Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

When relationships start feeling rocky, a lot of people begin searching for professional help. That’s usually when terms like couples therapy and marriage counselling start popping up. At first glance, they seem like the same thing, right? After all, both involve two people sitting down with a professional to talk through their relationship issues.

But here’s the thing—while the two are definitely similar, they’re not quite the same. And the confusion is completely understandable. Even therapists sometimes use the terms interchangeably. But suppose you’re thinking about seeking help. In that case, it’s worth knowing what sets them apart—because the right kind of support can make all the difference, says one of India’s top Gottman-certified couples therapists, Shivani Misri Sadhoo. First, let us clear up the fundamentals.

What is Marriage Counselling?

Marriage counselling is typically designed for married couples or partners in long-term committed relationships, who are dealing with specific, current problems. This could be anything from frequent arguments and lack of communication to disagreements about parenting, finances, or even emotional distance. The idea here is to help couples navigate through rough patches and find better ways to connect.

Think of it like a relationship first-aid. It’s often short-term and focused on resolving a particular issue. A marriage counsellor usually helps both partners improve communication, understand each other better, and rebuild trust. The overall goal is to restore balance and strengthen the relationship so that it can move forward in a healthier way.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, on the other hand, goes much deeper. It’s not just about solving a problem—it’s about understanding why that problem exists in the first place. This kind of therapy explores the emotional and psychological patterns that are playing out in the relationship. Sometimes that means revisiting past experiences, personal traumas, or long-standing habits that keep showing up in conflicts.

Couples therapy is usually a longer process and tends to be more intensive. It’s ideal for couples dealing with chronic conflict, emotional disconnection, or those who feel stuck and unsure about the future of their relationship. A couples therapist helps partners dig into their emotional world and figure out not just what’s going wrong—but why.

What is the difference between couples therapy and marriage counselling?

The biggest difference between marriage counselling and couples therapy lies in their focus. Marriage counselling is more about present-day problems and practical solutions—it helps couples communicate better, handle conflict, and find common ground. Couples therapy, meanwhile, focuses on the emotional and psychological layers of the relationship. It aims to uncover deep-rooted patterns that often go unnoticed but continue to affect the way partners relate to each other.

In terms of duration, marriage counselling is usually short-term and goal-oriented, perfect for couples looking to fix a specific issue. Couples therapy is more of a long-term process that requires patience and self-reflection.

The approach is different too. Marriage counselling is often solution-focused and includes tools or techniques to improve communication. Couples therapy leans more toward emotional healing, helping both individuals understand their own feelings and how those feelings shape the relationship dynamic.

Marriage counselling is best suited for couples who are committed and facing challenges they want to overcome together. Couples therapy is ideal for those in more serious distress, where the issues run deeper, and the emotional connection needs rebuilding.

In the End, It is About What You Need

Both marriage counselling and couples therapy can be incredibly helpful, but they serve different purposes. If your relationship is facing a specific hurdle and you’re both ready to work through it, marriage counselling might be the way to go. But if things feel heavier, more emotionally complex, or you’re struggling to even communicate, couples therapy might offer the deeper support you need.

No matter which path you choose, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not failure. Relationships aren’t always easy, but the right kind of support can bring clarity, healing, and a whole new way of understanding each other.

Human nature often compels us to point fingers at others when things go wrong. We are wired to blame external circumstances or people rather than introspect and hold ourselves accountable. This knee-jerk reaction is only heightened under stress or frustration, leading to conflicts that can strain relationships. 

While differences in perspective can enrich a relationship, a disagreement that escalates into harsh words and unbridgeable divides leaves no winners.

How do couples stop blaming each other and maintain a healthy relationship?

Let’s find out from leading couples therapist and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, the 5 simple ways of doing so.

Being Self-Reflective

Blaming others in a relationship often masks our own flaws through projection, making us feel innocent of any wrongdoing. By becoming self-reflective, we can recognize when our anger or hurt is actually rooted in traits we dislike in ourselves.

This awareness helps us avoid the mental error of assuming our partner is at fault. Instead of reacting, we can discuss our feelings and understand each other’s perspectives. This approach allows us to collaboratively solve issues, like tidying the kitchen before guests arrive, and fosters mutual understanding. A heartfelt apology after such discussions strengthens the relationship.

Change your Mindset

When it comes to resolving conflicts in a relationship, adopting an “us vs. the problem” mindset is key. This approach shifts focus away from blaming each other and instead emphasizes collaboration. By acknowledging that the issue itself is valid without dredging up past grievances, both partners can work together more effectively.

Rather than seeing disagreements as competitions, viewing them as shared challenges encourages teamwork. Taking responsibility for individual contributions to the conflict and prioritizing resolution fosters patience and strengthens the bond between partners.

This mindset promotes positive problem-solving and prevents the need to prove oneself right using past hurts, ultimately nurturing a healthier and more supportive relationship.

Find out The Root Cause

Many a time, arguments in relationships stem from deeper issues rather than the surface topics they appear to be about. These underlying issues often revolve around power dynamics, trust issues, respect concerns, and differing needs for personal space.

Identifying these fundamental differences is crucial because it allows couples to address the root cause of their conflicts, rather than merely treating the symptoms. This understanding can prevent recurring arguments and foster more meaningful resolutions.

However, due to the intense emotions and vulnerability involved, this process is often best facilitated with the guidance of a trusted third party, such as a counselor or mediator. By delving beneath the surface and addressing these core issues, couples can break free from the cycle of blame and build a stronger, more harmonious relationship based on mutual understanding and respect.

Building Lasting Bonds

Nurturing your relationship daily is crucial not just for handling conflicts but for preventing them from escalating. Spending quality time together and engaging in activities that strengthen your bond can prevent the blame game.

Showing regular appreciation and affection, and communicating openly about needs and desires, promotes understanding and reduces misunderstandings.

Positive relationships enhance well-being by sharing positive memories, offering support, and emotionally engaging with each other. This daily effort creates a supportive environment where conflicts are managed constructively, rather than becoming a battleground of blame.

The Debating Game

The debating game offers a proactive approach to resolving conflicts in relationships by fostering empathy and understanding. Instead of reacting to arguments defensively, both partners choose a calm moment to discuss their differences.

Sitting together in a quiet space, they take turns role-playing each other’s perspectives for an extended period, ensuring all angles are thoroughly explored. This exercise not only deepens empathy but also facilitates a clearer understanding of each other’s viewpoints.

By the end of the debate, both partners share what they’ve learned, offering constructive strategies to handle future disagreements more effectively. This method transforms blame into mutual understanding, paving the way for healthier, more empathetic relationships.

Think of your relationship as a journey of mutual growth and understanding. By cultivating self-reflection, adopting a collaborative mindset, addressing root causes, nurturing daily bonds, and engaging in constructive debates, couples can transcend the blame game. Embrace empathy, communicate openly, and build a foundation of trust for a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.