We are living in a modern-day world which is fast-paced and there is no getting around it. Everywhere people around us, are working and trying to be as productive as they can. A majority of the individuals these days want to create their marks on the world and sometimes that comes at the expense of their relationships. Particularly, in India, where most people have to work for 6 days a week and have to spend 12-15 hours a day away from home and family.  Not only this, to overcome the challenges of daily needs of this hectic pace world there is a trend where both the married partners are busy professionally too. This kind of scenario left very little time for couples to spend quality time with each other on a consistent note.

Of course, there is no denying that to a lot of people, relationships always take backseats as compared to their careers and their personal ambitions. However, it is still not fair to say that people completely disregard relationships these days. It is just that they are getting a little tougher to manage because so many people are looking to achieve more in various aspects of their life. Still, it is a tricky thing for couples to manage both relationship and job.

So, ideally what should be done. Should one opt for a career or a relationship? Is it possible for two busy professionals who are husband and wife to possibly maintain a romantic life with each other? Or how two individuals who are really busy can sustain their relationship without compromising on the other dimensions of their lives?

Eminent marriage counselor, psychologist and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo provides some solutions to all the above-mentioned questions. Here they are.

Make It A Point To Arrange Your Dates And Do Not Miss On Them.

Dates are essential. It is called dating for a purpose. You cannot be dating if you do not go out on dates with each other. When you are in a relationship, no matter how hectic and how tight things might get, you got to be able to manage your schedules in a way that provides substantial time for dates. And more important than that, you have to ensure that you do not miss out or cancel dates. When you mark your dates into your schedules, you have to make sure that you always present up (until and unless there is an extreme situation wherein you really have no other option than cancelling it). If it is not a matter of life or death, then everything else in life will have to take a backseat for your date once you agree on a viable schedule for the both of you to meet. Plant a schedule and remain stick to it.

Devote Time For Each Other And The Relationship In Your Regular Routine

Nowadays time is always going to be the most precious thing that we could ever get or give in our lives. Time is not something that we can purchase nor is it something that we can expand or shorten. Whatever time you have you need to properly utilize it. This is why it is important that we only really devote our time for the things that matter most to us. So, if your relationship is really vital to you, then you have to be willing and dedicated to devoting a substantial amount of time to your partner in your regular routine. You got to be able to make time out of your schedule for your relationship if you really want things to work in a nice manner.

Answer The Phone Or Text Whenever It Comes

Very often, a lot of individuals will fall into the trap of responding late or waiting too long to return missed calls. Never let that be the scenario for your relationship. Given your frantic schedules, you have to grab whatever opportunity that you can avail to communicate with one another irrespective of the platform.

Make It A Point To Never Overlook The Minor Things

If you have a habit of relying solely on the grand and bigger moments of the relationship to give you joy and fulfilment, then you are never going to feel happy or content. As someone who is repeatedly busy and is always looking to achieve great things, you always want instant gratification. It is important for you to have results that are on the spot. You cannot afford to carry that kind of mannerisms into your relationships. In a relationship, you got to have the ability to embrace the grind of it all. You need to place emphasis on even the simplest things in the relationship. You ought to give them value. Does not matter how simple the moments that you share with your partner are, you have to treat them like a valued treasure. You cannot take the minor things for granted because you are never going to find pleasure in your relationship that way.

Be Willing To Make A Little Compromises And Sacrifices For Your Partner

Compromises are a part of the relationship. While you must not be willing to sacrifice all of your greatest goals and aspirations for your relationship. At the same time, you cannot act to be rigid and inflexible either. You need to be able to adjust your goals in ways where everybody wins. It cannot always just be about you only. You have to think and take care of the needs of your partner as well. You cannot behave in a selfish manner. You are not supposed to be a person who is not willing to adapt. You have to accept and acknowledge that there are some dimensions of your life that you need to adjust to accommodate another person who is special and you have to be ready to make those adjustments without any ego, bitterness or complaint. You have to do so wholeheartedly.

No matter how hard it may sound but maintaining a wonderful relationship is not easy, especially in today’s fast lifestyle. Without much warning romance can dry out, marital life can turn monotonous and if couples still don’t pay right attention then their marriage can slip from bad to worse.

So how people can identify it’s time for them to give strong attention to their relationship?

India’s eminent relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares that prior to a relationship start to sour, there are certain body language signs that couples exhibits. She shares if couples pay attention to these warning signs, they can identify it’s time to focus hard on their relationship.   

1. Observe the pupils

Generally eyes can tell, a story about one’s relationship. When people are sexually attracted to someone, their pupils generally dilate in the moment of intimacy. The change of pupils happens subconsciously; hence it’s a good indicator of your partner’s interest in you.

So pay attention to your partner’s eye, if you witness the pupils getting shorter when you get intimate or go for a kiss  – remember it may be a sign that something is deeply bothering your partner.  Look for the right moment and discuss if something is bothering your partner.

2. Stonewalling

If a person turns their back on their partner, hangs up the phone before the conversation is over, or tunes out, it is referred to as stonewalling. Not taking your partner’s thoughts or perspective into consideration is a major red flag.

3. Touching neck during conversation

In emotional situations, people have tendency to find ways to comfort ourselves. Especially, women, in particular, typically touch their neck or throat. Oftentimes, touching the neck or throat indicates that someone is keeping something from another person.

4. Conversation and attention

Check how your partner reacts or pay attention to you when you are in conversation with him/her?  If he/she plays with his/her phone, nods without listing or worse, completely ignore you, then you its time you must introspect yourself, try to identify why your partner feels disinterested during the conversation. Sometimes it can be a simple thing like – your partner is too tired to listen to you or he/she doesn’t feel interested on your topic or sometimes it can be something else. Hence talk to your partner if you witness this body language.

5. Leaning away

 Couples from healthy relationship have tendency to lean toward one another with their bodies, legs, shoulder and even chairs. If you or your partner starts to seat away from each other, or even if you both sit in one sofa, your body points in opposite direction to each other – it could mean that you both are disinterested in connecting with each other. Hence it’s an indication that you both must pay full attention to your marriage.

A relationship is an important aspect of human life. The way flower needs rain and sun, similarly, the relationship needs to be nurtured with love and care. A relationship would not survive on its own. It needs nurturing and care of two adults, giving to each other in a manner that creates a mutually beneficial bond.

Renowned relationship expert and marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says to foster a deep and loving bond you need these 7 ways to nurture your relationship.

1. Constant and Honest Communication:

If you do not talk to your partner the relationship will not survive. The more you communicate, the closer you will become. The communication needs to be constant as this is, the key for a healthy relationship.

2. The Eagerness to work through difficulties and disagreements

Throwing in the towel, even if you do not cross the door, is not the way to happiness. You must face the uncomfortable situation that comes with a difference in opinions and ideas. You need to show the willingness to work out all the questions that pose an unpleasant situation.

3. Sharing Life Lessons with the One You Love

When you discover or experience something about life, or you take a self-correcting step that is good for your relationship, let your partner know the same. You will be amazed by the positive response.

4. A Bit of Humour, Some Fun and Little Distraction from the Rigours Of Daily Life

You should not spend all your free time working on your relationship. Do not make it a hobby. Discuss what you like to do, where you would like to go, and look for how to have fun together. Then get up and do it. A bit of humour and fun will let both of you break the shackles from the daily life hassles.

5. Emotional Support, Acceptance, and Compliments

If you do not feel that your partner likes and respects you, there will not be a strong bond. You have to lift each other up and let each other know the depth of your love and caring. It is important to accept your partner as they are and also, provide them compliments whenever you can.

6. Being Able To Admit Mistake and Discuss Them

We all make mistakes. Isn’t it? By learning to understand it and let go of the mistakes that your partner makes will change your life around and provide you more time to enjoy.

