Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

We all know that the wounds of betrayal cut deep. The act itself is painful, but it’s the breaking of trust that leaves lasting scars. When someone you love and trust betrays you, it feels like your world is crumbling.

Your sense of security vanishes, and you’re left questioning everything—your partner, your relationship, and even yourself. In these moments of profound hurt, one question often looms large: Can you truly forgive the person who hurt you?

Eminent marriage counselor and relationship counselor, in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her thoughts on the topic.

Forgiveness is more than just saying “I forgive you.” It’s a personal decision to let go of anger and the desire to punish someone who has betrayed your trust. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you approve of their actions or let them off the hook for what they did. It also doesn’t mean you should forget what happened or stop holding them accountable.

Instead, forgiveness is about choosing not to hold onto grudges or resentment. This process can be important for your own well-being and can help rebuild trust in the relationship. While you may still worry about the possibility of being hurt again, forgiveness can pave the way for better communication, understanding, and stability in the relationship.

What are the Ways to Try Forgiving Your Partner?

Relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo, says some of the ways to forgive your partner are:

Face the Fact

Perhaps the first and foremost step in forgiving your partner is to face the truth head-on. Acknowledge that betrayal has occurred. There is no point in denying the fact. Embrace the reality of the situation without falling into denial.

Accepting the betrayal allows you to start processing the emotions and understanding what went wrong. This step is essential for moving forward; it paves the way for healing by helping you confront the pain and begin to work through it. Only by accepting the truth can you truly begin the journey of forgiveness.

Be Honest to Your Feelings

Be true to yourself and acknowledge all your emotions—anger, disappointment, or pain. It’s normal to feel these things after a betrayal. Allow yourself to fully grieve the loss of trust and the relationship. Don’t bottle up your feelings; express them openly. Reflect on how the betrayal has affected you and communicate these feelings to your partner. Both partners should share their emotions to foster understanding and healing.

Analyse The Root Cause

Before you reach a conclusion, it is essential to understand and analyze the root cause. Try to find out the reason for the betrayal. Reflect on what led to this moment and whether unresolved issues or unspoken feelings contributed. Both partners need to be honest and open, avoiding blame or insults. Remember, the goal is to work together towards healing, not to attack each other.

Candid Conversation

Always remember that words can heal as well as hurt. If you choose to forgive your partner, open communication is essential. This means not just talking but truly listening to each other. Both partners must be ready to share their feelings, fears, and concerns honestly.

Discuss what led to the betrayal and what changes are needed to prevent it in the future. It’s important to focus on learning from past mistakes rather than dwelling on them. Set new expectations and boundaries together, and be transparent about everything. Keeping promises and meeting expectations are vital for rebuilding trust and moving forward.

Patience

Time can be a powerful healer, though it often demands patience. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is not an overnight process; it requires steady, consistent efforts from both partners. The one who betrayed must show through their actions, not just words, that they are truly committed to change.

This means going the extra mile to demonstrate reliability and honesty but remember, meaningful change takes time. The hurt partner must stay positive and believe in their partner’s genuine efforts, understanding that rebuilding trust involves ongoing commitment. Both partners need to work together with patience, believing that, over time, their relationship can be mended and strengthened.

Sometimes, rebuilding a relationship after betrayal involves facing the truth, acknowledging your feelings, and understanding the root cause. Open, honest communication and patience are key. Forgiveness is about letting go of grudges and working together to rebuild trust. Though challenging, it can lead to deeper understanding and a stronger bond.

Marriage is more than just a union between two lovers; it’s a merging of families, cultures, and traditions. When you take those sacred vows in front of the fire, you’re not only pledging your love to your partner but also weaving together two families, each with its own set of customs, values, and dynamics.

The idea of living with in-laws can stir up a myriad of emotions. For some, it’s an opportunity to strengthen family bonds and enjoy the support system that comes with extended family.

For others, it can be a potential minefield of conflict and tension. So, how does sharing your living space with your in-laws really impact your marriage?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading marriage and family therapist in Delhi and Gurgaon shares 5 ways to deal with the situation.

What are Some of the Challenges Faced?

According to Shivani some of the seen challenges are:

Controlling In-Laws

When in-laws are overly controlling—dictating living arrangements, and child-rearing choices, and reacting poorly to non-compliance—tension rises.

This issue intensifies if your spouse sides with them, adding pressure to your relationship. Addressing it promptly is essential to avoid escalating stress and conflict.

Violation Of Privacy

When in-laws frequently infringe on your privacy, it can cause unnecessary tension in your relationship. You may feel the need to set boundaries, but if your partner dismisses your concerns because it’s family, it can lead to frustration and resentment.

This lack of support might undermine the unity in your relationship, making you feel unsupported and isolated.

Being too Judgmental

It becomes incredibly frustrating when in-laws judge and criticize every move you make, as they often impose their own expectations on your newlywed life.

