Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

We all know that the wounds of betrayal cut deep. The act itself is painful, but it’s the breaking of trust that leaves lasting scars. When someone you love and trust betrays you, it feels like your world is crumbling.

Your sense of security vanishes, and you’re left questioning everything—your partner, your relationship, and even yourself. In these moments of profound hurt, one question often looms large: Can you truly forgive the person who hurt you?

Eminent marriage counselor and relationship counselor, in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her thoughts on the topic.

Forgiveness is more than just saying “I forgive you.” It’s a personal decision to let go of anger and the desire to punish someone who has betrayed your trust. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you approve of their actions or let them off the hook for what they did. It also doesn’t mean you should forget what happened or stop holding them accountable.

Instead, forgiveness is about choosing not to hold onto grudges or resentment. This process can be important for your own well-being and can help rebuild trust in the relationship. While you may still worry about the possibility of being hurt again, forgiveness can pave the way for better communication, understanding, and stability in the relationship.

What are the Ways to Try Forgiving Your Partner?

Relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo, says some of the ways to forgive your partner are:

Face the Fact

Perhaps the first and foremost step in forgiving your partner is to face the truth head-on. Acknowledge that betrayal has occurred. There is no point in denying the fact. Embrace the reality of the situation without falling into denial.

Accepting the betrayal allows you to start processing the emotions and understanding what went wrong. This step is essential for moving forward; it paves the way for healing by helping you confront the pain and begin to work through it. Only by accepting the truth can you truly begin the journey of forgiveness.

Be Honest to Your Feelings

Be true to yourself and acknowledge all your emotions—anger, disappointment, or pain. It’s normal to feel these things after a betrayal. Allow yourself to fully grieve the loss of trust and the relationship. Don’t bottle up your feelings; express them openly. Reflect on how the betrayal has affected you and communicate these feelings to your partner. Both partners should share their emotions to foster understanding and healing.

Analyse The Root Cause

Before you reach a conclusion, it is essential to understand and analyze the root cause. Try to find out the reason for the betrayal. Reflect on what led to this moment and whether unresolved issues or unspoken feelings contributed. Both partners need to be honest and open, avoiding blame or insults. Remember, the goal is to work together towards healing, not to attack each other.

Candid Conversation

Always remember that words can heal as well as hurt. If you choose to forgive your partner, open communication is essential. This means not just talking but truly listening to each other. Both partners must be ready to share their feelings, fears, and concerns honestly.

Discuss what led to the betrayal and what changes are needed to prevent it in the future. It’s important to focus on learning from past mistakes rather than dwelling on them. Set new expectations and boundaries together, and be transparent about everything. Keeping promises and meeting expectations are vital for rebuilding trust and moving forward.

Patience

Time can be a powerful healer, though it often demands patience. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is not an overnight process; it requires steady, consistent efforts from both partners. The one who betrayed must show through their actions, not just words, that they are truly committed to change.

This means going the extra mile to demonstrate reliability and honesty but remember, meaningful change takes time. The hurt partner must stay positive and believe in their partner’s genuine efforts, understanding that rebuilding trust involves ongoing commitment. Both partners need to work together with patience, believing that, over time, their relationship can be mended and strengthened.

Sometimes, rebuilding a relationship after betrayal involves facing the truth, acknowledging your feelings, and understanding the root cause. Open, honest communication and patience are key. Forgiveness is about letting go of grudges and working together to rebuild trust. Though challenging, it can lead to deeper understanding and a stronger bond.

We all know that trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your friend, for instance, then you’re likely to experience constant doubt and anxiety. And, if you don’t trust your partner in a relationship, then definitely there’s something wrong in that bond you share.

Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, trust is important for maintaining a sense of security and confidence in one another. But what happens when secrets and lies seep into this bond?

The impact can be devastating, leading to constant doubt, anxiety, and ultimately, the deterioration of the relationship itself. are without trust, even the strongest connections can crumble.

In what ways, do secrets and lies destroy relationships?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains how secrets and lies can ruin relationships.

Breaks the Intimacy

When secrets and lies creep into a relationship, they erode the foundation of intimacy. Intimacy thrives on trust and authenticity, requiring partners to be open and vulnerable, both emotionally and physically. However, secrets create barriers, keeping one partner isolated in their pain while pushing the other away.

This avoidance often stems from guilt and leads to a deeper disconnection. Regardless of the size or nature of the secret, its presence can cause profound damage, undermining the closeness and trust that are essential for a healthy relationship.

Undermines the Trust

Secrets and lies can severely damage the trust in a relationship. When a partner is dishonest, it creates an atmosphere of suspicion and doubt, making it difficult to rebuild trust. The deceived partner may constantly worry about whether other secrets are hidden or if the deceit will happen again.

This ongoing insecurity and the need for constant reassurance only deepen the mistrust. Even seemingly small lies can erode confidence and lead to a lack of clarity about what is true, ultimately planting seeds of doubt and confusion. Trust, being a fundamental pillar of any relationship, can be significantly undermined when deception takes root.

You Get Trapped in a Vicious Cycle

Secrets often lead to a web of lies and omissions that can become difficult to manage. As you try to cover up one lie, you may end up telling more lies to hide the original one, creating a growing pile of deceit.

This cycle can trap you, making it harder to uncover the truth and causing more damage if and when the truth is revealed. Over time, you might even start believing your own lies, blurring the line between truth and deception.

The longer you keep secrets, the more complex and damaging the situation becomes, affecting both you and your relationship.

Communication Gap

Secrets and lies can seriously damage communication in a relationship. When one partner hides things or isn’t truthful, it prevents open and honest exchanges, which are essential for a healthy connection.

This lack of transparency leads to misunderstandings and confusion, as the true feelings and intentions are not being shared.

Over time, this breakdown in communication can create distance and make it hard for partners to connect on a deeper level, leaving them feeling isolated and misunderstood.

It Affects Your Self-Esteem

Secrets and lies in a relationship can deeply damage self-esteem by eroding trust and creating a foundation of deceit. When partners conceal the truth or manipulate facts, it undermines one’s sense of self-worth and security, leading to self-doubt and anxiety.

The constant fear of uncovering more lies or hidden truths can perpetuate a cycle of insecurity and emotional turmoil, diminishing confidence in oneself and the relationship. Now that you understand the impact of secrets and lies on relationships, it’s clear that maintaining honesty and openness is crucial.

Deception erodes trust, intimacy, and communication, creating a vicious cycle of doubt and insecurity. Prioritizing transparency is essential for nurturing and preserving healthy, fulfilling connections.

In today’s interconnected world, It’s natural to feel the urge to share aspects of your personal life with those you work closely with, as they often become an extended part of your daily life.

However, maintaining a boundary between your personal and professional life is crucial for several reasons, including safeguarding your reputation, avoiding unnecessary drama, and ensuring your focus remains on your job.

Here’s how you can keep your personal life private at work, with insights from a top couples therapist in Delhi NCR Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

How would you keep your personal life private at work?

Couples counselor Shivani says to keep your personal life private at work you need to keep the following things in your mind:

Know Your Boundaries

This is perhaps the most important step. Identify your boundaries. Understand how much you’re comfortable sharing about your family and hobbies, and communicate these limits to others.

Be cautious on social media, avoid office gossip, and ensure set working hours. Respect your need for personal time, such as taking lunch breaks to reduce stress and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Maintain those Boundaries

Once you have set boundaries, the next important step is to maintain them. Start by clearly outlining your limits politely and professionally to prevent misunderstandings.

For instance, if you find yourself in an uncomfortable conversation, say, “I appreciate your input, but I prefer to keep our discussions focused on work-related topics.”

Consistency is key to reinforcing your boundaries. Avoid office gossip, as it can damage trust and create a negative environment.

Make the Right Choice

Choosing your confidants wisely at work is crucial for maintaining your privacy and safeguarding your personal life. Ideally, confide in someone you trust deeply and who has consistently demonstrated discretion.

Even so, be selective about what you share to avoid compromising your reputation if the information becomes known to others.

Striking a balance between being friendly and maintaining professionalism is essential. Trust is important, but even the most trustworthy colleagues might inadvertently share information.

Therefore, consider their history of handling sensitive information and keep personal matters as private as possible to prevent potential complications and preserve a positive work environment.

Be Discreet

In the fast-paced work environment, there are times when personal matters demand immediate attention. To maintain professionalism while addressing these issues, it’s essential to handle them discreetly.

For instance, if a personal phone call is necessary, step away from your workstation and find a private space to ensure your conversation remains confidential.

Alternatively, consider using your lunch or tea break for such discussions, unless it’s an urgent matter. In that case, briefly excuse yourself from work but make sure your office tasks remain uninterrupted.

For example, if you receive an urgent call about a family emergency, address it promptly but notify your team so they’re aware of your brief absence.

Balancing personal and professional responsibilities with discretion ensures both your work and personal matters are managed effectively.

Keep Social Media Accounts Separate

Blending work and personal life can be challenging, especially if you’re using the same email account for both. Each time you check for a confirmation order, you’re likely to see a flood of work emails that can be hard to ignore on your days off.

This issue can be exacerbated by a Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) policy, where your personal devices double as work tools.

To create a clear boundary between work and personal life, consider setting up separate user accounts on your devices—such as having distinct profiles for your laptop, tablet, and phone.

Similarly, keep your social media interactions separate by using different platforms for professional and personal connections.

For instance, you might use one platform exclusively for professional networking while reserving another for personal connections.

Just make sure to clearly communicate your social media preferences to your contacts to ensure a smooth separation between your work and personal interactions.

A Self-Care Routine

Stress is inevitable when balancing work and personal life, but it’s crucial to navigate this challenge with grace. Although everyone encounters difficulties, discussing them at work isn’t always appropriate or productive.

Conversations about personal issues can not only detract from your colleagues’ focus and productivity but may also impact their perception of you.

Instead, incorporate self-care practices into your daily routine to manage stress effectively.

For instance, taking short breaks for deep breathing or a brief walk can clear your mind and improve focus. Engaging in hobbies, such as reading or exercising, can also provide a healthy outlet for stress.

By prioritizing self-care, you’ll be less inclined to bring personal troubles into the workplace, maintaining a professional environment conducive to everyone’s success.

The crux of maintaining privacy at work lies in setting and upholding boundaries, choosing confidants wisely, and handling personal matters discreetly.

By separating personal and professional interactions, and prioritizing self-care, you can cultivate a focused, respectful work environment while preserving your personal life.

A boy meets a girl. They fall in love and get married. And the movie ends. But that’s where real life begins. The reality of marriage often contrasts sharply with the fairy-tale romance many envision.

Once the honeymoon phase fades, couples can find themselves grappling with a diminishing emotional connection. The vibrant conversations and shared dreams may give way to mundane routines and silent meals.

While it’s natural for relationships to evolve, losing that emotional bond can be distressing. Emotional bond is vital in a relationship as it gives you that feeling of comfort and safety and mental strength to carry on with your life.

If you find yourself in a marriage where the emotional connection has faded, it’s essential to address it head-on rather than merely coexisting in tolerable proximity.

What to do when you feel no emotional connection with your husband?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi NCR, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few strategies that one can adopt in this situation.

Communication is key

Communication is not just a tool for resolving conflicts but a vital means to rekindle emotional connections. By engaging in open, transparent conversations with your partner, you build trust and address any insecurities.

Regularly check in on each other’s feelings, listen intently, and validate each other’s perspectives. Scheduling dedicated times for deeper discussions, such as date nights, fosters understanding and helps maintain a strong, loving bond.

Clear reassurance and thoughtful communication ensure that emotional needs are met and relationships remain vibrant.

Strategic vulnerability

Embrace strategic vulnerability to build trust and deepen connections. Start by sharing something personal, like a challenging work experience or a hidden feeling, to move beyond surface-level interactions. Instead of answering “good” or “fine” when asked about your day, openly discuss your true emotions and experiences.

Encourage your partner to share by asking detailed, thoughtful questions. Demonstrating vulnerability and openness should be mutual, so be willing to lower your own defenses to foster a more intimate and trusting relationship.

Words mean a lot

A simple “thank you” or “everything will be fine” can uplift your husband and provide him with mental strength. Even if he accidentally breaks your favorite dinner plate while trying to help, it’s a gesture worth appreciating.

Small acts of kindness, whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for decades, should never be taken for granted. So, don’t hesitate to express specific compliments and affirmations, like “I deeply love you” or “I appreciate your efforts,” to ensure your partner feels seen and valued.

Be spontaneous

Pleasant surprises, from spontaneous dates to planned getaways, infuse excitement into relationships, breaking monotony and keeping the spark alive.

While life’s busyness can lead to a comfort zone plateau, maintaining spontaneity—through thoughtful surprises—reminds partners of the joy and effort that once defined their bond.

Though spontaneity often requires preparation, it encourages stepping out of routine and connecting deeply. Regularly engaging in such moments prevents the loss of vulnerability and intimacy that can occur in everyday routines.

Boundaries matter

It is not necessary for a strong emotional connection to lead to unhealthy enmeshment or total dependence. Thriving relationships involve setting appropriate boundaries, even with close family members.

While maintaining a deep bond with parents or siblings is important, overly close relationships can sometimes undermine more intimate connections with a partner or children.

Establishing clear boundaries by identifying problematic behaviors and communicating what you will and won’t accept allows you to preserve your unique sense of self while nurturing loving relationships.

Practice self-care

A healthy relationship thrives on both partners enjoying their own “me time.” Too much togetherness can deplete the energy and experiences that interdependence brings.

Strong marriages feature partners who are interdependent but have rich hobbies, careers, and social lives of their own. Prioritize self-care and allow your spouse to do the same.

Spending time alone helps you appreciate your own company, fosters authenticity, and enhances self-worth, alleviating feelings of abandonment when apart. Include “me time” in your schedule for a balanced, secure relationship.

While it’s natural for emotional connections to ebb and flow in marriage, addressing this challenge with open communication, strategic vulnerability, thoughtful affirmations, spontaneity, clear boundaries, and self-care can rejuvenate and strengthen your bond.

By actively investing in these aspects, you foster a resilient and fulfilling relationship.

We are living in a time where it is increasingly difficult to differentiate between what is real and what is not. This uncertainty can extend to our most intimate relationships, leaving us questioning whether our partner truly loves us or is subtly manipulating us.

The thrill of new love can be intoxicating, often blurring our judgment. In a healthy relationship, the initial excitement and infatuation will eventually give way to a deeper, more stable connection.

Manipulation is the deliberate psychological influence over others for personal benefit, encompassing both subtle and overt tactics. It involves unfair strategies aimed at gaining control or advantage, making it difficult to detect due to its varied and often cunning approaches. Leading couples therapist in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the ways to recognize it:

How does one recognize the signs of manipulation in a relationship?

Looking for constant reassurance

Seeking constant reassurance in a relationship can be a sign of manipulation. While it’s natural to desire affirmation and security from your partner, excessive neediness can lead to controlling behaviours.

Manipulative individuals may justify their actions by convincing themselves that they are rescuing or proving their care. They might say things like, “Don’t you see how much I care about you?” or “You’re so lucky to have me.”

This behavior can isolate you from others and undermine your independence, indicating deeper issues within the relationship that warrant attention.

Guilt-tripping

When one person in a relationship resorts to guilt-tripping, it often signifies a form of manipulation aimed at securing compliance from the other.

This strategy involves strategically inducing feelings of guilt in order to coerce their partner into actions or decisions they might otherwise resist. A clear indicator of this manipulation is when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries or asserting yourself within the relationship.

The guilt tripper typically expresses dissatisfaction or disappointment when their desires are challenged, leading the other person to give in to alleviate guilt and restore harmony. This cycle perpetuates a dynamic where one partner’s emotional manipulation undermines the other’s autonomy, fostering a skewed power balance detrimental to genuine mutual respect and understanding.

Gaslighting

Did you ever feel like your reality is constantly under attack? Gaslighting in relationships manifests through denial of facts, accusations of imagination, emotional invalidation, and even hiding objects to make you doubt yourself. It erodes your confidence and makes you question your own sanity.

Recognizing these tactics helps identify manipulation, ensuring you safeguard your mental well-being and seek support if needed.

Love bombing

Perhaps one of the most deceptive tactics in relationships is love bombing. Initially, it masquerades as an overwhelming display of affection and attention, leaving one feeling cherished and valued. However, beneath its surface lies manipulation, aiming to control and dominate.

What starts as a euphoric romance can swiftly transform into emotional abuse once the manipulator’s objectives are met, urging caution in the early stages of any relationship.

When you question your own identity

Another sign of manipulation in a relationship is when one partner feels afraid of triggering the other’s anger or displeasure, constantly monitoring and compromising themselves to avoid conflict.

This behaviour often leads to a loss of individual identity, as the manipulated partner gives up their opinions, and interests, and even alters their lifestyle to please the dominant partner. The manipulator may isolate their partner from friends, family, and personal activities, exerting control over their choices and expression of self.

When you are being constantly monitored

This is yet another insidious sign of manipulation in a relationship, where frequent texts, calls, or emails evolve into controlling behaviour. What may start as innocent communication can escalate into jealousy, accusations of infidelity, and attempts to isolate you from loved ones.

This invasive monitoring of your interactions and movements reflects a desire for dominance, eroding your autonomy and fostering a climate of fear and dependency.

While relationships can be sources of joy and support, vigilance is important to detect manipulation. Recognizing signs like constant reassurance-seeking, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, lovebombing, identity questioning, and excessive monitoring can protect one’s emotional well-being and autonomy.

Self-care is often viewed as a luxury, but it is, in fact, a necessity for maintaining both personal well-being and healthy relationships. In today’s fast-paced world, taking time to care for oneself is essential to manage stress, enhance emotional health, and maintain physical fitness.

Moreover, self-care significantly impacts how we interact with our partners and can be a cornerstone for a thriving relationship, says one of India’s leading marital and family therapists Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care involves any activity that we deliberately engage in to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Simple activities like exercising, reading a book, meditating, or even taking a break from social media can be forms of self-care.

By prioritizing these activities, we replenish our energy and reset our minds, which is crucial for managing day-to-day stressors effectively.

What is the Impact of Neglecting Self-Care?

When we neglect self-care, it often leads to burnout, irritability, and emotional exhaustion. These states can adversely affect our relationships, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of intimacy.

For instance, when an individual is constantly stressed and exhausted, they may become short-tempered and less patient, making it difficult to communicate effectively with their partner.

Conversely, when we are well-rested and emotionally balanced, we are more likely to approach our relationships with patience, understanding, and empathy.

What about the Self-Care and Boundary Setting?

Self-care is not only about personal health but also about setting boundaries and learning to say no. This is particularly important in relationships where individuals may feel pressured to constantly meet their partner’s needs, often at the expense of their own well-being.

By practicing self-care, individuals learn to balance their own needs with those of their partner, leading to a healthier and more reciprocal relationship dynamic.

What are the Possible Benefits of Self-Care for Relationships?

For relationships, self-care has a dual benefit. Firstly, it ensures that each partner is functioning at their best, contributing positively to the relationship.

Secondly, it sets a precedent for mutual respect and understanding. When one partner sees the other taking time for self-care, it can inspire them to do the same, fostering an environment where both individuals feel valued and supported.

What are the Outcomes of Shared Self-Care Activities?

Engaging in self-care together as a couple can also strengthen the bond. Activities like taking a walk together, cooking a healthy meal, or practicing mindfulness can be ways for couples to connect and support each other’s well-being.

This shared commitment to self-care can enhance intimacy and create a deeper sense of partnership.

Self-care is vital for both individual health and the health of relationships. It allows individuals to maintain their mental, emotional, and physical well-being, which in turn makes them better partners.

By prioritizing self-care, we can manage stress more effectively, communicate more clearly, and nurture our relationships more lovingly. Therefore, integrating self-care into our daily routine is not just a personal investment, but a commitment to fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Not every relationship is destined to be a perfect match. People are unique, with diverse needs and personalities. While some couples effortlessly complement each other, others may face challenges. However, one of the most beautiful and exhilarating aspects of a romantic relationship is the presence of genuine chemistry between partners. While it may not be the sole determinant of a successful relationship, recognizing serious chemistry is essential for building a strong and lasting connection.

Relationship chemistry is not akin to a scientific formula but a unique blend of emotions, connection, and compatibility that can’t be easily quantified, making each connection special and unpredictable.

What are those clear signs that suggest there is serious chemistry between two individuals?

India’s leading marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few signs to find out the genuine chemistry between couples:

1. Magnetic Attraction

Instant fascination is a powerful indicator of strong chemistry between partners. While appearance may be the initial attraction, it goes beyond mere looks. It’s the magnetic pull, the unspoken connection, and the exchange of infatuating glances that reveal a deeper, irresistible bond, making it clear that chemistry plays a pivotal role in relationships.

2. Eyes can talk

Eye contact is like a secret language between two people in love. When you’re into someone, your eyes can’t help but lock onto theirs. It’s like a magnetic pull that screams, “I’m into you!” You hold that gaze longer, steal glances, and there’s this electric intensity that says, “We’ve got some serious chemistry going on here!” It’s a wordless confirmation of the sparks flying between you two.

3. Body Language

Body language reveals chemistry between couples through subtle cues like mirroring each other’s movements, leaning in closer, touching, and blushing. Women may fidget with their hair or lips, while men might get sweaty palms. These nonverbal signals indicate a strong connection and attraction, regardless of gender.

4. Similar Interests

Partners with strong chemistry often discover that they share common interests and values. Whether it’s a love for hiking, a passion for art, or a commitment to similar ethical principles, shared aspects of life can significantly enhance your connection.

5. No need for words

When two people share a strong bond, they can read each other’s thoughts and emotions without uttering a word. This unspoken bond brings them closer, forging a unique intimacy that words simply can’t capture.

6. No Compulsion

When you genuinely enjoy each other’s company without feeling the need to constantly entertain or impress one another, it’s a clear sign that you two are ‘made for each other’. Being comfortable in silence or simply being together speaks volumes about your connection. You will feel relaxed and energized at the same time. You can be yourself without fear of judgment. The relationship will feel effortless and safe.

7. It’s Only Us

One of the most awe-inspiring aspects of finding ‘The One’ is the unique ability to feel completely alone together, even in the midst of a crowded room. It’s as if the world around us fades into the background, and the only thing that matters is the connection we share with that special person. Time seems to stand still, conversations become whispers, and the energy between the two individuals becomes palpable. In those moments, the rest of the world becomes irrelevant, and it’s just the two of them in their own little universe.

Cherish these signs and nurture the chemistry that makes your relationship special, and remember, a match made in heaven isn’t always about perfection; it’s about creating your own unique paradise together.

Every relationship is unique and built on trust, love, and commitment. Cheating disrupts this foundation, causing emotional distress and eroding the bond between partners, jeopardizing the integrity of the relationship. Understanding why a cheating partner continues to deceive is a complex endeavor, involving a blend of psychology, emotions, and personal motivations. In this article, India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo explains the reasons and ways to deal with it.

What are the types of cheating?

Types of Cheating could include anything from the points given below as shared by Shivani Sadhoo.

• Emotional Cheating: Harbouring romantic feelings for someone outside the committed relationship, often sharing personal thoughts and emotions with that person rather than with the partner.

• Physical Cheating: Engaging in intimate physical acts with someone other than the partner.

• Cyber Cheating: Pursuing romantic or intimate (physical) interactions online, including online affairs.

• Financial Cheating: Concealing financial actions or spending without the partner’s knowledge or consent.

Reasons why partners cheat on each other and what are the solutions?

There are several factors that may compel partners to cheat on each other but they also have solutions to come out of that trap:

1. To Protect their ego – Cheating can inflict guilt and shame on the unfaithful partner, making it hard for them to confront their actions. Lying becomes a defence mechanism to protect their ego from further damage. They may rationalize their behaviour, believing that the truth would expose them to judgment and rejection.

Solution: Seek non-judgmental support from friends, family, or counsellors to gain perspective and build resilience.

2. Fear of confrontation drives the cheating partner to fabricate lies, evading the emotional turmoil they caused. Fear pushes them deeper into deceit, avoiding inevitable pain and confrontation.

Solution: Encourage open dialogue to confront the truth and rebuild trust.

3. Relationship preservation – Paradoxically, dishonesty is used to salvage a deteriorating relationship. They fear the truth will end it.

Solution: The solution lies in fostering a safe space for communication, encouraging honesty, and addressing the root issues to rebuild trust and improve the relationship’s prospects.

4. Escape from Emotional Responsibility – Infidelity often stems from unresolved emotional issues within the relationship. By lying about their indiscretions, the cheating partner avoids taking responsibility for their emotions and the underlying problems.

Solution: Encouraging couples counseling can provide a safe environment to address these issues and foster understanding and empathy.

5. Denial and Rationalization – Human minds are adept at rationalizing behavior, and a cheating partner may have convinced themselves that their actions were justifiable due to their partner’s perceived shortcomings. In such cases, lies become a tool to maintain the illusion that their choices were warranted.

Solution: Encourage open communication to challenge rationalizations and address underlying issues, fostering mutual understanding and accountability.

6. Fear of Abandonment – A cheating partner may harbor an irrational fear of abandonment, believing that the truth would push their partner away forever. The lies become a desperate attempt to cling to the relationship, even if built on shaky foundations.

Solution: Reassure your partner of your commitment to working through issues together, creating a safe space for honesty and understanding.

7. Lack of Empathy – Empathy plays a crucial role in human relationships, allowing us to understand the emotional impact of our actions on others. Unfortunately, some cheating partners may lack empathy, making it easier for them to lie without remorse.

Solution: Encourage empathy through open communication and perspective sharing, emphasizing the importance of considering each other’s feelings to rebuild trust.

8. Double benefit – In a relationship, some individuals lie to experience the benefits of both stability and excitement. The thrill of deception empowers them, leading to a double life with a wife/husband at home and a girlfriend/boyfriend outside the home. Solution: Address root motivations and consequences of lying to establish trust.

Remember that no relationship can thrive that is based on lies and specifically, constant lies. Honesty and communication are the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some amazing tips for couples to nurture their relationship as parents

A baby brings boundless joy to new parents, for within their tiny form lies the miracle of life. While the demands of parenthood may challenge their time and energy, the flame of love between mom and dad can still persist.

Balancing the demands of parenthood and maintaining a strong connection with your partner requires effort and understanding. In this article, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo offers some tips and tricks for nurturing your relationship as a new parent.

What are those ways to nurture your relationship as a parent?

Here, Shivani Sadhoo shares some of the methods, that could make your transition to parenthood a smooth ride.

Why Communicate with Compassion?

Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As new parents, take time to listen to each other’s concerns, fears, and joys. Be mindful of your partner’s emotional needs and offer support and encouragement.

Choose your words carefully, speaking kindly and respectfully, even when fatigue and stress take hold. Remember, open and honest communication will help you navigate the challenges together and deepen your bond. When your baby cries, you’re compassionate. Extend that to your partner. Relationships change after a baby, but growth happens when you change together.

Do it together as a team

Parenthood is a team sport, and collaboration between partners is vital. Share the responsibilities of childcare and household chores, support each other’s needs, and find a balance that works for both of you. Recognize and appreciate each other’s contributions, acknowledging the value of teamwork in creating a harmonious environment for your family.

Nurture intimacy

After having a baby, physical and emotional intimacy can be neglected. Yet, it’s vital to prioritize a romantic connection. Make time for intimate moments like cuddling, date nights, or heartfelt conversations. Small gestures and expressions of love foster a strong bond.

Take care of yourself

Remember to take care of yourself amidst the demands of parenthood. It’s essential to nurture your own well-being, as it directly impacts your relationship with your partner. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. By taking care of yourself, you’ll have more energy and positivity to invest in your partnership.

Express appreciation

Show gratitude for each other’s efforts and support. Recognize and acknowledge the hard work and dedication that goes into being a parent. Small gestures of appreciation can go a long way in fostering a positive and nurturing environment.

The Power of Giving Space

Granting each other space as new parents fosters personal growth and maintains individuality. It involves recognizing the importance of alone time, pursuing hobbies, and nurturing friendships outside of parenthood, strengthening the partnership.

Conflict management

Managing conflicts effectively is crucial in any relationship, and this becomes even more challenging when you have a newborn due to the added stress and exhaustion. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, such as “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need support with…”. This can help avoid blaming and encourage understanding.

Seek Support

New parents often feel overwhelmed. Seek support from family, friends, or professionals. Connect with experienced parents, join groups, or consider couples counseling. Asking for help lightens the load and strengthens relationships.

Embrace Imperfections

Parenthood is a journey of constant learning and growth. Embrace the imperfections and understand that mistakes are inevitable. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and your partner. Celebrate the small victories, and remember that every day presents an opportunity to strengthen your bond and create beautiful memories together.

As you embark on the incredible journey of parenthood, remember that nurturing your relationship is just as important as caring for your little one. Enjoy this remarkable chapter of your lives, cherishing the moments of joy, and growing stronger as a couple with each passing day. And if you need any help, we are there to guide you. 

Shares Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In any relationship, conflict is a natural occurrence, and it is not uncommon for things to escalate, even in healthy partnerships. Navigating through an environment that often feels chaotic and confusing can be challenging.

It is important to understand what high conflict looks like and to develop specific strategies for self-soothing during and after such intense situations. Read this blog by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo on how to self-soothe if as a couple there is a high conflict.

What Does High Conflict in Couples Feel Like?

High conflict can be overwhelming for your nervous system, as it triggers a strong response in your body. The stimuli become loud and intrusive, leading to a flood of emotions and physical reactions. You may notice sensations such as increased body heat, muscle tension, a clenched jaw, and a racing heart rate.

In these moments, accessing the rational part of your brain becomes challenging. This is because when you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, your brain tends to operate from the instinctual part, activating the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

Although it may seem like conflict arises out of nowhere, there is often a buildup that leads to those intense moments. Tensions may have been simmering for a day or even longer, without finding a resolution.

To avoid reaching this point, it is crucial to address smaller issues as they arise and create dedicated time to tackle larger ones instead of avoiding or ignoring them. By consistently addressing and resolving conflicts as they come up, you can prevent them from accumulating and escalating into high-conflict situations.

You Find Yourself In A High Conflict, Now What?

Even with the best intentions, finding yourself in a high-conflict situation can happen. In such moments, it is important to take immediate action. Begin by identifying the shift in the conversation. Often, these discussions start off on a reasonable level and gradually escalate, making it challenging to recognize the shift right away.

To help identify where you are in the conflict, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• Are you having difficulty processing what is being said?
• Are you merely listening to respond rather than listening to understand?
• Are you and your partner engaging in name-calling or displaying aggressive behaviors, such as invading personal space, yelling, throwing items, or engaging in unwelcome physical contact?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are indeed in a high-conflict situation.

Once you’ve recognized the situation, take a moment to acknowledge this realization and promptly change your environment. Let your partner know that you feel the conversation has become unproductive and that you need a break. Find a different room or step outside to get some fresh air.

In your new environment, begin practicing deep breathing. Take slow, intentional breaths by inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, fully extending your torso, including your back. Hold your breath for a count of 2, and then exhale slowly through your nostrils for a count of 6. Repeat this process as many times as necessary.

Next, reinforce your inner strength and grounding by reminding yourself of your truths through affirmations. Here’s an example to get you started: “I am present in my body, I am deserving of love and respect, and I am supported and grounded.”

These three steps—changing the environment, practicing deep breathing, and engaging in self-affirmation—can effectively break the cycle of the instinctual brain response. By consciously implementing these techniques, you can regain control over your emotions, promote a sense of calm, and create space for productive and respectful communication to resume.

How to Self-Soothe?

Once you have regained access to your “smart” brain, you can choose from various self-soothing techniques to further calm yourself:

• Self-soothing touch: One effective method is to give yourself a comforting hug. Sit upright, stretch your arms wide as you inhale, and then cross your arms around yourself with your right arm underneath on the exhale. Take three deep breaths in this position before releasing your arms and repeating the process, this time with your left arm underneath.

• Listen to calming music: Select soothing music that helps calm your nervous system and bring your heartbeat back to a normal rhythm. Opt for tunes with a slower beat to promote relaxation.

• Go for a mindful walk: Engage in a mindful walk by immersing yourself in the present moment. Observe your surroundings with all your senses, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells without passing judgment or getting lost in thought.

• Engage in your favorite self-care activity: Dedicate time to indulge in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. This could include taking a warm shower or bath, practicing your favorite stretches for relaxation, engaging in guided meditation, or surrounding yourself with pleasant scents like lavender.

By incorporating these self-soothing techniques into your routine, you can further enhance your ability to calm your nervous system and regain a sense of control and stability during high-conflict situations. Remember, self-soothing is a personal process, so feel free to explore and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

In high-conflict situations, recognizing the problem, practicing self-soothing, and creating a conducive mindset for nonjudgmental conversation are crucial for finding lasting resolutions. Seeking assistance from a couples therapist specialized in conflict resolution can be beneficial. The Gottman Relationship Coach program, “Making Up After an Argument,” provides guidance for managing overwhelming conflicts.

The Gottman Relationship Adviser offers a comprehensive tool for improving relationship health through personalized plans. The Gottman Assessment provides in-depth insights into relationship dynamics. Seeking external support and utilizing these resources can nurture a healthier and more resilient partnership.

Gottman reference has been mentioned as Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of few Gottman Certified Marriage Counselors in India