7. Sharing Dreams and Goals That Resonate With Both Of You

You will be happier when you are working toward a goal and achieve that. Always ensure you always have something to look forward to and that you are doing it as a couple.

First comes love, then marriage, and comes happily ever after. This is how the story ends right? It happens in every romantic movie or a bestseller, but not in real life. Though it is true that couples might relax for a while after they have tied the knot. In reality, they may feel to start confused or worried if or when their fairy tale starts to go wrong.

Lots of people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go downhill. Suddenly, you will start thinking that you have accidentally married the wrong person. And the syndrome of HAPPILY EVER AFTER gets shattered.

Although you always want to marry someone you are fundamentally compatible with. The truth is marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right individual than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you have married. In simpler words, relationships are a constant work in progress.

In this article renowned marriage counselor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares few tips to rekindle your marriage.

1.Avoid Entering Into a Critical Mindset

There could be a time when your partner may do something that hurt you, and never feel sorry for it. Maybe they even continue to do so, despite you letting them know that it annoys you. This can cause you to generate bitterness towards them. At a certain point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens. Spouses also start magnifying or zooming in on their partner’s mistakes, recording their flaws, and making a case to use at a later stage. It is far too simple when you live in close quarters with someone to choose them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, wherein the truth is, your partner probably always had those qualities, even when you first fell in love.

2. Treat Your Spouse with Kindness

Rather of being critical, try treating your partner with kindness. As this is the ultimate key to keeping your love alive. It has been observed that taking more loving actions indeed makes you feel more in love. In any conversation with your partner, whether it is personal or practical, always try to be kind in how you convey yourself. This way it softens your partner, even in heated moments. Continuing to be loving and generous has an enormous payoff as it not only keeps love alive, it nourishes a deeper level of intimacy.

3. Stay Clear Of Projection

Projection is a psychological defense system in which people accuse others of behaving or feeling a particular way because, in reality, they themselves feel that way. Projection can stem from difficult childhood experiences that get carried into adulthood. One of the common reason couples become so critical towards their spouse is that they tend to project the negative attribute of their parents or caretakers onto their partners. They also try to assume their spouse will act in the same manner that has hurt them in the past and often misread their partner’s words and actions.

4. Reflect On What You Love and Admire In Your Partner

Think of qualities about your partner you admire or feel amused by. If you like that he/she is adventurous, keep sharing new activities. If you enjoy your partner’s playfulness in your communication, encourage bantering and the exchanging new ideas. If you value that your spouse is warm and affectionate, ensure to connect with them every day, rather than getting caught up in other daily things. Your wife or husband will appreciate your interest in doing things with them that you know they love, and it is possible they will do the same for you.

5. Define Your Problems

Spend a few moments looking at your relationship and figure out which areas work and which don’t. Just imagine of perfect day in your perfect relationship. What would this look like? How would you and your spouse interact? Then develop a plan of how you might get from point X (your current situation) to point Y (the perfect day). Jot it down if you require so, then start breaking the issues into small-size pieces and resolving them one at a time.

Generally, in today’s lifestyle, couples find their mornings chaotic; there is a pressure to send kids to schools, getting themselves ready for office, finishing household chores and so on. Similarly, on weekends they get up late to supplement their weekday tiredness & sleep.According to eminent relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, it is essential for couples to find few minutes every morning to connect with each other. Otherwise, day to day professional and household pressure may weaken their romantic bond.  Counselor Shivani suggests that to connect with your partner in every morning does not need much efforts and time rather it can be done by the following 6 things that happiest couples do every morning.

1.      Happy couples try to get up at the same time (if they don’t work on different or odd work shifts):The first step to find a few minutes with your spouse is to get up together at the same time. To achieve this goal, a couple should try to bring a disciplined routine of going to bed every on time.

2.      They Enjoy A Cup Of Tea Or Coffee Together:Having tea together is another great way to keep in touch with each other. Prior a challenging morning starts, the couples may get up 10 minutes early and sit together to have their tea. Even if it’s only for 15-20 minutes, they have their coffee and talk about plans for the day and watch the beauty of nature if they sit in their balcony.

