Qualities to Look in an Ideal Life Partner

Relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggest if you are in dating world or if your family is arranging a meet with prospective guy or girl for an arranged marriage, here are 4 qualities of a romantic partner that you can look for in the person.

1. Look for similarities between you two

A lot of relationship research across the world has identified that opposites do not always attract in the long term. People tend to find more opportunities to develop their marital relationship when they share similar interests, value system and attitudes. For example, a girl who loves to trek would possibly get better opportunity to enhance her relationship with her husband if he loves to trek as well and they can trek together. However, if there are differences in taste and/or hobbies largely, the couple then should check if they both hold the capacity to respect each other’s individual preferences and can offer each other the freedom to explore their individual interests.

2.  Kindness, fidelity, and support

While selecting an ideal life partner, a person and his/her family in India put a lot of emphasis on personality, career, and earning potential and physical attractiveness. But remember more than anything else, it’s the person’s kindness, loyalty, emotional support and understanding that really defines who he/she is and that will determine if you would really be happy with this person in life.

Since all superficial traits are conditioned to time and situation, like someone who is an average earner today could reach an excellent career point in future or vice versa, or someone who looks extremely beautiful today would be overweight after child birth or vice versa.

But someone who is kind, capable and puts efforts to understand another person’s unspoken words i.e. emotions and feelings–will be like this possible for rest of his/her life. Hence look for these traits and check if it’s genuine or pretended.

3. Have to mean in life.

Appreciate and value the person who is leading a purposeful life, holds a passion, a mission or larger meaning to his/her life. This happens when a person uses his/her strengths to help something they believe in. It might be volunteering with NGO, being an active part of a spiritual process, contributing to a good cause.

Remember a person, who has a bigger mission in life and live more than its materialistic dimensions, holds much better chance to live an emotionally healthy and peaceful old age and that would certainly make them a better life partner than others.

4. Check for emotional stability

This trait is the most important harbinger of relationship success, and should ideally be at No 1. Those who lack emotional stability and are high on the trait of neuroticism, tend to be moody, touchy, anxious, and quicker to anger, all traits that can be destructive in any given relationship. Those who have low emotional intelligence or EQ, tend to be negative and are more prone to be combative with others and their partners. There is a strong link between high levels of neuroticism and divorce.

How to check if the person is emotionally stable? Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests looks for the following clues.

  • An emotionally stable person treats others well. They view other people with compassion and treat them with kindness that is a hallmark of their own emotional well-being.
  • An emotionally stable person is flexible. People who have emotional wellness have an ability to adapt to all kinds of situations that life throws at them. They’re able to assess a situation mindfully — they notice their surroundings, their own emotions and other’s reactions to a given situation — and then they use these factors to decide what the best course of action would be for them. Hence if a person shares a difficult period of his/her life and how they overcame time, try to identify how they coped with it, took help of others or used situational assessment, searching inner strength, overcoming fear and doubt etc.
  • An emotionally stable person holds gratitude in life. If a person is emotionally healthy, it’s likely he/she easily feels and shows gratitude for the people and the things in their life. Holding gratitude is a way of purposefully looking at our life with a sense of appreciation for what we have, rather than focusing on what we are lacking. And indeed, research has shown that counting our blessings has added strong benefits to our emotional well-being.

How To Keep Your Emotions Positive and Maintain a Healthy & Happy Life?

Many amongst us often miss to realise that negative emotions are not always ‘linked to’ or ‘outcome of’ our external circumstances rather certain approach/behaviours when we practice in our lives, results in repeated unpleasant outcomes/results that create sad feelings/disappointments and those feelings again create unpleasant outcomes – producing a vicious circle that destroy happiness in life.

The misery one suffers due to negative emotions does not end at the vicious circle of unpleasant outcomes and feelings. These bad feeling also result in an occurrence of psychological complexities, heart diseases, hypertension and weakening of immune system.

Today Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 4 crucial tips that can help people to bring and maintain positive emotions.

1.  Live within the territory of ‘NOW’

A lot of people never understand the power and capacity of living and working in “NOW”, but when they do, their life changes dramatically. This happens because our pain and anxiety can only work when they get access to our memories.

For example, a man who is searching for a life partner repeatedly gets rejected by the opposite gender. Finally, when he starts to introspect why girls repeatedly reject him and he realises that his rejection in life has put a deep impression on his mind. Hence every time he starts a conversation with a girl, his mind first develops a strong expectation (future) for a success and then at the same mind reminds him of the experiences of humiliation and how sad the earlier dismissals made him. This caused him to talk in a peculiar manner that has a mixed element of anxiety, shyness and/or under confidence.

Finally the person, after his realisation, meets a girl by freeing himself from the clutches of future expectations and past memories – by living in now. While meeting the girl this time, his mind was not remembering past experiences, he was able to observe and listen actively what the girl is sharing and what she is expecting to hear from him and that further cemented their friendship.

It’s true that living in present frees the mind from the dominance of past memories and future expectations but that’s not easy to achieve. Persistent and conscious attempts have to be made by the person, initially telling and reminding himself/herself not to think about the past and not to expect and gradually this will turn into a habit.

2. Acceptance

This is another part of being in the now. Most people try to run away from their negative emotions. They eat, watch TV, play mobile games, and chat, check Facebook or Youtube etc. It’s only when the person gets curious and tries to find why he/she is experiencing bad emotion and put an attempt to accept it as a part of you, it tends to disappear.

But how do you accept it when it feels so painful?

That’s the first hurdle you have to overcome because when you do, you will realise that the pain was only half an inch thick. You can either learn to let go of your negative emotions, or you can keep doing what you’ve been doing up until this point.

3. Ask yourself the four Magic questions

The third important technique to get free from negative emotional is to ask self the four magical questions.

  • Is the fear, anxiety or pain true?
  • Are you absolutely sure that it’s true?
  • How do you react when you believe this thought?
  • What would be the payoffs of being angry or depressed?

4. Take expert’s help

If you have tried the above suggestions and still find it difficult to get rid of your negative emotions, then you should immediately consult a mental help expert like a psychologist or counsellor who would help you deal with the situation in a better way.