Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Prior to getting your driving license 30 to 90 days time is required to learn the vehicle’s controls, traffic rules and to pass the driving examinations.

So if you are a driver or have a car in your family, you must be aware of the efforts one has to put to drive. Have you ever thought that just as you needed to prepare for your driving license, it would be helpful if you prepared for your marriage as well?

We are living in a time that perhaps sets the maximum challenges in family and professional life than ever. There is extreme lifestyle pressure on youngsters and that is why in today’s time it is important that couples should go for pre-marital counseling before their big day.

In this article Delhi’s eminent relationship expert and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 points on the benefits of premarital counseling.

1.     Pre-marital counseling helps develop Communication Skills

When couples go to premarital counselling, they talk together to a professional relationship counsellor who is trained to encourage them to talk to each other openly and helps them better understand each other. Couples who go through this type of counselling surely build better communication skills because they have a neutral party there to help them understand each other.

Undoubtedly this is one of the biggest benefits of premarital counselling. Additionally, by learning how to better communicate individual needs and desires, couples also acquire how to reach an agreement mutually. They gain compassion and communication skills that will help them through tough times.

2.      It Helps Couples Plan the Future

Many premarital counselors do more than only help couples talk through their current issues. They also help them plan meticulously for the future. A premarital counselor can help couples set financial or family planning goals, and can aid them to find ways to accomplish those goals.

Premarital counseling is the perfect place for couples to talk about the expectations that they have from married life and what they want personally in the future too. Premarital counselors help their clients focus on healthy and realistic goals and relationship changes.

3.   It Gives an Opportunity to Address Issues

Premarital counseling also presents a great opportunity for couples to challenge issues that could possibly lead to divorce before they become serious. By talking with a counselor, couples may be able to settle money matters or talk about their roles and goals around parenting.

Addressing issues before marriage is the best way to ensure a solid foundation for the future and to avoid serious conflicts after the big day. Of course, it’s important for couples to be honest when they attend premarital counseling. That’s the only way to realize the benefits of this time-honored tradition.

4.  You will enter into marriage with a framework for building a healthy relationship.

Another reason to get premarital counselling is so that you would not be walk blindly in your marriage. Getting premarital counseling may give you a feeling of stability, safety, direction, and an idea of where you are going and what you are doing. It will take some of the potential fear out of the decision, and give you more hope, reason, and guidance. It will provide a framework for building a healthy relationship, and equip you with the tools and skills necessary to successfully navigate discord and to have meaningful conversations.

For instance, Gottman provides antidotes to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and obstacles to be used in their place. Rather than being critical, we should have a softened, gentle approach to bringing up complaints. Instead of being arrogant about an offence and how our partner failed us, it is much more productive to be descriptive about how we are feeling and thinking about the offence, how we are experiencing it. So, rather than only knowing what we shouldn’t do, and then being unsure of how to react, we now can have a clear roadmap of what we should do without all the guesswork. We will have a plan.

5.  It Allows Couples to Discover New Things About Themselves 

Marriage Counselors ask a lot of questions when they’re working with engaged couples. Listening carefully to your partner’s answers is a great way to learn more about that individual. Yes, many couples perceive that no one knows their partners better than they do.

However, premarital counselling can help bring out important information that they might have been reluctant to share. This provides great growth opportunities while helping couples learn more about each other. It’s also a safe space for individuals to share things that they are anxious or upset about with their partners. It can be particularly helpful if one individual in the couple has been in a failed relationship before.

Tips by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Do you know feeling good about yourself can make you more attractive to others?  The more you can love yourself, the more your relationships can become easier and spontaneous. A person who can love
himself/herself and feel confident is a person with deep inner stability, and one who can adapt comfortably to the inevitable ups and downs that come with various relationships.

Today, renowned marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to make you more attractive in any relationship.

1.  Choose To Be Happy:

When you are happy, others sense it and feel relaxed in your presence. One way to actively be happy is to develop awareness for your internal critic that voice in your head that criticizes and judges. Surrendering yourself into your internal critic is like vaulting off a cliff into a no-zone.

This is where your internal critic will lead you if you let it. It’s your job to recognize when your critic turns on you and to tell it “Stop!”  Distract yourself with exercise, reading, listening to music, helping others, or doing creative things. Do whatever you can, but dispose of the critic as soon as you hear its voice. Time and again, choose happiness.

2.  Stop Taking Yourself Too Seriously:

You don’t need to be perfect to have stable relationships and love in your life. It’s being imperfect that puts people feel relaxed. There is a type of intimacy that takes hold, a feeling that you can be open with this person because they are being open with you. Yes, it’s important to connect with supportive and non-toxic people.

Mainly, speaking, most of the time, with most people, the negative things others communicate or imply about you are not insults to your character. Don’t give any attention to perceived slights let the small stuff slide off your back. When you’re faced with valid or invalid criticism, try if you can laugh at yourself or make a joke. In the end, you are not defined by others, no matter what they say or do.

