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delhi's best marriage couselor_shivani misri sadhoo

Arranged Marriage: Relationship Expert Advice for Effective Talking to Fiancé

Arranged marriages have been a cornerstone of Indian culture for generations. Unlike love marriages, where partners choose each other independently, arranged marriages involve the active role of families in finding a suitable match. While this process ensures compatibility in terms of background, values, and lifestyle, the task of building a personal connection lies entirely with the couple.

For many, the initial phase of an arranged marriage can be daunting, especially when navigating conversations with someone who is practically a stranger but soon to become a life partner. Effective communication is key to bridging this gap and fostering a bond. Here’s a guide to help you communicate effectively with your fiancé, with a special focus on the Indian context as explained by India’s top couples therapist and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Is an Arranged Marriage?

An arranged marriage is a union where families take the lead in identifying a potential partner for their child. In India, this practice is deeply rooted in tradition and cultural values. Families often consider factors such as caste, religion, social status, education, and family reputation before proposing a match.

However, modern arranged marriages have evolved significantly. Today, individuals play a more active role in the decision-making process, with families encouraging them to interact and assess compatibility before committing. This blend of traditional values and personal choice creates a unique dynamic in arranged marriages, emphasizing the importance of communication.

delhi's top couples therapist_shivani misri sadhoo

Tips for Talking to Your Fiancé in the Indian Context

1. Understand the Role of Family Dynamics

In Indian arranged marriages, families are often closely involved in the couple’s lives. When speaking with your fiancé, discuss their family structure, traditions, and expectations. Questions like:

“What role do your parents and siblings play in important decisions?”

“How do you envision balancing family responsibilities after marriage?”
can help you gauge their perspective and align your expectations.

2. Discuss Cultural Values and Beliefs

Cultural values play a significant role in Indian marriages. Whether it’s about religious practices, festivals, or food preferences, understanding these aspects can strengthen your bond. Ask questions like:

“What traditions do you celebrate with your family?”

“Are there any cultural practices you feel strongly about?”

3. Address Lifestyle Compatibility

In the Indian context, lifestyle compatibility often extends beyond individual preferences to family expectations. Topics like living arrangements (joint family or nuclear family) and work-life balance are crucial. For example:

“Do you prefer living in a joint family or having a separate setup?”

“How do you manage your work and personal commitments?”

4. Be Mindful of Sensitive Topics

While sensitive topics such as finances, children, or career aspirations are universal in marriage discussions, their implications in India are often influenced by cultural norms. When broaching these subjects, be tactful and respectful. For instance:

Instead of directly asking, “How much do you earn?” Try, “What are your thoughts on financial planning as a couple?”

5. Explore Personal Preferences and Interests

To build rapport, delve into their interests and passions. This not only makes conversations more engaging but also reveals their personality. Ask about:

Hobbies, such as reading, traveling, or sports.

Favorite cuisines or movies.

Showing genuine interest in their likes and dislikes can help build an emotional connection.

6. Clarify Future Goals

In Indian arranged marriages, long-term goals are often intertwined with family priorities. Discuss topics like:

Career aspirations and their alignment with family expectations.

Plans for relocating, especially if one partner may need to move cities or countries.

7. Be Honest About Your Expectations

Transparency is critical. Share your expectations regarding independence, personal space, and your role in the family. For instance:

8. Respect Regional and Cultural Differences

India’s diversity means that even within arranged marriages, couples might come from different states, communities, or linguistic backgrounds. Learning about your fiancé’s regional customs can demonstrate respect and effort toward understanding their roots.

Building a Bridge Between Tradition and Modernity

In the Indian context, arranged marriages are not just about two individuals but a union of families. However, the success of this bond depends on how well the couple communicates and understands each other.

By addressing crucial topics like family values, lifestyle choices, and future goals, while also taking the time to know each other personally, you can create a relationship that blends tradition with modern understanding.

Remember, patience, empathy, and openness are the keys to turning an arranged match into a meaningful partnership.

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Why Intimacy is Different for Men and Women in a Relationship?

Intimacy is a cornerstone of any relationship, but men and women experience and express it differently. These differences are rooted in emotional, physical, and psychological factors that shape their desires and expectations.

Below are five key points each on what men and women want in intimacy, shedding light on their unique perspectives as explained by one of the leading marriage counselors in India Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

india's top couples counselor_shivani sadhoo

What Men Want in Intimacy?

Some of the things men want are:

Initiating  Physical Intimacy

Men often prefer to take the lead in initiating physical intimacy. This stems from a combination of biological factors like higher testosterone levels and a desire to feel confident and wanted in the relationship.

Physical Connection as a Primary Need

Men frequently associate intimacy with physical touch and connection.  Physical activities like hugging, and other forms of physical affection are vital for them to feel loved and emotionally close to their partner.

Respect and Appreciation

Feeling respected and appreciated by their partner significantly enhances a man’s sense of intimacy. Compliments, acknowledgment of their efforts, and expressions of admiration make them feel valued.

Simple and Direct Communication

Men often prefer clear and straightforward communication when it comes to emotional or intimate needs. Subtle cues or hints can be overlooked, so direct conversations help them feel more connected and assured.

Bonding Through Activities

Engaging in shared activities, such as sports, hobbies, or even working on a project together, is a way men build intimacy. These moments of teamwork or companionship make them feel closer to their partner.

What Women Want in Intimacy?

A few things women desire are:

Emotional Connection Before Physical Intimacy

For many women, emotional intimacy is a prerequisite for physical closeness. Feeling understood, supported, and secure in the relationship creates the foundation for a deeper connection.

Affection Beyond the Bedroom

Women appreciate consistent acts of affection that aren’t necessarily tied to physical intimacy. Holding hands, cuddling, and thoughtful gestures help them feel loved and valued in everyday moments.

Quality Time and Undivided Attention

Women often place high importance on spending meaningful time together. Uninterrupted conversations, shared experiences, and moments of togetherness foster emotional closeness.

Being Heard and Validated

Women want their thoughts and feelings to be genuinely heard and validated. A partner who listens with empathy and acknowledges their emotions helps build trust and intimacy.

Consistency and Reassurance

Consistency in behavior and emotional availability is crucial for women. Knowing they can rely on their partner’s love and support gives them the confidence to open up fully.

Bridging the Gap

Men’s tendency to initiate physical intimacy and women’s need for emotional connection before physical closeness can sometimes create misunderstandings. However, these differences are complementary when couples communicate openly.

For instance, a woman can appreciate her partner’s desire to initiate intimacy, while a man can focus on creating an emotionally secure environment for his partner.

Understanding what men and women want in intimacy reveals how their needs, though distinct, often align to form a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

By respecting each other’s perspectives—whether it’s through emotional connection, physical affection, or acts of love—couples can strengthen their bond and create lasting intimacy. Embracing these differences not only enhances understanding but also deepens the connection that lies at the heart of a strong relationship.

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Learning To Forgive: 6 Steps to Forgiveness in Relationships

No relationship is flawless. Even in the most loving partnerships, there will be moments when your partner hurts you—sometimes unintentionally, other times, it may feel more deliberate. Disagreements are inevitable, whether they’re about money, parenting, or personality clashes. What often turns minor conflicts into significant issues is when boundaries are crossed or ignored.

So, what do we do when conflict arises? Do we keep fighting, seek revenge, or find a way to forgive? Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting wrongdoing. Instead, it allows you to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment, choosing healing over hurting. By forgiving, you help your relationship grow stronger.

What are the ways to forgive in relationships?

Leading marriage counselor in Delhi and Gurgaon Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares six steps to forgiveness in relationships.

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Honest Communication

The first step toward forgiveness is having a heart-to-heart talk with your partner. Open and honest communication is essential for understanding what went wrong. Trust may feel shattered, like being caught in a storm, but discussing the situation helps you move forward. If your partner lied, ask why they hid the truth. If they became emotionally distant, explore why they felt unable to express their needs. Honest dialogue is the foundation for rebuilding trust and moving ahead together.

Look Within

Forgiveness is more about your healing than the other person’s actions. It involves releasing anger, pain, and resentment, but this shouldn’t be rushed. Take the time to process and heal before letting go of those emotions. Focus on what you can control—your own thoughts and actions. This may involve accepting your role in the conflict or recognizing that you need to shift your perspective. By looking within, you empower yourself to heal, regardless of what the other person does.

Embrace Empathy

Practicing empathy can help you better understand the other person’s perspective. Try to see the situation through their eyes. Ask yourself what might have influenced their actions—stress, personal struggles, or feeling overwhelmed. Considering their challenges may help you approach the issue with more understanding and patience. Empathy doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it does allow you to approach the situation with compassion, making forgiveness easier.

Conquer Your Fear

Holding onto anger and resentment might feel like it gives you power or protects you from future hurt, but in reality, it does the opposite. Resentment creates distance in relationships and blocks healing. It builds walls rather than offering protection and can make future conversations harder. Letting go of anger doesn’t mean losing your strength; it means finding peace and moving forward with clarity. Freeing yourself from negative emotions will allow you to create space for healthier communication and happiness in the relationship.

Let It Go

Forgiveness requires releasing your pain. While this may be difficult, it’s essential for your emotional well-being. Identify why it’s hard to forgive, then be willing to let go. As you work through your emotions, release any resentment, anger, or hurt. Though forgiving someone who has deeply hurt you can be challenging, doing so frees you from emotional burdens and restores your peace of mind. Forgiveness allows you to move forward, enabling personal and relationship growth.

Show Accountability

Mistakes happen, and there is no shame in making them. It’s essential to forgive yourself and your partner to move beyond challenges. Mistakes are opportunities for growth, and forgiveness fosters trust and accountability. It reduces resentment and ends the blame game. Taking responsibility for your actions—whether you were hurt or caused hurt—builds trust over time. If you’ve wronged your partner, own up to it and apologize sincerely. A genuine apology acknowledges the pain caused and shows a commitment to change. While an apology doesn’t erase the hurt, it demonstrates your desire to improve and make things right.

Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. By embracing honest communication, self-reflection, empathy, and accountability, you can release pain and resentment. This process strengthens relationships, allowing love and trust to flourish again. With patience and mutual effort, forgiveness paves the way for a brighter future together.

best marriage counselor in india_shivani sadhoo

Can You Be Married but Still Be Single at Heart?

Marriage is a commitment between two individuals to share their lives, support each other through thick and thin, and build a future together. Have you ever heard of someone saying they feel single at heart despite being married? It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? However, it’s actually quite common for someone to feel single at heart even while being married. You might be wondering why! Leading marriage counselor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo sheds light on the intricacies of the human psyche that contribute to this seemingly contradictory experience.

India's leading marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Can one still be single at heart despite being married?

Relationship expert and couples therapist Shivan Sadhoo shares insights on the same. Here they are?

1. Sense of Individuality remains untouched

 Marriage represents a legal and social agreement that unites two individuals, yet their inner sense of self remains distinct. Being single at heart within a marriage doesn’t signify dissatisfaction or a lack of commitment; instead, it’s about honoring one’s uniqueness within the marital bond. The journey of marriage brings together two individuals, each with their own personality, dreams, and aspirations. Despite the unity in marriage, one’s individual essence remains intact. People may feel “single at heart” when they desire moments of personal space and self-discovery.

2. The Feeling of Autonomy

Some people feel happiest when they have their own space and freedom, even if they’re married. They value doing things on their own and growing as individuals. It’s not that they don’t love their partners or avoid commitment in their relationship; it’s just part of who they are. They find joy in being alone sometimes and pursuing their own interests. Feeling “single at heart” means they can maintain their independence and take care of themselves emotionally, even while being married.

3. Living Apart Together

Living apart together is a trend where married couples choose to have their own homes instead of living together. It’s not because they have to, but because they want to. Some couples even live in the same house but have separate spaces. Research shows that even when couples live together, they may spend less time doing things together compared to the past. This doesn’t mean people want to be alone all the time.

What they’re really looking for is finding the right balance between being alone and being together. This search for balance is something that goes beyond marriage, age, or any other differences. It’s like having the freedom to be yourself without feeling like you always have to be with your partner. This independence can actually strengthen your relationship because it gives each person space to grow and pursue their interests.

4. When Reality Bites

When we think about marriage, we often have certain ideas about what it should be like. But sometimes, what we expect doesn’t match up with what actually happens. This difference between expectations and reality can make us feel disconnected like we’re missing out on the freedom we associate with being single. Society often tells us that when we get married, we’re supposed to become one with our partner, like we’re no longer individuals.

But that’s not always how it works. Each person still has their own dreams, desires, and way of looking at things. Feeling like you’re more single at heart when you’re married isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It means you value your independence and want to stay true to who you are, even in a relationship. It’s important for society to understand that marriage can mean different things to different people. We need to change the way we think about marriage so that everyone’s unique way of loving and finding fulfillment is respected and celebrated.

5. Communication Gap

When communication falters in marriage, partners may feel emotionally distant. This gives a feeling of being ‘single at heart’. This sensation suggests a need for nurturing the marital bond. By openly discussing personal desires and goals, couples can bridge this gap, promoting deeper understanding and connection.

Thus, we know that feeling “single at heart” within a marriage doesn’t imply dissatisfaction; it’s about preserving individuality, embracing autonomy, seeking balance, confronting reality, and addressing communication gaps.

make man realize your worth relationship tips

6 Ways To Make Him Realize Your Worth – Relationship Tips

Are you tired of feeling neglected or undervalued in your relationship? Do you think he takes you for granted and doesn’t care about your emotions? It’s a situation many individuals face, where the struggle to be recognized and appreciated becomes a constant battle. If you’re nodding in agreement, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on how you can make your partner realize your true value in the relationship. Here are some empowering strategies to shift the dynamics and ensure that your worth is not only acknowledged but celebrated.

What are the ways to make him realize your worth?

Let us learn the 6 effective ways of making your partner realize your true worth from the leading couples therapist and relationship counsellor in India, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

1. Love Yourself

Before expecting recognition from others, acknowledge your value. Understand your worth, and let that radiance be your language of love. Don’t let him mistreat or disrespect you. Work on your self-esteem. Let go of all negative feelings and embrace positivity in your approach. Focus on things you love to do and nurture your relationship with yourself. Take good care of yourself. Believe in yourself. Let him see you in a different light.

2. You Don’t Have to Agree to Everything He says

Learn to say NO. If you keep agreeing to each and everything, he will take you for granted. For instance, if he asks you to make a cup of coffee for him while you’re busy finishing a presentation for your office meeting, tell him clearly, “I’m occupied now; could you handle it this time and mine too?”

These well-timed refusals convey your ability to stand firm. Embrace the power of “no” to make him appreciate your individuality, showcasing strength and prompting newfound respect. It’s about asserting yourself gracefully to ensure he values your importance.

3. Don’t Be Available Round-the-Clock

Taking a step back and not being available 24/7 can make your partner appreciate your true worth. When you’re always there, it might seem ordinary. But when you create some space, it highlights your value and independence.

Imagine always having your favourite snack; it’s nice, but when it’s not readily available, you realize how much you truly enjoy and miss it. Similarly, by not being constantly available, you’re giving your partner the chance to realize and cherish your unique qualities and contributions to the relationship.

 4. Give Credit to Your Own Achievements

It’s important to share your successes with your partner, big or small. For instance, if you aced a project at work or learned a new skill, let them know. Celebrating these wins together helps your partner understand your worth and the unique qualities you bring to the relationship.

It’s like opening a window into your world, allowing them to appreciate the brilliance that makes you who you are. This openness develops a deeper connection and showcases the value you bring to the relationship.

5. No Room for Lame Excuses

Stop covering for him. If he messes up, there’s no excuse. Don’t hide behind reasons; if he hurts you, it’s not okay. Make it clear that his behaviour is unacceptable. For instance, if he forgot your birthday calmly express how it hurt you and that it’s not okay.

Avoid making excuses for him, so he understands the impact of his actions. Stand up for yourself; if you don’t, he won’t learn from his mistakes. Make it known that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behaviour, and he needs to face the consequences to grow.

6. Communication is a two-way process

Be independent by expressing your opinions openly, yet stay connected by understanding and respecting his feelings. For instance, if he shares a challenging day at work, responds with empathy and support rather than trying to fix everything.

By accepting him for who he is, he’ll feel valued and appreciated. This blend of independence and connection creates a strong foundation for mutual respect and understanding, making it clear that your worth is not just about your independence but also your ability to connect on a deeper level.

Closing Thoughts

In a nutshell, making your partner realize your true worth is a subtle art that requires a blend of self-assurance, effective communication, and a balanced approach to independence and connection.