Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Yes, a movie ends on a happy note — the hero and heroine walking into their “happily ever after.” But real life actually begins from there. When two people meet and fall in love, they make promises — some spoken, many unspoken.

As days turn into months and years, conflicts slip in naturally. Misunderstandings arise, expectations grow heavier, and the magic of the beginning can start to dim under the weight of everyday reality. But not all conflicts are bad. In fact, some are necessary. They peel away the illusions of perfection and invite both partners to grow. Yet when arguments begin to cross a line — when every disagreement feels like a battlefield — that’s when it’s time to pause.

How to de-escalate heated fights amongst couples?

Arguments shouldn’t spoil the bond; instead, learning to de-escalate them can strengthen it. And to help couples handle these stormy moments, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert and one of the highly experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi, India.

Press the Pause Button

When an argument starts to intensify, it helps if one person presses pause right away. A relationship grows stronger when both people choose connection over winning, because it’s not about who’s right—it’s about how you treat each other while you work through things together.

Taking a short break lets emotions cool, prevents regretful words, and gives each person space to reflect on what they’re really feeling.

Research even shows that about twenty minutes is often enough to bring your heart rate down and regain a sense of calm. In moments like these, the healthiest thing you can do is step back and say, “Let’s stop here for a moment. We need to hear each other out.”

Reflect

Once you hit the pause button, the next step is to reflect on your own feelings, on what the situation is really asking of you, and on how things might look from your partner’s side. This small moment of self-check creates space for calm and clarity, making it easier to speak with empathy rather than react out of frustration.

It’s natural to feel convinced that we’re right and the other person is wrong, but pausing helps us soften that instinct and look at the situation with a bit more honesty. In that brief break, you can sort through what you actually need, what may have triggered you, and how to express yourself without blame.

Often, just taking those few intentional seconds is enough to shift the entire tone of the conversation and prevent it from spiraling.

Find out the Real Why

When couples argue, the real issue often slips beneath the surface, buried under reactions, tone, or the heat of the moment‌. That’s why it helps to pause and look for the⁠ true trigger—sometimes it’s something as small as feeling unheard, overwhelmed⁠, or unappreciated, rather than whatever started the argument on the surface.

If you peel back the layers a bit, you might find that one person was already carrying stress‍ from elsewhere, or that an old, unresolved concern got brushed up‍ again without anyone realising it. Getting to that “why” isn’t about assigning blame; it’s about understanding the emotional undercurrent‌ so both people can respond with empathy instead of frustration.

Listen to Your Partner

Sometimes the simplest advice is the hardest to follow — just listen. In the middle of a heated argument, couples often talk over each other, raising their voices without actually hearing a word being said. But listening is one of the most powerful tools for de-escalation.

When you slow down and genuinely pay attention, you’re not just absorbing words — you’re acknowledging your partner’s feelings, showing that their emotions matter, and creating space for understanding instead of defensiveness.

Real listening means trying to grasp what they’re really upset about, what they need, and why it matters to them. It’s a sign of respect, care, and willingness to fix the issue rather than fuel it further.

And often, once someone feels heard, the tension softens naturally; solutions appear more easily, and the conversation becomes less about winning and more about reconnecting. Listening doesn’t magically solve everything, but it opens the door to resolution — and that’s usually all a relationship needs to start moving forward again.

Choose Your Words

It’s surprising how quickly a‍ few careless words can‍ turn a small disagreement into something painful. In the heat of an argument—especially between couples—words can come out harsh, thoughtless, or completely misunderstood, and once they’re said, you can’t take them back.

That’s‌ why choosing your words‍ with intention matters so much, instead of slipping into blame,⁠ personal attacks, or sweeping statements like “you always” or “you never,” try grounding the conversation in your own feelings with gentle “I”‌ statements.

Slow down, listen without interrupting, and make space for your partner to feel heard. Not every disagreement needs a winner; sometimes the real victory is understanding each other better. A little patience, clarity, and‍ kindness can keep a difficult⁠ moment from becoming a damaging one.

In a nutshell, de-escalating arguments isn’t about winning—it is about caring for each other. Take a step back,‍ listen, understand what’s really bothering each other, and communicate gently. Little pauses, honest reflection, and thoughtful words can turn tension into connection, helping couples grow closer instead of drifting apart.

