Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Relationships are built on trust, communication, and understanding. However, even the healthiest relationships encounter disagreements. While it’s normal to have differences of opinion, turning these differences into a battle over who’s right can be harmful. When couples focus more on winning an argument rather than resolving the issue, it can create unnecessary tension and weaken the bond between them.

This article from one of the top couples therapists in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, explores why fighting over who’s right is the wrong approach in relationships, and offers insights on how to handle disagreements more constructively.

Does Being Right Really Matter?

In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to get caught up in proving that you’re right. But is being right more important than maintaining harmony in your relationship? When both partners are determined to win an argument, the focus shifts from resolving the issue to asserting dominance. This can lead to hurt feelings, resentment, and a breakdown in communication.

Answer: No, being right doesn’t necessarily matter in the grand scheme of a relationship. What’s more important is understanding your partner’s perspective and finding a solution that works for both of you. Prioritizing the relationship over your need to be right can lead to healthier communication and a stronger connection.

What Are the Consequences of Trying to Win an Argument?

When you’re fixated on winning an argument, the relationship becomes a battlefield where each partner is more concerned with defending their position than listening to the other. This can lead to a cycle of conflict where neither partner feels heard or valued.

Answer: The consequences of trying to win an argument can be damaging to the relationship. It can lead to feelings of alienation, as one partner may feel dismissed or invalidated. Over time, this can erode trust and intimacy, making it harder to resolve future conflicts. Instead of strengthening the relationship, the constant need to be right can create emotional distance and resentment.

Why Fighting Over Who’s Right Is the Wrong Approach?

Fighting over who’s right in a relationship is counterproductive because it shifts the focus from collaboration to competition. Here’s why this approach is harmful:

It Undermines Mutual Respect: In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel respected and valued. When you’re constantly trying to prove that you’re right, it can make your partner feel disrespected and undervalued. This can lead to a power struggle, where one partner feels the need to assert dominance over the other. Over time, this dynamic can erode the mutual respect that’s essential for a healthy relationship.

It Creates Emotional Distance: Arguments that focus on who’s right often leave both partners feeling frustrated and disconnected. When you’re more concerned with winning an argument than understanding your partner’s feelings, it creates emotional distance. This distance can make it harder to connect on an emotional level, leading to a breakdown in communication and intimacy.

It Hinders Problem-Solving: The goal of any disagreement should be to find a solution that works for both partners. However, when the focus is on who’s right, it becomes difficult to find common ground. Instead of working together to solve the problem, each partner becomes entrenched in their position, making it harder to reach a resolution. This can lead to unresolved issues that continue to cause conflict in the relationship.

It Damages Emotional Safety: Emotional safety is crucial in a relationship, as it allows both partners to be open and vulnerable with each other. When arguments revolve around being right, it can create an environment where one or both partners feel unsafe expressing their true feelings. This lack of emotional safety can lead to bottled-up emotions, which can eventually result in more significant conflicts or emotional withdrawal.

It Reduces the Joy of Being Together: A relationship should be a source of joy, comfort, and companionship. However, when disagreements turn into battles over who’s right, it can drain the joy out of being together. Constant arguments and the pressure to be right can make the relationship feel more like a competition than a partnership. This can diminish the overall happiness and satisfaction in the relationship, making it feel more like a burden than a source of love and support.

By considering these additional points, it becomes even clearer why focusing on who’s right is the wrong approach in a relationship. The key is to prioritize understanding, respect, and emotional safety to maintain a strong and healthy connection with your partner.

We all know that trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your friend, for instance, then you’re likely to experience constant doubt and anxiety.

And, if you don’t trust your partner in a relationship, then definitely there’s something wrong in that bond you share.

Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, trust is important for maintaining a sense of security and confidence in one another.

But what happens when secrets and lies seep into this bond?

The impact can be devastating, leading to constant doubt, anxiety, and ultimately, the deterioration of the relationship itself. are without trust, even the strongest connections can crumble.

In what ways, do secrets and lies destroy relationships?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains How Secrets and Lies Can Ruin Relationships.

Breaks the Intimacy

When secrets and lies creep into a relationship, they erode the foundation of intimacy.

Intimacy thrives on trust and authenticity, requiring partners to be open and vulnerable, both emotionally and physically.

However, secrets create barriers, keeping one partner isolated in their pain while pushing the other away.

This avoidance often stems from guilt and leads to a deeper disconnection.

Regardless of the size or nature of the secret, its presence can cause profound damage, undermining the closeness and trust that are essential for a healthy relationship.

Undermines the Trust

Secrets and lies can severely damage the trust in a relationship. When a partner is dishonest, it creates an atmosphere of suspicion and doubt, making it difficult to rebuild trust.

The deceived partner may constantly worry about whether other secrets are hidden or if the deceit will happen again.

This ongoing insecurity and the need for constant reassurance only deepen the mistrust.

Even seemingly small lies can erode confidence and lead to a lack of clarity about what is true, ultimately planting seeds of doubt and confusion.

Trust, being a fundamental pillar of any relationship, can be significantly undermined when deception takes root.

You Get Trapped in a Vicious Cycle

Secrets often lead to a web of lies and omissions that can become difficult to manage.

As you try to cover up one lie, you may end up telling more lies to hide the original one, creating a growing pile of deceit.

This cycle can trap you, making it harder to uncover the truth and causing more damage if and when the truth is revealed.

Over time, you might even start believing your own lies, blurring the line between truth and deception.

The longer you keep secrets, the more complex and damaging the situation becomes, affecting both you and your relationship.

Communication Gap

Secrets and lies can seriously damage communication in a relationship. When one partner hides things or isn’t truthful, it prevents open and honest exchanges, which are essential for a healthy connection.

This lack of transparency leads to misunderstandings and confusion, as the true feelings and intentions are not being shared.

Over time, this breakdown in communication can create distance and make it hard for partners to connect on a deeper level, leaving them feeling isolated and misunderstood.

It Affects Your Self-Esteem

Secrets and lies in a relationship can deeply damage self-esteem by eroding trust and creating a foundation of deceit.

When partners conceal the truth or manipulate facts, it undermines one’s sense of self-worth and security, leading to self-doubt and anxiety.

The constant fear of uncovering more lies or hidden truths can perpetuate a cycle of insecurity and emotional turmoil, diminishing confidence in oneself and the relationship.

Now that you understand the impact of secrets and lies on relationships, it’s clear that maintaining honesty and openness is crucial.

Deception erodes trust, intimacy, and communication, creating a vicious cycle of doubt and insecurity.

Prioritizing transparency is essential for nurturing and preserving healthy, fulfilling connections.