Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Yet, expressing your needs and desires can sometimes feel daunting or uncomfortable. Whether you’re seeking more affection, support, or understanding, learning how to ask for and get what you need in a relationship is crucial for its growth and longevity. Here are some effective strategies to help you navigate this process as shared by Delhi’s leading couples therapist and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

In what ways could you ask and get what you need in your relationship?

Reflect on Your Needs: Before initiating a conversation with your partner, take some time to reflect on your needs and desires. What are you seeking from the relationship? What specific changes or actions would fulfill those needs? Understanding your own feelings and motivations will help you communicate more effectively.

Choose the Right Time and Place: Timing is crucial when addressing sensitive topics. Choose a time when both you and your partner are calm, relaxed, and free from distractions. Find a quiet and private space where you can have an open and honest conversation without interruptions.

Use “I” Statements: When expressing your needs, use “I” statements to convey your thoughts and feelings without placing blame on your partner. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try saying, “I feel unheard when we don’t have meaningful conversations.”

Be Clear and Specific: Clearly articulate your needs and preferences to avoid misunderstandings. Provide specific examples and suggestions for how your partner can meet your needs. Avoid vague or passive-aggressive communication, as it can lead to frustration and confusion.

Practice Active Listening: Communication is a two-way street. Be sure to actively listen to your partner’s response without interrupting or becoming defensive. Validate their feelings and demonstrate empathy, even if you may not fully agree with their perspective.

Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on past conflicts or assigning blame, focus on finding solutions that satisfy both partners. Brainstorm together and be willing to compromise to reach a mutually beneficial outcome.

Express Appreciation: Acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s efforts to meet your needs, even if they may fall short at times. Positive reinforcement can strengthen your bond and encourage continued efforts to support each other.

Seek Professional Help if Needed: If communication barriers persist or if you’re struggling to address deep-seated issues, consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist or counselor. A trained professional can provide impartial support and offer valuable tools to improve communication and resolve conflicts.

Practice Patience and Persistence: Building effective communication skills takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this process together. Stay committed to open and honest communication, and be willing to adapt and learn from each other along the way.

Revisit and Revise: As your relationship evolves, so too may your needs and priorities. Regularly revisit conversations about your needs and make adjustments as necessary. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to work together to nurture a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Asking for and getting what you need in a relationship requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to communicate openly and honestly. By following these strategies and fostering a culture of mutual respect and understanding, you can create a relationship that is supportive, fulfilling, and enduring.

Relationships are like roller coasters, full of twists, turns, and unexpected drops. They can whisk us away on thrilling highs one moment and leave us feeling disoriented in the depths of a low the next. But amidst this whirlwind of emotions and experiences, there often comes a point where we question whether it’s worth continuing the ride or if it’s time to disembark. If you find yourself at this crossroads, here are some signs suggested by India’s leading marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate your relationship may still be worth fighting for in this blog.

What signs do you need to check for so that you don’t give up?

Still Happy With Each Other

When two individuals cherish the simplicity of being together, it signifies a depth of connection that transcends superficiality. Engaging in hearty laughter, sharing heartfelt conversations, and relishing each other’s company amid life’s ordinary moments affirm the resilience of the bond.

Such genuine joy becomes the foundation upon which the relationship stands, offering a compelling reason to persevere through challenges. Laughter, like an adhesive, binds hearts tightly, serving as a testament to the enduring strength of the connection. Thus, finding genuine joy in one another’s presence underscores the significance of the relationship, making it a cause worth fighting for.

Unwilling to Hurt Each Other

When a relationship hits a rough patch and tensions run high, it’s common for couples to become embroiled in anger and conflict. However, when despite the anger and frustration, neither partner harbors the intention to inflict harm, it speaks volumes about the underlying love and respect in the relationship.  It showcases the strength of their bond and the potential for growth and reconciliation. Therefore, this unwillingness to cause harm becomes a beacon of hope, signaling that the relationship is worth fighting for and nurturing.

Care and Concern still exists

Even amidst frustrations and conflicts, the fact that you still hold genuine concern for the other person’s well-being signifies a profound connection worth nurturing. This caring attitude suggests an underlying emotional investment and a desire for mutual growth and happiness.

It demonstrates that despite the challenges, there remains a foundation of empathy, understanding, and commitment. This means that the relationship is still worth fighting for.

Trying to Change for You

When your partner takes genuine steps to address concerns, it’s a positive sign worth holding onto the relationship. It’s crucial to distinguish between words and deeds. If they promise change but show no effort to improve, it’s a signal to reconsider the relationship’s viability and perhaps move on. Genuine efforts to change demonstrate commitment and reinforce the relationship’s value.

Willing to make the relationship work

If both of you are still willing to put effort into the relationship, it’s a clear sign that there’s more to be salvaged. When you and your partner are determined to work through difficulties, compromise, and improve things, it’s worth giving the relationship another chance.

Even when times are tough, and it feels like the love is fading, the fact that both of you are committed to fighting together is a priceless indication of something worth holding onto. Having a partner who refuses to give up and is dedicated to doing their best is truly wonderful. However, it’s essential to be honest about whether the challenges, such as significant differences in values or life visions, can be overcome.

Trust exists

Trust is the key to a strong relationship. When you trust your partner and they trust you back, it shows that you both have each other’s backs. Even when things get tough, knowing you can count on each other is a reason to keep working on the relationship.

If you still believe in your partner and feel confident they have your best interests at heart, it means there’s hope for your relationship. Trust is like a bridge that connects your hearts, and if it’s still there, it means your relationship is built on a strong foundation.

Once you have assessed the signs – shared happiness, a commitment to avoid harm, lingering care, genuine efforts for change, a joint willingness to make it work, and the foundation of trust – the decision to fight for a relationship becomes a meaningful pursuit, fortified by the enduring strength of genuine connection.

Relationships often confuse us. Sometimes, the one who captures our heart can be tender and affectionate, yet in the next moment, they may appear distant or even irritable. They might shower us with thoughtful gestures, only to disregard our desires when things don’t align with their expectations. This ambiguity leaves us questioning whether their intentions are genuine or if they’re merely toying with our feelings for their own gain.

Are you curious to know the signs that a man is using you?

Let’s find out from India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo about these signs.

He has no interest in you

When a guy consistently shows disinterest in you and your life, it indicates he’s likely using you for his own benefit. Genuine interest in a partner involves wanting to know about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. If he only engages with you when it serves his agenda or ignores your interests altogether, it’s a clear sign that he’s not invested in building a meaningful connection but rather exploiting your presence for personal gain.

He ignores you in front of others

If the man you love showers you with attention but suddenly ignores or avoids you in front of others, it’s a red flag. Pay close attention to how he treats you around people he knows. If he’s inconsistent, prioritizing his image over your feelings, he may be using you for his benefit. Genuine affection doesn’t fluctuate based on who’s watching. Trust your instincts and confront the situation honestly.

He is not really putting an effort

When you’re the only one making efforts in a relationship, it’s a telltale sign of being used. You’re constantly striving to maintain the connection while he shows little interest or willingness to reciprocate. It resembles a parasocial relationship, where you invest emotions, time, and energy, but he remains oblivious. Communication feels one-sided; he’s physically present but emotionally absent. You’re essentially talking to yourself, solving his problems, not yours.

He’s available as per his need/schedule

When someone’s always available on their terms but mysteriously busy when you need them, it’s a red flag. Genuine interest means being there through thick and thin, not just when it suits them. If your partner is consistently unavailable on weekends and only meets as per their schedule, it’s unfair. A serious relationship requires effort from both sides.

If they call all the shots and take you for granted, it’s a sign they might be using you. Evaluate your self-worth and make a decision. He intentionally makes plans with his friends or colleagues on weekends to stay away from you. Isn’t that a sign to consider?

Toxic manipulation

Manipulative behavior becomes evident when he dismisses your feelings, turning every disagreement into a blame game. Constantly undermining your confidence, he uses language to make you feel inadequate. Control dominates arguments, making it you versus him instead of addressing issues together.

He avoids responsibility by shifting blame, leaving you burdened with guilt. Gaslighting adds another layer, distorting truth and denying reality. This draining dynamic indicates he prioritizes personal gain over a healthy relationship, making it crucial to reassess the connection.

He doesn’t want to empathize with you

Empathy means understanding and sharing someone else’s feelings. Let’s say you’re feeling down after a tough day, and instead of offering support or showing concern, he brushes off your emotions or doesn’t even acknowledge them.

This lack of empathy suggests he’s more focused on his own needs and desires, using you as a means to an end rather than genuinely caring about your well-being. In essence, his actions reveal a self-centred nature, indicating he’s not genuinely invested in your happiness or fulfilment.

He needs monetary favor always

When your boyfriend consistently relies on you for financial support, often at inconvenient times, and fails to reciprocate in the relationship, it’s a clear sign of exploitation. His sudden sweetness when money is involved reveals his true intentions. You can tell that he is using you when his actions consistently prioritize his needs over yours, leaving you drained and unfulfilled. Recognizing this toxic dynamic is essential for reclaiming your worth and finding a healthier relationship.

Hence, in a nutshell, when someone shows consistent signs of disinterest, manipulation, and exploitation in a relationship, it’s time to reassess its value and prioritize your own well-being. Trust your instincts and choose a healthier path forward.