Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Yes, a movie ends on a happy note — the hero and heroine walking into their “happily ever after.” But real life actually begins from there. When two people meet and fall in love, they make promises — some spoken, many unspoken.

As days turn into months and years, conflicts slip in naturally. Misunderstandings arise, expectations grow heavier, and the magic of the beginning can start to dim under the weight of everyday reality. But not all conflicts are bad. In fact, some are necessary. They peel away the illusions of perfection and invite both partners to grow. Yet when arguments begin to cross a line — when every disagreement feels like a battlefield — that’s when it’s time to pause.

How to de-escalate heated fights amongst couples?

Arguments shouldn’t spoil the bond; instead, learning to de-escalate them can strengthen it. And to help couples handle these stormy moments, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert and one of the highly experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi, India.

Press the Pause Button

When an argument starts to intensify, it helps if one person presses pause right away. A relationship grows stronger when both people choose connection over winning, because it’s not about who’s right—it’s about how you treat each other while you work through things together.

Taking a short break lets emotions cool, prevents regretful words, and gives each person space to reflect on what they’re really feeling.

Research even shows that about twenty minutes is often enough to bring your heart rate down and regain a sense of calm. In moments like these, the healthiest thing you can do is step back and say, “Let’s stop here for a moment. We need to hear each other out.”

Reflect

Once you hit the pause button, the next step is to reflect on your own feelings, on what the situation is really asking of you, and on how things might look from your partner’s side. This small moment of self-check creates space for calm and clarity, making it easier to speak with empathy rather than react out of frustration.

It’s natural to feel convinced that we’re right and the other person is wrong, but pausing helps us soften that instinct and look at the situation with a bit more honesty. In that brief break, you can sort through what you actually need, what may have triggered you, and how to express yourself without blame.

Often, just taking those few intentional seconds is enough to shift the entire tone of the conversation and prevent it from spiraling.

Find out the Real Why

When couples argue, the real issue often slips beneath the surface, buried under reactions, tone, or the heat of the moment‌. That’s why it helps to pause and look for the⁠ true trigger—sometimes it’s something as small as feeling unheard, overwhelmed⁠, or unappreciated, rather than whatever started the argument on the surface.

If you peel back the layers a bit, you might find that one person was already carrying stress‍ from elsewhere, or that an old, unresolved concern got brushed up‍ again without anyone realising it. Getting to that “why” isn’t about assigning blame; it’s about understanding the emotional undercurrent‌ so both people can respond with empathy instead of frustration.

Listen to Your Partner

Sometimes the simplest advice is the hardest to follow — just listen. In the middle of a heated argument, couples often talk over each other, raising their voices without actually hearing a word being said. But listening is one of the most powerful tools for de-escalation.

When you slow down and genuinely pay attention, you’re not just absorbing words — you’re acknowledging your partner’s feelings, showing that their emotions matter, and creating space for understanding instead of defensiveness.

Real listening means trying to grasp what they’re really upset about, what they need, and why it matters to them. It’s a sign of respect, care, and willingness to fix the issue rather than fuel it further.

And often, once someone feels heard, the tension softens naturally; solutions appear more easily, and the conversation becomes less about winning and more about reconnecting. Listening doesn’t magically solve everything, but it opens the door to resolution — and that’s usually all a relationship needs to start moving forward again.

Choose Your Words

It’s surprising how quickly a‍ few careless words can‍ turn a small disagreement into something painful. In the heat of an argument—especially between couples—words can come out harsh, thoughtless, or completely misunderstood, and once they’re said, you can’t take them back.

That’s‌ why choosing your words‍ with intention matters so much, instead of slipping into blame,⁠ personal attacks, or sweeping statements like “you always” or “you never,” try grounding the conversation in your own feelings with gentle “I”‌ statements.

Slow down, listen without interrupting, and make space for your partner to feel heard. Not every disagreement needs a winner; sometimes the real victory is understanding each other better. A little patience, clarity, and‍ kindness can keep a difficult⁠ moment from becoming a damaging one.

In a nutshell, de-escalating arguments isn’t about winning—it is about caring for each other. Take a step back,‍ listen, understand what’s really bothering each other, and communicate gently. Little pauses, honest reflection, and thoughtful words can turn tension into connection, helping couples grow closer instead of drifting apart.

Check out Popular Blog Posts on relationship tips on Couple fights

• Why Fighting Over Who’s Right Is the Wrong Approach in a Relationship? – One of the top couples therapists in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, explains why arguing over right vs. wrong harms relationships.

• How To Make Your Boyfriend Talk after a Fight? – How to make your boyfriend talk after a fight? Answers Shivani Misri Sadhoo, one of the leading marriage counsellors and one of the best relationship therapists in India.

• Is Your Relationship Worth Fighting For? Signs You Should Not Give Up Just Yet – Marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells if your relationship is worth fighting for?

• Why Fighting with your Partner is Good for your Relationship – Shivani Misri Sadhoo at Saarthi Counselling Services is there to guide and help you if you are experiencing too much of a fight or constraints in your relationship.

• Do You Find It Difficult to Approach Your Partner After a Fight? – Marriage Counsellor Shivani Sadhoo Reveals How to Break the Silence Post a Fight with Your Partner

We live in an era where time seems to slip through our fingers like sand. There’s always another errand to run, another deadline to meet, and another responsibility to juggle. Amidst this whirlwind of activity, our relationships often take a backseat.

We tend to overlook or take for granted the special moments that nurture and sustain our bonds.

Whether it’s taking a leisurely walk in the park, sharing a quiet cup of morning coffee, or watching the star-studded sky by the sea, these seemingly small moments are the building blocks of true connection and intimacy.

What happens when your partner doesn’t have time for these precious moments and how to rectify the situation?

Here are 7 simple yet meaningful ways to bridge the gap and keep the connection alive shared by one of Delhi’s leading couples therapists, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Greet Each Other

Sometimes, little things go unnoticed in relationships, yet they hold profound importance. Greeting and parting gestures, like warmly saying hello or goodbye to your partner, are among these subtle yet impactful acts.

They signify attentiveness, respect, and care, showing your partner they are valued and cherished in your life. By consistently acknowledging their presence and showing interest in their day, these simple gestures strengthen emotional bonds and foster a foundation of mutual respect and security in a relationship.

Talk to Each Other

Talk to each other. Setting aside dedicated time to connect with your partner and genuinely inquire about their day demonstrates a profound interest in their life.

By actively listening and remembering details they share, such as their projects or challenges, you show that their experiences matter deeply to you. This open communication nurtures intimacy and fortifies the foundation of trust and understanding in your relationship.

Equally important is expressing your own feelings and needs openly, using “I” statements to avoid blame and promote mutual empathy. This approach cultivates a supportive environment where both partners feel valued and heard, nurturing a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Listen To Each Other

Communication is a two-way process. It involves more than just speaking; it’s about truly listening and understanding each other. When partners actively listen without deflection or defensiveness, they create a safe space for vulnerability and shared feelings.

Feeling heard builds trust and respect, showing that each person’s thoughts and emotions matter. While hearing is passive, listening is active and requires genuine attention to grasp the speaker’s perspective fully. In essence, effective listening strengthens connections by validating each other’s experiences and nurturing deeper understanding in the relationship.

Common Interests

When two people share or have similar interests, it can significantly ease the challenges when one partner lacks time for the other. Rather than viewing chores and responsibilities as barriers, tackling them together becomes opportunity for bonding.

Whether it’s grocery shopping, exploring new hobbies, or cleaning the house as a team, these shared moments foster deeper connection and joy. Even if partners are opposites, finding common ground and meeting halfway ensures a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

Be Supportive

Sometimes all it takes is to understand each other’s commitments when your partner doesn’t have enough time for you. By being mindful of their needs and demonstrating how they can make you feel loved and cherished through small gestures, you foster cooperation.

Making requests instead of demands shows flexibility and supports their responsibilities. Acknowledge their time constraints, offer encouragement, and reassure them of your unwavering support, building a strong foundation of understanding in your relationship.

Say NO to Technology For Some Time

You will find that setting limits on technology can greatly enhance quality time with your partner. Designate tech-free zones like the dinner table, and establish regular “techno-curfews” for uninterrupted moments together.

By resisting the urge to check devices during conversations or breaks, you demonstrate genuine focus and respect. This small gesture prioritizes your partner over distractions, strengthening your connection even in everyday moments.

Sweet Surprises

Sometimes, sweet surprises can win your partner’s heart and attention, especially when they don’t have much time. Plan creative, personalized activities based on their interests, like a romantic getaway or a concert. The anticipation and shared joy strengthen your bond.

Capture these moments with photos and stories, creating lasting memories. Surprise your partner to keep the relationship exciting and meaningful.

