Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Healthy relationships thrive on communication, understanding, and emotional connection. When partners face conflicts, the way they respond can either strengthen their bond or gradually erode it. One destructive behavior that silently undermines relationships is stonewalling. Though it may seem like a harmless way to avoid confrontation, stonewalling can have long-term emotional consequences and create a toxic cycle between partners, says India’s top couples and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What is Stonewalling in relationships and marriages?

Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from communication, shuts down emotionally, or refuses to engage in resolving issues. Instead of discussing problems or expressing feelings, the stonewalling partner may give the silent treatment, avoid eye contact, or physically leave the room. It is often a defence mechanism against stress, criticism, or emotional discomfort.

However, while it may provide temporary relief for the person stonewalling, it leaves the other partner feeling ignored, rejected, and emotionally abandoned. Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert, certified DBT & CBT therapist and one of the top marriage counsellors in Delhi and India, says there are many factors, these are:

Why is Stonewalling Detrimental?

Breaks Emotional Connection
Relationships rely on emotional intimacy and mutual support. When one partner consistently stonewalls, it creates a barrier between them and their partner. Over time, the partner on the receiving end may feel unloved or unimportant, which erodes trust and intimacy. Emotional disconnection often leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and frustration.

Prevents Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but healthy disagreements help partners understand each other better and find solutions. Stonewalling interrupts this process entirely. When one partner refuses to communicate, problems remain unresolved, often escalating tension. This unresolved conflict can fester and eventually create a hostile or distant environment.

Triggers a Negative Cycle
Stonewalling rarely exists in isolation. It can trigger what psychologists call the “demand-withdraw pattern”, where one partner pressures for communication while the other withdraws. This cycle can intensify arguments and create a repeating loop of frustration, blame, and emotional withdrawal. Over time, it can be difficult to break this pattern without conscious effort and counseling.

Impacts Mental Health
Being on the receiving end of stonewalling can have serious psychological effects. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of helplessness. The partner may constantly question their worth or blame themselves for the silence, creating emotional strain that spills over into other areas of life.

Erodes Trust and Security
A relationship’s foundation is built on trust and the assurance that both partners are willing to support and listen to each other. Stonewalling breaks this foundation. When a partner repeatedly shuts down, it signals avoidance rather than a willingness to work through issues. This lack of reliability can make the relationship feel unsafe and unpredictable.

Stonewalling may feel like an easy escape from a difficult conversation, but it is a destructive habit that weakens emotional bonds and prevents resolution. Couples must recognize this behavior early and work on healthier communication strategies, such as expressing feelings openly, practicing empathy, and taking breaks when emotions run high rather than shutting down entirely. By addressing stonewalling proactively, couples can maintain emotional intimacy, strengthen trust, and create a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

Marriage counselling is a powerful tool that helps couples navigate challenges, rebuild trust, and rediscover emotional intimacy. However, it’s natural for couples to wonder if therapy is genuinely making a difference, especially when progress feels slow or subtle. The journey to a healthier relationship is rarely linear, but certain signs indicate that your sessions are moving in the right direction. In this article, we’ll explore what marriage counselling is and highlight the positive signs that suggest your therapy is working, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is India’s leading Gottman Certified marriage counsellor.

What Is Marriage Counselling?

Marriage counselling, also known as couples therapy, is a form of psychotherapy that helps partners resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen their emotional bond. Conducted by trained professionals—often licensed therapists or counsellors—these sessions offer a safe space for couples to express concerns, understand each other’s perspectives, and work towards shared goals.

Therapists may use various approaches like the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), depending on the couple’s unique issues and personalities. Whether you’re dealing with communication breakdowns, infidelity, parenting disagreements, or emotional distance, marriage counselling provides structured support to heal and grow together. Some of the signs that show your marriage counselling is working are explained by marriage counsellor Shivani Sadhoo.

Signs That Your Marriage Counselling Is Working

Improved Communication – One of the first signs of progress is the ability to talk more openly and respectfully. If you and your partner are starting to express your thoughts and emotions without yelling, blaming, or shutting down, it’s a strong indicator that therapy is helping. Effective communication lays the foundation for resolving deeper issues.

Increased Emotional Awareness – Therapy encourages self-reflection. As counselling progresses, both partners often begin to better understand their own emotional triggers and needs. You may find yourself saying, “I didn’t realise I felt that way,” or recognising how past experiences affect your reactions. This awareness creates space for empathy and growth.

Decreased Conflict or Healthier Conflict Resolution – Arguments may not disappear entirely, but you’ll likely notice a shift in how conflicts unfold. Fights become less frequent or intense, and you both begin to resolve disagreements more constructively. You’re no longer trying to “win” arguments, but instead working toward mutual understanding.

A Renewed Sense of Teamwork – Healthy marriages function as partnerships. If you and your spouse start referring to problems as “ours” instead of pointing fingers, it’s a sign you’re developing a collaborative mindset. Counselling often helps couples move from a “me vs. you” attitude to a “we’re in this together” approach.

Increased Affection and Intimacy – As emotional barriers dissolve, affection often returns. You might notice more hand-holding, hugging, or simply enjoying each other’s company again. Rekindling physical and emotional intimacy is a major sign that healing is underway.

Willingness to Change – Another strong signal that therapy is working is when both partners show a genuine willingness to change their behaviour. Whether it’s being more patient, setting healthy boundaries, or managing stress better, real change indicates commitment to growth.

A Safe Space Is Being Established – When both individuals feel safe to be vulnerable in and outside therapy sessions, it shows trust is being rebuilt. A safe emotional space is essential for long-term connection and healing.

Therapy Feels Less Forced – In the beginning, couples may attend sessions out of obligation or desperation. Over time, therapy may begin to feel like a helpful, even welcomed, space. You might look forward to sessions, not just to “fix” problems but to understand each other better.

Clarity About the Relationship’s Future – Even if couples ultimately decide to separate, therapy can still be considered successful if it helps them make that decision with clarity, mutual respect, and emotional closure. However, in most cases, couples find renewed clarity in staying together with realistic expectations and shared goals.

Marriage counselling is not a magic wand—it requires effort, honesty, and time. But when it works, the results are transformative. If you notice better communication, emotional safety, greater intimacy, and a shared commitment to change, these are all strong signs your therapy is making a difference. Stay patient, trust the process, and remember that the journey to a healthier relationship begins with small, consistent steps in the right direction.