Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Discover how betrayal pain can unveil hidden psychological trauma, explained by renowned Delhi marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Betrayal isn’t just about broken trust — it’s a deep emotional wound that can cut to the core of a person’s sense of self, safety, and stability. Whether it stems from a partner’s infidelity, a friend’s deception, a parent’s neglect, or a coworker’s manipulation, betrayal can be a form of trauma.

Yet, many people don’t recognize it as such. They move forward carrying invisible scars, unaware that their anxiety, trust issues, emotional numbness, or even chronic self-doubt may be symptoms of something much deeper, betrayal trauma, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is a leading relatoinship expert in India and one of the best marriage counselors in Delhi.

How Betrayal Pain Causes Psychological Trauma?

Psychological trauma from betrayal occurs when someone we rely on for safety, emotional support, or love violates that trust. This rupture in the relationship can trigger a fight, flight, or freeze response in the brain.

The body reacts as if it’s in danger, flooding the system with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When the betrayal is ongoing or occurs within a close relationship, such as with a spouse, parent, or long-time friend, the trauma can be even more severe because it disrupts the very foundation of emotional security. The pain of betrayal can manifest in several ways:

• Loss of Identity: Many people define themselves in relation to others. When a trusted person betrays you, it can feel like a personal failure. Victims may question their own worth or judgment, leading to a fractured sense of self.

• Hypervigilance and Mistrust: The brain, once betrayed, often becomes wired to expect betrayal again. This can lead to hyper-awareness, mistrust in new relationships, and difficulty forming emotional bonds.

• Emotional Numbing: To avoid future pain, people may suppress emotions or detach from relationships entirely. This self-protection can create feelings of isolation and depression.

• PTSD-like Symptoms: Flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and a constant sense of unease can emerge, especially if the betrayal was traumatic or repeated.

Understanding and Healing from Betrayal Trauma

One of the biggest challenges in addressing betrayal trauma is that it often goes unrecognized. Because the hurt is caused by someone known and trusted, many victims feel ashamed or confused. They may minimize the betrayal or blame themselves, rather than acknowledging the severity of the emotional injury.

Healing begins with recognition. Identifying that you’ve experienced betrayal trauma is the first step toward recovery. Talking to a mental health professional, especially one who specializes in trauma, can help you process the emotions, understand the patterns, and rebuild self-trust.

Therapeutic methods such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and inner child healing can be particularly effective. Building supportive relationships, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in grounding activities like journaling or meditation also aid recovery.

Betrayal trauma is real, and its effects run deep. If you find yourself reacting strongly to situations that seem minor, struggling to trust others, or feeling disconnected from yourself, it might be time to look deeper. Understanding that your pain has a name and that it is valid is the beginning of healing. You are not alone, and with the right support, it is possible to move beyond betrayal and rediscover safety, connection, and peace within.

You’ve raised kids, built careers, and weathered life’s highs and lows together. But somewhere in the comfort of routine and responsibility, romance took a backseat. If you’re in your 40s or 50s and feel like your marriage has grown dull, you’re not alone. The good news? Boredom isn’t the end—it’s often the beginning of a new phase of connection, if you’re willing to revive it.

Why Marriages Often Turn Boring in the 40s & 50s?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading couples therapist and one of the best marriage counsellors in Delhi, shares why marriage often turns boring in the 40s and 50s. Here are some reasons

Routine Replaces Romance – Life in midlife often becomes a loop: work, bills, errands, and family duties. Over time, spontaneity tends to fade, and interactions become more functional than emotional.

Empty Nest & Identity Shifts – When children leave home, couples may realise they’ve lost touch with each other as individuals, not just as parents. There’s often a sense of emotional distance that grows slowly and quietly.

Physical and Emotional Changes – Hormonal changes, health issues, and shifting priorities can impact intimacy and emotional availability. This affects how connected couples feel, physically and mentally.

Unresolved Conflicts and Resentments – Years of small misunderstandings or unmet needs may build a wall of emotional fatigue. The love is there, but it may be buried under years of silence or compromise.

Lack of Novelty – Doing the same things with the same person in the same way can lead to emotional stagnation. When couples stop learning or growing together, boredom can sneak in.

How to rekindle love and rejuvenate your marriage in your 40s & 50s?

Talk Again—But Really Talk: Rebuild Emotional Intimacy by Having Deeper Conversations. Avoid logistics or problem-solving. Ask each other:

• What dreams do you still want to pursue?
• What’s something you’ve never told me?

A few heartfelt talks can bring you emotionally closer than months of routine.

Create New Shared Experiences – Break monotony by doing something new together:

• Travel to places you’ve never been
• Join a class or hobby group
• Take up a joint fitness challenge

Novelty stimulates dopamine, the same feel-good hormone from your early dating days.

Reignite Physical Intimacy – Touch matters. Start with simple gestures—holding hands, a hug that lasts a few seconds longer, or a kiss before sleep. Physical closeness often leads to emotional warmth.

Don’t hesitate to talk about physical needs. Midlife sex may change, but it can also become more emotionally satisfying when you’re in sync.

Schedule Quality Time Without Distractions – Create a weekly “us time.” No phones, no TV, no errands. Whether it’s coffee on the balcony, an evening walk, or a weekend breakfast date—showing up regularly builds emotional presence.

Seek Counselling or a Relationship Coach – Sometimes, an external guide helps couples see blind spots or rekindle emotional closeness. Don’t wait until there’s a crisis—therapy in midlife can act as a relationship reset button.

Celebrate Small Moments

Rekindling love doesn’t need grand gestures. Compliment each other, laugh over old memories, or cook a meal together. It’s the small, repeated acts of care that turn routine into romance.

A boring marriage doesn’t mean a broken one. The 40s and 50s are a golden opportunity to deepen your connection—with the wisdom, maturity, and resilience you’ve both gained. Love evolves, and so can you. With intention and openness, you can turn a predictable routine into a renewed partnership full of joy, intimacy, and shared growth.