Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Healthy relationships thrive on communication, understanding, and emotional connection. When partners face conflicts, the way they respond can either strengthen their bond or gradually erode it. One destructive behavior that silently undermines relationships is stonewalling. Though it may seem like a harmless way to avoid confrontation, stonewalling can have long-term emotional consequences and create a toxic cycle between partners, says India’s top couples and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What is Stonewalling in relationships and marriages?

Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from communication, shuts down emotionally, or refuses to engage in resolving issues. Instead of discussing problems or expressing feelings, the stonewalling partner may give the silent treatment, avoid eye contact, or physically leave the room. It is often a defence mechanism against stress, criticism, or emotional discomfort.

However, while it may provide temporary relief for the person stonewalling, it leaves the other partner feeling ignored, rejected, and emotionally abandoned. Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert, certified DBT & CBT therapist and one of the top marriage counsellors in Delhi and India, says there are many factors, these are:

Why is Stonewalling Detrimental?

Breaks Emotional Connection
Relationships rely on emotional intimacy and mutual support. When one partner consistently stonewalls, it creates a barrier between them and their partner. Over time, the partner on the receiving end may feel unloved or unimportant, which erodes trust and intimacy. Emotional disconnection often leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and frustration.

Prevents Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but healthy disagreements help partners understand each other better and find solutions. Stonewalling interrupts this process entirely. When one partner refuses to communicate, problems remain unresolved, often escalating tension. This unresolved conflict can fester and eventually create a hostile or distant environment.

Triggers a Negative Cycle
Stonewalling rarely exists in isolation. It can trigger what psychologists call the “demand-withdraw pattern”, where one partner pressures for communication while the other withdraws. This cycle can intensify arguments and create a repeating loop of frustration, blame, and emotional withdrawal. Over time, it can be difficult to break this pattern without conscious effort and counseling.

Impacts Mental Health
Being on the receiving end of stonewalling can have serious psychological effects. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of helplessness. The partner may constantly question their worth or blame themselves for the silence, creating emotional strain that spills over into other areas of life.

Erodes Trust and Security
A relationship’s foundation is built on trust and the assurance that both partners are willing to support and listen to each other. Stonewalling breaks this foundation. When a partner repeatedly shuts down, it signals avoidance rather than a willingness to work through issues. This lack of reliability can make the relationship feel unsafe and unpredictable.

Stonewalling may feel like an easy escape from a difficult conversation, but it is a destructive habit that weakens emotional bonds and prevents resolution. Couples must recognize this behavior early and work on healthier communication strategies, such as expressing feelings openly, practicing empathy, and taking breaks when emotions run high rather than shutting down entirely. By addressing stonewalling proactively, couples can maintain emotional intimacy, strengthen trust, and create a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

Signs You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples

Let’s face it — no relationship is perfect. Even the strongest marriages can hit rough patches where communication breaks down, resentment builds, and emotional distance creeps in. When couples start to feel more like roommates or adversaries than partners, marriage counselling often becomes the next step. But walking into a therapist’s office is just the beginning. What really determines the success of therapy isn’t just the willingness of the couple — it’s whether the therapist truly gets both individuals, and more importantly, the relationship between them.

Not every therapist is skilled in working with couples. Some may apply individual therapy tools to a joint problem, while others may unintentionally take sides or fail to understand the emotional dance happening beneath the surface. That’s why finding the right therapist — someone who understands how couples work, fight, connect, and grow — is crucial. This is what India’s best couples’ therapist and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, has to say via this article.

How Do You Know You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples?

It’s not always obvious at first, but there are some clear signs you can look for — and feel — during your sessions, says Delhi’s top Gottman Certified Level 3 couples counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

They Focus on the Relationship, Not Just Two Individuals

A therapist who understands couples doesn’t just listen to each partner separately — they tune into the dynamic between you. They pay attention to how you talk to and about each other, how conflict patterns unfold, and how emotional needs are (or aren’t) being met. Instead of taking sides, they help each person see how they contribute to the cycle — and how to shift it together.

Both Partners Feel Heard and Safe

You should never feel like one person is being favoured or blamed. A skilled couples therapist creates a space where both people feel respected, validated, and safe to be vulnerable — even when the truth is hard to hear. If you leave sessions feeling ganged up on or ignored, that’s a red flag. The best therapists are emotionally attuned and make room for both voices, even when the pain is loud.

They Help You Understand the “Why” Beneath the Fights

Arguments about dishes or text messages are rarely about the dishes or the phone. A therapist who understands couples will gently guide you to the deeper layers — the fear of rejection, the longing for connection, the pain of unmet needs. They’re not just refereeing fights; they’re helping you understand what those fights are really about.

Progress Feels Measurable — Even if It’s Small

Good couples therapy doesn’t mean all problems disappear overnight. But you should start noticing small shifts: less reactive fights, moments of emotional closeness, more awareness of triggers, or new tools to manage conflict. A therapist who knows what they’re doing will help you track that growth and keep moving forward, not just recycle the same complaints week after week.

They Challenge You — Lovingly

A therapist who truly understands couples doesn’t just nod and sympathise. They challenge your assumptions, call out your defence mechanisms, and gently hold up a mirror — all with the goal of helping you reconnect, not criticise. Growth can be uncomfortable, and the right therapist doesn’t shy away from that discomfort. Instead, they help you work through it with compassion.

They Work to Help You Stay Together — Not Just “Manage the Breakup”

One of the clearest signs that you’ve found a therapist who truly understands couples is their commitment to helping you stay together, not subtly steering you toward separation. While a good therapist will never force a relationship to continue if it’s unhealthy or unsafe, they also don’t treat struggles as automatic signs that the marriage is doomed.

Instead, they come from a place of hope, assuming that most relationships can heal with the right tools, effort, and understanding. They explore what brought you together, what still exists between you, and what can be rebuilt. They believe in reconciliation where it’s possible and help you fight for your relationship, not just within it. If your therapist seems more invested in helping you reconnect than just exit gracefully, that’s a strong sign you’re with someone who truly understands the heart of couples work.

Marriage counselling can be one of the most transformative experiences in a relationship, but only when you’re in the hands of someone who genuinely understands the complexity of couplehood. The right therapist doesn’t just offer advice; they become a guide, helping you and your partner rediscover each other, repair emotional wounds, and rebuild the connection that brought you together in the first place.

If you find yourself leaving sessions feeling heard, challenged, and more hopeful than when you walked in, chances are you’ve found the right match. And in therapy, just like in love, the right match makes all the difference.