Check out Popular Blog Posts on relationship tips on Couple fights

• Why Fighting Over Who’s Right Is the Wrong Approach in a Relationship? – One of the top couples therapists in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, explains why arguing over right vs. wrong harms relationships.

• How To Make Your Boyfriend Talk after a Fight? – How to make your boyfriend talk after a fight? Answers Shivani Misri Sadhoo, one of the leading marriage counsellors and one of the best relationship therapists in India.

• Is Your Relationship Worth Fighting For? Signs You Should Not Give Up Just Yet – Marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells if your relationship is worth fighting for?

• Why Fighting with your Partner is Good for your Relationship – Shivani Misri Sadhoo at Saarthi Counselling Services is there to guide and help you if you are experiencing too much of a fight or constraints in your relationship.

• Do You Find It Difficult to Approach Your Partner After a Fight? – Marriage Counsellor Shivani Sadhoo Reveals How to Break the Silence Post a Fight with Your Partner

Signs You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples

Let’s face it — no relationship is perfect. Even the strongest marriages can hit rough patches where communication breaks down, resentment builds, and emotional distance creeps in. When couples start to feel more like roommates or adversaries than partners, marriage counselling often becomes the next step. But walking into a therapist’s office is just the beginning. What really determines the success of therapy isn’t just the willingness of the couple — it’s whether the therapist truly gets both individuals, and more importantly, the relationship between them.

Not every therapist is skilled in working with couples. Some may apply individual therapy tools to a joint problem, while others may unintentionally take sides or fail to understand the emotional dance happening beneath the surface. That’s why finding the right therapist — someone who understands how couples work, fight, connect, and grow — is crucial. This is what India’s best couples’ therapist and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, has to say via this article.

How Do You Know You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples?

It’s not always obvious at first, but there are some clear signs you can look for — and feel — during your sessions, says Delhi’s top Gottman Certified Level 3 couples counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

They Focus on the Relationship, Not Just Two Individuals

A therapist who understands couples doesn’t just listen to each partner separately — they tune into the dynamic between you. They pay attention to how you talk to and about each other, how conflict patterns unfold, and how emotional needs are (or aren’t) being met. Instead of taking sides, they help each person see how they contribute to the cycle — and how to shift it together.

Both Partners Feel Heard and Safe

You should never feel like one person is being favoured or blamed. A skilled couples therapist creates a space where both people feel respected, validated, and safe to be vulnerable — even when the truth is hard to hear. If you leave sessions feeling ganged up on or ignored, that’s a red flag. The best therapists are emotionally attuned and make room for both voices, even when the pain is loud.

They Help You Understand the “Why” Beneath the Fights

Arguments about dishes or text messages are rarely about the dishes or the phone. A therapist who understands couples will gently guide you to the deeper layers — the fear of rejection, the longing for connection, the pain of unmet needs. They’re not just refereeing fights; they’re helping you understand what those fights are really about.

Progress Feels Measurable — Even if It’s Small

Good couples therapy doesn’t mean all problems disappear overnight. But you should start noticing small shifts: less reactive fights, moments of emotional closeness, more awareness of triggers, or new tools to manage conflict. A therapist who knows what they’re doing will help you track that growth and keep moving forward, not just recycle the same complaints week after week.

They Challenge You — Lovingly

A therapist who truly understands couples doesn’t just nod and sympathise. They challenge your assumptions, call out your defence mechanisms, and gently hold up a mirror — all with the goal of helping you reconnect, not criticise. Growth can be uncomfortable, and the right therapist doesn’t shy away from that discomfort. Instead, they help you work through it with compassion.

They Work to Help You Stay Together — Not Just “Manage the Breakup”

One of the clearest signs that you’ve found a therapist who truly understands couples is their commitment to helping you stay together, not subtly steering you toward separation. While a good therapist will never force a relationship to continue if it’s unhealthy or unsafe, they also don’t treat struggles as automatic signs that the marriage is doomed.

Instead, they come from a place of hope, assuming that most relationships can heal with the right tools, effort, and understanding. They explore what brought you together, what still exists between you, and what can be rebuilt. They believe in reconciliation where it’s possible and help you fight for your relationship, not just within it. If your therapist seems more invested in helping you reconnect than just exit gracefully, that’s a strong sign you’re with someone who truly understands the heart of couples work.

