Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

We all know that trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your friend, for instance, then you’re likely to experience constant doubt and anxiety. And, if you don’t trust your partner in a relationship, then definitely there’s something wrong in that bond you share.

Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, trust is important for maintaining a sense of security and confidence in one another. But what happens when secrets and lies seep into this bond?

The impact can be devastating, leading to constant doubt, anxiety, and ultimately, the deterioration of the relationship itself. are without trust, even the strongest connections can crumble.

In what ways, do secrets and lies destroy relationships?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains how secrets and lies can ruin relationships.

Breaks the Intimacy

When secrets and lies creep into a relationship, they erode the foundation of intimacy. Intimacy thrives on trust and authenticity, requiring partners to be open and vulnerable, both emotionally and physically. However, secrets create barriers, keeping one partner isolated in their pain while pushing the other away.

This avoidance often stems from guilt and leads to a deeper disconnection. Regardless of the size or nature of the secret, its presence can cause profound damage, undermining the closeness and trust that are essential for a healthy relationship.

Undermines the Trust

Secrets and lies can severely damage the trust in a relationship. When a partner is dishonest, it creates an atmosphere of suspicion and doubt, making it difficult to rebuild trust. The deceived partner may constantly worry about whether other secrets are hidden or if the deceit will happen again.

This ongoing insecurity and the need for constant reassurance only deepen the mistrust. Even seemingly small lies can erode confidence and lead to a lack of clarity about what is true, ultimately planting seeds of doubt and confusion. Trust, being a fundamental pillar of any relationship, can be significantly undermined when deception takes root.

You Get Trapped in a Vicious Cycle

Secrets often lead to a web of lies and omissions that can become difficult to manage. As you try to cover up one lie, you may end up telling more lies to hide the original one, creating a growing pile of deceit.

This cycle can trap you, making it harder to uncover the truth and causing more damage if and when the truth is revealed. Over time, you might even start believing your own lies, blurring the line between truth and deception.

The longer you keep secrets, the more complex and damaging the situation becomes, affecting both you and your relationship.

Communication Gap

Secrets and lies can seriously damage communication in a relationship. When one partner hides things or isn’t truthful, it prevents open and honest exchanges, which are essential for a healthy connection.

This lack of transparency leads to misunderstandings and confusion, as the true feelings and intentions are not being shared.

Over time, this breakdown in communication can create distance and make it hard for partners to connect on a deeper level, leaving them feeling isolated and misunderstood.

It Affects Your Self-Esteem

Secrets and lies in a relationship can deeply damage self-esteem by eroding trust and creating a foundation of deceit. When partners conceal the truth or manipulate facts, it undermines one’s sense of self-worth and security, leading to self-doubt and anxiety.

The constant fear of uncovering more lies or hidden truths can perpetuate a cycle of insecurity and emotional turmoil, diminishing confidence in oneself and the relationship. Now that you understand the impact of secrets and lies on relationships, it’s clear that maintaining honesty and openness is crucial.

Deception erodes trust, intimacy, and communication, creating a vicious cycle of doubt and insecurity. Prioritizing transparency is essential for nurturing and preserving healthy, fulfilling connections.

In today’s interconnected world, It’s natural to feel the urge to share aspects of your personal life with those you work closely with, as they often become an extended part of your daily life.

However, maintaining a boundary between your personal and professional life is crucial for several reasons, including safeguarding your reputation, avoiding unnecessary drama, and ensuring your focus remains on your job.

Here’s how you can keep your personal life private at work, with insights from a top couples therapist in Delhi NCR Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

How would you keep your personal life private at work?

Couples counselor Shivani says to keep your personal life private at work you need to keep the following things in your mind:

Know Your Boundaries

This is perhaps the most important step. Identify your boundaries. Understand how much you’re comfortable sharing about your family and hobbies, and communicate these limits to others.

Be cautious on social media, avoid office gossip, and ensure set working hours. Respect your need for personal time, such as taking lunch breaks to reduce stress and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Maintain those Boundaries

Once you have set boundaries, the next important step is to maintain them. Start by clearly outlining your limits politely and professionally to prevent misunderstandings.

For instance, if you find yourself in an uncomfortable conversation, say, “I appreciate your input, but I prefer to keep our discussions focused on work-related topics.”

Consistency is key to reinforcing your boundaries. Avoid office gossip, as it can damage trust and create a negative environment.

Make the Right Choice

Choosing your confidants wisely at work is crucial for maintaining your privacy and safeguarding your personal life. Ideally, confide in someone you trust deeply and who has consistently demonstrated discretion.

Even so, be selective about what you share to avoid compromising your reputation if the information becomes known to others.

Striking a balance between being friendly and maintaining professionalism is essential. Trust is important, but even the most trustworthy colleagues might inadvertently share information.

Therefore, consider their history of handling sensitive information and keep personal matters as private as possible to prevent potential complications and preserve a positive work environment.

Be Discreet

In the fast-paced work environment, there are times when personal matters demand immediate attention. To maintain professionalism while addressing these issues, it’s essential to handle them discreetly.

For instance, if a personal phone call is necessary, step away from your workstation and find a private space to ensure your conversation remains confidential.

Alternatively, consider using your lunch or tea break for such discussions, unless it’s an urgent matter. In that case, briefly excuse yourself from work but make sure your office tasks remain uninterrupted.

For example, if you receive an urgent call about a family emergency, address it promptly but notify your team so they’re aware of your brief absence.

Balancing personal and professional responsibilities with discretion ensures both your work and personal matters are managed effectively.

Keep Social Media Accounts Separate

Blending work and personal life can be challenging, especially if you’re using the same email account for both. Each time you check for a confirmation order, you’re likely to see a flood of work emails that can be hard to ignore on your days off.

This issue can be exacerbated by a Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) policy, where your personal devices double as work tools.

To create a clear boundary between work and personal life, consider setting up separate user accounts on your devices—such as having distinct profiles for your laptop, tablet, and phone.

Similarly, keep your social media interactions separate by using different platforms for professional and personal connections.

For instance, you might use one platform exclusively for professional networking while reserving another for personal connections.

Just make sure to clearly communicate your social media preferences to your contacts to ensure a smooth separation between your work and personal interactions.

A Self-Care Routine

Stress is inevitable when balancing work and personal life, but it’s crucial to navigate this challenge with grace. Although everyone encounters difficulties, discussing them at work isn’t always appropriate or productive.

Conversations about personal issues can not only detract from your colleagues’ focus and productivity but may also impact their perception of you.

Instead, incorporate self-care practices into your daily routine to manage stress effectively.

For instance, taking short breaks for deep breathing or a brief walk can clear your mind and improve focus. Engaging in hobbies, such as reading or exercising, can also provide a healthy outlet for stress.

By prioritizing self-care, you’ll be less inclined to bring personal troubles into the workplace, maintaining a professional environment conducive to everyone’s success.

The crux of maintaining privacy at work lies in setting and upholding boundaries, choosing confidants wisely, and handling personal matters discreetly.

By separating personal and professional interactions, and prioritizing self-care, you can cultivate a focused, respectful work environment while preserving your personal life.

A boy meets a girl. They fall in love and get married. And the movie ends. But that’s where real life begins. The reality of marriage often contrasts sharply with the fairy-tale romance many envision.

Once the honeymoon phase fades, couples can find themselves grappling with a diminishing emotional connection. The vibrant conversations and shared dreams may give way to mundane routines and silent meals.

While it’s natural for relationships to evolve, losing that emotional bond can be distressing. Emotional bond is vital in a relationship as it gives you that feeling of comfort and safety and mental strength to carry on with your life.

If you find yourself in a marriage where the emotional connection has faded, it’s essential to address it head-on rather than merely coexisting in tolerable proximity.

What to do when you feel no emotional connection with your husband?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi NCR, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few strategies that one can adopt in this situation.

Communication is key

Communication is not just a tool for resolving conflicts but a vital means to rekindle emotional connections. By engaging in open, transparent conversations with your partner, you build trust and address any insecurities.

Regularly check in on each other’s feelings, listen intently, and validate each other’s perspectives. Scheduling dedicated times for deeper discussions, such as date nights, fosters understanding and helps maintain a strong, loving bond.

Clear reassurance and thoughtful communication ensure that emotional needs are met and relationships remain vibrant.

Strategic vulnerability

Embrace strategic vulnerability to build trust and deepen connections. Start by sharing something personal, like a challenging work experience or a hidden feeling, to move beyond surface-level interactions. Instead of answering “good” or “fine” when asked about your day, openly discuss your true emotions and experiences.

Encourage your partner to share by asking detailed, thoughtful questions. Demonstrating vulnerability and openness should be mutual, so be willing to lower your own defenses to foster a more intimate and trusting relationship.

