Tag Archive : marriage counselor in Delhi

Strategies to Deal with a Workaholic Spouse

If you are married to a workaholic partner, you might at times feel as if you are married to an unfaithful spouse who has replaced your intimacy with his or her work. This sense of being alone, the numerous broken promises, feelings of anger and disappointment, and a belief that you are not that important are all similar for spouses of cheaters and also, for spouses of workaholics.

Shivani Sadhoo says these issues, if left unmitigated, could result in spousal discontent or worse yet divorce; in fact, according to Maureen Farrel who wrote “So You Married A Workaholic” for Forbes during the year 2007, on average, couples in which one partner is a workaholic divorce at double the average rate.

When one of the partners works excessively, he or she is not nurturing or harnessing the marriage. It is also unhealthy to keep a life that is so much out of sync or balance, which could easily put you on the road to infidelity and even divorce. At times it requires a wake-up call such as a personal or health crisis for the workaholic to snap out of this conduct. There are certain things you may do that would not have you waiting around for this to be the impetus for the change. 

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog shares some suggestions to keep your marriage intact if you are married to a workaholic, in a healthy manner.

Strategies for Keeping Your Marriage to a Workaholic Healthy

If you find yourself frustrated with your partner’s continuous obsession with work, it is important to remember that even though you do not agree with his or her viewpoint on the issue, the situation itself puts you and your partner both under tremendous amounts of stress; as a result, conversations regarding being a workaholic needs to be approached cautiously and with compassion.

As frustrating as it might seem to not scold your partner for their overworking tendencies, nagging is not going to work. Rather, share in a positive tone what your partner has missed by working excessively or by bringing work home and not being present to you and the kids. Also, you must try to stop enabling your partner’s workaholic behavior—you might them be enabling your spouse’s need or desire to work by delaying family meals, keeping children up longer, postponing activities, or spending your money on things and services (such as takeout) that you could do without.

Instead, consider letting your partner experience the results of working excessively by serving dinner at the normal time and making your spouse have the cold leftovers once he or she finally emerges, hours later, from work. If your partner does not want to go out of the house with you, leave your partner at home and take the kids to the movie, mall, or park, or if your spouse is too busy to take certain days off, take a weekend trip to visit family without your partner do not put your life or your kid’s lives on hold waiting for your partner to make time for you.

Also, you can try to entice your spouse out of work mode by suggesting an activity that you can both do together. Although this might be considered a bit manipulative, providing an opportunity that your partner will enjoy could ease the tensions between you and let for an honest discussion of the issues that are arising from your partner’s workaholic tendencies.

When to Go for a Professional Help

Solving your marital problems related to a workaholic partner might feel like an insurmountable task, and mostly it is almost impossible to do alone. Luckily, though, psychologists and marriage counselor’s help is available to mediate open dialogue between you and your special one.

If your marriage is in serious trouble because of your spouse working too many hours or days, then marriage counseling could be an alternative that will help. Even if you might simply get your spouse in for the first therapy session, you might be able to help him or her to understand the gravity of the things and the toll it is having on you and your relationship personally.

It is essential during these sessions to discuss setting boundaries you both agree to that will not only assist your spouse to overcome his or her workaholic conduct but assist you both to communicate with one another openly and have compassion and empathy. If your partner agrees to a day with you or even a few hours, setting boundaries such as “no cell phones or texts at dinner” could greatly reduce work-related stress during your alone time.

In any given situation, the first step toward overcoming marital problems associated with living with a workaholic spouse is to initiate a conversation, express how their behavior makes you feel, and work together towards an amicable solution that leaves you feeling more appreciated and your partner’s need to work fulfilled.

Signs One is Living in a Dysfunctional Relationship

When there appears to be more emotional turbulence than fulfillment in your relationship, or when your time together becomes a lot destructive than constructive, you are perhaps in a dysfunctional relationship

The roots of dysfunctional relationships mostly stem from childhood. Those who were raised up in a troublesome environment may not have had healthy relationships modeled.  They might subsequently end up repeating dysfunctional patterns in their own romantic relationships.

