Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Marriage is a commitment between two individuals to share their lives, support each other through thick and thin, and build a future together. Have you ever heard of someone saying they feel single at heart despite being married? It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? However, it’s actually quite common for someone to feel single at heart even while being married. You might be wondering why! Leading marriage counselor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo sheds light on the intricacies of the human psyche that contribute to this seemingly contradictory experience.

Can one still be single at heart despite being married?

Relationship expert and couples therapist Shivan Sadhoo shares insights on the same. Here they are?

1. Sense of Individuality remains untouched

 Marriage represents a legal and social agreement that unites two individuals, yet their inner sense of self remains distinct. Being single at heart within a marriage doesn’t signify dissatisfaction or a lack of commitment; instead, it’s about honoring one’s uniqueness within the marital bond. The journey of marriage brings together two individuals, each with their own personality, dreams, and aspirations. Despite the unity in marriage, one’s individual essence remains intact. People may feel “single at heart” when they desire moments of personal space and self-discovery.

2. The Feeling of Autonomy

Some people feel happiest when they have their own space and freedom, even if they’re married. They value doing things on their own and growing as individuals. It’s not that they don’t love their partners or avoid commitment in their relationship; it’s just part of who they are. They find joy in being alone sometimes and pursuing their own interests. Feeling “single at heart” means they can maintain their independence and take care of themselves emotionally, even while being married.

3. Living Apart Together

Living apart together is a trend where married couples choose to have their own homes instead of living together. It’s not because they have to, but because they want to. Some couples even live in the same house but have separate spaces. Research shows that even when couples live together, they may spend less time doing things together compared to the past. This doesn’t mean people want to be alone all the time.

What they’re really looking for is finding the right balance between being alone and being together. This search for balance is something that goes beyond marriage, age, or any other differences. It’s like having the freedom to be yourself without feeling like you always have to be with your partner. This independence can actually strengthen your relationship because it gives each person space to grow and pursue their interests.

4. When Reality Bites

When we think about marriage, we often have certain ideas about what it should be like. But sometimes, what we expect doesn’t match up with what actually happens. This difference between expectations and reality can make us feel disconnected like we’re missing out on the freedom we associate with being single. Society often tells us that when we get married, we’re supposed to become one with our partner, like we’re no longer individuals.

But that’s not always how it works. Each person still has their own dreams, desires, and way of looking at things. Feeling like you’re more single at heart when you’re married isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It means you value your independence and want to stay true to who you are, even in a relationship. It’s important for society to understand that marriage can mean different things to different people. We need to change the way we think about marriage so that everyone’s unique way of loving and finding fulfillment is respected and celebrated.

5. Communication Gap

When communication falters in marriage, partners may feel emotionally distant. This gives a feeling of being ‘single at heart’. This sensation suggests a need for nurturing the marital bond. By openly discussing personal desires and goals, couples can bridge this gap, promoting deeper understanding and connection.

Thus, we know that feeling “single at heart” within a marriage doesn’t imply dissatisfaction; it’s about preserving individuality, embracing autonomy, seeking balance, confronting reality, and addressing communication gaps.

Are you tired of feeling neglected or undervalued in your relationship? Do you think he takes you for granted and doesn’t care about your emotions? It’s a situation many individuals face, where the struggle to be recognized and appreciated becomes a constant battle. If you’re nodding in agreement, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on how you can make your partner realize your true value in the relationship. Here are some empowering strategies to shift the dynamics and ensure that your worth is not only acknowledged but celebrated.

What are the ways to make him realize your worth?

Let us learn the 6 effective ways of making your partner realize your true worth from the leading couples therapist and relationship counsellor in India, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

1. Love Yourself

Before expecting recognition from others, acknowledge your value. Understand your worth, and let that radiance be your language of love. Don’t let him mistreat or disrespect you. Work on your self-esteem. Let go of all negative feelings and embrace positivity in your approach. Focus on things you love to do and nurture your relationship with yourself. Take good care of yourself. Believe in yourself. Let him see you in a different light.

2. You Don’t Have to Agree to Everything He says

Learn to say NO. If you keep agreeing to each and everything, he will take you for granted. For instance, if he asks you to make a cup of coffee for him while you’re busy finishing a presentation for your office meeting, tell him clearly, “I’m occupied now; could you handle it this time and mine too?”

These well-timed refusals convey your ability to stand firm. Embrace the power of “no” to make him appreciate your individuality, showcasing strength and prompting newfound respect. It’s about asserting yourself gracefully to ensure he values your importance.

3. Don’t Be Available Round-the-Clock

Taking a step back and not being available 24/7 can make your partner appreciate your true worth. When you’re always there, it might seem ordinary. But when you create some space, it highlights your value and independence.

Imagine always having your favourite snack; it’s nice, but when it’s not readily available, you realize how much you truly enjoy and miss it. Similarly, by not being constantly available, you’re giving your partner the chance to realize and cherish your unique qualities and contributions to the relationship.

 4. Give Credit to Your Own Achievements

It’s important to share your successes with your partner, big or small. For instance, if you aced a project at work or learned a new skill, let them know. Celebrating these wins together helps your partner understand your worth and the unique qualities you bring to the relationship.

It’s like opening a window into your world, allowing them to appreciate the brilliance that makes you who you are. This openness develops a deeper connection and showcases the value you bring to the relationship.

5. No Room for Lame Excuses

Stop covering for him. If he messes up, there’s no excuse. Don’t hide behind reasons; if he hurts you, it’s not okay. Make it clear that his behaviour is unacceptable. For instance, if he forgot your birthday calmly express how it hurt you and that it’s not okay.

Avoid making excuses for him, so he understands the impact of his actions. Stand up for yourself; if you don’t, he won’t learn from his mistakes. Make it known that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behaviour, and he needs to face the consequences to grow.

6. Communication is a two-way process

Be independent by expressing your opinions openly, yet stay connected by understanding and respecting his feelings. For instance, if he shares a challenging day at work, responds with empathy and support rather than trying to fix everything.

By accepting him for who he is, he’ll feel valued and appreciated. This blend of independence and connection creates a strong foundation for mutual respect and understanding, making it clear that your worth is not just about your independence but also your ability to connect on a deeper level.

Closing Thoughts

In a nutshell, making your partner realize your true worth is a subtle art that requires a blend of self-assurance, effective communication, and a balanced approach to independence and connection.