Words mean a lot

A simple “thank you” or “everything will be fine” can uplift your husband and provide him with mental strength. Even if he accidentally breaks your favorite dinner plate while trying to help, it’s a gesture worth appreciating.

Small acts of kindness, whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for decades, should never be taken for granted. So, don’t hesitate to express specific compliments and affirmations, like “I deeply love you” or “I appreciate your efforts,” to ensure your partner feels seen and valued.

Be spontaneous

Pleasant surprises, from spontaneous dates to planned getaways, infuse excitement into relationships, breaking monotony and keeping the spark alive.

While life’s busyness can lead to a comfort zone plateau, maintaining spontaneity—through thoughtful surprises—reminds partners of the joy and effort that once defined their bond.

Though spontaneity often requires preparation, it encourages stepping out of routine and connecting deeply. Regularly engaging in such moments prevents the loss of vulnerability and intimacy that can occur in everyday routines.

Boundaries matter

It is not necessary for a strong emotional connection to lead to unhealthy enmeshment or total dependence. Thriving relationships involve setting appropriate boundaries, even with close family members.

While maintaining a deep bond with parents or siblings is important, overly close relationships can sometimes undermine more intimate connections with a partner or children.

Establishing clear boundaries by identifying problematic behaviors and communicating what you will and won’t accept allows you to preserve your unique sense of self while nurturing loving relationships.

Practice self-care

A healthy relationship thrives on both partners enjoying their own “me time.” Too much togetherness can deplete the energy and experiences that interdependence brings.

Strong marriages feature partners who are interdependent but have rich hobbies, careers, and social lives of their own. Prioritize self-care and allow your spouse to do the same.

Spending time alone helps you appreciate your own company, fosters authenticity, and enhances self-worth, alleviating feelings of abandonment when apart. Include “me time” in your schedule for a balanced, secure relationship.

While it’s natural for emotional connections to ebb and flow in marriage, addressing this challenge with open communication, strategic vulnerability, thoughtful affirmations, spontaneity, clear boundaries, and self-care can rejuvenate and strengthen your bond.

By actively investing in these aspects, you foster a resilient and fulfilling relationship.

Marriage is more than just a union between two lovers; it’s a merging of families, cultures, and traditions. When you take those sacred vows in front of the fire, you’re not only pledging your love to your partner but also weaving together two families, each with its own set of customs, values, and dynamics.

The idea of living with in-laws can stir up a myriad of emotions. For some, it’s an opportunity to strengthen family bonds and enjoy the support system that comes with extended family. For others, it can be a potential minefield of conflict and tension. So, how does sharing your living space with your in-laws really impact your marriage?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading marriage and family therapist in Delhi and Gurgaon shares 5 ways to deal with the situation.

What are Some of the Challenges Faced?

Controlling In-Laws

When in-laws are overly controlling—dictating living arrangements, and child-rearing choices, and reacting poorly to non-compliance—tension rises.

This issue intensifies if your spouse sides with them, adding pressure to your relationship. Addressing it promptly is essential to avoid escalating stress and conflict.

Violation Of Privacy

When in-laws frequently infringe on your privacy, it can cause unnecessary tension in your relationship. You may feel the need to set boundaries, but if your partner dismisses your concerns because it’s family, it can lead to frustration and resentment.

This lack of support might undermine the unity in your relationship, making you feel unsupported and isolated.

Being too Judgmental

It becomes incredibly frustrating when in-laws judge and criticize every move you make, as they often impose their own expectations on your newlywed life. Their judgments about your career choices or parenting can erode your confidence and strain your relationship.

Being Manipulative

Sometimes, in-laws use guilt-tripping as a manipulative tool to control their child’s partner, making them feel inadequate or like they’re making poor decisions.

This tactic can cause significant strain on the relationship, creating a rift between you and your partner, especially if your partner is swayed by the guilt while you’re trying to resist. Such behaviour fosters anger, resentment, and distance.

What are the Strategies to Deal with It?

Honest Communication

It may sound cliché, but effective communication is crucial in any relationship, including those with in-laws. Responses to in-law issues often reflect past experiences, such as a woman’s protectiveness due to a close bond with her mother after an early divorce or a husband’s nervousness from a critical father.

Understanding each other’s backgrounds and fostering open, respectful dialogue—while addressing concerns calmly and empathetically—can prevent misunderstandings and emotional conflicts.

Address The Problem

Many a time, we often choose to ignore problems, but this approach isn’t effective, especially when dealing with issues involving your in-laws. If their behaviour is negatively affecting you and your relationship, pretending it doesn’t matter won’t make it disappear; in fact, it will only worsen over time, impacting both your personal well-being and your relationship.

Facing the issue directly, rather than avoiding it, will lead to a healthier, more balanced life.

Maintain Clear-cut Boundaries

Set clear boundaries early on and adhere to them consistently to maintain peace and sanity. When in-laws or others are given excessive leeway, it can quickly lead to chaos.

Be assertive in defining your limits on issues like finances, unsolicited advice, and personal space. Communicate these boundaries clearly and reinforce them regularly to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.

Empathy

Being empathetic can ease the challenges of living with in-laws. By trying to understand their perspective, you may reduce their impact on your life. Harmony requires curiosity and empathy, allowing everyone involved to feel understood.

When people feel heard, they are more open to flexibility and change, creating a more peaceful and accommodating environment.

Keep Calm

When your in-laws make offensive comments, resist the urge to react impulsively. Instead, take time to cool off before addressing the issue. A brief pause helps everyone approach the situation more calmly and constructively.

Prioritize addressing significant issues over minor disagreements, and choose your battles wisely to maintain family harmony and your own peace of mind.

What to take out of this?

There is always a way to manage the complexities of living with in-laws and maintain a healthy marriage. By fostering honest communication, addressing issues directly, setting clear boundaries, practicing empathy, and staying calm, you can create a harmonious environment and strengthen your relationship.

It’s not wrong to love your job. However, when your workaholic nature starts to encroach upon the delicate balance between your career and your relationship, it can create unseen rifts. Imagine a couple where one partner spends late nights at the office, bringing work home on weekends, while the other sits alone at dinner with a cold plate.

Over time, the warmth of their connection fades, not because the love isn’t there, but because the time and attention needed to nurture it have been sacrificed. Just like a garden unattended, relationships require consistent care and presence. Sharing success with your partner can be a beautiful bond, but only if you remember to share your time, laughter, and love just as fervently.

What are the signs that show your job is destroying your marriage?

India’s leading couples therapist, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 7 signs to watch out for that will help you identify if your job is killing your marriage.

Is Your Partner Discussing Work Even on Holidays?

When work consistently invades your home life, even on holidays, it can quietly undermine your marriage. Romantic evenings turn into discussions about deadlines, creating emotional distance.

Invitations for simple outings become overshadowed by unfinished tasks. This imbalance signals a need for nurturing your relationship beyond work, reminding you that love flourishes through shared moments, not just shared responsibilities.

Is there a Poor Communication?

Poor communication can often be a telltale sign that your job is taking a toll on your marriage. When work stress spills into home life, it can lead to feelings of being unheard or undervalued, creating a barrier between partners.

Instead of openly discussing emotions, you might find yourself bottling up frustrations, which can eventually erupt into conflicts at the most unexpected moments. Additionally, the pressure of work can cause you to engage in unhealthy communication patterns, such as arguing unfairly or resorting to passive aggression.

This breakdown in dialogue not only undermines the connection you share but also leaves both partners feeling isolated and frustrated, highlighting how job-related stress can silently erode the foundation of your relationship.

Are Conflicts Arising Due to Work Stress?

Conflicts and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but when you find yourself arguing about issues that were never a concern before, it often signals deeper turmoil.

If you’ve experienced a recent change at work—like a new role, a challenging boss, or unexpected pressures—this stress can seep into your home life, causing irritability and tension with your partner.

This shift may manifest as unnecessary arguments, hinting that the weight of your job is not just affecting your professional life, but is also jeopardizing the harmony of your marriage.

Recognizing this connection is crucial; it’s a sign that work stress might undermine your relationship.

Are You Spending More Time With Coworkers?

Finding yourself connecting more deeply with your coworkers than with your spouse can be a glaring sign that your job is overshadowing your marriage. When work becomes your primary focus, shared interests and tackling challenges together at work can inadvertently create stronger bonds with colleagues, especially if they’re of the opposite gender.

This shift can lead to a disconnect at home, where the intimate connection with your spouse diminishes. If you find yourself confiding more in coworkers than your partner, it may be time to step back, reassess priorities, and rekindle the personal connection that initially brought you together.

Are You Missing Important Events?

When your job consistently sidelines you from your child’s significant milestones—like dance recitals, graduations, or championship games—it signals a deeper issue that can jeopardize your marriage.

Promising to attend but frequently breaking those commitments not only frustrates your child but also strains your relationship with your spouse, who feels your absence.

