Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Relationships are rarely perfect. Every couple experiences phases of closeness and distance, highs and lows. Yet, it’s often the little things—a warm hug, holding hands, or a gentle touch on the shoulder—that strengthen emotional bonds. Human touch plays a far more powerful role than many realize, promoting happiness, trust, and emotional security. Simple gestures like caresses, back rubs, or embraces release oxytocin, reducing stress and deepening connections.

When touch is absent for too long, a condition known as touch starvation can develop, creating feelings of isolation and distress. Recognizing its signs and learning ways to reconnect physically and emotionally is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of India’s top couples and marriage counselors.

Understanding Touch Starvation

Touch starvation, sometimes called “skin hunger,” occurs when the body goes without nurturing physical contact. The skin’s nerves and pressure receptors respond to touch, triggering the release of “feel-good” chemicals like oxytocin. Without it, the nervous system can become restless, increasing stress and loneliness. Over time, prolonged absence of touch can impact both emotional and psychological well-being.

Why Does Physical Touch Matter?

Humans are wired for connection. From birth, gentle touch communicates safety, love, and security. Touch continues to play a vital role throughout life, offering multiple benefits:

• Reduces Stress: Touch lowers cortisol levels, calms the nervous system, and boosts mood-regulating chemicals like dopamine and serotonin.

• Strengthens Emotional Bonds: Hugs and gentle touches release oxytocin, enhancing trust, intimacy, and positive feelings toward others.

• Promotes Physical Health: Regular nurturing touch can improve immunity and lower blood pressure.

• Supports Mental Health: Touch has been shown to ease sadness, reduce anxiety, and lift overall mood.

Even small gestures—such as holding hands, a pat on the back, or a gentle embrace—can make a profound difference.

Signs You May Be Touch-Starved

Feeling disconnected from your partner or loved ones may indicate touch starvation. Common signs include:

• Persistent Loneliness: You may feel isolated even when surrounded by loved ones if physical affection is missing.

• Mood Imbalances: Lack of touch can reduce oxytocin levels, leading to irritability, anxiety, or low mood.

• Heightened Sensitivity: When touch is scarce, even brief physical contact can feel deeply comforting and emotionally significant.

Ways to Overcome Touch Starvation

• Self-Touch and Self-Care – Self-touch, like hugging yourself or placing a hand over your heart, can provide comfort and ease stress. Practicing mindful self-care, extending compassion inward, and treating yourself with kindness are essential parts of addressing touch starvation.

• Communicate with Loved Ones – Openly expressing your need for physical affection with your partner, family, or friends can help bridge the gap. Virtual interactions, such as video calls or heartfelt conversations, can also provide emotional nourishment when in-person contact isn’t possible.

• Alternative Forms of Touch – Engaging in activities that provide tactile stimulation, such as pet therapy, massage, weighted blankets, or using stress-relief objects, can help satisfy the body’s need for touch.

• Appreciate Small Gestures – Daily, simple acts—like sitting close, sharing a gentle touch, or exchanging a meaningful glance—can strengthen intimacy and connection. Even subtle gestures contribute to emotional bonding.

• Reconnect Through Memory – Recalling past moments of affection can reinforce emotional closeness and help the mind feel the warmth of nurturing touch.

Touch is more than physical contact; it is essential emotional nourishment. When absent, it can leave individuals feeling lonely, anxious, and disconnected. However, through self-care, communication, mindfulness, and small acts of connection, touch starvation can be addressed. Rebuilding meaningful physical and emotional closeness helps restore trust, love, and well-being in relationships.

We live in an era where boys and girls fall in love quickly—and drift apart just as easily. Whether you are in a situationship, where you are still in the friendship zone, and not yet a couple, or a texlationship, which is based primarily on texting with little to no real-life interaction, modern relationships are undeniably volatile.

With the advent of social media, true emotions are hard to decipher. We often wonder if in this age of interconnectedness, we have actually become more disconnected. Amid the noise of notifications and filtered personas, have we lost the warmth of genuine human connection? Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a relationship expert and certified relationship counsellor, tells her readers what being in a relationship truly means.

In simple words, the term ‘relationship’ refers to the connection or bond between two or more people. When a couple is in a relationship, they are emotionally attached to each other. Leading marriage counsellor in India, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, explains the real meaning of relationship in this blog.

What is The Real Meaning of Being in A Relationship?

To have Faith

Yes, perhaps the ubiquitous truth—faith or trust is the basic foundation of any healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship with someone, the ability to believe in them, the way they behave and their intentions is vital. Faith means giving someone the benefit of the doubt, even when circumstances test your patience.

It’s knowing that your partner has your best interests at heart, even when times are tough. Without faith, insecurity creeps in, and love slowly erodes. It’s not only about trusting that your partner would choose fidelity over betrayal, but also trusting that they will show up for you emotionally, be honest with their feelings, and stand by your side through life’s unpredictability.

To Understand Each Other

Love is not the only glue that holds a relationship together. Mutual understanding is very important. Partners need to understand each other. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. A couple should be able to understand each other’s feelings and emotions without always having to explain them.

To understand someone is to be aware of their feelings, to have empathy, and to genuinely care about their inner world. Studies reveal that most of the relationships crumble not because couples fall out of love, but because there is a lack of proper understanding and communication.

To Not Judge Each Other

Another very important aspect in a relationship is not to judge each other. Many a time, even if the partners know each other well, it’s easy to fall into the trap of making assumptions or passing judgments, especially during moments of stress or disagreement. When one partner feels judged, it can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, or even resentment.

Instead, couples should sit together and sort out their misunderstandings with patience, empathy and open communication. The moment you start judging each other over trivial issues, the trust that has been built over time can begin to erode.

To Stand by Each Other

In a true relationship, partners should always stand by each other, irrespective of the situation. One cannot always predict the challenges life will throw their way, but unconditional support, empathy, and commitment help couples endure and grow stronger.

It doesn’t really matter what the issue is; the most important thing is to be with your significant other when they need you the most. It is not only about celebrating the joys – it’s also about weathering the storms together.

To be friends first

If you want a fulfilling relationship, a true relationship, then be a friend to your partner. Friendship is perhaps the most important ingredient of a successful relationship. Friends understand each other, accept each other the way they are and do not judge. It’s easy to be swept away by passion or attraction, but those flames alone can flicker and fade.

That is ephemeral. What truly lasts forever is the kind of connection rooted in friendship. When you are a friend to your partner, you forgive each other easily without holding grudges. Communication is candid. There are no ifs and buts.

To Accept Their Imperfections

A relationship becomes meaningful when you accept your partner just the way they are. Nobody is perfect. You may be good at something your partner struggles with, and vice versa. That’s the true meaning of being in a relationship, when you accept each other’s flaws and strengths equally, supporting one another through growth and vulnerability.

When you love someone, you do not try to change them or mold them into someone they are not. Instead, you embrace their imperfections and create a safe space where both of you can be your authentic selves. A meaningful relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. It’s not about fixing each other, but about growing together. It’s about being each other’s anchor during the storms and celebrating the sunshine side by side.

Ultimately, being in a relationship means having faith, understanding each other deeply, and accepting one another without judgment. It’s about being true friends, offering unconditional support, and embracing imperfections. A real relationship is built on trust, empathy, and love that grows stronger through every challenge shared together.

For those fortunate enough to have loved ones nearby, hugging could have substantial health benefits. Sadly, people who have been deprived of availing of physical touch during the pandemic that led to social isolation and lockdowns have felt the detrimental health impacts that a lack of physical touch could impose. Video calls are useful strategies to feel close to others when face-to-face interactions are not feasible, but nothing comes closer to being with loved ones in person.

Shivani says in simple words you can put hugging that can be described as a handshake from the heart. The simple act of embracing forms feel-good energy for both the giver and recipient. Science has been looking into its positive impacts, and several studies related to hugging, cuddling, and touching have been seeing the same conclusion—hugging is a vital part of human development.

Human touch or hugging is equally vital for both babies and adults opines Shivani Sadhoo.

How a hug can help your loved ones physically?

India’s top psychologist and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the amazing benefits of the ever so magical “Hug”.

Hugging is heart-friendly

Embracing triggers the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. In one experiment at the University of North Carolina, participants who did not have any contact with their partners formed a quickened heart rate of 10 beats per minute, compared to the 5 beats per minute among those who got to hug their partners during the experiment.

Reduces stress naturally

If you are feeling a little drained or pressured, get someone you care about and provide them an all-enveloping hug. Research has seen that embracing lowers the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) in human bodies, freeing tension and sending calming messages to the brain.

It could minimize fears

A study conducted on fears and self-esteem checked into the link between human touch and lowering the fear of mortality. Participants were more likely to have less anxiety about death when being lightly touched or hugging an inanimate thing such as a teddy bear.

Giving hugs to babies help them become a well-prepared adult

Touch is vital to infants, particularly in their early stages of life as it assists them to bond with others while they get older. A study was done that compared a group of adopted kids whose first years were spent in orphanages where they did not receive physical contact, to kids who were raised by an affectionate family. It found that the adopted children had significantly lesser levels of vasopressin—a hormone that has a role in familial recognition and bonding —compared to others.

It is vital for adults too

Physical touch and hugging could counter feelings of loneliness that grow as people get older. A retirement home in New York did a study in which they conducted a program called “Embraceable You.” The logic was to encourage cross-generational contact and touch amongst residents and staff members in an attempt to improve the residents’ well-being. The outcomes were conclusive, with residents who were touched or given hugs 3 or more times a day had more energy, felt less depressed, were better capable to concentrate, and got more restful sleep compared to their less-hugged counterparts.