Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Relationship Tips by Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Many of you believe that love should be similar to the kind of romance you see portrayed in movies, television, and storybooks. Due to this notion, you may feel that a romantic relationship are less if you do not experience this kind of fairy tale relationship.

Many a time you feel like if you can have a perfect prince or princess then life will be a lot easier. You will think that your life will be safer forever.

The reality is you did marry a prince or a princess but that person is also a human, who will have faults and shortcomings like any other person, does not matter how wonderful he or she is. You need to understand that at some point you have to let go of the unrealistic metaphor of romantic love in order to search true happiness.

So, how could you make relationships work and remain happy?

You need to begin with the understanding of what eternal love is and then redefine and update the romantic fairy-tale into a healthier kind of love.

Today, Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals how to create a strong, intimate relationship. Here they are. These will help you to create true intimacy, find real love and be truly happy in your relationship.

Use Relationships to Teach You How to Be Complete within

Relationships are not just about having another person fulfil you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “ONE” to love the gaps in a relationship as much as the closeness.

Look Your Partner For Who He or She Really Is

The tragedy in romance happens when you look at the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to show, the idea of him or her. When you understand that more often than not you do not actually know your partner, you start to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

Be Willing To Learn From Each Other

The idea is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the image of how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and pointing fingers, remain awake to what is yet to be healed in yourself.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In order to accept that love cannot save you from being alone, try to learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the core of the relationship, you will feel complete and happy.

Own Who You Are

We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re desiring for something that is beyond reach, something in our partner that we do not think we possess in ourselves. Sadly, when we finally get love, we discover that we have not got what we were looking for.

Understand that true love only exists by loving yourself first. You can get only from another person what you are willing to give yourself.

Embrace Ordinariness

Once the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we find ordinariness, and we often try to do everything we can to avoid it. The idea is to see that ordinariness can become the real “spice” of intimacy. The daily loveliness of sharing life with your partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

Monitor Closely Why a Fight May Start

Many couples create distance by fighting and then making up time and again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating scenes and escaping real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you will have a better sense of why you are fighting and are likely to fight less.

Expand Your Heart

One thing that unites us is that we all want to be happy. This happiness generally includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create true intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good inside you. It will be easier to identify the good in your partner when become connected to the good in yourself.

Focus on Giving Love

True happiness is not about feeling good about yourselves because other people love you this is more about how well you have loved yourselves and others. The unintentional result of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

Let Go Of Expectations

You might look at things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will certainly cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in particular ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Create upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurture to yourself when you require it. This way you can allow love to come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

These are some ways by exploring them you can create a strong and intimate relationship.

Being emotional is a part of human nature. But the problem arises when getting emotional becomes a regular pattern, as it leads one to become emotionally fragile, which is certainly not a good thing to happen. However, there might come a time in your life when your emotions have been depleted, and you need to search for ways to recharge yourself so that you continue to lead a good life. When you become emotionally exhausted, it is difficult to get anything done.

Delhi’s eminent marriage counsellor and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell us ways to get emotionally stronger. Here are some points.

Identify Where You Are

All of us have transition phases in our lives, and when you are in the middle of one of them, it can be difficult to see what really is going on. You may feel disconnected from your work, or perhaps you are mentally drained, which is an uncomfortable emotional experience. So it is very important to identify your own surroundings where you are.

Take A Break

It’s possible you just need a wait for a few days (or a few months) to allow things to settle down or discover an answer to your related to your concerns. People who do not take break tend to burn out, so save yourself from that agony and frustration by taking a rest when you need to, even if you don’t really think that you need it. It will help you to analyze the situation better and will lead to being emotionally stronger as compared to your previous situation.

Compose Yourself

Whatsoever, self-calming methods you have learned or applied in the past, now is the time to dust them off and start your method again. Developing emotional strength requires daily practice, just like developing physical strength. Whether you meditate daily, listen to music, or simply have a quiet cup of tea in your garden, it will not only recharge you but will also contribute towards becoming emotionally stronger.

Socialize With People Who Loves You

This could be actually difficult if you are in a wounded position and do not want your loved ones to notice you this way, but it is a great healer. You can try to say, “I am slightly down on energy today and looking for a break. How would you feel about just socializing out?” This will allow them to know where you are without providing details, and you can have a day of unwinding yourself.

Try Something Different

Many a times you might have observed that doing new things increases your association with life and those close to you. If you have never tried new things like hiking or trekking now, it could be a good time to do it and connect with nature. Just by reviewing the to-do list will help you identify what adventure you want to take.

Get Counselling

There will be times when you will not be feeling yourself or may not able to find a way. This may require an outside perspective to give you another perspective that you need to take action or to stop doing something that is not benefiting you. So seeking counseling can be beneficial. It could be hard to feel that even though you may love something, it might not be good for you at a particular moment in life. So letting go things might help you in becoming emotionally stronger.

Are you finding it difficult to get along with your mother-in-law? Do you wish you could have less stress over your relationship with her?

Whenever we think about a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, unfortunately, most of the time a negative image comes to our mind. In-laws can be the cause of a great deal of stress and frustration especially, to a young mother if she is not equipped to balance the demands of child-caring,
house-cleaning, working and nurturing the relationships of her loved ones.

Mothers-in-law may be difficult to manage as some may benchmark you against their high standards, pick on everything you do (especially if you are living with them) and interfere when you try to discipline your kids. But there are some ways to help resolve disputes with your mother-in-law.