Mostly, unresolved individual problems can also lead to dysfunction.  After all, the journey to a strong, healthy connection has plenty to do with how well you know yourself and how safe and mentally healthy you feel. There cannot be any relationship with someone else that can compensate for your own unhappiness, no matter how well it is. Expecting your partner to make you happy, content, or fulfill could lead you to disappointment and dysfunctional patterns.

Even though no relationship is perfect, it is the genuine and mutual desire to communicate respectfully and manage conflict that can assist you to weather the most difficult storms.

Here, in this article marriage counselor and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs that one is living in a dysfunctional relationship.

Higher Levels of Conflict

Destructive communication involves a never-ending pattern of escalation. Imagine beginning off a discussion with; “The problem with you is…”, or “Why are you always so self-centric?”. It is quite simple to see the intensification of negativity this could invoke. Certainly, there is no such thing as a relationship having no conflict. Only a specific percentage of problems are solvable. So, what couples ought to have is a sense of forgiveness, conflict management, and good communication skills. This is probably the biggest hallmark of a healthy relationship.

In this sense, the danger is never the conflict, but disconnection. If you do not consistently confront your issues, you can end up in a never-ending circle of negativity, repeating the same argument time and again. It is when you have issues reconnecting and resolving your problems, or end up avoiding your problems altogether, that you feed dysfunction.

Emotional Disconnection

The reality is everyone needs emotional security to grow and thrive in a relationship. When one reads and responds, shares and listens, they create a relationship where emotional trust and safety exist and intimacy flourishes. It is not unusual for modern-day stresses and obligations to pull you apart. While several couples can come back together and heal, some stay chronically disconnected and might need assistance learning to connect.

Being emotionally out of tune is specifically destructive if your partner is attempting to make a bid for connection, and rather than acknowledging the bid, you turn away. For example, you see your partner, specifically, sad one day, instead of reaching out and/or asking if they need to talk, you overlook them and go on watching TV. Emotional involvement, active interest, and concern for your partner are signs of healthy functional relationships. A serious indication of dysfunction happens when you notice your partner stops bothering or fighting for the relationship.

Imbalance of Power

When you feel a power hierarchy within the relationship, where one of you is controlling the majority of the decisions shows very little respect, offers no compromise, or one where you do not dare risk honest self-expression, then you are likely having an imbalance of power in your relationship. This could look like one partner is asking for more and the other pulling away, or where you have small influence and are ignored.

In healthy relationships, both partners vouch for power during a conflict. But when power and control are prioritized instead of love and respect there will possibly be dysfunction.

Blame

Mostly the frustrated, dissatisfied, and unhappy couples are those who blame their partners for problems in the relationship. On the other hand, those who take personal accountability for solving their issues score highest in marital satisfaction.

Taking personal responsibility is vital to happy relationships. It means if your partner crosses a line, rather than blaming yourself or your partner, you take charge of the problems that come up. If you take responsibility for your role, and you both feel it is your duty to make each other happy, you will possibly decrease dysfunction.

Resentment

A high level of resentment within a relationship is the silent poison that mostly leads to destructive and harmful communication patterns. Resentment leaks into your daily interaction and makes your attempt to repair things more difficult.

Prolonged resentment sours your views on the relationship.  It mostly ties up with pride, identity, or values and can feel impossible to get rid of. Resentments require to be understood.  Ask yourself, what is creating these feelings? Is it linked to the past? Mostly resentment is rooted in deep core values and beliefs being threatened. Look to focus on your own feelings, then explain what the problems represent and mean to you.

Overall, it is well known that one cannot completely avoid conflict, disengagement, power struggles, blame, or resentment within relationships. One can have their attitude and mindset, however.

Try to look out for compassion and prioritize your relationship; nurture, and take an active part in the well-being of your partner. This goes a long way to functional, healthy, loving, and caring relationships.


Signs that Indicate you have Married the Right Person

Getting married is a life-changing and wonderful feeling. After all, taking a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone and sharing every aspect of it is a quite big decision.

Shivani Sadhoo says if this one decision goes wrong, both the individuals in the marriage and their respective families are bound to suffer. Thus, choosing the right person is vital to living a happy and content married life.

If you are wondering whether you have married the right person or not, no need to worry. Here are subtle signs shared in this blog by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate you have married the right person.

You Simply can be Yourself Around your Partner

When you are around the right person, you feel free to show your true traits – the good, the bad, and the ugly – without any feeling of being awkward about them. Also, you do not feel under any pressure being judged about anything.

Feel Quite Comfortable Whilst Sharing Anything with them

Perhaps something happened in your past that you are not so confident in telling other people or whether you did something terrible that you always regret. Whatever it is, you must be able to tell your partner and know that they will only listen and support you.

You can Visualize yourself Growing Old with that Person

If you two feel and see yourself sharing wine, traveling, and enjoying each other’s company and other aspects of life down the road, do not worry. It shows you have made the right decision.

You Believe that she/he will become a Wonderful Spouse and Parent

If you wish to expand your family, you need to be marrying a person who also loves kids. Even if he is still too conservative to hold a baby, you will know deep down what kind of a parent he/she would be by his/her qualities and character.

You are Loved Unconditionally

In your heart deep inside you know this person loves you no matter what. Even when you mess up, when you say something terrible, or when the person is terribly annoyed with you.

You have Simply Chosen to be with them

In certain cases, people often can get sucked into relationships where they feel stuck. When you are with the right individual, you still remain you and you are making a conscious choice to share your remaining life with your partner.

You have Flourish in a Positive Manner all through your Relationship

When you marry someone, that individual will shape the person you become while you grow together through life. If you are happy with who you are today it is also because of your partner, you will continue to be happy and content with how you continue to evolve.


Going Through A Rough Phase In Your Love Life?

Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares Some Small Gestures That Can Enhance Your Relationship

At times, falling in love and being in a relationship may seem easy in the beginning. But maintaining a relationship and sailing through all the rough water is a challenge that the majority of the couples face. Is there any magic formula that may help you make your relationship grow stronger? There are not really, but surely some gestures and acts can bring two individuals closer. In fact, the accumulation of small gestures has a greater impact on the happiness of the couple than big but less frequent gestures.

Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is a top Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services talks about some of the small gestures that can enhance your relationship if you are going through a rough phase in your love life. Here, are some of them.

Compliment Your Partner, Genuinely

Compliments are a good way of letting your partner know that you still find him/her attractive. Sometimes, when you are with the same person for a significant time, you begin taking their efforts for granted. Why bury your love under the weight of your hectic schedule? Appreciate their efforts and achievements that you feel deserve recognition and compliment.

These small gestures are a strong way of showing that you are paying attention that will make them feel more valued.

Plan A Small Surprise

Spending months and years in a relationship, you become so comfortable in your own ways that you do not bother to express your love to the significant one. It does not imply that you do not love them anymore, it is a sign of stability. But should you allow the sparks to fly away by keeping it monotonous? At times, when words fall short to thank their presence in life, why not plan for small surprises? While spending lavishly is not necessary, surprise your partner with a gift or simply take them to a movie or dinner date. A small surprise will not only brighten their mood but will make them feel more loved.

Do A Random Act Of Kindness

Small gestures can make your partner really feel happy. Holding hands, preparing their favorite dish, assisting them to schedule an appointment or picking them up from the office are all small gestures of showing how deeply invested you are in this relationship. These are also a small indication that there is someone in the corner who pays attention to their daily needs.

Spend Good Time Together

Spending some worthy time together is a healthy way of keeping the spark alive in a relationship. Good time with your partner can be as easy as making an attempt to remain involved in each other’s lives, be it a walk, weekend drive or normal conversation about each other’s dreams and aspirations. As long as you can feel good around each other and give undivided attention to your significant one in things you do, it will be quality and a good time.

Reassurance

Everybody loves to be adored and a bit of reassurance is like an icing on the cake. You may think that your partner already knows how much you love him/her, but a reminder that you will always have their back will uplift their mood and make your bond even stronger. Letting your partner know how much you love them is always a good idea of showing your affection.