Prioritizing work over these meaningful moments can lead to regrets that linger long after the events have passed.

Is Your Spouse Ignoring You?

When your spouse increasingly tunes you out during discussions about feeling trapped at work or your latest reprimand, it’s a telling sign that your job might be harming your marriage.

Their lack of eye contact or distraction with other activities indicates stress, suggesting that your work woes are creating a growing emotional distance between you both.

Do You Desire To Be Left Alone?

Work-related stress can lead to emotional isolation, causing you to withdraw from your spouse in a bid for solitude. This avoidance can be detrimental to your relationship, creating misunderstandings and feelings of neglect.

If you find yourself consistently prioritizing work over connection, it may be a sign that your job is negatively impacting your marriage.

If you really cherish your marriage, pay heed to these signs. Balancing work and love demands conscious effort. Nurture communication, prioritize shared moments over work stress, and cherish the bonds that define your relationship. Remember, a thriving marriage thrives on presence, not just success at work.

Have you ever felt unheard, had your emotions suppressed, or found yourself constantly questioning your actions in a relationship? If so, you might be a victim of manipulation. Manipulation involves harmful influence over others, targeting their mental and emotional sides to achieve personal gain.

Manipulators create an imbalance of power, taking advantage of their victims to gain control, benefits, or privileges at their expense. They lie, make excuses, blame others, or strategically share selective truths to feel superior and powerful.

What are the ways to handle a manipulator impactfully?

There are tactics you can use to deal with a manipulator. Top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi, and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few in this article. 

Do you feel you are being love bombing, and what to do?

When manipulators use love bombing, they shower you with excessive praise, attention, and gifts to create dependence and control. This differs from genuine affection, which seeks nothing in return.

Recognize love bombing by its overwhelming nature, especially early in relationships. Protect yourself by maintaining high self-esteem and healthy boundaries. Be wary of excessive flattery, redirect conversations to objective matters, and focus on facts over emotions. This helps you resist manipulation and maintain control.

Do you think a third person is being involved in how to Avoid Triangulation?

Another form of manipulation in relationships is triangulation, where one person involves a third party to avoid direct communication and manipulate situations to their advantage. To protect oneself, it’s crucial to recognize signs of triangulation early on. Address the issue openly with all parties involved in a group setting to promote clear communication and prevent further manipulation.

Establishing norms for transparent communication and addressing insecurities openly can create a safe emotional environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Are you thinking you need to draw the limit?

Sometimes, saying, “That’s enough” does the trick. It is important to realize that setting clear boundaries is crucial in dealing with manipulators. By defining what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate, you can offer help without being taken advantage of. Keeping a journal of boundaries helps clarify your thoughts and strengthens your resolve.

Manipulators often exploit weak boundaries, so establishing firm limits protects your emotional well-being. Knowing where you end and others begin prevents manipulation, whether through overly rigid or overly involved boundaries.

Body Language Matters to protect yourself against manipulators

Did you know that your body language can reveal a lot about how you feel, which manipulators might use against you?

When dealing with manipulative people, be mindful of signs like crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, slouching, fidgeting, or speaking softly, as these can signal insecurity or submission. Manipulators often use intimidating tactics like standing too close, intense eye contact, or authoritative gestures to assert dominance.

To stay in control, maintain a relaxed posture, direct eye contact, and use assertive gestures. These signals show you won’t be easily manipulated and can help manage such situations effectively.

Are you being pushed into a guilt trip? Don’t feel guilty if you are a victim of manipulation

Say NO to Guilt-Tripping guilt-tripping is when someone uses your emotional connection to manipulate you into doing something, even if you haven’t done anything wrong.

It can strain relationships by making you feel stressed or resentful for not meeting their demands.

To handle a manipulator who guilt-trips you, assert your boundaries firmly and express your feelings clearly. Request that they ask for what they want directly, without emotional manipulation. Make it clear that you have the right to say no and that any agreement will be genuine, not coerced. This approach helps maintain balance in the relationship and reduces the stress and anxiety caused by guilt trips.

Be Calm when you are facing manipulation

Being aggressive doesn’t help when dealing with a manipulator. Instead, staying calm is key. Manipulators aim to provoke emotional reactions to control you, using tactics like belittling or intimidation.

By staying emotionally detached and practising self-regulation, you can frustrate their attempts. Plan your responses calmly to avoid getting caught up in their game of control.

This approach helps you maintain clarity and control over the situation, reducing their influence and preserving your peace of mind. While it is not easy to handle manipulators, understanding their tactics and employing proactive strategies can empower you.

By setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional composure, and fostering transparent communication, you can safeguard your well-being and assert your autonomy in relationships, thwarting manipulation effectively.

Hearing someone say, “I’ve never been in a relationship,” can be surprising in a world where dating is so common. While it might seem unusual, there are many reasons why someone might not have dated before. They might have been focused on their career, studies, or personal interests, or simply never felt the need for a relationship says relationship counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

If you’re interested in someone who has never been in a relationship, it can be both challenging and rewarding. They might be unfamiliar with relationship dynamics, including compromises, adjustments, and handling potential heartbreak.

What are some of the dating tips if he/she has never been in a relationship?

Here are some tips to help you date someone who is new to a relationship as explained by top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Prioritizing Clear Communication 

Effective communication is essential. Someone who has never been in a relationship might not fully grasp its importance. Guide them on how to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

Maintain clear and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings. Help them understand the crucial role that communication plays in building a successful relationship.

Be Direct and Transparent 

Your partner might not be adept at picking up on subtle hints or reading between the lines.

Be straightforward about your feelings, needs, and expectations. Avoid assuming they “should know” certain things. Explain the meanings behind gestures and actions clearly, but do so gently and without aggression.

Appreciate Their Efforts 

Recognize and value their attempts to show affection, whether big or small. They might overdo or underperform in their efforts.

Help them understand that small gestures often hold more significance than grand displays. Positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep expressing their love in meaningful ways.

Establish and Respect Boundaries 

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, but someone new to dating might not fully understand this.

Explain the importance of respecting each other’s space and limits. Help them establish and respect boundaries to create a healthy and balanced relationship.

Ignore External Intrusions 

Friends and peers might be overly curious or intrusive about their new relationship status.

This can be irritating, but try to ignore it. If it becomes overwhelming, discuss it with your partner and suggest they address it with their friends.

Combat Self-Doubt 

It’s natural for someone new to relationships to experience self-doubt. They might wonder why they haven’t been in a relationship before or why you are interested in them.

Reassure them and focus on the present rather than their past. Encourage self-confidence and affirm their worth.

Maintain Humility and Balance 

Avoid letting your relationship experience create an imbalance. Never think or say that you are an expert while they are inexperienced.

This attitude can undermine your relationship. Approach the relationship with humility and a willingness to learn together.

Handle Conflicts Maturely 

Disagreements are normal, but your partner might not know how to handle conflicts in a relationship.

Help them understand that arguments are a part of any relationship and that resolving them healthily is important. Practice patience and model mature conflict resolution.

Approach Future Talks Gradually 

Your partner might eagerly discuss future plans early on, not realizing that relationships typically progress gradually.

Gently explain that it’s important to let things develop naturally over time. Teach them to enjoy the journey without rushing into future commitments.

Discuss Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Discuss your comfort levels with a PDA. They might be overly enthusiastic or hesitant about displaying affection in public.

Communicate openly about what works for both of you and find a middle ground that respects each other’s boundaries.

Dating someone who has never been in a relationship can be challenging, but with patience and understanding, it can also be a rewarding experience.

By focusing on clear communication, setting boundaries, and appreciating their efforts, you can help them navigate the complexities of a relationship. Remember, it takes time for someone new to relationships to learn and adapt, so be supportive and enjoy the journey together.

Dealing with an angry partner can be challenging, but it is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Anger, if not handled properly, can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a communication breakdown. However, by approaching the situation with care and understanding, you can not only diffuse the immediate tension but also foster a deeper connection and trust between you and your partner.

What are some of the ways to deal with when your partner is angry?

Here are five relationship tips to help you navigate this difficult situation and strengthen your bond, ensuring that your relationship remains resilient and supportive even in times of conflict as explained by one of the leading couples therapists in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

1. Listen Actively and Empathetically

When your partner is angry, the first step is to listen actively. Show that you are genuinely interested in understanding their perspective. This involves:

• Maintaining eye contact: This shows you are present and paying attention.
• Nodding or using verbal acknowledgments: Small affirmations like “I see” or “I understand” can help.
• Reflecting back: Paraphrase what they are saying to ensure you understand and to show that you are listening. For example, “It sounds like you are upset because…”

2. Stay Calm and Composed

It is crucial to remain calm when your partner is angry. Reacting with anger will only escalate the situation. Here’s how you can keep your cool:

• Take deep breaths: This can help you stay calm and focused.
• Use a calm tone of voice: Speaking softly and slowly can help de-escalate the situation.
• Pause before responding: Give yourself a moment to process what they have said and to think about your response.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Validation is about acknowledging your partner’s emotions without necessarily agreeing with their point of view. This can help them feel heard and understood:

• Express empathy: Say things like, “I can see why you feel that way” or “I understand that this situation is frustrating for you.”
• Avoid dismissing their feelings: Don’t say things like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal.”