These tips emphasize the importance of small, meaningful actions in nurturing relationships. By greeting, communicating, listening, sharing interests, supporting each other, limiting technology, and planning sweet surprises, couples can maintain intimacy and connection even during busy times.

Healthy and strong relationships depend on balance, honesty, and communication to work. And it is not always easy. There are bumps and detours we must navigate, but we have to do it together.

When a person starts to distance themselves from their partner, despite how much care and love the other person puts into the relationship, it simply means that they are no longer interested.

Maybe you are thinking.  They will come back, or it’s just a phase they’re going through. You cannot take responsibility for someone else’s conduct, and you cannot put your life on hold while they weigh the options.

In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs your partner is not interested in you.

They Prioritise Others But Treat You As An Option

Being in a relationship involves spending time with one another, and it should not feel like you have to force someone to do it. If your partner is constantly too busy or has other things to look after, then they are not prioritising you in their life. They are treating you as an option, and this is certainly a bad sign.

They Are Centric And Only Seem Interested When They Want Something From You

When a partner who is no longer interested tries to be absent for most of the relationship, but you will see them pop up more frequently when they need something from you. Maybe they want a ride to work this week, or they are overscheduled and need you to cover for them.

Whatever it may be, you would be able to spot their manipulative ways from a distance. How is that? Well, their fake affection and phoney smile will give them away every time.

Communication Breaks Down, And They Do Not Try To Resolve It

Most people in a healthy relationship would not enjoy it if they are not able to communicate with their partner. But those who are not interested in sticking around any longer do not seem to mind as much. If your partners stop calling, texting, asking how your day was spent, or even trying to make a conversation, they are possibly ready to move on.

If They Decide To Talk, It Is Always About Themselves

Nothing really interests a person who is ready to end a relationship, except themselves. They are their main topic of choice because, just be honest, it is not like they are spending any second thinking about you.

When Something Goes Wrong, You Are The One Who Is To Be Blamed

Even if everything is fine, you will still get blamed. It is an abusive tactic used by your partner to control and manipulate you, and if it is happening, just leave.

They Say Derogatory and Hurtful Things Intentionally

If your partner is disinterested in continuing a relationship but they have been too cowardly to admit it, they will begin to disrespect you. Whether you two are alone in the privacy of your house or with friends in public, they will say things that are aimed at hurting you. Do not let them get to you- their ugliness is their concern, not yours.

We all love our parents. It is of very good quality. In fact, if we are incapable of loving our parents, then we are not supposed to be called human.

Loving one’s mother is a divine characteristic. But treating others in a bad manner is an inhuman quality. If your husband loves his mother, then you do not need to find any fault with it. But during this process, if he insults you or makes things uncomfortable for you to live with him, then it is up to you how you resolve it.

If you remain silent, a lifetime of suffering could afflict you. If you deal with it hurriedly, chances are you could be misunderstood by your husband. So, find a better way of resolving the issue.

In this article, Delhi’s top marriage Counsellor and Relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about signs your husband is a mama’s boy.

He cannot make any Decision Without Mom’s Help

As an independent woman, you have a mind and think of your own. So, you have decision-making abilities but you are surprised to see your husband consulting his mom for every minor or major decision. That bothers you a bit. This is one of the initial signs that your husband is a mama’s boy.

He Never Supports You When His Mother Shouts At You

He thinks his mother is always correct. So, when his mom shouts at you for any reason, he prefers to remain a silent spectator.

He Asks You To Be Like His Mother

This appears funny to you. But he asks you to dress up, cook and behave like his mom, and worship his mom. His mom is a role model to him and he expects an ideal woman has to be like her.

Your Husband Spends More Time Talking To His Mom

When your husband’s mom is out of town for a few days, he spends most of his time talking to her over the phone. And also, sometimes complains to her over the phone that you do not cook like her.

He Seeks Her Permission Even To plan A Family 

That looks absurd but it is true that he seeks his mom’s approval before planning to expand his family.

He Shares All Your Secrets To His Mom

You trust your husband completely and tell him everything about your life and past. And, he discloses them to his mom. She begins to suspect you and starts ill-treating you.

When You Are On A Holiday

When you are on a holiday, you tend to spend some time with your husband in a lonely spot and slowly try to kindle his passion. He suddenly takes out his phone, calls his mom and says “Mama, I miss you! You could have come with us” and weeps for a moment.

P.S. Well, there is nothing wrong if your husband loves his mom. Let him love his mom. But if his love bothers you, then you can voice out your opinion and try to get a solution.