Marriage counselling can be one of the most transformative experiences in a relationship, but only when you’re in the hands of someone who genuinely understands the complexity of couplehood. The right therapist doesn’t just offer advice; they become a guide, helping you and your partner rediscover each other, repair emotional wounds, and rebuild the connection that brought you together in the first place.

If you find yourself leaving sessions feeling heard, challenged, and more hopeful than when you walked in, chances are you’ve found the right match. And in therapy, just like in love, the right match makes all the difference.

Has your partner ever said, “I understand why you feel that way, and I’m here to listen and work through this together”? This simple yet profound statement can be a positive and comforting experience in a relationship, especially during challenging times.

Empaths possess an innate capacity to put themselves in another person’s shoes and understand the feelings of those around them. Empathy can be both a blessing and a challenge. It’s a powerful tool that allows individuals to connect on a deep emotional level, but it also comes with its own set of challenges.

What are the biggest challenges the empaths face in romantic relationships?

Let us find out how empaths deal with their difficulties in relationships from Delhi’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

1. Self-neglect

Empaths intensely feel their partner’s emotions and often become people-pleasers. They prioritize their partner’s feelings and avoid confronting issues. Self-care takes a back seat as they prioritize their partner’s needs, opinions, and decisions. Escaping this cycle can be tough for empaths, entangled in putting their partner’s needs above their own. Balancing empathy and self-preservation is important for a healthy relationship.

2. Communication is a real challenge

Communication can pose another hurdle for empaths. The intense connection they feel can sometimes make it difficult for them to express their own feelings openly. They may fear burdening their partner with their emotions or struggle to articulate their needs and desires effectively.

Learning to communicate openly and honestly, without letting the fear of overwhelming their partner hold them back, is crucial for a healthy relationship.

3. Lack Of Emotional Boundaries

Empaths have a heightened sensitivity to the emotions of those around them. While this is a beautiful gift, it can also become overwhelming, especially when it comes to romance. The ability to absorb and feel the emotions of their partners can lead to a constant state of emotional flux. They may fail to distinguish between their partner’s feelings and their own, making it hard to maintain emotional boundaries.

4. Fear of Intimacy

Empaths struggle in relationships due to overwhelming closeness. Their heightened awareness absorbs others’ energies, leading to exhaustion. Relationships, already emotional for non-empaths, are even more draining for empaths. Some empaths fear dating or commitment to avoid this emotional overload. They seek ample space—energetic, emotional, and physical—for recovery. Empaths can enjoy relationships by balancing closeness with their need for space, improving their overall experience.

5. Often Too Intrusive

Empaths naturally sense others’ emotions without control. Imagine the constant awareness of your partner’s mood. It’s both a valuable trait and a challenge. Empaths can’t switch off this sensitivity. While partners appreciate the support, it can feel intrusive. Occasionally, they want space to handle a bad day privately. Balancing an empath’s caring nature with respecting personal boundaries can be complex.

6. Attract Narcissists

Empaths often attract strong personalities like narcissists or toxic individuals, but this can harm their well-being. Both empaths and narcissists seek attention, but they express it differently. Empaths focus on caring for others, while narcissists want attention for themselves. This mismatch leads to problems in the relationship. Empaths try hard to please narcissists, who may mistreat them. It’s a cycle with no winners and is tough to escape.

7. Misinterpretations and Conflicts

Empaths are excellent at reading between the lines and picking up on subtle cues. However, their heightened sensitivity can sometimes lead to misinterpretations. They may detect emotions that their partner isn’t explicitly expressing, which can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.

8. Feeling of Loneliness

Empaths may experience loneliness in relationships due to their intense emotional sensitivity. Partners often struggle to comprehend the depth of their feelings, causing isolation. Even caring partners may not fully grasp their emotional needs. For example, needing alone time after a taxing day is a necessity, not a preference. Without solitude, empaths feel drained and unhappy.

Empaths face profound challenges in relationships, juggling intense empathy with self-preservation, communication struggles, emotional boundary issues, and fear of overwhelming closeness. They must overcome these hurdles while seeking a delicate balance between compassion and their own well-being for a truly fulfilling and harmonious connection.