4. Seek to Understand the Root Cause

Often, the surface issue is not the real problem. Try to dig deeper to understand what is truly bothering your partner:

• Ask open-ended questions: Questions like “What’s really bothering you about this?” can help uncover the root cause.
• Look for patterns: Is this a recurring issue? Understanding patterns can help address underlying problems.

5. Offer Solutions and Compromise

Once you understand the issue, work together to find a solution. This shows that you are committed to resolving the conflict and improving the relationship:

• Brainstorm together: Ask your partner what they think might help resolve the issue.
• Be willing to compromise: Find a middle ground that works for both of you.
• Follow through: Make sure to act on any promises or agreements made during the discussion.

Additional Tips

• Give Space if Needed: Sometimes, your partner might need time alone to cool down. Respect their need for space and revisit the conversation later.
• Reflect on Your Own Behavior: Consider if your actions may have contributed to your partner’s anger and how you can change them in the future.
• Seek Professional Help: If anger and conflicts are frequent, consider seeking help from a relationship counselor or therapist.

By listening actively, staying calm, validating feelings, understanding the root cause, and offering solutions, you can effectively deal with your partner’s anger and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Remember, every couple faces conflicts, but how you handle them can make all the difference.

We are living in a time where it is increasingly difficult to differentiate between what is real and what is not. This uncertainty can extend to our most intimate relationships, leaving us questioning whether our partner truly loves us or is subtly manipulating us.

The thrill of new love can be intoxicating, often blurring our judgment. In a healthy relationship, the initial excitement and infatuation will eventually give way to a deeper, more stable connection.

Manipulation is the deliberate psychological influence over others for personal benefit, encompassing both subtle and overt tactics. It involves unfair strategies aimed at gaining control or advantage, making it difficult to detect due to its varied and often cunning approaches. Leading couples therapist in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the ways to recognize it:

How does one recognize the signs of manipulation in a relationship?

Looking for constant reassurance

Seeking constant reassurance in a relationship can be a sign of manipulation. While it’s natural to desire affirmation and security from your partner, excessive neediness can lead to controlling behaviours.

Manipulative individuals may justify their actions by convincing themselves that they are rescuing or proving their care. They might say things like, “Don’t you see how much I care about you?” or “You’re so lucky to have me.”

This behavior can isolate you from others and undermine your independence, indicating deeper issues within the relationship that warrant attention.

Guilt-tripping

When one person in a relationship resorts to guilt-tripping, it often signifies a form of manipulation aimed at securing compliance from the other.

This strategy involves strategically inducing feelings of guilt in order to coerce their partner into actions or decisions they might otherwise resist. A clear indicator of this manipulation is when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries or asserting yourself within the relationship.

The guilt tripper typically expresses dissatisfaction or disappointment when their desires are challenged, leading the other person to give in to alleviate guilt and restore harmony. This cycle perpetuates a dynamic where one partner’s emotional manipulation undermines the other’s autonomy, fostering a skewed power balance detrimental to genuine mutual respect and understanding.

Gaslighting

Did you ever feel like your reality is constantly under attack? Gaslighting in relationships manifests through denial of facts, accusations of imagination, emotional invalidation, and even hiding objects to make you doubt yourself. It erodes your confidence and makes you question your own sanity.

Recognizing these tactics helps identify manipulation, ensuring you safeguard your mental well-being and seek support if needed.

Love bombing

Perhaps one of the most deceptive tactics in relationships is love bombing. Initially, it masquerades as an overwhelming display of affection and attention, leaving one feeling cherished and valued. However, beneath its surface lies manipulation, aiming to control and dominate.

What starts as a euphoric romance can swiftly transform into emotional abuse once the manipulator’s objectives are met, urging caution in the early stages of any relationship.

When you question your own identity

Another sign of manipulation in a relationship is when one partner feels afraid of triggering the other’s anger or displeasure, constantly monitoring and compromising themselves to avoid conflict.