3.      They Make Eye ContactHappy couples often brush their teeth together. For those few minutes, couples look into each other’s eyes. They usually, touch each other, a hand on the waist, gentle touch on the cheek or head on the chest.

4.      They Share Up The Morning Chores:Getting the kids up, preparing them off to school every morning can be a tough task. Usually, we think that it’s the mom’s job. But happy couples share these kinds of family and parental responsibilities. Acting, as a team in the morning, builds connection and relationship happiness that carries throughout the day.

5.      They Bid Kiss Goodbye: It is very important for a couple to always show affection amongst each other before they leave for their respective offices. For example, if a husband or wife leaves home for work an hour before the wife or husband gets up so they always say goodbye with a kiss on their forehead. It’s not about needing the affection but more so knowing that he or she is thinking of them before they head off to work.

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice to your partner when you’re upset with them. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind.The act of not choosing kindness is therefore doubly hurtful to our partners and to ourselves because it undercuts our efforts for growth and the potential for greater intimacy.

I see couples in my chamber who want to “solve” their issues first before going out for an ice cream or relaxing over dinner. It will never work. It’s not possible to solve problems with someone you don’t want to collaborate with.

About the author:  Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is the consulting Counsellor at Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics. She has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individual and couples in India and abroad. She is one of India’s eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels.

When we get married, most of us experience a “best days of my life” kind of phase. Everything seems so awesome and so romantic, we start believing that nothing can ever go wrong. Then slowly the time passes by and without our notice, our life situations starts to change and we add– work stress, financial pressure, kids, in-laws interferences, no time to spend with our partner and etc.

Then suddenly we realise that something has gone terribly (intensity differs from couple to couple) wrong in the relationship – we don’t feel that sexual attraction towards each other that we used to feel before, we hardly talk with each other and when we talk, it’s all about issues at home or with kids. Lately, we have started fighting too frequently and gradually we both have increased the bar of insults, violence and hurt we give to each other during a conflict.

This happens to most couples in today’s fast-paced lifestyle and the reason for it could be in general, couples don’t go into a relationship with the know-how or understanding of how to manage their relationship challenges. Hence it’s essential if the couple finds themselves incapable of bringing back their romantic relationship and eradicating the distance between themselves, then they should ideally consult a professional, i.e. a marriage counsellor.

Now the question is: how do you know at what stage you should immediately consult a marriage counsellor before things turn complex, painful and devastating? Today Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the important trigger points and behaviours in relationships that are signs you may need help.

Early stage indicators

1. When there is too less communication between you too, and whenever you talk, you talk about matters related to home, kids and EMI’s. Even if you try to talk something about your relationship, those conversations generally start by accusing each other, gradually end up into ugly quarrels.
2. You have started finding it okay to spend days or month without your partner expressing his/her emotional support and love.
3. You are living more like roommates rather than husband and wife.
4. You have started finding it difficult to get sexually attracted to your partner and gradually you both has lost the physical urge to get connected to your partner.

Advance stage indicators to consult a marriage counsellor immediately (when you miss to consult a counsellor at the early stages of marital issues and let your marital life reach the following adverse conditions)

5. Gradually, either you or your partner or you both have trust issues with each other.
6. You or your partner has started feeling attracted to someone outside marriage.
7. You or your partner or you both have started having an extra marital relationship, the only reason you are together is for of kids or you are waiting for your partner to initiate the lawful separation.

How people trip on the slippery slope of relationship?

Every time we think of the word ‘cheating’ we imagine someone engaged physical relationship. But cheating is a wider term and also includes emotional intimacy. “Emotional cheating is a modern term used to describe an infidelity condition where one or both partners maintain emotional and psychologically (non-sexual) intimate romantic relationship outside their marriage and hide it partially or completely from his/her partner,” says Delhi-based Shivani Misri Sadhoo, relationship and marriage counsellor and founder of Saarthi Counselling Services. It applies to unmarried couples too.

