Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Healthy relationships thrive on communication, understanding, and emotional connection. When partners face conflicts, the way they respond can either strengthen their bond or gradually erode it. One destructive behavior that silently undermines relationships is stonewalling. Though it may seem like a harmless way to avoid confrontation, stonewalling can have long-term emotional consequences and create a toxic cycle between partners, says India’s top couples and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What is Stonewalling in relationships and marriages?

Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from communication, shuts down emotionally, or refuses to engage in resolving issues. Instead of discussing problems or expressing feelings, the stonewalling partner may give the silent treatment, avoid eye contact, or physically leave the room. It is often a defence mechanism against stress, criticism, or emotional discomfort.

However, while it may provide temporary relief for the person stonewalling, it leaves the other partner feeling ignored, rejected, and emotionally abandoned. Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert, certified DBT & CBT therapist and one of the top marriage counsellors in Delhi and India, says there are many factors, these are:

Why is Stonewalling Detrimental?

Breaks Emotional Connection
Relationships rely on emotional intimacy and mutual support. When one partner consistently stonewalls, it creates a barrier between them and their partner. Over time, the partner on the receiving end may feel unloved or unimportant, which erodes trust and intimacy. Emotional disconnection often leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and frustration.

Prevents Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but healthy disagreements help partners understand each other better and find solutions. Stonewalling interrupts this process entirely. When one partner refuses to communicate, problems remain unresolved, often escalating tension. This unresolved conflict can fester and eventually create a hostile or distant environment.

Triggers a Negative Cycle
Stonewalling rarely exists in isolation. It can trigger what psychologists call the “demand-withdraw pattern”, where one partner pressures for communication while the other withdraws. This cycle can intensify arguments and create a repeating loop of frustration, blame, and emotional withdrawal. Over time, it can be difficult to break this pattern without conscious effort and counseling.

Impacts Mental Health
Being on the receiving end of stonewalling can have serious psychological effects. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of helplessness. The partner may constantly question their worth or blame themselves for the silence, creating emotional strain that spills over into other areas of life.

Erodes Trust and Security
A relationship’s foundation is built on trust and the assurance that both partners are willing to support and listen to each other. Stonewalling breaks this foundation. When a partner repeatedly shuts down, it signals avoidance rather than a willingness to work through issues. This lack of reliability can make the relationship feel unsafe and unpredictable.

Stonewalling may feel like an easy escape from a difficult conversation, but it is a destructive habit that weakens emotional bonds and prevents resolution. Couples must recognize this behavior early and work on healthier communication strategies, such as expressing feelings openly, practicing empathy, and taking breaks when emotions run high rather than shutting down entirely. By addressing stonewalling proactively, couples can maintain emotional intimacy, strengthen trust, and create a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

Good communication is the foundation of a healthy and happy marriage. Yet, as daily responsibilities pile up—work, children, family obligations—it’s easy for couples to fall into a routine where meaningful conversation takes a backseat. If you’ve found yourself exchanging only the bare minimum with your wife discussing bills, chores, or logistics it’s time to pause and reflect. Strong, open communication helps build trust, deepen emotional intimacy, and prevent misunderstandings that can lead to bigger conflicts, reveals leading relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why Communication Is Important With Your Wife?

Communication is not just about talking—it’s about connecting. When you make an effort to listen and share with your wife truly, you nurture emotional closeness. Regular and meaningful communication allows both partners to express their needs, concerns, dreams, and even disappointments in a safe space.

Without this, small issues can develop into significant problems. Good communication reduces unnecessary tension, fosters teamwork, and keeps the bond between you strong even during life’s toughest challenges. For many couples, a lack of communication is at the heart of emotional distance and marital dissatisfaction.

Ways to Improve Your Daily Communication

• Make Time for Conversations—No Matter How Busy You Are – Set aside at least 10-15 minutes each day where you both can talk without distractions. This could be during breakfast, after dinner, or before bedtime. The key is to be consistent. Even small, daily check-ins can make your wife feel heard and valued.

• Listen to Understand, Not to React – When your wife shares something, focus on listening carefully rather than planning your response. Avoid interrupting or offering solutions right away. Sometimes, she may just need you to listen with empathy.

• Express Appreciation Regularly – Often, we overlook the power of small words like “thank you,” “I appreciate you,” or “you did a great job.” Expressing gratitude not only makes your wife feel seen but also strengthens positivity in the relationship.

• Use “I” Statements Instead of “You” Statements – When discussing a sensitive topic, say “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always make me feel…”. This reduces defensiveness and encourages healthier dialogue.

• Be Honest but Kind – Open communication means being honest about your feelings, but always with respect. If something is bothering you, share it gently instead of letting resentment build.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions – Rather than yes/no questions, ask “How was your day?” or “What’s on your mind lately?”. This invites richer conversations and shows genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings.

• Limit Screen Time When Together– Put down your phone or switch off the TV when she’s talking. Giving her your undivided attention shows that you value what she has to say.

• Learn Her Communication Style – Some people like to process out loud; others need time before they’re ready to talk. Understanding how your wife prefers to communicate can help you connect more effectively.

Improving daily communication doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s about small, consistent efforts that show your wife she matters to you. Over time, these habits can bring warmth, closeness, and resilience to your marriage.

In a world where relationship labels are becoming more fluid, it’s easy to feel confused about the nature of your bond with someone. You may feel deeply connected to a person — emotionally safe, truly understood — yet there’s no romantic or sexual involvement. Is it just friendship, or something more meaningful, yet still non-romantic? That’s where the concept of a platonic relationship comes in. Understanding this can help you navigate your feelings and define your relationship better, as explained by eminent relationship and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo here.

What is a Platonic Relationship?

A platonic relationship is an emotionally close connection between two people that is not based on physical or romantic attraction. The term comes from the ideas of the Greek philosopher Plato, who believed that the highest form of love transcends physical desire and is rooted in mutual respect, intellectual connection, and deep emotional bonding.

This kind of relationship can exist between any two people, regardless of gender or orientation, and is defined by care, trust, and emotional intimacy without the complexities of romance or sexual tension.

Platonic Relationship vs. Friendship: What’s the Difference?

At first glance, platonic relationships and friendships may seem similar. Both involve companionship, trust, and shared moments. However, platonic bonds tend to carry more emotional weight and consistency than regular friendships.

In a typical friendship, people may connect based on shared activities, environments, or interests. These connections can be casual, and while trust exists, the emotional depth may not always run very deep. Friendships can fade over time as circumstances change.

A platonic relationship, however, tends to hold stronger emotional significance. You may find yourself turning to that person for life advice, sharing your innermost thoughts, or relying on them during difficult times. There’s often a level of priority given to this bond, even if it’s never romantic. It’s like having a life partner — just without the romance.

How to Identify if It’s Platonic or Just Friendship?

If you’re unsure which category your relationship falls into, consider the emotional dynamics. Do you feel emotionally safe and fully yourself around this person? Are they the first one you think of when you’re going through something important, good or bad? Do you value their presence in your life regardless of circumstances, and does the bond remain strong even without constant communication?

Also, notice if there’s mutual clarity. Platonic relationships often involve a silent understanding that the connection is deep and meaningful, but not romantic. There’s no hidden agenda, no mixed signals, and no pressure to turn it into something else.

Can Platonic Relationships Evolve Into Romance?

They can, but not always. Sometimes emotional closeness can lay the foundation for romantic feelings, especially if both people begin to see each other in a new light. However, many platonic relationships remain beautifully non-romantic throughout life, offering emotional nourishment without any complications.

If feelings do change on either side, honest communication becomes key. Ignoring shifting emotions can lead to confusion, distance, or even the end of the bond.

Platonic relationships are often underrated, yet they can be some of the most fulfilling connections in life. If you’re lucky enough to have someone who supports you emotionally, respects your boundaries, and remains consistently present, without any romantic strings, then you’re experiencing the rare beauty of platonic love. Understanding and honouring this kind of bond can enrich your emotional well-being and add a layer of stability and depth to your life that few relationships can offer.