteps. This is due to the fact that you trust and believe in your partner enough, to do those things on your own as well.

Stealing Touches

Little touches or similar gestures indicate a deep sense of love and connectivity between you two. Touching your partner’s face, arms or patting their back can certainly make your partner feel loved and secure. This will increase the intimacy between the couple, enhancing the sense of affection, adoration, and passion.

Leaning in While your Partner is Talking

If your partner is enthusiastically talking about a certain thing which is really passionate, then you will look to lean forward while having an engaging conversation. It means you are truly excited and genuine to know what your partner is talking about.

Open your Palms

If you open your palms while communicating with your partner, it suggests that you are open and comfortable enough, to talk about your vulnerabilities, insecurities, and thoughts. Open palms signify openness and honesty, which is one of the most essential foundations of a relationship. This also indicates you are open to any criticism.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

For many couples specifically, who have already spent a considerable amount of time in their marriage, it’s pretty easy to take your partner for granted. While the initial flames of young love might have cooled, keep the embers burning with lasting intensity.

Perhaps, life is too busy. It’s quite easy for you or your partner to feel neglected, at the bottom of a long list of priorities. So, the question arises how can you make certain your loved one still knows you love and care for them?

Also, it is not necessary that one has to do something big all the time to make their significant other feel special. Strengthen your relationship in the following small ways as suggested by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo to make your significant other feel special.

Tell your Significant Other Things You Love About them

Send messages, leave a voicemail and better still tell them face to face. Instead of saying things like ‘I love you (although that is always nice) try saying something truly specific: ‘I love you for being so kind and thoughtful about … for your support when you were standing with me through those times. Look your partner in his/her eyes when you tell them face to face.

Do Something Helpful

Try to make life a bit easier for your partner, jobs he/she generally does. Get quotes for the car insurance, put on the clothes of washing (and dry/iron/ put them in cupboards afterward), sort and tidy that pile of stuff that has been lurking for ages or clean the bathroom or kitchen from top to bottom.

Give your Significant Other a Small Treat

Bring your partner a favorite takeaway coffee and perhaps a pastry too. Leave chocolate on his or her pillow. Buy a single rose (ok so you may have to hunt for a florist for that one) or a special pot plant.

Give them Your Undivided Attention

Make a favorite soup or shake and sit down to drink them together. Ask: ‘what was the finest part of your day today? What was the worst one?’ Simply listen, you don’t have to fix it. Try to be completely present for your partner while you’re talking (ignore your phone, laptop and ignore the ‘to-do list’ crossing your thoughts).

Get Physical

Give your loved one a foot rub or neck massage. Place your arms around him or her and give them a long, lingering hug. Try kissing for about 60 seconds or longer, more than just giving him or her a peck on the cheek. Also, you may try to shake up your sex schedule. You all know that waiting until the end of the night to get intimate mostly means you fall asleep before you get to it.

Try alternative times to get intimate — maybe your lunch hour, on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon when probably the house is empty or kids may be busy somewhere else that may not need your attention or instructions. If evenings are the only available time, make it a priority —try to get into bed earlier.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.