Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Relationships are rarely perfect. Every couple experiences phases of closeness and distance, highs and lows. Yet, it’s often the little things—a warm hug, holding hands, or a gentle touch on the shoulder—that strengthen emotional bonds. Human touch plays a far more powerful role than many realize, promoting happiness, trust, and emotional security. Simple gestures like caresses, back rubs, or embraces release oxytocin, reducing stress and deepening connections.

When touch is absent for too long, a condition known as touch starvation can develop, creating feelings of isolation and distress. Recognizing its signs and learning ways to reconnect physically and emotionally is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of India’s top couples and marriage counselors.

Understanding Touch Starvation

Touch starvation, sometimes called “skin hunger,” occurs when the body goes without nurturing physical contact. The skin’s nerves and pressure receptors respond to touch, triggering the release of “feel-good” chemicals like oxytocin. Without it, the nervous system can become restless, increasing stress and loneliness. Over time, prolonged absence of touch can impact both emotional and psychological well-being.

Why Does Physical Touch Matter?

Humans are wired for connection. From birth, gentle touch communicates safety, love, and security. Touch continues to play a vital role throughout life, offering multiple benefits:

• Reduces Stress: Touch lowers cortisol levels, calms the nervous system, and boosts mood-regulating chemicals like dopamine and serotonin.

• Strengthens Emotional Bonds: Hugs and gentle touches release oxytocin, enhancing trust, intimacy, and positive feelings toward others.

• Promotes Physical Health: Regular nurturing touch can improve immunity and lower blood pressure.

• Supports Mental Health: Touch has been shown to ease sadness, reduce anxiety, and lift overall mood.

Even small gestures—such as holding hands, a pat on the back, or a gentle embrace—can make a profound difference.

Signs You May Be Touch-Starved

Feeling disconnected from your partner or loved ones may indicate touch starvation. Common signs include:

• Persistent Loneliness: You may feel isolated even when surrounded by loved ones if physical affection is missing.

• Mood Imbalances: Lack of touch can reduce oxytocin levels, leading to irritability, anxiety, or low mood.

• Heightened Sensitivity: When touch is scarce, even brief physical contact can feel deeply comforting and emotionally significant.

Ways to Overcome Touch Starvation

• Self-Touch and Self-Care – Self-touch, like hugging yourself or placing a hand over your heart, can provide comfort and ease stress. Practicing mindful self-care, extending compassion inward, and treating yourself with kindness are essential parts of addressing touch starvation.

• Communicate with Loved Ones – Openly expressing your need for physical affection with your partner, family, or friends can help bridge the gap. Virtual interactions, such as video calls or heartfelt conversations, can also provide emotional nourishment when in-person contact isn’t possible.

• Alternative Forms of Touch – Engaging in activities that provide tactile stimulation, such as pet therapy, massage, weighted blankets, or using stress-relief objects, can help satisfy the body’s need for touch.

• Appreciate Small Gestures – Daily, simple acts—like sitting close, sharing a gentle touch, or exchanging a meaningful glance—can strengthen intimacy and connection. Even subtle gestures contribute to emotional bonding.

• Reconnect Through Memory – Recalling past moments of affection can reinforce emotional closeness and help the mind feel the warmth of nurturing touch.

Touch is more than physical contact; it is essential emotional nourishment. When absent, it can leave individuals feeling lonely, anxious, and disconnected. However, through self-care, communication, mindfulness, and small acts of connection, touch starvation can be addressed. Rebuilding meaningful physical and emotional closeness helps restore trust, love, and well-being in relationships.

In a world where relationship labels are becoming more fluid, it’s easy to feel confused about the nature of your bond with someone. You may feel deeply connected to a person — emotionally safe, truly understood — yet there’s no romantic or sexual involvement. Is it just friendship, or something more meaningful, yet still non-romantic? That’s where the concept of a platonic relationship comes in. Understanding this can help you navigate your feelings and define your relationship better, as explained by eminent relationship and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo here.

What is a Platonic Relationship?

A platonic relationship is an emotionally close connection between two people that is not based on physical or romantic attraction. The term comes from the ideas of the Greek philosopher Plato, who believed that the highest form of love transcends physical desire and is rooted in mutual respect, intellectual connection, and deep emotional bonding.

This kind of relationship can exist between any two people, regardless of gender or orientation, and is defined by care, trust, and emotional intimacy without the complexities of romance or sexual tension.

Platonic Relationship vs. Friendship: What’s the Difference?

At first glance, platonic relationships and friendships may seem similar. Both involve companionship, trust, and shared moments. However, platonic bonds tend to carry more emotional weight and consistency than regular friendships.

In a typical friendship, people may connect based on shared activities, environments, or interests. These connections can be casual, and while trust exists, the emotional depth may not always run very deep. Friendships can fade over time as circumstances change.

A platonic relationship, however, tends to hold stronger emotional significance. You may find yourself turning to that person for life advice, sharing your innermost thoughts, or relying on them during difficult times. There’s often a level of priority given to this bond, even if it’s never romantic. It’s like having a life partner — just without the romance.

How to Identify if It’s Platonic or Just Friendship?

If you’re unsure which category your relationship falls into, consider the emotional dynamics. Do you feel emotionally safe and fully yourself around this person? Are they the first one you think of when you’re going through something important, good or bad? Do you value their presence in your life regardless of circumstances, and does the bond remain strong even without constant communication?

Also, notice if there’s mutual clarity. Platonic relationships often involve a silent understanding that the connection is deep and meaningful, but not romantic. There’s no hidden agenda, no mixed signals, and no pressure to turn it into something else.

Can Platonic Relationships Evolve Into Romance?

They can, but not always. Sometimes emotional closeness can lay the foundation for romantic feelings, especially if both people begin to see each other in a new light. However, many platonic relationships remain beautifully non-romantic throughout life, offering emotional nourishment without any complications.

If feelings do change on either side, honest communication becomes key. Ignoring shifting emotions can lead to confusion, distance, or even the end of the bond.

Platonic relationships are often underrated, yet they can be some of the most fulfilling connections in life. If you’re lucky enough to have someone who supports you emotionally, respects your boundaries, and remains consistently present, without any romantic strings, then you’re experiencing the rare beauty of platonic love. Understanding and honouring this kind of bond can enrich your emotional well-being and add a layer of stability and depth to your life that few relationships can offer.