There seems to be a rise in this phenomena and of the several reasons attributed to it, counsellors say that lack of emotional fulfillment in a…..

Read here: http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report-emotionally-not-yours-2489771

How to stop getting taken on a guilt trip?

Guilt trips can be defined as a situation where one of the partners tries to induce the feeling of guilt in the other partner for the purpose of manipulation. Most romantic relationships are susceptible to guilt trips. This is because partners feel a sense of commitment to each other and naturally crave acceptance from one another. As a result of this, if there is an argument, then usually one of the partners is quick to give in to the feeling of guilt to please the other and to avoid upsetting the balance of the relationship.

So, if you find yourself feeling guilty in your relationship for no reason whatsoever, then here’s what Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, relationship expert, suggest you to do to get out of a guilt trip….

Read the article here: HT City Article

According to past sociological & psychological studies & surveys, 67% of couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years of a baby’s life and this deterioration often persists into subsequent years.  In fact, one study showed that couples notice a 40% increase in arguments after having a baby, and two-thirds of these couples admitted that these were often “silly” arguments caused by stress or exhaustion.

Though many couples are over the moon about their new bundle of joy, they also struggle with work-life balance, more loneliness, financial stress, friendship changes, more chores, and minimal free time.

New parents are also sleep-deprived, which, research suggests, greatly diminishes their ability to stay positive, communicate, and manage your emotions. One study revealed that working couples felt their daily workload increased by 4 hours each day after they had a baby.

Today relationship expert and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some important tips that new or would-be parents can follow & practice to avoid the decline of their relationship & closeness after having their baby.

1. Understand, Communicate and except that there will be change in Sex life

Women and men are wired very differently – a new mother can be totally consumed with baby care all day and night. She may simply feel ‘all energy drained out’ after giving so much of her body to the baby and energy to household chores. Conversely, the guy’s way of feeling close is to have sex. As this is where things can break down, communication and understanding play a vital role in increasing the intimacy.

Counsellor Shivani suggests all husbands that during their early fatherhood phase, instead of ending up staying away from the wife and feel rejected in their heart, they should put efforts to do baby care & household chores and try to get their wife as much as possible the free time to take rest. This will definitely go to win their wife’s attention and heart and gradually will make them come closer their husband.

2.  Mothers should find some time for themselves

Remember if you feel worn out after a long day, you can’t expect to feel excited about your relationship: you need to keep loving yourself in little ways so that you have good energy and loving feelings towards your partner.

“It’s important to find ‘me’ time as well as “we” time,” says Counsellor Shivani. It can be good to stick a reminder  fir the things you need to do for self-care – from painting your toenails to watching a movie on Youtube while you feed the child or call a friend or check emails while baby has a kick on the floor,

3.  Plan The Time You Can Spend with your partner.

Good relationship maintenance requires couples to spend quality time with each other and after the baby comes, free time looks like a distant dream. Hence couples must recognize the requirement to spend quality time and they should plan accordingly. Like every weekend you may keep you child with his/her grandparents and go to watch a movie or have a dinner in the restaurant.

4.  Both the partners should try to join parenting classes

In today’s nuclear family parents put too much attention on their single or two children and as result, today’s parents commonly argue over whose way is right, because both partners are adjusting to their new roles and responsibilities.

Many young fathers feel left out, especially if the mother acts as the baby’s primary caregiver. New moms often feel as if their husbands are ill-informed or less experienced and that sparks the frequent arguments.

Hence before the baby is born, both the partners should conjointly visit the doctor and most importantly both should try to attain parental classes that generally been organized by all major hospitality chains or by individual counselors.  This way they will adopt coordinated parenting style early in their life instead of wasting their precious time arguing, criticizing each other parenting style and distancing themselves from each other.

About the author: Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is the consulting psychologist with Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Counsellor Shivani has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad.She is one of India’s eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels.