Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Life isn’t always smooth, and relationships—whether romantic, familial, or friendships—come with their fair share of ups and downs. Suddenly something still feels off. Maybe the conversations have lost depth, intimacy feels more like an obligation or the emotional closeness you once cherished seems distant. If this resonates with you, it might be time to address intimacy issues before the gap grows wider.

If you’ve ever felt like you and your partner are merely coexisting rather than truly connecting, you’re not alone. Many relationships appear fine on the surface—there’s no major conflict, you function as a team, and others might even admire your bond.

But deep inside, there’s an unsettling emptiness, a sense that something crucial is missing. Often, this missing piece is intimacy—not just physical but emotional, too. Marriage and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few tips and tricks to resolve these intimacy issues in a relationship or marriage.

How to solve intimacy issues in a relationship or marriage?

1. Find Out The Root Cause

The first step in resolving intimacy issues in a relationship is identifying the root cause. Intimacy isn’t limited to physical connection; emotional and intellectual intimacy are just as significant. Emotional intimacy involves sharing deep thoughts and feelings, while intellectual intimacy is about connecting through meaningful conversations and shared opinions.

Understanding which form of intimacy is lacking can help uncover underlying issues, such as past trauma, fear of vulnerability, or communication barriers, making it easier to address and resolve the problem.

2. Communicate Effectively

One of the best ways to resolve intimacy issues in a relationship or marriage is through effective communication. Open and honest conversations, where both partners express their feelings, concerns, and desires, create trust and understanding.

It’s vital to approach these talks with empathy, patience, and active listening, ensuring both partners feel heard and validated. By discussing what works and what needs improvement, couples can reconnect and work together to strengthen their emotional and physical bond.

3. ‘Shared Reality’ Helps

Sometimes, couples face challenges in emotional, physical, and intellectual intimacy due to a lack of understanding and alignment. This is where “shared reality” comes in—a concept that refers to both partners having a mutual understanding and agreement on their experiences, values, and needs. When a couple is “on the same page,” it allows them to address issues more effectively. For example, if one partner feels neglected emotionally, but the other isn’t aware, sharing their emotional realities helps bridge the gap, leading to a better connection.

In terms of physical intimacy, understanding each other’s boundaries and desires promotes a more comfortable and satisfying relationship. Similarly, shared reality in intellectual intimacy allows partners to engage in deeper conversations, respecting each other’s views, which strengthens their bond. This helps couples to navigate challenges better, leading to a more fulfilling and connected relationship.

4. Quality Time Matters

Amid the hustle of daily life, spending quality time together can significantly strengthen intimacy in a relationship. It’s about being emotionally present, giving each other undivided attention, and engaging in meaningful moments.

Whether it’s sharing a quiet evening or discussing dreams and challenges, these moments deepen the connection. Focus on each other. That’s how partners create a sense of being valued, heard, and understood, which strengthens their emotional bond.

5. Consult An Expert

If none of these tricks helps, seeking expert guidance can be a valuable step in resolving intimacy issues in a relationship or marriage. A therapist, counsellor, or mediator brings an unbiased perspective to the table, free from the emotional complexities that often cloud communication between partners.

They offer strategies to navigate tough conversations, helping both individuals express their feelings openly and understand each other’s viewpoints. Professional help is not a sign of failure, but rather a proactive approach to strengthening the relationship. Sometimes, having an expert facilitate discussions can lead to deeper understanding and renewed connection.

In A Nutshell

Every problem has a solution, and intimacy issues in relationships are no different. By understanding the root cause, communicating openly, creating a shared reality, spending quality time together, and seeking expert help when needed, couples can rebuild their emotional and physical connection, strengthening their bond for a fulfilling partnership.

Finger-pointing can quickly turn a loving connection into a battleground of accusations and hurt feelings. Blaming is a natural human response to avoid responsibility, but it’s not constructive. It’s tough when the blame game becomes a regular part of a relationship.

Let’s find out why partners blame each other in a relationship and what are the ways to break this vicious cycle from India’s top relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why does the blame game begin?

Childhood experiences – These shape our coping and communication strategies. If individuals face blame or criticism, they may unconsciously blame others in relationships.

Protect Self-esteem – Blaming others helps preserve a positive self-image and shields self-esteem, as admitting fault might be perceived as a weakness.

Lack of Empathy – It hinders understanding others’ perspectives, leading to a tendency to blame instead of considering their viewpoint.

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Shivani says, every problem has a solution, you simply need to find it. Some of the ways to deal with the blame games are:

1. Use “I” Statements – Instead of pointing fingers and using accusatory language, express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you blame me for everything” rather than “You always make me feel bad for …”

2. Accept your fault – Acknowledge your own mistakes and be willing to apologize when necessary. This sets a positive example and encourages your partner to do the same.

3. Forgive and Forget – Learning to forgive and forget involves letting go of past grievances and not holding on to grudges. It means releasing the need to continuously blame each other for past mistakes and choosing to move forward with a fresh outlook, fostering understanding and healing in the relationship.

4. Identify the root cause – Identify the root problems causing conflicts. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives without immediately assigning blame. By pinpointing the real issues, you can work together to find constructive solutions and improve your relationship.

5. Be Patient – Practice patience by actively listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Empathize with your partner’s feelings, communicate calmly, and avoid retaliating. This fosters understanding, promotes healthier discussions, and strengthens the bond between you both.

6. Nobody is Perfect – Of course, no relationship is without its hiccups. We’re only human, after all. So, let’s set realistic expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal here. It’s about progress. Celebrate the small wins along the way and acknowledge that change takes time.

7. Talk to each other – Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners must be willing to express their thoughts and emotions openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage each other to share feelings and listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. This way, both partners can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find constructive solutions.

8. Listen to each other – Actively listen to each other’s perspectives without interruption or defensiveness. Mutual respect and validation of each other’s feelings are essential. Together, find solutions to address the issue constructively, focusing on changing behavior rather than assigning blame.

9. Seek Professional Advice – Overcoming the blame cycle can be tough, especially if it’s ingrained. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can identify toxic patterns, offer insights, and guide partners toward healthier communication and conflict resolution.

10. Be Compassionate – show understanding and empathy toward your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This approach encourages open communication, fosters connection, and paves the way for resolving conflicts constructively.

It is never too late to break free from the blame cycle and embrace a healthier, happier future together. Relationships are a journey of growth, and learning from challenges and mistakes can lead to stronger connections and personal development.

In the hustle and bustle of our fast-paced lives, it’s all too easy for the flames of romance to flicker and fade. The demands of work, family, and personal commitments often leave little time and energy for nurturing our relationships. However, building a healthy and vibrant connection with your partner is crucial for both your individual well-being and the longevity of your relationship.

So, if you find yourself in a situation where your partner’s busyness has caused a strain, fear not! In this article, we will explore creative and effective ways to reconnect and rejuvenate your relationship with your busy partner. India’s eminent marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is here to guide you.

1. Open Communication:

The foundation of any successful relationship lies in open and honest communication. Set aside dedicated time each day to engage in meaningful conversations with your partner. Create an atmosphere of trust where both of you can openly express your thoughts, concerns, and dreams. Effective communication builds understanding and empathy, fostering a deeper connection between partners.

2. Quality over Quantity:

While it may be challenging to find large blocks of time together, focus on the quality of the time you do have. Plan activities or outings that both partners enjoy and that allow for meaningful connection. It could be as simple as a romantic dinner at home, a walk in the park, or a weekend getaway. By maximizing the quality of your time spent together, you can create cherished memories and rekindle the spark in your relationship.

3. Surprise Gestures: 

Small, thoughtful gestures can go a long way in rekindling the spark in your relationship. Surprise your partner with their favorite meal, leave a heartfelt note in their briefcase or purse, or plan a surprise outing that aligns with their interests. These simple acts demonstrate your love and appreciation, creating moments of delight and reinforcing the emotional bond between you. Use technology for good. Sending text messages to your partner is a wonderful way to maintain a connection, share small moments, and show you care.

4. Support and Understanding: 

Acknowledge and validate the challenges your partner faces due to their busy schedule. Show genuine interest in their work and offer support whenever possible. By demonstrating understanding and empathy, you build a strong foundation of trust and solidarity. Your partner will feel valued and cherished, fostering a sense of belonging within the relationship.

5. Shared Hobbies and Interests: 

Finding common ground and engaging in shared hobbies can infuse new energy into your relationship. Discover activities that you both enjoy and make time for them regularly. Whether it’s cooking, dancing, hiking, or painting, the shared experiences will create lasting memories and deepen your bond.

6. Save the date: 

Intentionally carve out time in both of your calendars for regular date nights. This dedicated time allows you to focus solely on each other, away from the distractions of work and daily responsibilities. Whether it’s a candlelit dinner, a movie night, or a cozy evening, make it a habit to schedule these dates to strengthen the bond and keep the romance alive.

7. Tender Touch: 

Physical intimacy is an integral part of any romantic relationship. Find moments to express affection, even amidst busy schedules. A warm hug, a gentle touch, or a passionate kiss can communicate love and desire. Prioritize intimacy and make it a regular part of your routine, reigniting the passion and desire within your relationship.

So, take the first step today, and embark on a path toward reconnecting and rejuvenating your relationship with your busy partner. Together, you can create a love that withstands the tests of time and nourishes your soul for a lifetime.