Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Written by Shivani Misri Sadhoo | 17+ Years Experience Certified EFT, CBT, DBT Therapist | Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital

In today’s hectic life time often feels like the first casualty. During the honeymoon phase, you had all the time in the world—hours stretched effortlessly. But as routine set in, bills, commitments, and expectations began to consume the day. What once felt expansive now feels compressed, even monotonous. And then, the magic happens. Life surprises you with something tender, transformative—Good News for the family. In this article, I will share how pregnancy can open a new dymenion to your marital life – Shivani

Relationships don’t mature overnight. If you feel that celebrating anniversaries or going for a candlelight dinner is what it takes for a relationship to sustain, then you are highly mistaken. They are built quietly—over shared glances across a crowded room, over whispered apologies after unnecessary arguments, over cups of morning tea taken in comfortable silence. Time is one of the most important ingredients for a happy and healthy relationship.

But, in today’s hectic life, with constant reminders of tasks to be done, deadlines to reach, calls to return, and responsibilities that seem never-ending, time often becomes the first casualty. When couples are in their honeymoon phase of the relationship, they seem to have all the time in the world for each other. Hours stretch effortlessly. But as life slowly settles into routine, things begin to change. Bills, commitments, expectations—each takes a small slice of the day. What once felt expansive now feels compressed. Life somehow becomes monotonous.

And then the magic happens! Life brings something unexpected. Something tender. Something transformative. It’s Good News for the family.

A Pregnancy

Two hearts that had been busy keeping up with life suddenly pause. The air feels different. Time, which once rushed forward impatiently, now seems to slow down. There is a new rhythm in the background—soft, hopeful, full of possibility.

The moment a couple learns about the pregnancy, their world feels very different. The days seem more exciting. The same old morning coffee starts feeling more refreshing.

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a Gottman-certified couples therapist and an experienced marriage counsellor, explains how pregnancy can rejuvenate a couple’s relationship in this article.

How Does Pregnancy Give Couples a Shared Purpose?

Pregnancy gradually shifts life from two separate routines to one shared journey. As couples prepare for their baby—through doctor visits, planning a nursery, and discussing the future—they begin making decisions together. This shared responsibility strengthens unity, deepens emotional connection, and gently transforms the relationship from “me” into “we.”

Shivani Sadhoo says, “Pregnancy transforms a relationship by turning ‘me’ into ‘we,’ deepening emotional connection, shared purpose, and love as couples prepare to welcome new life together.”

Gives a Common Purpose

From the moment a couple begins preparing for a child, life slowly shifts from two separate routines to one shared journey. The small tasks—doctor visits, planning a nursery, talking about money, imagining the future—create a deeper sense of unity. Instead of drifting in parallel, partners move with purpose. Pregnancy gently transforms “me” into “we,” strengthening connection through a meaningful, shared goal.

Enhances Emotional Connection

Studies reveal that parents-to-be who live together often share similar levels of oxytocin—the “love hormone”—which helps them think and feel like a true parenting team. This hormone deepens trust, warmth, and empathy between them. Conversations naturally shift to their baby—their dreams, hopes, and shared future—bringing them closer and strengthening their bond as they step into parenthood together.

Sense of Responsibility Increases

A sense of responsibility deepens when pregnancy sets in, and with it comes a beautiful shift in how a couple sees each other. The little life on the way gently pulls them closer, reminding them that they are a team now, building something greater than themselves. Shared decisions, quiet worries, hopeful dreams—all become mutual. This growing awareness strengthens trust, softens differences, and renews commitment.

Involvement Strengthens Bonds

Couples grow closer when they begin talking about their baby, because in those conversations, they rediscover each other. Planning names, imagining tiny hands, and dreaming about the future gently pull them out of life’s dull routine and back into shared wonder. The laughter returns, the quiet talks last longer, and simple moments feel meaningful again.

The Transformation Helps

Being a parent is not just about gaining a new name; it is about the quiet transformation of who we are and who we are becoming together. Pregnancy quietly draws couples out of the mundane routines of life and into meaningful conversations about their dreams, their childhoods, their values, and the home they wish to create for their new baby.

Know Each Other Better

Pregnancy is a beautiful mix of highs and lows, and in walking through it together, couples often rediscover each other in the most heartfelt ways. The shared excitement, the quiet worries, the late-night talks, and the tiny milestones bring them closer, reminding them why they chose one another in the first place.

You could be a couple who feels life has become routine, but pregnancy can softly change that. It gives you a shared purpose, a deeper understanding, and a stronger responsibility. As you prepare for your baby, you talk more, care more, and stand closer, rebuilding love with patience, warmth, and togetherness again.

If you have just gotten used to some of the strangest dating terms like ChemRIZZtry, Curveball-crushing, Love-loreing, and Truecasting, then gear up for another one. This new term draws inspiration from the world of penguins and is winning hearts everywhere.

It’s called Pebbling. Yes, the name sounds cute—and the concept is even cuter. If you’re wondering how pebbling got its name and why it is becoming one of the most popular dating trends today, shares Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of the most experienced couples therapists and relationship counsellors in Delhi and India.

What is Pebbling?

Did you know that penguins woo their potential partners with pebbles? Sounds strange! Well, it is a cute way of expressing love, I would say. The male penguins quite meticulously select the perfect pebble to impress their significant other. We humans, couldn’t help but borrow this charming idea of expressing affection through small, thoughtful gestures-because sometimes it is the simplest tokens that carry the most meaning.

Ways We Do It

Humans have found novel ways of dating their partners. Pebbling can be used in digital as well as physical modes. Let’s see how:

Physical pebbling

Gifting meaningful keepsakes

Offering someone a small item picked up during a trip—something that immediately reminded you of them—is a deeply intentional act. It’s not about cost or grandeur, but recognition. The object becomes a stand-in for the moment you paused, thought of them, and chose to bring a piece of that experience back. It tells them they occupy space in your mind even when they’re not physically present.

Handwritten notes filled with emotion

A handwritten note carries a kind of intimacy that can’t be replicated. Each word reflects time, care, and vulnerability. The imperfections—the slant of the handwriting, the pauses between lines—make it human. These notes endure, becoming something the recipient can return to whenever they need comfort, reassurance, or a reminder of being loved.

Bringing baked goods

Baking for someone is a quiet labour of affection. It involves effort, patience, and the desire to give something made by hand. More than food, it’s an offering of warmth and nurture. Sharing something homemade says, I wanted to create comfort for you.

Gifting a thoughtfully chosen book

Choosing a book for someone requires attention. Whether it’s a novel you believe they’ll get lost in or a subject aligned with their interests, it shows that you understand how their mind works. A book becomes a companion, and gifting one says, I see what inspires you, and I want to share that with you.

Sending fresh flowers

Flowers chosen with intention—because they reflect a favourite scent, colour, or mood—become sensory expressions of care. They brighten spaces, linger in memory, and offer a quiet reminder that someone was thinking of them. Even after they fade, the sentiment remains.

Planning a surprise coffee date

A surprise coffee date may seem simple, but it’s deeply personal. It’s about carving out time, creating closeness, and turning the ordinary into something meaningful. These moments, though unassuming, often become the most cherished.

Digital pebbling

Sharing music with intention

Sending someone a song is a deeply intimate act. Each track is chosen for how it feels, what it recalls, or what it quietly communicates. Music becomes emotional shorthand—a way to express affection, longing, or understanding when words fall short.

Using emojis to express emotion

Emojis may be small, but they can carry immense emotional weight. A single symbol can soften a message, convey warmth, or express feelings too tender to spell out. In their simplicity, they often speak more honestly than words.

Sending articles, news, or recommendations

Sharing content tied to a shared interest or something the recipient is passionate about shows attentiveness. It’s a way of saying, I pay attention to what matters to you, even in passing moments.

Tagging and interacting online

Tagging someone in a post that reflects an inside joke or shared sentiment is a modern form of connection. It’s playful, public yet personal, and rooted in shared understanding. These small interactions reinforce bonds in subtle but meaningful ways.

Pros of Pebbling

1. Strengthens Introverted Relationships

Pebbling helps introverted relationships grow because it offers connection without pressure. For introverts, long conversations or constant interaction can feel draining, even with people they care about. Pebbling—sharing small messages, links, photos, or thoughts—creates a gentle way to stay close.

It gives just enough interaction to feel seen and understood, without becoming overwhelming. Since there’s no need to reply right away, both people can engage when they feel ready and emotionally available. This slow, flexible exchange builds warmth and trust over time, letting relationships bloom naturally and comfortably.

2. Security Matters

When partners practise pebbling—those small, thoughtful gestures that say “I’m thinking of you”—it quietly builds a deep sense of security in the relationship. Over time, these little acts add up, reassuring each person that they matter and that the bond is steady, not fragile. When you know your partner is reliably attentive and emotionally present, doubts lose their sharp edge and uncertainty doesn’t get much room to grow.

This feeling of safety makes it easier to lower one’s guard, to speak honestly about fears, needs, and imperfections without worrying about judgment or withdrawal. In such an atmosphere, conversations become kinder and conflicts less threatening, because both partners are anchored in the belief that they are on the same side. Pebbling, in its gentle way, turns everyday care into a strong foundation for trust, openness, and healthier ways of working through disagreements together.

3. Keeps The Romance Alive

When you first meet someone and sparks fly, everything feels electric—those butterflies, that slightly unreal happiness—but as time passes, that intensity naturally softens. The so-called honeymoon phase fades, not because love disappears, but because life settles in. This is where pebbling quietly works its magic. Pebbling is about those small, thoughtful gestures that say I see you—a note slipped onto the fridge, a song shared for no reason, a favourite snack brought home unexpectedly.

These acts may seem simple, almost insignificant, yet they carry a gentle power. They keep surprise alive, nurture warmth, and remind both partners that affection doesn’t need grand declarations to feel profound. Especially in moments of loneliness or when doubts creep in and fears of drifting apart arise, pebbling rekindles emotional closeness. It reassures, without drama, that love is still present—steady, attentive, and deeply felt—woven into the everyday fabric of the relationship.

4. Stressbuster

Life can get relentlessly hectic, and when pressures pile up, they have a way of seeping into our closest relationships. This is where pebbling comes in, quietly and kindly. Pebbling—those small, thoughtful gestures or gentle words—acts like a pause button on stress. A warm message, a shared joke, a cup of tea placed without being asked: these modest acts ease tension and remind two people that they are seen and cared for.

Over time, such moments build an emotional cushion, making love feel steadier and more secure. Couples who practice pebbling often find that disagreements lose their sharp edges; patience comes more easily, empathy flows more freely, and conflicts are approached not as battles to be won but as conversations to be resolved. In its unassuming way, pebbling restores calm, reinforces connection, and helps love endure the daily wear and tear of life.

Cons of Pebbling

• Pebbling can replace real communication by keeping things light while avoiding deeper conversations.
• It can create mismatched expectations when one person reads more meaning into it than the other.
• It can start to feel like pressure when replying becomes an unspoken obligation.
• It can mask low effort by substituting memes for actual follow-through.
• It can trigger attachment issues if one person overthinks while the other feels overwhelmed.
• It can stall progress by keeping the connection indirect and undefined.

In a nutshell, pebbling is about showing love through small, thoughtful gestures that build closeness, security, and warmth. When done mindfully, it keeps romance alive and reduces stress. But balance matters—pebbling should support, not replace, honest communication and genuine effort in relationships.

Have you ever felt confused by your partner’s emotional reactions—why they struggle to open up, suddenly withdraw, or need constant reassurance? You may also notice that some people cling tightly to relationships, while others fiercely guard their independence or fear getting too close. These patterns often create misunderstandings, emotional distance, and repeated conflict in relationships.

What many people don’t realise is that these behaviours rarely begin in adulthood. Their roots lie much earlier, in childhood. The emotional bond formed with primary caregivers shapes how we experience closeness, trust, and intimacy later in life. Psychologists call this bond an attachment style, and it plays a powerful, often hidden role in relationship breakdowns.

According to Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of the highly experienced relationship counsellors and marital therapists in Delhi and India, attachment styles influence how we express love, respond to emotional needs, and handle conflict. While these patterns develop early, they are not fixed or irreversible, and they are shaped by more than just parental affection.

What Is Attachment Style in a Relationship?

Attachment theory was first proposed by British psychologist John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth. It explains how children are biologically wired to seek safety and closeness with caregivers. When caregivers respond consistently and sensitively, children develop a sense of security and self-worth. When care is inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or intrusive, children adapt in ways that help them survive—but those adaptations can create challenges in adult relationships.

It’s important to note that attachment strength does not depend on wealth, culture, or education. It is built through everyday emotional exchanges—responses to crying, smiling, fear, or comfort. Personality traits and later life experiences also influence attachment, so relationship struggles cannot be blamed on parents alone.

There are four primary attachment styles.

1. Secure Attachment

People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They are generally warm, caring, and open in their relationships, able to express emotions without excessive fear of abandonment. Because they trust both themselves and others, they don’t constantly seek reassurance or validation.

Securely attached individuals can recognise and regulate their emotions, communicate clearly, and manage conflict constructively. Their emotional stability often creates a sense of safety for their partners, allowing relationships to feel supportive, balanced, and resilient.

2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style crave closeness but live with a constant fear of rejection or abandonment. They invest deeply in relationships and often depend heavily on their partner for reassurance. Even small signs of distance—such as delayed replies or emotional withdrawal—can trigger intense anxiety about their worth or desirability.

To regain emotional security, they may act in ways that pull their partner closer, such as becoming overly accommodating, seeking constant validation, or provoking emotional reactions. These behaviours are driven not by manipulation, but by fear. Despite these challenges, anxious individuals are often emotionally aware, capable of deep empathy, and highly attuned to their partner’s feelings when they feel safe.

3. Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style value independence and self-reliance above all else. They often view emotional closeness as uncomfortable or intrusive and prefer to keep their feelings private. In relationships, they may withdraw when intimacy increases, avoid vulnerability, or downplay emotional needs—both their own and their partner’s.

This pattern often develops in response to caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or rejecting, teaching the child to suppress needs and rely solely on themselves. While dismissive-avoidant individuals may appear confident and content alone, the desire for connection still exists beneath the surface. It is often restrained by a learned belief that closeness leads to disappointment or loss of freedom.

4. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

Fearful-avoidant, also known as disorganised attachment, is marked by deep internal conflict. Individuals both desire closeness and fear it intensely. Love feels unsafe, unpredictable, or overwhelming. This style is often linked to early experiences of neglect, trauma, or chaotic caregiving, where the same caregiver was a source of both comfort and fear.

As adults, these individuals may swing between emotional closeness and sudden withdrawal, struggle to regulate emotions, and experience high levels of mistrust or self-sabotage. Intimacy can trigger anxiety rather than comfort, leading to volatile patterns, withdrawal, anger, or avoidance. Beneath these behaviours lies a strong longing for safety and connection, paired with a belief that love is dangerous or undeserved.

Attachment styles quietly shape how we love, communicate, and respond to emotional closeness. While formed early, they continue to evolve through life experiences and relationships. Understanding these patterns helps reduce blame, increase empathy, and bring clarity to recurring relationship struggles. With awareness and support, individuals and couples can move toward healthier emotional bonds, greater security, and more fulfilling relationships.

When a person is said to be emotionally unstable, what it means is that the individual’s reaction to issues is unpredictable. The person’s behaviour is a disorder or has an altitudinal defect. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with an emotionally unstable kind of personality and sometimes it also is frustrating. Because you are not able to understand what to do to please or annoy them. Sometimes, they may approve or sometimes they react violently to the same thing.

Generally, an angry emotionally unstable partner can be brutal. Emotional instability is different from emotional immaturity. The latter refers to a formative phase in one’s life where one is still discovering oneself. It is usually transitory; it has nothing to do with being immature.

It often arises as a result of a fault in upbringing or a personality disorder. Before you get into someone or they get into you, it is usually good to first ascertain their emotional stability. In the current scenario, one of the leading causes of marital and relationship break up is emotional incompatibility. Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talk about 7 signs you are dating someone emotionally unstable.

Impulsive Decisions

In life, at one point everyone has to take impulsive decisions and it doesn’t mean that everyone is unstable. But if a person takes a decision which damages their own property because they didn’t take time to think it through, then such kind of person is unstable emotionally. For example, a partner who is into gambling or play without planning of finance is looser always.

They may agree to a contract without taking time to thoroughly study and understand its terms and conditions. They only get to regret later when the contract is now taking its effect on them. So, when you are dating take care of their decision. It is going to be up to you to decide whether to continue with them or leave.

Easily Angered

The violent reaction comes when they get angry because they easily lose their control and injure valuable property. Healthy person, they have some limitations of expressing of their anger but they don’t have any kind of boundary for anger and this is a serious issue for a healthy relationship when you are going to make it.

Hardly Show Emotions

Emotional instability as the expression of extreme negative behaviour but there is a subtle symptom of this personality disorder. For example, a normal person would scream at the sight of a horrible scene but an emotionally unstable individual may react differently. Most of the time, if you are walking with such a person, you may constantly see yourself as a fool because the things you would expect them to react to normal, they won’t.

Constantly Get Tired

One may notice symptoms of emotional instability such as being incessant and extreme fatigue. The reason behind the emotional disorders is psychological effects. It is a fact that they easily feel fatigued and exhausted without doing any physical exercise. Their mind is always cluttered and full with a lot of negative thoughts and useless thoughts, the brain storage is full & trying to free the mind from such thought. And it might lead to getting weak or stressed out in a short interval of time.

Blame For Their Error

In the case of being unstable emotionally, the person in front of him is always wrong except himself and for this reason, the partner of such kind of personality should be too strong to present their views on the discussion going on. Whenever any misfortune occurs, they start yelling and blaming for the same. Actually, there are times or circumstances when we are not directly responsible for what befalls us and not able to control accordingly

Find Hard To Sleep

Not being able to sleep when required is something anyone can experience who has an emotionally unstable mind. Most of the time, the mind is not at peace which doesn’t let them sleep. For people with unstable emotions, their minds are usually overactive. While they lay on the bed, their minds are usually wondering about frivolous things.

Hard To Forgive

Forgiveness is a thing which directly comes from the heart and a healthy mind can do it. Because in forgiveness first surrender one’s right and then letting go of wrong things. Sometimes they say that they have forgiven but when they go back in the memory and search out the things in their mind then they still carry with them.

Healthy and strong relationships depend on balance, honesty, and communication to work. And it is not always easy. There are bumps and detours we must navigate, but we have to do it together.

When a person starts to distance themselves from their partner, despite how much care and love the other person puts into the relationship, it simply means that they are no longer interested.

Maybe you are thinking.  They will come back, or it’s just a phase they’re going through. You cannot take responsibility for someone else’s conduct, and you cannot put your life on hold while they weigh the options.

In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs your partner is not interested in you.

They Prioritise Others But Treat You As An Option

Being in a relationship involves spending time with one another, and it should not feel like you have to force someone to do it. If your partner is constantly too busy or has other things to look after, then they are not prioritising you in their life. They are treating you as an option, and this is certainly a bad sign.

They Are Centric And Only Seem Interested When They Want Something From You

When a partner who is no longer interested tries to be absent for most of the relationship, but you will see them pop up more frequently when they need something from you. Maybe they want a ride to work this week, or they are overscheduled and need you to cover for them.

Whatever it may be, you would be able to spot their manipulative ways from a distance. How is that? Well, their fake affection and phoney smile will give them away every time.

Communication Breaks Down, And They Do Not Try To Resolve It

Most people in a healthy relationship would not enjoy it if they are not able to communicate with their partner. But those who are not interested in sticking around any longer do not seem to mind as much. If your partners stop calling, texting, asking how your day was spent, or even trying to make a conversation, they are possibly ready to move on.

If They Decide To Talk, It Is Always About Themselves

Nothing really interests a person who is ready to end a relationship, except themselves. They are their main topic of choice because, just be honest, it is not like they are spending any second thinking about you.

When Something Goes Wrong, You Are The One Who Is To Be Blamed

Even if everything is fine, you will still get blamed. It is an abusive tactic used by your partner to control and manipulate you, and if it is happening, just leave.

They Say Derogatory and Hurtful Things Intentionally

If your partner is disinterested in continuing a relationship but they have been too cowardly to admit it, they will begin to disrespect you. Whether you two are alone in the privacy of your house or with friends in public, they will say things that are aimed at hurting you. Do not let them get to you- their ugliness is their concern, not yours.