3.   Look After Yourself:

People who look after themselves are more attractive because they exude self-discipline. Being in complete control of yourself means others don’t think you as a burden to be taken care. Eating nutritiously, exercising daily, and attending to your emotional psyche should be a part of your daily routine.

4. Do The Correct Thing:

Whenever you struggle with self-confidence, you are likely seeking the approval or suggestion of others. You’re stealthily on the lookout for praise, and a sense that you belong and are doing the correct thing. When you do this, you’re not worrying about the bigger picture because you’re too focused on yourself. A busy search for validation from others won’t certainly bring it; in fact, your insecurity may force people away from you. Instead, do the correct thing for yourself, for others, and for society by and large. Be kind to the people in your life and to those who have less listen, support, and give them your attention. See if this brings you affirmation.

5.   Live For Yourself:

A person who has a sense of purpose and meaning are irresistible because they exude strength. Concentrating on how others may or may not be judging you wastes so much time that could be utilized on getting what you expect out of life. Ask yourself questions, what gives me happiness? What would I like to achieve in this life? What provides me a feeling of being at peace? And then shut the voice in your mind that questions your choices, and start living for yourself.

About Shivani Misri Sadhoo: Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the best marriage counselors in Delhi NCR. She has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad. She is India’s best expert on Marriage and relationship issues and has frequently been featured in leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels. 

Counsellor Shivani is an experienced and certified counselling psychologist with a specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping with Relationship Issues, Marital Counselling, Separation and divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss & Grief. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India‘s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Generally, in today’s lifestyle, couples find their mornings chaotic; there is a pressure to send kids to school, get themselves ready for the office, finish household chores and so on. Similarly, on weekends they get up late to supplement their weekday tiredness & sleep.

According to eminent relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, couples need to find a few minutes every morning to connect with each other. Otherwise, day-to-day professional and household pressure may weaken their romantic bond.  Counselor Shivani suggests that connecting with your partner in every morning does not need much effort and time rather it can be done by the following 6 things that the happiest couples do every morning.

1.      Happy couples try to get up at the same time (if they don’t work on different or odd work shifts): The first step to finding a few minutes with your spouse is to get up together at the same time. To achieve this goal, a couple should try to bring a disciplined routine of going to bed on time.

2.      They Enjoy A Cup Of Tea Or Coffee Together: Having tea together is another great way to keep in touch with each other. Prior to a challenging morning start, the couples may get up 10 minutes early and sit together to have their tea. Even if it’s only for 15-20 minutes, they have their coffee talk about plans for the day and watch the beauty of nature if they sit in their balcony.

3.      They Make Eye ContactHappy couples often brush their teeth together. For those few minutes, couples look into each other’s eyes. They usually, touch each other, a hand on the waist, a gentle touch on the cheek or head on the chest.

4.      They Share Up The Morning Chores: Getting the kids up, and preparing them off to school every morning can be a tough task. Usually, we think that it’s the mom’s job. But happy couples share these kinds of family and parental responsibilities. Acting, as a team in the morning, builds connection and relationship happiness that carries throughout the day.

5.      They Bid Kiss Goodbye: It is very important for a couple to always show affection to each other before they leave for their respective offices. For example, if a husband or wife leaves home for work an hour before the wife or husband gets up so they always say goodbye with a kiss on their forehead. It’s not about needing the affection but more so knowing that he or she is thinking of them before they head off to work.

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Being alone is a fact whereas loneliness is a feeling. You can feel lonely when you are with friends or with your partner.

At the same time, you don’t need to feel lonely when you are alone.

In other words, loneliness can be termed as the desire to get connected with someone and that someone is not available. This can certainly occur when we are alone, but it also occurs in relationships when one or both partners are unavailable for connection perhaps due to anger, doubts, distrust, withdrawal, tired, illness or just being complacent in the relationship.

So what causes loneliness in a relationship? According to Delhi’s eminent Relationship and Marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, in a relationship loneliness is created by certain situations and conditions and there are:

1. When a person is emotionally fragile, many times it’s seen that such personalities start protecting themselves from getting emotionally hurt by expressing anger or by withdrawal. In such a scenario, their partner finds it difficult to connect with them.

2. One may feel lonely with his/her partner when their partner deliberately shuts them out with work, TV, food, hard drink, hobbies, the Internet so on and so forth.

3. One may feel lonely when he/she tries to have control over their partner’s feelings. Since no one in this world likes to be controlled and such tendencies soon push away the person’s partner physically and emotionally.

4.  One may feel lonely if the other half keeps judging them regarding their thoughts, feelings, looks or actions. Judgment creates disconnection, and disconnection can be very lonely.

5.  One may also feel lonely when their partner can’t connect with them due to being overly tired, frazzled and overwhelmed or unwell.