Their judgments about your career choices or parenting can erode your confidence and strain your relationship.

Being Manipulative

Sometimes, in-laws use guilt-tripping as a manipulative tool to control their child’s partner, making them feel inadequate or like they’re making poor decisions.

This tactic can cause significant strain on the relationship, creating a rift between you and your partner, especially if your partner is swayed by the guilt while you’re trying to resist. Such behavior fosters anger, resentment, and distance.

What are the Strategies to Deal with It?

Some of the best ways to deal with it are:

Honest Communication

It may sound cliché, but effective communication is crucial in any relationship, including those with in-laws. Responses to in-law issues often reflect past experiences, such as a woman’s protectiveness due to a close bond with her mother after an early divorce or a husband’s nervousness from a critical father.

Understanding each other’s backgrounds and fostering open, respectful dialogue—while addressing concerns calmly and empathetically—can prevent misunderstandings and emotional conflicts.

Address The Problem

Many a time, we often choose to ignore problems, but this approach isn’t effective, especially when dealing with issues involving your in-laws.

If their behavior is negatively affecting you and your relationship, pretending it doesn’t matter won’t make it disappear; in fact, it will only worsen over time, impacting both your personal well-being and your relationship.

Facing the issue directly, rather than avoiding it, will lead to a healthier, more balanced life.

Maintain Clear-cut Boundaries

Set clear boundaries early on and adhere to them consistently to maintain peace and sanity. When in-laws or others are given excessive leeway, it can quickly lead to chaos.

Be assertive in defining your limits on issues like finances, unsolicited advice, and personal space. Communicate these boundaries clearly and reinforce them regularly to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.

Empathy

Being empathetic can ease the challenges of living with in-laws. By trying to understand their perspective, you may reduce their impact on your life. Harmony requires curiosity and empathy, allowing everyone involved to feel understood.

When people feel heard, they are more open to flexibility and change, creating a more peaceful and accommodating environment.

Keep Calm

When your in-laws make offensive comments, resist the urge to react impulsively. Instead, take time to cool off before addressing the issue. A brief pause helps everyone approach the situation more calmly and constructively.

Prioritize addressing significant issues over minor disagreements, and choose your battles wisely to maintain family harmony and your own peace of mind.

What to take out of this?

There is always a way to manage the complexities of living with in-laws and maintain a healthy marriage. By fostering honest communication, addressing issues directly, setting clear boundaries, practicing empathy, and staying calm, you can create a harmonious environment and strengthen your relationship.

Self-care is often viewed as a luxury, but it is, in fact, a necessity for maintaining both personal well-being and healthy relationships. In today’s fast-paced world, taking time to care for oneself is essential to manage stress, enhance emotional health, and maintain physical fitness.

Moreover, self-care significantly impacts how we interact with our partners and can be a cornerstone for a thriving relationship, says one of India’s leading marital and family therapists Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care involves any activity that we deliberately engage in to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Simple activities like exercising, reading a book, meditating, or even taking a break from social media can be forms of self-care.

By prioritizing these activities, we replenish our energy and reset our minds, which is crucial for managing day-to-day stressors effectively.

What is the Impact of Neglecting Self-Care?

When we neglect self-care, it often leads to burnout, irritability, and emotional exhaustion. These states can adversely affect our relationships, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of intimacy.

For instance, when an individual is constantly stressed and exhausted, they may become short-tempered and less patient, making it difficult to communicate effectively with their partner.

Conversely, when we are well-rested and emotionally balanced, we are more likely to approach our relationships with patience, understanding, and empathy.

What about the Self-Care and Boundary Setting?

Self-care is not only about personal health but also about setting boundaries and learning to say no. This is particularly important in relationships where individuals may feel pressured to constantly meet their partner’s needs, often at the expense of their own well-being.

By practicing self-care, individuals learn to balance their own needs with those of their partner, leading to a healthier and more reciprocal relationship dynamic.

What are the Possible Benefits of Self-Care for Relationships?

For relationships, self-care has a dual benefit. Firstly, it ensures that each partner is functioning at their best, contributing positively to the relationship.

Secondly, it sets a precedent for mutual respect and understanding. When one partner sees the other taking time for self-care, it can inspire them to do the same, fostering an environment where both individuals feel valued and supported.

What are the Outcomes of Shared Self-Care Activities?

Engaging in self-care together as a couple can also strengthen the bond. Activities like taking a walk together, cooking a healthy meal, or practicing mindfulness can be ways for couples to connect and support each other’s well-being.

This shared commitment to self-care can enhance intimacy and create a deeper sense of partnership.

Self-care is vital for both individual health and the health of relationships. It allows individuals to maintain their mental, emotional, and physical well-being, which in turn makes them better partners.

By prioritizing self-care, we can manage stress more effectively, communicate more clearly, and nurture our relationships more lovingly. Therefore, integrating self-care into our daily routine is not just a personal investment, but a commitment to fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships.