Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

The friend zone happens when one person develops romantic feelings, while the other sees them only as a friend. This often occurs due to a lack of clear romantic intent or chemistry from the beginning, leading the other person to perceive the relationship as purely platonic.

Factors such as comfort, emotional dependence, or fear of ruining the friendship can also keep someone in the friend zone. Sometimes, it’s because the other person doesn’t feel a romantic connection, even if they value the friendship deeply. Miscommunication or not expressing feelings early on can further solidify this dynamic.

What are some of the ways to move out of the friend zone?

Here are some practical steps to help you move out of the friend zone as explained by leading couples’ therapists in Delhi NCR Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Understand Why You’re in the Friend Zone

Before taking any action, it’s crucial to understand why you might be in the friend zone. This often happens when the other person sees you as a reliable friend, but there’s no romantic spark. You might not have made your romantic interest clear, or perhaps they don’t see you in a romantic light because of the dynamic you’ve created.

Step: Reflect on how the relationship has developed and what role you’ve played in it. Ask yourself if you’ve unintentionally sent out “friend-only” vibes.

Shift the Dynamic

One of the main reasons people remain in the friend zone is because they haven’t established romantic or flirtatious chemistry. To move out of the friend zone, you need to subtly change how the other person sees you. This could be done through subtle flirting, complimenting them in ways that go beyond friendship, or finding ways to create more intimate and romantic situations.

Step: Start small by complimenting them in a more personal, genuine way: “You look amazing today,” or “I love how passionate you are about your goals.” This signals your interest without being too forward.

Take Care of Your Own Life

Sometimes, people end up in the friend zone because they become too available and predictable. To break out of that cycle, you need to focus on yourself and your own life. Pursue your own interests, meet new people, and create a life that’s fulfilling without relying on their attention. This can make you more attractive because confidence and independence are key qualities that spark romantic interest.

Step: Invest time in hobbies, personal growth, and new experiences. Show them that you have a life beyond friendship.

Be Open About Your Feelings

At some point, if you really want to move out of the friend zone, you will have to express your romantic feelings. It’s important to do this in a calm and respectful way, without pressuring the other person. Let them know that you value the friendship, but you also have deeper feelings for them and want to be honest.

Step: When you feel the time is right, have an honest conversation. Keep it light: “I’ve been thinking about us, and I realize I have feelings for you. I just wanted to be upfront, but I also value our friendship no matter what.”

Respect Their Decision

The reality is, after you express your feelings, they might not feel the same way. If that happens, it’s important to respect their decision and not try to pressure or guilt them into a relationship. If they only want to remain friends, you’ll have to decide whether that’s something you’re okay with, or if it’s better to distance yourself.

Step: If they say they don’t feel the same way, respond with grace and respect. Don’t burn bridges or become bitter. Accept their feelings and move on if necessary.

Moving out of the friend zone is not a guaranteed process, and it requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to take risks. Sometimes, it’s possible to transition from a friendship to a romantic relationship, but it’s important to remain respectful of the other person’s feelings. Ultimately, whether or not you succeed, focusing on building a life you love and maintaining healthy relationships is always a win.

Gone are the days when we celebrated milestones privately with friends and family. Social media has transformed how we connect, and now a simple post or story often replaces intimate gatherings. While social media offers a convenient way to share our lives, it can blur the lines between what should remain private and what we choose to make public.

What things should you not post about your relationship on social media?

Relationship expert and Delhi’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, warns against oversharing, as it can sometimes harm the very relationships we’re trying to celebrate. Here are six things you should avoid sharing about your relationship online:

Avoid Seeking External Validation

Your relationship doesn’t need public approval to be meaningful. Constantly posting about it for likes or comments can add unnecessary pressure and reflect insecurity. Healthy relationships thrive privately without the need for a social media audience. Sharing too much can force emotions to grow based on external validation rather than letting love develop naturally between you two.

Get Your Partner’s Consent

Sharing photos or personal details about your partner without their approval can invade their privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can share everything publicly. Always ask for your partner’s consent before tagging them in posts or sharing pictures. Respecting their comfort level is crucial to building trust and ensuring they feel valued. By doing so, you also strengthen your bond by showing that their opinions matter.

Don’t Post About Conflicts

Every relationship has disagreements, but venting about arguments on social media is a bad idea. Sharing conflicts publicly can hurt your partner and lead others to form negative opinions about your relationship. Online advice from friends, though well-meaning, may also cause more harm than good. Instead, resolve issues privately with your partner. Posting in moments of anger can lead to regret and long-term damage to the relationship.

Don’t Brag About Gifts

While it’s exciting to receive gifts, constantly posting them on social media can come across as bragging. Your partner might prefer to keep these moments private and may feel uncomfortable with the attention. Plus, trying to make your relationship appear more extravagant than it is can create pressure and unrealistic expectations. Instead of sharing every gift online, cherish these moments together without seeking validation from others.

Limit Frequent Status Updates

Constantly updating your relationship status online—whether it’s changing from single to in a relationship or making it “complicated”—can create unnecessary pressure. While it may feel gratifying at the moment, these updates often reflect instability and invite unwanted opinions from others. Focus on nurturing your relationship privately rather than publicly broadcasting each shift in your love life. What truly matters is the bond you share, not how others perceive it.

Don’t Post About Your Breakup

Breakups are hard enough without adding the complexity of social media. Posting about a breakup can lead to endless questions and amplify your feelings of sadness. Not everyone will respond positively, and you may regret sharing such a personal event. Instead, focus on healing privately and avoid publicizing the details of your breakup.

Let your relationship thrive away from the public eye. Avoid seeking external validation, sharing conflicts, or posting frequent updates. Respect your partner’s privacy and cherish special moments privately. Remember, the strength of your relationship lies in the bond you share, not in how it appears on social media.

Overthinking can sabotage even the healthiest of relationships. It can create doubt, insecurity, and unnecessary stress, driving a wedge between partners. If you often find yourself stuck in a loop of “what-ifs” and second-guessing, it’s time to take a step back and regain control. Here are some practical ways to prevent overthinking in your relationship and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling connection.

What are the ways to prevent overthinking in your relationship and how to overcome it?

Leading marriage and family therapist in Delhi NCR Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the ways here in this blog.

Communicate Clearly and Often

Clear communication is one of the most powerful tools to prevent overthinking. When you leave things unsaid or unresolved, it’s easy for your mind to fill the gaps with assumptions or insecurities. Make it a habit to communicate openly with your partner. If something is bothering you, voice it rather than letting it fester. Effective communication strengthens your bond and eliminates the need to overthink every little thing.

Tip: Set aside regular time to talk about how you both feel. It’s essential to keep the conversation respectful and empathetic.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Overthinking often stems from negative thought patterns, like assuming the worst or doubting your partner’s intentions. Instead of accepting these thoughts as truth, take a moment to challenge them. Ask yourself, “Is this really true, or am I projecting my fears?” Redirect your energy toward understanding the difference between reality and the scenarios your mind creates.

Tip: Writing down your thoughts and then reviewing them later can help you see whether they were rational or not.

Focus on the Present

A significant part of overthinking is either dwelling on past events or worrying about the future. This robs you of the joy of the present. Make a conscious effort to focus on what is happening right now in your relationship rather than dissecting the past or imagining future problems.

Tip: Practice mindfulness by immersing yourself in shared activities like cooking, walking, or simply talking without distractions.

Develop Trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without it, overthinking is almost inevitable. If trust issues are triggering your overthinking, address them head-on. Work with your partner to rebuild trust and ensure both of you feel secure in the relationship. Trust reduces the mental space needed for overanalysis.

Tip: Engage in trust-building exercises, such as sharing your feelings or spending quality time with each other consistently.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes, overthinking occurs because we’re too intertwined with our partner’s life. It’s essential to have a sense of individuality and autonomy in a relationship. Setting healthy boundaries allows both partners to retain their sense of self, which can ease unnecessary worry and overanalysis. When you both respect each other’s space, there’s less room for doubts or misunderstandings.

Tip: Discuss boundaries early in the relationship, such as time for personal hobbies or time spent with friends and family.

Keep Yourself Busy

Idle time is the enemy of overthinkers. When your mind has too much time to wander, it’s easy to spiral into overthinking. Keep yourself engaged in your personal goals, hobbies, and social life. A well-balanced life outside of the relationship leaves little room for obsessive thinking about your partner’s behavior or the status of your relationship.

Tip: Pick up a new hobby or set personal goals to stay focused on yourself, which also benefits the relationship.

Stop Seeking Constant Reassurance

One of the signs of overthinking in a relationship is the need for constant validation or reassurance. While it’s normal to seek occasional reassurance, doing so excessively can create tension. Learn to build self-assurance and trust that your partner cares about you. Repeatedly asking for validation can lead to unnecessary strain and make you question things even more.

Tip: Instead of seeking reassurance, reflect on why you feel the need for it and address the underlying insecurities.

Embrace Imperfection

No relationship is perfect, and it’s important to accept that fact. Overthinking often comes from the desire for perfection – whether it’s expecting flawless behavior from your partner or idealizing how the relationship should be. Embrace imperfections as part of the journey rather than something to worry about.

Tip: Shift your perspective to see challenges as opportunities for growth instead of problems to overanalyze.

Talk to a Therapist

If overthinking becomes a recurring issue that you can’t control, seeking professional help might be the right step. A therapist can help you identify the root cause of your overthinking and equip you with tools to manage it. Relationship counseling is also a good option for couples who want to strengthen their communication and understanding.

Tip: Consider individual therapy or couples counseling if overthinking is significantly impacting your relationship.

Overthinking can be harmful to any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be. By communicating openly, focusing on the present, and challenging negative thoughts, you can build a stronger connection with your partner. Trust, boundaries, and personal growth are also crucial in preventing overanalysis. Ultimately, learning to embrace imperfection and seek help when needed will create a healthier, more peaceful relationship where overthinking doesn’t stand in the way of love.

We all know that life can really be mundane at times. As much as we’d like to imagine our relationships as an endless journey of excitement, reality often sets in, and things can get boring between couples.

The thrill of those first dates, the butterflies in your stomach, the late-night conversations that seemed to last forever—they can all fade into the background as the days turn into years. It’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming that your partner will always remain the same as they were when you first met.

The level of curiosity, generosity, adaptability, and interest that was present in the early stages of your relationship can begin to fade if left unattended. But here’s the truth: Life is not a fairytale. You cannot always expect a “…happily ever after” without putting in the effort. It’s natural for relationships to change over time, and it’s quite common to grow apart as life’s responsibilities take over.

However, this doesn’t mean that the magic is lost forever. The romantic spark can be reignited, and according to one of the top couples counselors in Delhi, and Gurgaon Shivani Misri Sadhoo, there is a secret ingredient that can spice up your relationship and bring back the excitement you once had.

Are you curious to know what is the secret ingredient that could add spice to your relationship?

The Secret Ingredient: Friendship

Do you know the secret ingredient to a lasting and joyful relationship? While love, trust, and communication are essential, friendship is the true game-changer. Research shows that couples who prioritize friendship enjoy deeper connections, respect each other’s ideas, and handle stress better. They know each other deeply and embrace each other’s flaws, making them more resilient together.

What are the ways to spice up your relationship with friendship as the secret ingredient?

Lend Your Ears

You’ve probably heard countless times that communication is crucial for any relationship, but effective communication involves more than just talking—it’s about listening too. By truly hearing your partner’s perspectives and feelings, and working together to address them, you nurture a deeper connection.

This openness and understanding mirror the dynamics of a strong friendship, which is vital in spicing up your relationship. When both of you feel genuinely listened to and valued, it creates a positive feedback loop that enhances your emotional bond and adds excitement to your otherwise routine relationship. So, listen like a friend.

Be Adventurous

Rediscovering each other is a powerful way to reignite the spark in your relationship and infuse it with excitement and adventure. By revisiting activities that brought you joy in the past or exploring new ones together, you can create fresh, memorable experiences. Imagine the thrill of learning how to dance side by side, the creativity of taking a pottery class together, or the shared exhilaration of a hiking adventure.

Such activities not only rekindle the fun and intimacy that may have faded over time but also introduce a new layer of connection and romance. These moments of shared adventure will not only strengthen your bond but also add a dynamic, romantic touch to your relationship, transforming it from routine to revitalized and exciting.

Share Your Deepest Secrets

Remember how friends share every secret, including those they can’t with their parents? This same level of openness should extend to your relationship. Being transparent with your partner, just like you would with a close friend, fosters trust and deepens your connection.

It’s not always easy to be genuine, and even if you think you’re being real, you might be holding something back. Transparency is crucial for a strong friendship and an even stronger relationship. When your partner is also your best friend, the same rules apply: share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

This openness allows you to be vulnerable and show sides of yourself that you might not usually reveal. By being transparent, you not only demonstrate trust in your partner but also encourage them to trust you in return, sparking a renewed sense of intimacy and excitement in your relationship.

Distance is Important at Times

Sometimes distance can indeed make the heart grow fonder. Just as friendships thrive with personal space, so can your romantic relationship. By allowing each other time apart to pursue individual interests, you not only preserve your unique identities but also enhance your connection. This space helps keep the relationship vibrant and exciting, sparking the friendship and passion that might otherwise fade.

Words of Appreciation Mean A Lot

Remember how friends often express their gratitude with small thank-you notes for even the tiniest gestures? Take a moment to write a short note expressing gratitude for the little things your partner does—like passing you the salt at the table or finding a book you misplaced.

These small expressions of gratitude matter a lot. They show that you notice and value the little things your partner does. This simple act of appreciation can reignite the spark in your relationship and add excitement to the routine.

So, if you feel your relationship needs a boost, remember that friendship is the secret ingredient. Listen deeply, embrace new adventures, share your secrets, value personal space, and appreciate the little things. By infusing these elements into your bond, you can rekindle the excitement and joy in your relationship.

Have you ever felt unheard, had your emotions suppressed, or found yourself constantly questioning your actions in a relationship? If so, you might be a victim of manipulation. Manipulation involves harmful influence over others, targeting their mental and emotional sides to achieve personal gain.

Manipulators create an imbalance of power, taking advantage of their victims to gain control, benefits, or privileges at their expense. They lie, make excuses, blame others, or strategically share selective truths to feel superior and powerful.

What are the ways to handle a manipulator impactfully?

There are tactics you can use to deal with a manipulator. Top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi, and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few in this article. 

Do you feel you are being love bombing, and what to do?

When manipulators use love bombing, they shower you with excessive praise, attention, and gifts to create dependence and control. This differs from genuine affection, which seeks nothing in return.

Recognize love bombing by its overwhelming nature, especially early in relationships. Protect yourself by maintaining high self-esteem and healthy boundaries. Be wary of excessive flattery, redirect conversations to objective matters, and focus on facts over emotions. This helps you resist manipulation and maintain control.

Do you think a third person is being involved in how to Avoid Triangulation?

Another form of manipulation in relationships is triangulation, where one person involves a third party to avoid direct communication and manipulate situations to their advantage. To protect oneself, it’s crucial to recognize signs of triangulation early on. Address the issue openly with all parties involved in a group setting to promote clear communication and prevent further manipulation.

Establishing norms for transparent communication and addressing insecurities openly can create a safe emotional environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Are you thinking you need to draw the limit?

Sometimes, saying, “That’s enough” does the trick. It is important to realize that setting clear boundaries is crucial in dealing with manipulators. By defining what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate, you can offer help without being taken advantage of. Keeping a journal of boundaries helps clarify your thoughts and strengthens your resolve.

Manipulators often exploit weak boundaries, so establishing firm limits protects your emotional well-being. Knowing where you end and others begin prevents manipulation, whether through overly rigid or overly involved boundaries.

Body Language Matters to protect yourself against manipulators

Did you know that your body language can reveal a lot about how you feel, which manipulators might use against you?

When dealing with manipulative people, be mindful of signs like crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, slouching, fidgeting, or speaking softly, as these can signal insecurity or submission. Manipulators often use intimidating tactics like standing too close, intense eye contact, or authoritative gestures to assert dominance.

To stay in control, maintain a relaxed posture, direct eye contact, and use assertive gestures. These signals show you won’t be easily manipulated and can help manage such situations effectively.

Are you being pushed into a guilt trip? Don’t feel guilty if you are a victim of manipulation

Say NO to Guilt-Tripping guilt-tripping is when someone uses your emotional connection to manipulate you into doing something, even if you haven’t done anything wrong.

It can strain relationships by making you feel stressed or resentful for not meeting their demands.

To handle a manipulator who guilt-trips you, assert your boundaries firmly and express your feelings clearly. Request that they ask for what they want directly, without emotional manipulation. Make it clear that you have the right to say no and that any agreement will be genuine, not coerced. This approach helps maintain balance in the relationship and reduces the stress and anxiety caused by guilt trips.

Be Calm when you are facing manipulation

Being aggressive doesn’t help when dealing with a manipulator. Instead, staying calm is key. Manipulators aim to provoke emotional reactions to control you, using tactics like belittling or intimidation.

By staying emotionally detached and practising self-regulation, you can frustrate their attempts. Plan your responses calmly to avoid getting caught up in their game of control.

This approach helps you maintain clarity and control over the situation, reducing their influence and preserving your peace of mind. While it is not easy to handle manipulators, understanding their tactics and employing proactive strategies can empower you.

By setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional composure, and fostering transparent communication, you can safeguard your well-being and assert your autonomy in relationships, thwarting manipulation effectively.

Hearing someone say, “I’ve never been in a relationship,” can be surprising in a world where dating is so common. While it might seem unusual, there are many reasons why someone might not have dated before. They might have been focused on their career, studies, or personal interests, or simply never felt the need for a relationship says relationship counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

If you’re interested in someone who has never been in a relationship, it can be both challenging and rewarding. They might be unfamiliar with relationship dynamics, including compromises, adjustments, and handling potential heartbreak.

What are some of the dating tips if he/she has never been in a relationship?

Here are some tips to help you date someone who is new to a relationship as explained by top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Prioritizing Clear Communication 

Effective communication is essential. Someone who has never been in a relationship might not fully grasp its importance. Guide them on how to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

Maintain clear and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings. Help them understand the crucial role that communication plays in building a successful relationship.

Be Direct and Transparent 

Your partner might not be adept at picking up on subtle hints or reading between the lines.

Be straightforward about your feelings, needs, and expectations. Avoid assuming they “should know” certain things. Explain the meanings behind gestures and actions clearly, but do so gently and without aggression.

Appreciate Their Efforts 

Recognize and value their attempts to show affection, whether big or small. They might overdo or underperform in their efforts.

Help them understand that small gestures often hold more significance than grand displays. Positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep expressing their love in meaningful ways.

Establish and Respect Boundaries 

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, but someone new to dating might not fully understand this.

Explain the importance of respecting each other’s space and limits. Help them establish and respect boundaries to create a healthy and balanced relationship.

Ignore External Intrusions 

Friends and peers might be overly curious or intrusive about their new relationship status.

This can be irritating, but try to ignore it. If it becomes overwhelming, discuss it with your partner and suggest they address it with their friends.

Combat Self-Doubt 

It’s natural for someone new to relationships to experience self-doubt. They might wonder why they haven’t been in a relationship before or why you are interested in them.

Reassure them and focus on the present rather than their past. Encourage self-confidence and affirm their worth.

Maintain Humility and Balance 

Avoid letting your relationship experience create an imbalance. Never think or say that you are an expert while they are inexperienced.

This attitude can undermine your relationship. Approach the relationship with humility and a willingness to learn together.

Handle Conflicts Maturely 

Disagreements are normal, but your partner might not know how to handle conflicts in a relationship.

Help them understand that arguments are a part of any relationship and that resolving them healthily is important. Practice patience and model mature conflict resolution.

Approach Future Talks Gradually 

Your partner might eagerly discuss future plans early on, not realizing that relationships typically progress gradually.

Gently explain that it’s important to let things develop naturally over time. Teach them to enjoy the journey without rushing into future commitments.

Discuss Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Discuss your comfort levels with a PDA. They might be overly enthusiastic or hesitant about displaying affection in public.

Communicate openly about what works for both of you and find a middle ground that respects each other’s boundaries.

Dating someone who has never been in a relationship can be challenging, but with patience and understanding, it can also be a rewarding experience.

By focusing on clear communication, setting boundaries, and appreciating their efforts, you can help them navigate the complexities of a relationship. Remember, it takes time for someone new to relationships to learn and adapt, so be supportive and enjoy the journey together.

We are living in a time where it is increasingly difficult to differentiate between what is real and what is not. This uncertainty can extend to our most intimate relationships, leaving us questioning whether our partner truly loves us or is subtly manipulating us.

The thrill of new love can be intoxicating, often blurring our judgment. In a healthy relationship, the initial excitement and infatuation will eventually give way to a deeper, more stable connection.

Manipulation is the deliberate psychological influence over others for personal benefit, encompassing both subtle and overt tactics. It involves unfair strategies aimed at gaining control or advantage, making it difficult to detect due to its varied and often cunning approaches. Leading couples therapist in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the ways to recognize it:

How does one recognize the signs of manipulation in a relationship?

Looking for constant reassurance

Seeking constant reassurance in a relationship can be a sign of manipulation. While it’s natural to desire affirmation and security from your partner, excessive neediness can lead to controlling behaviours.

Manipulative individuals may justify their actions by convincing themselves that they are rescuing or proving their care. They might say things like, “Don’t you see how much I care about you?” or “You’re so lucky to have me.”

This behavior can isolate you from others and undermine your independence, indicating deeper issues within the relationship that warrant attention.

Guilt-tripping

When one person in a relationship resorts to guilt-tripping, it often signifies a form of manipulation aimed at securing compliance from the other.

This strategy involves strategically inducing feelings of guilt in order to coerce their partner into actions or decisions they might otherwise resist. A clear indicator of this manipulation is when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries or asserting yourself within the relationship.

The guilt tripper typically expresses dissatisfaction or disappointment when their desires are challenged, leading the other person to give in to alleviate guilt and restore harmony. This cycle perpetuates a dynamic where one partner’s emotional manipulation undermines the other’s autonomy, fostering a skewed power balance detrimental to genuine mutual respect and understanding.

Gaslighting

Did you ever feel like your reality is constantly under attack? Gaslighting in relationships manifests through denial of facts, accusations of imagination, emotional invalidation, and even hiding objects to make you doubt yourself. It erodes your confidence and makes you question your own sanity.

Recognizing these tactics helps identify manipulation, ensuring you safeguard your mental well-being and seek support if needed.

Love bombing

Perhaps one of the most deceptive tactics in relationships is love bombing. Initially, it masquerades as an overwhelming display of affection and attention, leaving one feeling cherished and valued. However, beneath its surface lies manipulation, aiming to control and dominate.

What starts as a euphoric romance can swiftly transform into emotional abuse once the manipulator’s objectives are met, urging caution in the early stages of any relationship.

When you question your own identity

Another sign of manipulation in a relationship is when one partner feels afraid of triggering the other’s anger or displeasure, constantly monitoring and compromising themselves to avoid conflict.

This behaviour often leads to a loss of individual identity, as the manipulated partner gives up their opinions, and interests, and even alters their lifestyle to please the dominant partner. The manipulator may isolate their partner from friends, family, and personal activities, exerting control over their choices and expression of self.

When you are being constantly monitored

This is yet another insidious sign of manipulation in a relationship, where frequent texts, calls, or emails evolve into controlling behaviour. What may start as innocent communication can escalate into jealousy, accusations of infidelity, and attempts to isolate you from loved ones.

This invasive monitoring of your interactions and movements reflects a desire for dominance, eroding your autonomy and fostering a climate of fear and dependency.

While relationships can be sources of joy and support, vigilance is important to detect manipulation. Recognizing signs like constant reassurance-seeking, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, lovebombing, identity questioning, and excessive monitoring can protect one’s emotional well-being and autonomy.

When it comes to your marriage or dating, there are plenty of things that can go wrong. But sometimes it is not what you are doing that is causing problems in your relationship. It is the parents. Whether yours or your partner’s, parents can definitely have a way of butting in where they must not and can turn your relationship bitter.

This blog by India’s top Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Family Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo speaks specifically about how your or his parents are ruining your relationship.

The Models of Love Parents Provided 

Parents shape their kid’s future love lives from the very beginning. The manner you’re raised and the atmosphere in which you grew up impacts the way you perceive, feel, and give love. 

One learns about love from his/her parents. It is part of the authority that parents get. Whether you move towards the model of love that your parents provide for you or you move away from it, it remains their model that you base your assumptions on. 

So, it is a wise thing to be aware of those things while you act in your relationship.

Crossing Limits and Lines of Communication

A huge way that parents interfere in their adult child’s relationship is by crossing limits and proper lines of communication, such as reaching out straight to their child’s partner to provide their two cents about how the relationship, or even having other family members involved. 

Any moment a parent reaches out to their child’s partner or their kid’s partner’s family, there are boundaries being crossed. It is quite dangerous once you do that. If they have any doubts about the relationship they must be taking it to their child, not to their child’s partner or his parents.

Though it is totally normal for a parent to give their child relationship advice, it is a bit right to go any further. A romantic relationship is just for the people in that relationship to work on, not their parents. A parent may even mean good by doing this, but it is detrimental and cause awkwardness. If you feel your partner’s parents or your parents are too hands-on, never be afraid to talk to your partner about it. If you do not, it will just keep happening.  

Overly Attached

The biggest of all “The Mama’s Boy or The Daddy’s Little Girl.” At least, this is what bothers many. And let us be real, anyone who has been in a relationship with a person like this knows how awful it could get. To be clear, it is not bad for a man or woman to love or interact with their father or mother, but it is when the bond is way too strong; one can also say aggressive. 

The worst method [to interfere] is when they’re a mama’s boy or daddy’s little girl and the mom or dad is simply competing with the wife or husband. When you’re the woman and [his] mom’s interfering, she looks to be the confidant to him. Rather than encouraging him to go to you and build that relationship, she perceives you as a threat. 

When the mom or dad interferes to a large extent, it’s not only intrusive but it’s way creepy. This sort of over-involvement and over-attachment can also simply ruin your relationship.

Pushing Their Problems On You Or Your Partner 

When an individual’s parents are having marital issues, it might be hard on them in several ways, including their romantic relationships. While a marriage dissolve can provide a person with a cynical outlook on their own love lives. 

While a divorce like an experience can influence them in terms of the parent saying, you must avoid people like your dad or mom, making stereotypes in that regard. It’s absolutely important for parents to know their problems, so they do not put them on their own kids. Even if it is not their marital problems, parents can still push their problems onto their children and harm relationships. If even one of the parents has drinking, violence or anger problems, that will no doubt create stress and emotional issues. Your partner may feel like they have to be there more for their parents than they are for you. 

When such things happen, your partner has to be able to find out a way to get a balance in their life and keep it separate from those of their parents. This does not mean that they have to abandon their family, but they have to be able to identify the difference between your parents’ relationship and your own relationship. Simply, because your parents might be dysfunctional, doesn’t mean that your relationship needs to be.

Forcing Family Expectation in the Name of Tradition

If your partner belongs to a different culture than you do or their parents are quite strict about their family lifestyle and expectations, your relationship could be doomed from the beginning. Plenty of times, it has been seen that particularly when younger ones are involved with people outside their parents’ group, a person outside of their socio-economic class, different opinion. Yes, it could be anything but the families do not necessarily see it that way. They look at it preserving their beliefs. For instance, Indian parents tend to be forcing their kids by what age they ought to have a baby as in their family, they have a certain trend that by a certain age everyone became parents, and so on. 

Ultimately, it is your and your partner’s decision. So try to avoid such sort of expectations when it is unnecessarily being forcing on you.

Making Special Occasions Problematic

In spite of the joy, they are supposed to provide, holidays could be some of the toughest days of the year. Spending the entire day with your whole family could be taxing on its own, but holidays can create problems in relationships as well. You might feel like you must spend the holidays with your significant other, but your or her family may be hellbent on having your partner entirely to themselves. Or in case they are also holidaying with you, their interference regarding what to eat and where to travel can be real mood spoilers. Holidays are a rare opportunity that fosters bonding for a couple but when it is denied it spells trouble.

Having respective parents are fine but if your partner is trying to prevent it then it is a big warning sign. And later it can really escalate the problem.

Showing Up Frequently

As a couple you need time alone together. However, it can be spoiled if your or his parents frequently visit you and that too all of a sudden. They may even turn up when you are trying to have quiet private time that eventually hampers your bonding. This may give rise to the thought of not having enough freedom and it feels suffocating. So better watch out for this sign.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.