Renowned, marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to have a better mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. Here, they are:

1. Pick Your Battles

Not everything is worth arguing over. If your mother-in-law prefers you to follow a certain criterion when you keep your stuff.  Particularly, if you live in her place, give yourself space and time to accommodate her preferences.

When it comes to arguments over issues which are really important like the choice of school for your kid, you can at least remind her in a polite manner that you listened to her for a lot of  other things and followed them. Can she let you have your own way for this one thing?

2. Try to Woo Her At Regular Intervals

You might be thinking. Is it really possible? Nevertheless, give it a second thought. Every woman likes to be loved and appreciated, not just by their husbands and sons but even by their daughters-in-law. Keep aside your pride and ego, and ask her out for her favourite activity or thing once in a while.

Set aside time and a reasonable budget (you don’t need to go overboard) to take her to eat her favourite cuisine, shop for clothes, travel on an affordable holiday or treat her to a movie or a concert of her choice.

Give a beautiful bouquet of flowers once in a while and let her show it in front of her friends. Even a
small act of love, like buying her lunch or dinner when she is sick, will help
to open her heart towards you.

3.  Never Try To Out-Argue Her. Especially In Front of Others

As Indians, we value respect towards our elders a lot. More so as a daughter-in-law. Even if your mother-in-law is wrong, unless this is a life-threatening event, let her have the last say and absorb your words. When she is cooled down and you too, try interacting with her nicely, and ask her to consider your point of view too.

Yes, it means you have to eat humble pie, but if you value your relationship with her, somebody needs to take a step back first. After some time, when she feels you are not a threatening daughter-in-law, she may change her stance on how she responds to you.

4.  Find Allies

If you can make an ally with anyone else to intervene on your behalf, for example, your husband, children or siblings-in-law, do it in advance. Build goodwill with them so they can vouch you’re not a bad daughter-in-law when you get into a dispute with your mother-in-law.

5.   Discuss Your Concerns

There are many external factors that throw a spanner into your relationship with your mother-in-law. These could include stresses in getting a job, managing demands of work and family, health issues of yourself or family members, or major changes diet, going back to your studies etc.

If you do face external concerns, share them with your mother-in-law. Try to let her understand what’s going on in your life and how you’re trying your best to figure these things out. She may just give you that little bit of extra space you need at the moment and at best can also, provide you with a good idea.

Anybody who has been a victim of workplace bullying knows the pain that this type of harassment and humiliation causes. Well, once the bully has been dealt with, don’t expect to feel fine afterwards. While you may feel a sense of relief, that you are no longer experiencing the daily stress of working with a bully, you also may have some residual impact from what you experienced. Workplace bullying often has a lasting impact on your overall mental and physical health.

As a result, there will be days when the path to recovery may be challenging. Something somebody says may trigger those familiar feelings of anxiety. Or, you may worry every time you disagree with somebody. These feelings are all normal. But with minor work and extra effort in taking care of yourself, you will get your life back. What’s more, you can take what happened to you in the workplace and learn from it. Use it to strengthen you as you move forward with your life and your career.

The key is to not grant what happened to you define who you are as a person. Identify that workplace bullies have a choice. You did not deserve to be bullied. Place the responsibility for the bullying on the shoulders of the bully and move forward. Leave the hurtful words and the actions in the past.

Eminent psychologist and corporate counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo share 5 ways to heal from workplace bullying. Here they are.

1.  Make Your Health A Priority

Victims of workplace bullying deal with a bulk of health issues including sleeplessness, stomach issues, headaches, and stress conditions. They also may deal with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, eating disorders, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Talk to your doctor about any symptoms you are feeling. It’s also a good idea to find a counselor.

Remember, being targeted by a workplace bully does more than affect your mood or self-esteem. It also can affect your physical health. Do not defer in taking care of yourself. Neglecting your symptoms can lead to a host of other health issues. Staying healthy should be your top priority.

2.  Find Emotional Support and Validation

When bullying happens, the victim is often accused of having a problem or being the problem. Continuous criticism, rumors, lies, and gossip can take its toll leaving you feeling lonely, isolated and hopeless. But remember you are not alone. In fact, workplace bullying is a widespread issue that affects workers daily. Consider finding a support group in your area or starting one of your own. Find validation for what you have experienced and identify that there is nothing wrong with you. It will take work to build up your self-esteem and overall confidence again, but it can be done.

3.  Change How You Look At the Experience

Many times, a person who has been bullied develops a very narrow view of life because the bullying they experienced consumes their every thought. Think about things other than what you have gone through, things that have meaning or purpose in your life.

There are several benefits to positive thinking. If you are having trouble doing this on your own, a counsellor can help you redirect your thought processes. What’s more, avoid feeling guilty about how you confronted the bully or the length of time it took you to take action. These things are in the past. Leave them there.

4. Educate Yourself about Workplace Bullying

If you are puzzled by what has happened to you, read everything you can about workplace bullying. While it can be frustrating to read about the issue, in the long run, it will help you come to terms with what happened to you.

What’s more, being educated about bullying will prepare you for future confrontations. Some victims of workplace bullying even become advocates or support group leaders for others suffering at the hands of a workplace bully.

 5. Find Closure and A New Beginning

Part of the healing process is being able to put the past behind you and detach from the trauma and humiliation you experienced. Sometimes finding this closure involves switching jobs or careers. But you also need to realize that your identity is tied to more than just your work.

Rediscover who you are. Develop new interests, new hobbies, new goals, and new dreams. Do not allow yourself to be preoccupied with what happened to you. Instead, find a better way to shift your focus and put the past behind you.