Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Infidelity in romantic relationships is surprisingly quite common. Sure, some partners may use infidelity as an exit strategy, eventually wanting their partner to know so that their partner initiates a breakup.

While for some, however, hiding infidelity is a top priority. They want to keep their primary relationship partner. They also want to keep their extra-dyadic partner(s). The price of losing their primary relationship, in these cases, is quite high, so they turn to the hard task of hiding their infidelity, says Shivani Sadhoo.

People differ in how creative they are in hiding infidelity, and how much energy they put into stopping their primary partner from finding out their unfaithfulness.

India’s top couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo cites some of the most common to least common tactics that a person might engage in, in order to hide their affairs.

Be discreet

The most commonly endorsed method to keeping an affair quiet is to be intentional about communications and meetings, to limit any scopes of being discovered.

Behave in the same manner as usual

Unusual behaviors might tip off a primary partner, so unfaithful partners will pay attention and bring their usual self to their interactions with their partner. No matter their usual way of interaction (for instance, as complainers, comedians, helpers, or cheerleaders), they keep that way going after their affair starts. By keeping their couple dynamic the same, they work to eradicate suspicion.

Restrict contact with the extra-dyadic partner

In place of seeing an extra-dyadic partner frequently, a person who wants to maintain their primary relationship (even as they wish to continue their affair) will willingly limit how often they meet up with their extra-dyadic partner. As a ploy of being discreet, attention to frequency lowers the likelihood of discovery.

Pay more attention to their primary partner

A presumed way to distract a primary partner so that they do not become suspicious is to shower them with interest, love, and attention. Being warmer and a lot more generous, for instance, are strategies partners may use to hide an affair.

Lock all technology

Solid evidence of a partner’s affair would not be difficult to come by with all of the recorded communications one relies on today (texting, emailing). Partners who do not delete, or who do delete but want additional safeguards, may make sure, and quite intentionally, lock their devices. Changing passwords, signing out of their social media—these sorts of behaviors are strategies to decrease the primary partner’s awareness.

A person usually knows his/her romantic partners quite well, and he/she, you. On account of this intimacy, unfaithful partners probably have an edge in covering their tracks. They may know which strategies and accompanying mechanisms are more important to use, and which may come off as artificial, suspicious, or alarming to their particular partner. In simple words, they can cater their deception to their primary partner.

Difficult times may have different outcomes for your relationship. Either it can refine or break your relationship. This is why it is so important to stay connected. Through intentional action, it is possible to deepen your intimacy during tough times.

Counselor Shivani says, having difficult times in your relationship is inevitable. No relationship can claim that it never had any unpleasant phases or hardships. They are all part of a long relationship. Sometimes it comes and goes in phases.

Often couples either do not try or are completely not in a position where they can even think of getting intimate with their partner, specifically, when the times are so hard.

However, intimacy plays an important part in keeping the relationship alive and the same is needed during tough times too.

India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how couples can deepen their intimacy during difficult times.

Here are some of the ways.

Listen to Each Other

Communication is crucial at all times in your relationship. But specifically, during difficult times, it becomes more important than ever before. As a couple, take some time to talk with and listen to each other.

Your conversations do not always have to revolve around the hard things that are happening. In fact, it is great if you intentionally discuss other, positive things apart from that situation. But this is a time to hear each one out and to help each other feel heard and seen.

Regularly Practice Optimism Together

If you are struggling, this is a good time to work together to practice optimism. Being optimistic could be a challenge, during those times, but if you hold one another accountable and approach this challenge as a unit it will be easier.

Optimism is a habit that has to be formed, so jump into the practice having that in mind. It does not mean you will never discuss or dwell on the difficult times, but it does mean you will be investing energy towards the good things, too.

Have Patience

Difficult times can profoundly affect your sense of wellbeing, and you may not feel like yourself when you are in the middle of a difficult time. You may also come across as aloof or distracted. If you see that your spouse seems down or simply not like themselves, be patient with them.

It is impossible to demand that all the things will be the same, every time, no matter what is happening in your world (or the exterior world at large). When hard times hit, be prepared to exercise patience through it all. It is not always easy, but it is worth it.

Do Not Miss the Fun

Does not matter what, work together to make and take time for play and fun. Shared activities are a must for every relationship, more so when you are going through a tough time. But beyond simply sharing interests or hobbies, look for fun, shared activities that can make you feel energized and joyful. Then, seek those out quite often.

Be Alone Together Quite Often, Whenever Possible

Intimacy needs a private or alone time to flourish, so make more of it, particularly if you are dealing with a difficult situation. Alone time opens doors of possibilities for better conversations, more physical contact, greater emotional closeness, and more shared tasks.

If you are experiencing a difficult phase in your life, focus on spending more alone time with your spouse. This time does not necessarily have to be sexual. Simply, be together as partners and companions.

Take Some Time for Physical Contact

A non-sexual touch is essential for boosting your intimacy. If you do not already take time to hold hands, cuddle, hug, physically comfort one another, and just be close, then now is a great time to do so. Simply giving the gift of your presence to your significant other can make a lasting difference in your marriage.

Make Time for Getting Physically Intimate

Mostly, couples either do not feel like it or completely ignore being physically intimate with each other during the tough phases. Getting physically intimate can be incredibly healing, and can assist to deepen a couple’s intimacy, even in the midst of turmoil. Taking the quiet time to connect on a physical, spiritual, and emotional level reinforces your love for each other and can reinvigorate both of you to face what lies ahead with each coming day.

Perk

Have you and your partner ever taken a relationship assessment? Relationship assessments may help you and your spouse learn more about each other than ever before. If you wish to get to know one another on a deeper level, you can connect with Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo to seek assistance with regard to your relationship.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.