This behaviour often leads to a loss of individual identity, as the manipulated partner gives up their opinions, and interests, and even alters their lifestyle to please the dominant partner. The manipulator may isolate their partner from friends, family, and personal activities, exerting control over their choices and expression of self.

When you are being constantly monitored

This is yet another insidious sign of manipulation in a relationship, where frequent texts, calls, or emails evolve into controlling behaviour. What may start as innocent communication can escalate into jealousy, accusations of infidelity, and attempts to isolate you from loved ones.

This invasive monitoring of your interactions and movements reflects a desire for dominance, eroding your autonomy and fostering a climate of fear and dependency.

While relationships can be sources of joy and support, vigilance is important to detect manipulation. Recognizing signs like constant reassurance-seeking, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, lovebombing, identity questioning, and excessive monitoring can protect one’s emotional well-being and autonomy.

Human nature often compels us to point fingers at others when things go wrong. We are wired to blame external circumstances or people rather than introspect and hold ourselves accountable. This knee-jerk reaction is only heightened under stress or frustration, leading to conflicts that can strain relationships. 

While differences in perspective can enrich a relationship, a disagreement that escalates into harsh words and unbridgeable divides leaves no winners.

How do couples stop blaming each other and maintain a healthy relationship?

Let’s find out from leading couples therapist and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, the 5 simple ways of doing so.

Being Self-Reflective

Blaming others in a relationship often masks our own flaws through projection, making us feel innocent of any wrongdoing. By becoming self-reflective, we can recognize when our anger or hurt is actually rooted in traits we dislike in ourselves.

This awareness helps us avoid the mental error of assuming our partner is at fault. Instead of reacting, we can discuss our feelings and understand each other’s perspectives. This approach allows us to collaboratively solve issues, like tidying the kitchen before guests arrive, and fosters mutual understanding. A heartfelt apology after such discussions strengthens the relationship.

Change your Mindset

When it comes to resolving conflicts in a relationship, adopting an “us vs. the problem” mindset is key. This approach shifts focus away from blaming each other and instead emphasizes collaboration. By acknowledging that the issue itself is valid without dredging up past grievances, both partners can work together more effectively.

Rather than seeing disagreements as competitions, viewing them as shared challenges encourages teamwork. Taking responsibility for individual contributions to the conflict and prioritizing resolution fosters patience and strengthens the bond between partners.

This mindset promotes positive problem-solving and prevents the need to prove oneself right using past hurts, ultimately nurturing a healthier and more supportive relationship.

Find out The Root Cause

Many a time, arguments in relationships stem from deeper issues rather than the surface topics they appear to be about. These underlying issues often revolve around power dynamics, trust issues, respect concerns, and differing needs for personal space.

Identifying these fundamental differences is crucial because it allows couples to address the root cause of their conflicts, rather than merely treating the symptoms. This understanding can prevent recurring arguments and foster more meaningful resolutions.

However, due to the intense emotions and vulnerability involved, this process is often best facilitated with the guidance of a trusted third party, such as a counselor or mediator. By delving beneath the surface and addressing these core issues, couples can break free from the cycle of blame and build a stronger, more harmonious relationship based on mutual understanding and respect.

Building Lasting Bonds

Nurturing your relationship daily is crucial not just for handling conflicts but for preventing them from escalating. Spending quality time together and engaging in activities that strengthen your bond can prevent the blame game.

Showing regular appreciation and affection, and communicating openly about needs and desires, promotes understanding and reduces misunderstandings.

Positive relationships enhance well-being by sharing positive memories, offering support, and emotionally engaging with each other. This daily effort creates a supportive environment where conflicts are managed constructively, rather than becoming a battleground of blame.

The Debating Game

The debating game offers a proactive approach to resolving conflicts in relationships by fostering empathy and understanding. Instead of reacting to arguments defensively, both partners choose a calm moment to discuss their differences.

Sitting together in a quiet space, they take turns role-playing each other’s perspectives for an extended period, ensuring all angles are thoroughly explored. This exercise not only deepens empathy but also facilitates a clearer understanding of each other’s viewpoints.

By the end of the debate, both partners share what they’ve learned, offering constructive strategies to handle future disagreements more effectively. This method transforms blame into mutual understanding, paving the way for healthier, more empathetic relationships.

Think of your relationship as a journey of mutual growth and understanding. By cultivating self-reflection, adopting a collaborative mindset, addressing root causes, nurturing daily bonds, and engaging in constructive debates, couples can transcend the blame game. Embrace empathy, communicate openly, and build a foundation of trust for a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.