Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Discover how betrayal pain can unveil hidden psychological trauma, explained by renowned Delhi marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Betrayal isn’t just about broken trust — it’s a deep emotional wound that can cut to the core of a person’s sense of self, safety, and stability. Whether it stems from a partner’s infidelity, a friend’s deception, a parent’s neglect, or a coworker’s manipulation, betrayal can be a form of trauma.

Yet, many people don’t recognize it as such. They move forward carrying invisible scars, unaware that their anxiety, trust issues, emotional numbness, or even chronic self-doubt may be symptoms of something much deeper, betrayal trauma, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is a leading relatoinship expert in India and one of the best marriage counselors in Delhi.

How Betrayal Pain Causes Psychological Trauma?

Psychological trauma from betrayal occurs when someone we rely on for safety, emotional support, or love violates that trust. This rupture in the relationship can trigger a fight, flight, or freeze response in the brain.

The body reacts as if it’s in danger, flooding the system with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When the betrayal is ongoing or occurs within a close relationship, such as with a spouse, parent, or long-time friend, the trauma can be even more severe because it disrupts the very foundation of emotional security. The pain of betrayal can manifest in several ways:

• Loss of Identity: Many people define themselves in relation to others. When a trusted person betrays you, it can feel like a personal failure. Victims may question their own worth or judgment, leading to a fractured sense of self.

• Hypervigilance and Mistrust: The brain, once betrayed, often becomes wired to expect betrayal again. This can lead to hyper-awareness, mistrust in new relationships, and difficulty forming emotional bonds.

• Emotional Numbing: To avoid future pain, people may suppress emotions or detach from relationships entirely. This self-protection can create feelings of isolation and depression.

• PTSD-like Symptoms: Flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and a constant sense of unease can emerge, especially if the betrayal was traumatic or repeated.

Understanding and Healing from Betrayal Trauma

One of the biggest challenges in addressing betrayal trauma is that it often goes unrecognized. Because the hurt is caused by someone known and trusted, many victims feel ashamed or confused. They may minimize the betrayal or blame themselves, rather than acknowledging the severity of the emotional injury.

Healing begins with recognition. Identifying that you’ve experienced betrayal trauma is the first step toward recovery. Talking to a mental health professional, especially one who specializes in trauma, can help you process the emotions, understand the patterns, and rebuild self-trust.

Therapeutic methods such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and inner child healing can be particularly effective. Building supportive relationships, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in grounding activities like journaling or meditation also aid recovery.

Betrayal trauma is real, and its effects run deep. If you find yourself reacting strongly to situations that seem minor, struggling to trust others, or feeling disconnected from yourself, it might be time to look deeper. Understanding that your pain has a name and that it is valid is the beginning of healing. You are not alone, and with the right support, it is possible to move beyond betrayal and rediscover safety, connection, and peace within.

In a world where success is often tied to happiness, it’s easy to believe that accumulating more—money, possessions, recognition—will lead to fulfillment. However, even when surrounded by comforts, many still feel an unsettling void. What’s holding us back from the happiness we seek? The answer lies within: our ego.

The ego convinces us we’re incomplete and constantly in need of more. Yet its desires are insatiable, keeping true happiness out of reach. To find peace, we must let go of the ego’s grip and embrace a simpler, more authentic way of living, says India’s top marriage and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What is Ego?

The ego represents our sense of self-worth and identity, shaped by memories, beliefs, and experiences. While a healthy ego fosters confidence, an inflated one breeds arrogance and inflexibility. It becomes the mask we wear, shaping how we present ourselves to the world. Balancing the ego is key to inner peace.

How Ego Blocks Happiness?

An unchecked ego can harm relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. Here’s how it sabotages us:

• Fosters Superiority: An inflated ego creates a false sense of being better than others, leading to arrogance and strained relationships.
• Creates Rigidity: It resists change, making us inflexible and closed to new perspectives.
• Blames Others: The ego deflects responsibility, hindering self-reflection and personal growth.
• Breeds Resentment: Holding onto ego-driven grudges adds negativity to our lives.
• Triggers Fear and Anxiety: It fosters an unhealthy need to protect an idealized self-image.
• Impairs Decision-Making: Ego-driven choices can lead to missed opportunities and damaged relationships.
• Seeks Power and Control: The ego’s desire for dominance often creates conflict and dissatisfaction.

Steps to Release the Ego and Find Happiness

1. Practice Self-Reflection

Pay attention to moments when you feel defensive, angry, or eager to prove yourself right. Pause and ask: Is this reaction necessary, or is it my ego speaking? Reflecting on your emotions helps you respond thoughtfully and consider how your actions affect others.

