Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Often very few people are capable of managing the midlife crisis, learn from it, and move on towards a more fruitful life. There are few who transforms into a smaller form of their personality and impose colossal discomfort on the people around them. Primarily focusing on self and your kids can be understood as the easiest way of surviving your partners midlife crisis.

Even if your spouse handles their midlife crisis without doing much harm or damages to people around, they tend to go through changes of some kind. These alterations may leave you wondering about what could be done to help yourself (and your spouse) in saving your relationship. Surviving your spouse’s midlife crisis is not an easier task but it is workable when you take the right steps.

In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talk about 5 essential tips to survive your spouse’s midlife crisis.

Focusing On Your Children And Self

You aren’t doing any great favors to yourself and your spouse if you are obsessed with what their thinking or actions are. Don’t be too over-possessive. Still, however, you have complete control over the choices you make.

Shift your focus on things that are in your control. No use of overthinking about your spouse’s problems, it’s often that you are filled with negative thoughts in your head. These negative thoughts will eventually impact you and your kids.

It’s best to fill your time with a hobby that will distract you from your spouse’s behaviors during their mid-life crisis. If there is a stressful environment at home, plan for activities for yourself and your children away from that environment. Do take steps that will keep you and your kids from becoming victims during your spouse’s midlife crisis.

Defining Clear Boundaries With Your Spouse

The simplest way to keep your spouse’s ruthless behavior from creating stress in your life is to defining boundaries and sticking to those boundaries with your spouse. In case your spouse is cheating on you, make them realize that this part of their life shouldn’t allow intruding into your life. Simply tell him or her that you don’t want to know anything about their extramarital relationships and tell that you don’t want to be in a conflict or be a part of a love triangle.

There may be an instinct to find out about the other person. Even spying on your spouse, reading their emails, checking their mobile phones and hacking their computers, these tend to be feeding your curiosity to know about them. But the fact is, people going through a midlife crisis, will do what continues with relationships regardless of what your feelings are. Let it go. Let things take up its own course and gracefully accept the fact that you have no control over the situation. Don’t let it hamper your way of living your life.

Channelize Your Anger Towards A Healthy Way

Often Anger could be considered as a normal reaction to your spouse’s midlife crisis, especially when it is adversely affecting you. The anger could be at its optimal, but venting out it will only make you feel better in the short-term. For some, talking things out can help ease their feelings, while others find that it exacerbates the situation. Venting the anger on your spouse spontaneously won’t change his or her behavior, but will lead to more complications in your relationship.

The best way to vent out the anger is to have a non-confrontational approach. Join a gym, throw water balloons against the house walls. Burn the pictures of bad memories and flush out. The approach is to cope up with your anger in a manner that doesn’t involve your spouse. Screaming, cursing, or crying won’t impact your spouse who is going through a midlife crisis.

Don’t Start A Talk On Relationship With Your Spouse

In any relationship, there is an option of discussing relationships & solving every problem mutually. But you’re no longer that couple and you cannot expect your spouse to care about working through your relationship issues.

In place of living in your past relationship sweet memories, pick up new hobbies, focus on your career, or find reasons to be away from your house. Make a habit of prioritizing yourself which can truly help you get healed.

Listen Without Any Judgmental Notions

When your spouse initiates a conversation with you, listen without being too critical. Chances are that your spouse might be experiencing self-doubts and confused about what they are going through, so listening em-pathetically is the key. Any sarcastic comments are to be avoided. It is easier said than done, particularly when they seem to be irrational or are undeserving of your sympathy.

In a properly functioning body, sleep helps the brain to process your emotions and memories at the optimum level. When you wake up well-rested your brain maintains a healthy mental and physical energy all throughout your day.

On the other hand, sleep deprivation restricts brain’s ability to do just the superficial activities like sticking to a daily routine work. All throughout the day, the person may find challenges to gather enough mental energy to think and innovate and at night the brain would get so much exhausted that simple relationship activity like conversations with partner, romantic feelings and sexual drive may turn Zero.

Across the world, scientific research is gradually suggesting that sleep may be the biggest factor in maintaining a good relationship. Quality of sleep of either one or both the partners may affect everything from attraction to break-ups. Today India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how poor sleep can be affecting your relationship.

1.       Poor sleep habits generally turn a person unattractive 

After all nobody like the company of a mentally exhausted person, even the emotionally tired person himself/herself looks for solace. In a relationship too, mental exhaustion that is generally triggered by poor sleeping habits, reduces attraction between partners.

2.       Poor sleep can fuel conflicts. 

Research suggests that sleep deprivation is one of the primary causes of couple conflicts. Poor sleep leads to poor or irritated mood that causes frequent couple conflict, less understanding of partners’ emotions, and poorer conflict resolution.

3.    Sleep issues may increase marital aggression.

People with poor sleep habits often find it hard to control their impulses. This is one of the most discreet triggers for degradation of relationship quality. Scientific studies have confirmed the links between sleep trouble, self-control, and aggressive behaviors. Hence problematic sleep translates to lower self-control, couples suffer from more aggression in their marriages.

4.       Healthy sleep encourages a healthy sex life. 

Behavioral studies have identified that men and women are less likely to be in the mood for sex if they’re sleep deprived. Good and adequate sleep translated to more sexual desire and more likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner.