Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

It may feel strange when at times, you struggle to tell even the person closest to you about your true emotions. Keeping feelings of anger, sadness, and misery into words can be quite difficult. Even if the words are at the tip of your tongue, even if they are shouting in your mind and you look to let them out, you clench them back.

Counselor Shivani says there are times when the words are simply not enough to show how genuinely you feel. You wish to perhaps you do not know.

Also, at times one may feel exhausted from attempting to repair things and totally given up because he/she feels nothing will improve.

India’s leading Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog reveal secrets behind people hiding emotions.

You Have Doubts Whether People Will Understand You

At certain times, you might suppress your feelings since you are worried that people will not understand. You think that when they fail to relate with what you are going through, they might reject or disapprove of what you are feeling or saying, simply because they do not get it. However, there is always a possibility to find someone who will really understand you and never reject anything you have to say as small or tell you that you are being too sensitive or unreasonable.

You Do Not Trust Others To See Your Vulnerable Side

To reveal your innermost fears and doubts can be terrifying. Putting yourself out there can seem like you are exposing yourself, making your soul bare, and allowing someone a look inside. And you feel that people may take advantage of you or maybe even leave you alone when you are vulnerable. As difficult as it might be, taking the chance to get in touch with your feelings with someone you really trust can help your emotional wellbeing.

You Try To Be In Control Of Your Emotions But At Times Repress Them Up

Over a period of time, you might have been convinced that shedding a tear or saying that you are hurt is a sign of weakness. You combat with yourself to remain in control of your emotions, to stay emotionally rigid due to the perfectionist that you are. But being able to counter your fears in front of people, is the actual test of emotional strength, rather than ignore your genuine emotions and try to bury them away somewhere in your mind.

You Try To Avoid Arguments and Conflicts

Does not matter how difficult the situation is, you do everything to avoid getting into a tussle, specifically with someone close to you. You think that saying excessive or revealing your true feelings could get you trapped in unwanted arguments. However, in certain cases, having healthy discussions can boost your emotional bond with someone. When your requirements are equally met with that of the other individual, it can develop a cemented relationship.

You Believe That Whatever You Will Do Will Not Get Better

Post trying too hard to make things good, you may feel hopeless and totally given up on trying anymore. It is possible that you think your spouse, friend, or family member is too stubborn or ignorant to the way you feel. But it’s essential to ensure you have relationships where you can freely open-up without any fear of being judged or looked down upon.

You Carry The Burden Of Others, Despite It Hurts You

You prioritize the feelings of others before your own. And due to this, you willingly carry the burden of others while putting yours aside. You are first to show up and help others from the difficulties they are in but you never look out for help when you’re in need. Even when you are hurt, you show up for the people who matter to you. But at times, you need a break, too. You need a time where you can break down, allow your feelings out, and cry on someone’s shoulder who will calmly listen. Countering your feelings and coping with them can improve your relationship with yourself and others.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

It takes Two to Tango, as the saying goes. This perfectly fits the bill for a relationship to flourish. A relationship is a journey where two individuals need to live and grow in sync.

Marriage Counselor Shivani says a one-sided relationship has dire consequences for your emotional and even physical health. Once you are in one, it is very difficult to feel emotionally secure. You are constantly trying to make the relationship something that it could never be.

This conflict makes pave for stress, and stress hormones cause physical side effects including anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance, irritability and overall feeling internally keyed up. One-sided relationships take a huge toll, and yet mostly continue far longer than they ought to be.

In this blog, India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo is saying to take a moment to think if your relationship is one-sided and, if yes, look to overcome this pattern by trying out the things given below.

Counselor Shivani says here are some of the signs that indicate your relationship is one-sided

·       You never feel safe within the relationship.

·       You over-analyze and second-guess your partner’s real motives.

·       You always feel you are lacking in some way.

·       You always initiate deepening the relationship, to no avail.

·       You do not share your real feelings with your partner.

·       You feel empty post your interactions.

·       You do the entire work to maintain the relationship.

·       You believe you have already invested excessively in the relationship that you have to make it to keep alive and cannot leave.

·       You feel that your relationship is a house of cards.

·       You feel that your self-esteem depends as long as the relationship lasts.

·       You do not feel genuinely known by your partner.

·       You make excuses for your partner.

·       You are fearful of upsetting your partner or of causing conflict.

·       You settle for small bursts of connection although you crave more intimacy from your partner.

·       You worry about the time you will see or talk to your partner again.

·       You are always distracted by your relationship dynamics and hence, cannot focus on other dimensions of your life or be present in them.

·       You enjoy moments with your partner, but once the interaction is over, you feel alone and lonely.

·       You are not growing as an individual.

·       You are not genuine with your partner because you look to ensure he/she stays happy with you.

·       If you express yourself, your spouse turns the tables on you and you end up with a feeling that you are the cause of the entire problem in your relationship.

Counselor Shivani says if you identify or feel familiar with more of these signs then you would like, begin undoing the pattern by attempting this exercise. Ask yourself the given questions and be brutally honest with yourself:

·       How many times have you repeated this pattern of one-sided relationships in your life?

·       Did you ever have a one-sided relationship with a parent/friend/caregiver while growing up (in which it was always more about those than it was about you)?

·       Can you see a relationship in which your needs were met, and how well that felt to you, or imagine how that may feel if you were in one?

·       What keeps you acting so hard and not allowing go or moving onto something more emotionally fulfilling?

·       If you are working to feel secure and complete, look for if there is another way to get these very normal basic needs met.

·       If you were to call off the relationship, how would you fill the void in a manner that would be deeper and more fulfilling for you?

·       Are you working to without availing on something that drains out your energy and resources without much or any payoff for you?

·       Do one-sided relationships show your lack of self-esteem? Are you coupling with individuals or people who keep you stuck not feeling so great about yourself?

·       What could you do that will provide more and fill your part more than this relationship?

·       Can you begin to identify when you are overworking in the relationship and rather step back and let it go?

It may sound bitter or uncomfortable. But uncoupling from one-sided relationships demands work but it is possible. The initial step is to recognize that you are in one. The next is to start considering other methods you can feel good about yourself and what you need, separate from your relationship, to have a pleasant life.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Things to Do If You Feel That You and Your Partner Are Always Playing the Blame Games Share leading Couples Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

When you are in a relationship, it is quite easy to shift all the blame on your partner even if you know it is not completely their fault. After all, nobody ever truly wants to be wrong. But when you are in a relationship, it is essential to sacrifice being correct for the good of the relationship. If you don’t, marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says the blame game can damage your relationship.

Blaming, specifically the constant blaming is a quite unhealthy communication style and mostly leads to one fighting unfairly and bringing in the past into the present arguments.

Playing the blame game is quite common. But that does not make it healthy. In fact, relationship expert Shivani says blaming is never a positive thing and is generally a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic. This can vary from everyday things to major things. More often than not, it is not about the ‘what’ you are blamed for, but rather the ‘why’ you are being blamed or needing to blame. For example, if one partner has a difficult time owning up to their mistakes, he/she will push the accountability on someone else.

Nothing positive can ever really come out of blaming your other half. So in this blog, India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo say what you can do to stop the blame game from sabotaging your relationship.

Identify When You Are Being Blamed And Discuss It

If one of you feels like you are being blamed for something, bring this up. Reach to the root of why your spouse is making you feel like you have done something wrong. Make it known and grab it as soon as possible. When left unattended, it can start to become a pattern in the relationship that is seen as normal. Patterns of blaming could lead to unhealthy and potentially toxic relationship styles. To prevent getting stuck in a blame game cycle, never call your partner out on it. Use “I” statements rather, such as “I feel like you are blaming me for something and I need to understand why.

Always Remind Yourself That Your Partner Is Not You

Sometimes all it takes is a small shift in mindset. Accepting that your partner is distinct from you can be an essential reframing. So always remind yourself, your partner is different, not necessarily wrong. Then, have a calm discussion in an attempt to understand where your partner is coming from. If you don’t, it’s normal to end the discussion by agreeing to disagree.

Talk Honestly About Your Expectations

When couples find themselves engulfed in the blame game, it is mostly because they and/or their spouse have implicit expectations about specific things that must be happening in the relationship or the manner that their partner must or must not be behaving. It is essential to remember that your partner is not a mind reader. They may assume to know what you need, but they won’t ever really know unless you openly let them know. Recognizing what these expectations are, and voicing them to your partner is crucial in breaking this pattern. A conversation about the expectations can help to put the blame game on the backtrack.

Active Listening

Be open, curious, and truly listen to your partner. As difficult as it might be, do not say anything while your partner shares their side of the story. If you provide them an opportunity to speak and actually listen to what they are saying, you can avoid a big argument.

Practice Gratitude

The antidote to criticism and blaming is to opt to focus on enjoying each other more. When everything’s annoying, that is a litmus test that is telling you are not focusing enough on positive input. So, practice gratitude. Think about all the various things you love about your partner every day and express your appreciation. When you continuously see your partner in a good light, you are less possibly to blame, criticize, or lash out in hurtful ways.

Know That You Cannot Control How Your Partner Reacts, But You Can Control Yourself

The simplest way to get stuck playing the blame game is to keep throwing accusations to and fro. While you cannot control what your partner says or does, but you can control yourself. It’s essential to remember that you are still individuals, two individuals who together make up one couple. You still have the right to speak up, shift away from a situation that you do not like, or simply leave altogether.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

You will also have various kinds of relationships with several people throughout your lives. Each of them can bring something unique, whether it is good or bad. Relationships with partner, family, friends, and colleagues will add to your life’s rich tapestry of experiences.

However, when you are living alone there is one key relationship that matters more than any other in your life. This is the relationship that you have with yourself.

This blog by India’s top Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo revolves around the reasons why the most vital relationship in the one you have with yourself.

Why is the most vital relationship the one you have with yourself?

It is a Lifelong Relationship

The relationship you have with yourself is the sole one that you can be completely sure will last as long as you do, so it is essential to get it right. Though there are possibly to be some bumps along the road, this is a journey that you will always be undertaking with yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company and be gentle to yourself.

Knowing Yourself is Important

Understanding your own strengths and weaknesses can assist you to make the correct decisions in life. It is important to take that time to get to know yourself so that you understand your real dreams, worries, and abilities. This might mean giving more time for daily reflection which could assist you to feel more driven and confident and equally feel more certain about who you are.

Being Selfish can be Beneficial

You all need to prioritize yourself at least some of the time. Valuing the relationship, you have with yourself will let you do what is right for you rather than always placing other people first. You must place as much importance on the relationship you have with yourself as you do on those with your closest friends. You should therefore be ready to invest just as much time and effort into it, even if it means taking time out for yourself every now and then.

Its What you Do that Matters

The worthiest things in life are not the things that you own, but the things you spend your time doing. Investing in yourself by learning and developing new skills, practicing your favorite hobby, making something, or simply putting in some effort into a big project is what will make you most fulfilled. The happiest moments are usually in the middle of a big challenge or when you have achieved something that counts.

Being Independent is Important

Being able to depend upon yourself is important, specifically when you are living alone. You need to develop the skills that will enable you to be self-sufficient, not only in practical matters but in emotional ones as well. Learning to trust yourself more, is one of the most critical results of forming a strong relationship with yourself. It can help you to feel stronger, braver, and more capable.

It is Good for Your Mental and Physical Health

Mental health is also as important as your physical wellbeing. When you are living alone and having a good attitude and understanding towards yourself can be very advantageous for your mental health and emotional wellbeing. You will be better at handling the negative emotions and more aware of any signs of mental health issues. Having better self-awareness and knowledge to understand what in life makes you happy, sad, content, satisfied, and subsequently making changes in your life and allotting priorities accordingly will bring positive outcomes to how you feel every day.

Being familiar with your own body is essential for your health. You need to develop a good relationship with your body in an attempt to keep them healthy and to be able to recognize any signs of trouble. Forming a better relationship with yourself can help you to eat better, avail more sleep, and remain fit and healthy.

Other’s Opinion is Just that

Even though listening to other people is and could be important, your own opinions are what actually matters most. You must value your own judgment and not allow yourself to be swayed too much by other people. Simply because someone thinks that your routine or work is uninteresting or your style is out of date, it does not mean that you have to agree. They are welcome for their opinions, but be sure about sticking to your own. Your self-esteem is mostly linked to what other people think of you, or at least what you perceive others think of you.  Thus, it is important to feel comfortable in your own skin, having your own judgments, and with your own set of likes and dislikes helping you to shape who you are.

You are the Truly One Who Actually Understand Yourself

Every individual is a bit complex, unique, and changeable, which means that it can be difficult for even the closest to you to understand completely, who you are. The person who is best positioned to understand you is yourself and you are the sole one who can do this. You can be your own most sympathetic ally because you are the one who has the ability to understand your feelings and intentions best.

It Will Eventually Impact Your Relationship with Others

When you live alone, having a good relationship with yourself could make a huge difference in the manner you interact with other people. Understanding your own emotions will help you to empathize with others. Being aware of your own strengths and weaknesses can make it easier to forgive other people for theirs. Nobody is an island and people living alone mostly have strong relationships with the people around them. The way you feel about yourself can decide how kindly you treat other people, whether you are close to that person or not.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, or emotional and psychological challenges.

Reveals Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In several cultures marriage is considered a sacred bond that binds 2 individuals together. While a lot of people wait their whole life to be together forever with the person they love, the reality may be different for some others. For certain people, however, the boundations of marriage are literally scary as hell. This type of irrational fear of getting married or committed is called gamophobia.

It has been obtained from the Greek word “gamos” meaning marriage. Psychologist Shivani says gamophobia is displayed by intense, irrelevant, and continuous fear of marriage and commitment. The individual is specifically scared to get into a marriage which means spending the whole life with a single person.

A gamophobic individual’s fear of marriage is similar to the fear of dying. A gamophobic person might be in a relationship with someone, but move away and get nervous if the topic of marriage crops up. This phobia is completely different from Anuptaphobia – fear of being single and Philophobia – fear of falling in love.

This blog by India’s top Psychologist and Marriage Counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals about Gamophobia and what are its causes signs, and treatment.

What Causes Gamophobia

Gamophobia is quite a common phobia that happens in people, specifically men. Men tend to fear marriage because of the factors such as the personal, financial, and social risks that come along with marriage. Thus, gamophobia can be caused by the following:

Personal Instability

Personal instability or insecurity can be a big cause of gamophobia in people. Marriage doesn’t happen easily. Several responsibilities are added. You don’t share simply a relationship, but you share all your personal, social, financial, and legal belongings. The fear of marriage could be developed out of the fear of all or any of these risks and vulnerabilities.

Connected Distressful Incident

Gamophobia can also be linked with any unwanted and distressful occurrence that implanted a negative impact of marriage on an individual’s mind. These incidents could range from the divorce of parents during childhood, violence from parents, having seen one’s parents or other married couples fight and argue, a previous marriage failure, betrayal by a partner, or hearing regarding unsuccessful marriages extensively. Any such incidents can be responsible for gamophobia in people.

Depression

The fears of marriage and commitment can also happen due to other depressive conditions. A person might actually be willing to marry, but simply scared and anxious to go through it. Lack of self-belief, poor self-image, lack of sexual confidence, and other forms of depression may also make a person stay away from marriage and commitments.

Signs of Gamophobia

Some of the prominent signs that may happen in people having gamophobia both in the case of men and women are:

• Irrational and extensive fear of marriage and commitment. Even a slight thought of marriage or seeing someone getting married can trigger this fear.
• Totally staying away from marriage and related events or discussions.
• Aggression, panic attacks and quick-temper upon the slightest thought or discussion of one’s marriage.
• Feeling that the fear is irrational but not manageable to control.
• Low-self-esteem.
• Panicking follows physical symptoms like trembling, crying, trouble in breathing, rapid heartbeat, nausea or vomiting, dizziness, fainting, sweating profusely, and abdominal discomfort.

When to See a Psychologist or a Counselor

Gamophobia can become a serious issue as it can lead one to stay isolated. A gamophobic person is simply scared of the thought of marriage, but not unwilling to do so. The fear can greatly damage relationships and family life of a person. In those circumstances, consulting with a psychologist or counselor is necessary. Moreover, if the above said symptoms have happened for a long time period, over 6 months, and disrupted the life of an individual, one requires to begin with the treatment.

How It Can Be Treated

Gamophobia can be treated using various psychotherapies and medications. Some of the effective psychotherapies for successful elimination of this fear are:

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

CBT is 1 of the most impactful treatment therapies for gamophobia. Gamophobia might be related to a past distressful memory and experience. The behavioral therapist treats the person and tries to dig out the negative thoughts 1 has towards marriage. A gamophobic individual tends to have a rush of fear because of the negative and disturbing images linked with marriage, and not due to marriage straight away. The counselor conducts healthy talking and sharing sessions and helps to replace those negative images with positive ones.

Exposure Therapy

This therapy is also another good psychotherapy used for the treatment of gamophobia. In exposure therapy, the counselor makes the person confront a setting the same as in a marriage or brings up topics to discuss marriage. Alongside this, the psychologist also guides the person to keep himself calm and relaxed in the session. Through regular sessions, the person gets accustomed to it and will be able to form tolerance for anxiety.

Family Therapy

Family therapy is a crucial component during this whole treatment process. The counselor works with the family and makes them aware of the phobic condition. In fact, the counseling sessions with family forms support and motivation for the individual from family sources. This can be a huge lift up for the complete treatment process.

Medication

In extremely serious cases of isolation and anxiety, medications may be used. Normally used medicines are anti-anxiety and anti-depressants. However, therapies are regarded as more effective for the treatment of gamophobia.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, or emotional and psychological challenges.

Pandemic and Lockdowns May Trigger Helicopter Parenting in Many Homes – Warns Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

The current pandemic and its lockdowns have changed family routines like never before. Parents who could hardly catch up with their kids in past, are now staying 24×7 at home. For the kids, there is no more going to schools, day-care, and coaching centres. This sudden change has offered many families to rediscover their family bonds and at the same time, this change is also creating some new difficulties – and one such problem is the “emergence of helicopter parenting”.

Helicopter parenting is a term used to describe a kind of over-parenting. It involves excessive levels of involvement and control by parents in their children’s lives. A motivation for this parenting style is driven by the parents’ worry that their child might come to harm or not flourish. Earlier helicopter parenting was limited to single-working parents’ situations, but now a large number of parents are doing work from home and hence getting all the time to interact, focus, and worry for the kids.

No doubt, parental involvement in a child’s life is extremely beneficial, but only if it is developmentally appropriate. A child needs to experience failure and she/he should learn from their mistakes through trial and error. Unfortunately, the over-involvement of parents can limit the children’s ability to engage in this opportunity, and research suggests that helicopter parenting can even stunt a child’s cognitive and emotional development.

In this article, Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the warning signs of helicopter parenting:

• Your child has completed his/her school assignment but you are rewriting the assignment at 12 midnight because you know that it could have been done better.
• Your child should be helping you in daily chores – cleaning the floor, and washing clothes and dishes in the absence of your maid, never comes to you.
• You get heart palpitations at the thought of letting your child go and talk and chat over online platforms. Even though it was the case earlier also, since, you are spending all the time at home, as a result, you are becoming more bothered by the same.
• In an online PTM when the teacher asks your child the question, you answer them.
• While playing indoor games if there is a point of decision-making for your child, he/she looks puzzled and searches for you to make the decision.