Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

You’ve raised kids, built careers, and weathered life’s highs and lows together. But somewhere in the comfort of routine and responsibility, romance took a backseat. If you’re in your 40s or 50s and feel like your marriage has grown dull, you’re not alone. The good news? Boredom isn’t the end—it’s often the beginning of a new phase of connection, if you’re willing to revive it.

Why Marriages Often Turn Boring in the 40s & 50s?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading couples therapist and one of the best marriage counsellors in Delhi, shares why marriage often turns boring in the 40s and 50s. Here are some reasons

Routine Replaces Romance – Life in midlife often becomes a loop: work, bills, errands, and family duties. Over time, spontaneity tends to fade, and interactions become more functional than emotional.

Empty Nest & Identity Shifts – When children leave home, couples may realise they’ve lost touch with each other as individuals, not just as parents. There’s often a sense of emotional distance that grows slowly and quietly.

Physical and Emotional Changes – Hormonal changes, health issues, and shifting priorities can impact intimacy and emotional availability. This affects how connected couples feel, physically and mentally.

Unresolved Conflicts and Resentments – Years of small misunderstandings or unmet needs may build a wall of emotional fatigue. The love is there, but it may be buried under years of silence or compromise.

Lack of Novelty – Doing the same things with the same person in the same way can lead to emotional stagnation. When couples stop learning or growing together, boredom can sneak in.

How to rekindle love and rejuvenate your marriage in your 40s & 50s?

Talk Again—But Really Talk: Rebuild Emotional Intimacy by Having Deeper Conversations. Avoid logistics or problem-solving. Ask each other:

• What dreams do you still want to pursue?
• What’s something you’ve never told me?

A few heartfelt talks can bring you emotionally closer than months of routine.

Create New Shared Experiences – Break monotony by doing something new together:

• Travel to places you’ve never been
• Join a class or hobby group
• Take up a joint fitness challenge

Novelty stimulates dopamine, the same feel-good hormone from your early dating days.

Reignite Physical Intimacy – Touch matters. Start with simple gestures—holding hands, a hug that lasts a few seconds longer, or a kiss before sleep. Physical closeness often leads to emotional warmth.

Don’t hesitate to talk about physical needs. Midlife sex may change, but it can also become more emotionally satisfying when you’re in sync.

Schedule Quality Time Without Distractions – Create a weekly “us time.” No phones, no TV, no errands. Whether it’s coffee on the balcony, an evening walk, or a weekend breakfast date—showing up regularly builds emotional presence.

Seek Counselling or a Relationship Coach – Sometimes, an external guide helps couples see blind spots or rekindle emotional closeness. Don’t wait until there’s a crisis—therapy in midlife can act as a relationship reset button.

Celebrate Small Moments

Rekindling love doesn’t need grand gestures. Compliment each other, laugh over old memories, or cook a meal together. It’s the small, repeated acts of care that turn routine into romance.

A boring marriage doesn’t mean a broken one. The 40s and 50s are a golden opportunity to deepen your connection—with the wisdom, maturity, and resilience you’ve both gained. Love evolves, and so can you. With intention and openness, you can turn a predictable routine into a renewed partnership full of joy, intimacy, and shared growth.

Marriage counselling is a powerful tool that helps couples navigate challenges, rebuild trust, and rediscover emotional intimacy. However, it’s natural for couples to wonder if therapy is genuinely making a difference, especially when progress feels slow or subtle. The journey to a healthier relationship is rarely linear, but certain signs indicate that your sessions are moving in the right direction. In this article, we’ll explore what marriage counselling is and highlight the positive signs that suggest your therapy is working, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is India’s leading Gottman Certified marriage counsellor.

What Is Marriage Counselling?

Marriage counselling, also known as couples therapy, is a form of psychotherapy that helps partners resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen their emotional bond. Conducted by trained professionals—often licensed therapists or counsellors—these sessions offer a safe space for couples to express concerns, understand each other’s perspectives, and work towards shared goals.

Therapists may use various approaches like the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), depending on the couple’s unique issues and personalities. Whether you’re dealing with communication breakdowns, infidelity, parenting disagreements, or emotional distance, marriage counselling provides structured support to heal and grow together. Some of the signs that show your marriage counselling is working are explained by marriage counsellor Shivani Sadhoo.

Signs That Your Marriage Counselling Is Working

Improved Communication – One of the first signs of progress is the ability to talk more openly and respectfully. If you and your partner are starting to express your thoughts and emotions without yelling, blaming, or shutting down, it’s a strong indicator that therapy is helping. Effective communication lays the foundation for resolving deeper issues.

Increased Emotional Awareness – Therapy encourages self-reflection. As counselling progresses, both partners often begin to better understand their own emotional triggers and needs. You may find yourself saying, “I didn’t realise I felt that way,” or recognising how past experiences affect your reactions. This awareness creates space for empathy and growth.

Decreased Conflict or Healthier Conflict Resolution – Arguments may not disappear entirely, but you’ll likely notice a shift in how conflicts unfold. Fights become less frequent or intense, and you both begin to resolve disagreements more constructively. You’re no longer trying to “win” arguments, but instead working toward mutual understanding.

A Renewed Sense of Teamwork – Healthy marriages function as partnerships. If you and your spouse start referring to problems as “ours” instead of pointing fingers, it’s a sign you’re developing a collaborative mindset. Counselling often helps couples move from a “me vs. you” attitude to a “we’re in this together” approach.

Increased Affection and Intimacy – As emotional barriers dissolve, affection often returns. You might notice more hand-holding, hugging, or simply enjoying each other’s company again. Rekindling physical and emotional intimacy is a major sign that healing is underway.

Willingness to Change – Another strong signal that therapy is working is when both partners show a genuine willingness to change their behaviour. Whether it’s being more patient, setting healthy boundaries, or managing stress better, real change indicates commitment to growth.

A Safe Space Is Being Established – When both individuals feel safe to be vulnerable in and outside therapy sessions, it shows trust is being rebuilt. A safe emotional space is essential for long-term connection and healing.

Therapy Feels Less Forced – In the beginning, couples may attend sessions out of obligation or desperation. Over time, therapy may begin to feel like a helpful, even welcomed, space. You might look forward to sessions, not just to “fix” problems but to understand each other better.

Clarity About the Relationship’s Future – Even if couples ultimately decide to separate, therapy can still be considered successful if it helps them make that decision with clarity, mutual respect, and emotional closure. However, in most cases, couples find renewed clarity in staying together with realistic expectations and shared goals.

Marriage counselling is not a magic wand—it requires effort, honesty, and time. But when it works, the results are transformative. If you notice better communication, emotional safety, greater intimacy, and a shared commitment to change, these are all strong signs your therapy is making a difference. Stay patient, trust the process, and remember that the journey to a healthier relationship begins with small, consistent steps in the right direction.

Dating an independent woman can be an enriching experience, but it also comes with its own set of nuances. So, what exactly do independent women want from men in relationships?

First and foremost, it’s essential to understand who an independent woman is. She’s not just someone who pays her bills or pursues her career goals. An independent woman knows herself deeply, speaks her mind with clarity, and lives authentically according to her values. She doesn’t seek validation or fulfilment from others; instead, she finds it within herself.

What are the things independent women want from men?

Let us learn from leading marriage and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Respect

Independent women seek partners who not only recognize but celebrate their autonomy. A secure man values her self-reliance, encouraging her aspirations and respecting her need for space. He engages in constructive dialogue, cherishes her uniqueness, and supports her goals.

Moreover, he values her physical boundaries and emotional well-being, recognizing that true allure lies in his ability to comprehend and connect with her as an individual while acknowledging the unity within their shared journey.

Equality in relationships

An independent woman looks for a partner who is her equal, not her competitor. She believes in sharing responsibilities, making decisions together, and working as a team to build a life. This means both partners pitch in and share the load, creating a balanced and satisfying dynamic.

Equality isn’t just about the basics; it’s about fairness, talking openly, and understanding each other. It’s about seeing and respecting each other’s differences and treating each other’s opinions and contributions with value, regardless of what society says.

Honest communication

Good communication is vital for a healthy relationship. Independent women appreciate partners who are upfront and willing to have deep conversations. She values openness and honesty, so it’s important to be direct and assertive like her.

Don’t shy away from expressing your thoughts and feelings. She wants her partner to be transparent and vulnerable too, as this builds intimacy and strengthens the relationship. So, keep the dialogue open and honest for a deeper connection that grows stronger over time.

Emotional connection

Sometimes, grasping the unspoken nuances becomes crucial. An empowered and self-reliant woman places great value on emotional availability in a relationship. Recognizing the significance of emotional intimacy, she seeks a connection that goes beyond shared interests and physical attraction. Fearless in embracing vulnerability, she desires a partner who shares this openness.

For her, a relationship is a comprehensive bond that involves mutual support and understanding. Even the most self-sufficient woman may, at times, yearn to be vulnerable, allowing her partner to be the pillar of strength.

They want their partners to follow their own dreams too

Independent women seek partners who are strong and self-sufficient. They are drawn to individuals who can handle their own lives without constant support. These women value ambition and expect their partners to have their own aspirations.

Being with someone who is driven not only adds excitement to the relationship but also fosters personal growth and independence. Such partnerships propel both parties toward their dreams and create a supportive environment for mutual success.

Looks for unconditional love

An independent woman values her needs in a relationship. Despite her strength, she desires love, care, and consideration. Like anyone, she seeks a partner who embraces her flaws, celebrates her uniqueness, and stands by her through life’s challenges. Recognize her feelings, be there for her, and show unconditional love for a flourishing relationship.

Now that we’ve explored what independent women expect from their partners—respect, equality, honest communication, emotional connection, and shared dreams—it’s evident that they seek relationships built on mutual understanding and support. These expectations foster strong bonds where both individuals thrive personally and collectively, embracing each other’s autonomy and aspirations.