2. Embrace Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an antidote to ego. While the ego clings to past hurts and demands validation, forgiveness frees you from resentment and allows you to heal. It’s not about excusing others but about releasing the burden of pain and opening yourself to peace and happiness.

3. Cultivate Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you stay present and self-aware. Journaling, meditation, or mindful breathing can anchor you in the moment, reducing the ego’s influence. Supportive relationships and honest feedback also encourage self-reflection and inspire growth, helping you prioritize genuine happiness over external validation.

4. Let Go of Control

The ego thrives on the illusion of control, tying happiness to fleeting achievements and possessions. To break free, accept life’s unpredictability and embrace change. Take small risks, explore new opportunities, and find joy in simple moments. As psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests, letting go doesn’t mean giving up—it means responding with grace and trusting life’s flow.

True happiness comes from within. By releasing the ego’s hold through self-reflection, forgiveness, mindfulness, and acceptance, we can let go of unnecessary fears and desires. This shift allows us to experience deeper connections, inner peace, and a more joyful, meaningful life. Letting go of the ego is not a loss but a pathway to uncovering the beauty and balance of life.

Falling in love often feels like the beginning of a beautiful fairytale. But as most of us know, love is rarely that simple. Finding someone who truly understands, supports, and connects with you is one of life’s most precious gifts – yet it’s a journey that requires not just hope but commitment, patience, and self-reflection.

If you’re serious about finding love, you may need to take a step back and look within.

What things must you stop if you are serious about finding love?

Here are five things you should stop doing if you want to invite real, lasting love into your life according to India’s top relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Don’t Be Picky

Even if you have a clear idea of your ideal partner, being too rigid about it can put a damper on potential romances before they even begin. Sure, it’s natural to have preferences, but when those turn into a strict checklist, you risk overlooking what really matters.

Try to focus on who the person is as an individual rather than filtering them by their political views, lifestyle choices, or job status. Getting to know someone shouldn’t feel like a job interview where you’re assessing their income or whether they own a home. A first date is about finding a connection, not filling a role, so let go of the specifics and allow space for authentic chemistry to grow.

Don’t Be Hasty

It is not right to let the thrill of new love sweep you off your feet and push you into a whirlwind of rapid decisions. Moving too fast often means missing out on the essential moments of truly getting to know someone, which can lead to misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or even emotional exhaustion. In our fast-paced world, the urge to rush can feel ingrained in us, making us crave connection and fulfillment too quickly.

However, it’s important to pause and reflect: is this truly what you want? That initial spark of attraction can change with time, revealing different facets of the person you’re interested in. So, take a step back and savor the journey. After all, this is your life, and only you can determine what’s best for your heart. Embrace the process and allow it to unfold at its own pace.

Don’t Try to Be Perfect

Perfection is a myth we often chase, but it’s essential to realize that nobody is perfect in this world. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, focus on being your true self and defining what you want in life and in relationships.

Many people believe they need to be flawless to find love, but this notion can lead to inauthenticity and undue pressure. Embracing your imperfections makes you relatable and lovable, as it’s those very flaws that connect us as human beings. Letting go of the need for perfection allows you to be vulnerable, paving the way for deeper connections with those who appreciate you for who you genuinely are.

Don’t Be Afraid of Rejection

Rejection is something we all experience, especially in the quest for genuine love. It’s a common hurdle that can feel daunting, but it’s crucial to recognize that rejection is not only normal but an essential part of the dating process. Instead of viewing it as a setback, consider each rejection a valuable lesson that brings you one step closer to finding someone truly compatible.

Embracing this fear can significantly enhance your chances of discovering love, as it encourages you to take risks and meet new people. Remember, while the fear of rejection is a natural response, it shouldn’t dictate your actions. Living in constant avoidance of rejection leads to inauthenticity and prevents you from forming meaningful connections. Embrace vulnerability and let each experience shape your journey toward love.

Don’t be Afraid of New Experiences

Step outside your comfort zone if you’re truly serious about finding love. Embracing new experiences can be a transformative journey, opening doors to friendships and romantic relationships you may not have imagined. Whether it’s exploring unfamiliar places, diving into a new sport, or attending vibrant cultural events, each adventure presents opportunities to connect with others.

Moreover, stepping into the unknown not only enriches your life but also makes you a more interesting and well-rounded individual, qualities that are naturally appealing to those seeking meaningful connections. If finding love is important to you, take that leap and discover the possibilities waiting just beyond your comfort zone.

It is evident from this that finding love requires introspection and openness. By letting go of rigid expectations, avoiding haste, embracing imperfections, facing rejection, and seeking new experiences, you can create space for genuine connections. Ultimately, these steps invite lasting love into your life, enriching your journey.