Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Summary

• Marriage thrives on trust, emotional maturity, and mutual respect.
• Comfort, patience, and healthy conflict resolution build lasting relationships.
• Shared values and aligned life goals strengthen a lifelong partnership.

When you start dating someone, it’s only natural to be drawn to qualities that make your heart skip a beat, such as kindness and generosity, a good sense of humour, caring and compassion, and intelligence, to name a few. But you really do not bother so much, as you know that probably your current date may not be your life partner.

Since the future of such a relationship remains uncertain, many people tend to overlook habits, values, or personality traits that may seem insignificant in the excitement of new love. Marriage, however, is a different ball game. It is not about fleeting attraction or romantic highs. It is about choosing someone with whom you will live forever.

Someone who will stand beside you through celebrations, disappointments, setbacks, and milestones. The questions you keep thinking about become more relevant. Is this the right person for me? Do we have things in common? Will we evolve together instead of drifting apart? There are just a few of the many questions that begin to occupy our minds before taking the plunge.

“Marriage material isn’t defined by perfect romance, but by trust, emotional maturity, shared values, and the willingness to choose each other every single day.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor and Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

What makes a guy or girl suitable for marriage?

If you are still wondering what makes someone perfect for marriage, then read what Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent couples therapist and marriage counsellor for Indian couples.

1. Are You Comfortable Around the Person?

This is perhaps one of the questions that we keep thinking about when we are about to marry someone. Do you genuinely feel comfortable with this person? The person you choose to marry should be someone with whom you never have to perform, explain yourself constantly, or worry about saying the wrong thing. You should be able to laugh freely, sit together in comfortable silence, have honest conversations without fear of being judged, and simply be yourself.

While grand romantic gestures make for beautiful moments, they don’t sustain a marriage; comfort does. You should be able to make happy memories with that person rather than feeling emotionally exhausted. When your prospective life partner accepts the way you are and does not try to change you, you feel respected and valued. This is an incredible feeling in a relationship.

2. Trust Matters

Another important factor that determines whether someone is truly marriage material is ‘trust’. Without it, even the strongest attraction begins to lose its meaning. Trust is the quiet confidence that your partner will stand by you, keep their word, and remain honest even when life becomes difficult. You know that you can rely on your partner and share the deepest secrets with them without thinking twice.

It means not having to second-guess their intentions or constantly seek reassurance. A marriage built on trust allows two people to feel secure, vulnerable, and completely themselves, knowing they are safe in each other’s hands.

3. Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity is one of those indispensable qualities to look for in a life partner because marriage demands far more than love: it demands understanding, restraint, and grace. A mature person neither suppresses emotions nor allows them to dictate every reaction.

Such individuals possess the rare ability to empathise, communicate, and grow alongside another person. In the long journey of marriage, this quiet steadiness often proves far more enduring than charm or chemistry.

4. Patience Matters

Patience is perhaps the most underrated virtue in the pursuit of marriage. In a world intoxicated by instant gratification, the temptation to settle for immediate chemistry often eclipses the wisdom of waiting. Yet a life partner is not someone chosen for a season but for a lifetime. Yet a life partner is not someone chosen for a season but for a lifetime.

Patience allows infatuation to yield to insight, revealing character beneath charm, consistency beneath promises, and resilience beneath perfection. The right person is rarely discovered in haste; they are recognised through discernment and quiet observation.

5. Aligned Life Goals

Marriage is not merely the union of two hearts: it is the convergence of two journeys. Love may ignite the spark, but shared aspirations keep the flame alive. So, before saying ‘yes’ to your prospective life partner, it is worth asking whether your ambitions complement each other.

Do you envision a similar future, support one another’s dreams, and find purpose in the same milestones? When two people move in the same direction, they are not just building a marriage; they are creating a life with intention, resilience, and meaning.

6. Conflict Resolution

When you are choosing a life partner, conflict resolution is a trait that is very important. Do not ignore it. Affection may bring two people together, but it is wisdom under pressure that determines whether they stay together. Every marriage will encounter disagreements, unexpected crises, and difficult decisions. The real question is not whether conflict will arise, but whether your partner can handle it with maturity, empathy, and sound judgment.

One needs to remain calm and composed when tackling such difficult situations. The person who can settle matters amicably without getting agitated or angry, and takes the right decisions at the right time, is far more likely to build a marriage that endures than someone who simply excels at romance.

A marriage is less about finding the perfect person and more about choosing someone whose values, character, and commitment align with yours. Love may begin a relationship, but trust, emotional maturity, patience, shared goals, and mutual respect help it to endure. These qualities create the foundation for a partnership that can truly stand the test of time.

Key Summary

• Deep Friendship: Being genuine friends allows couples to communicate freely and authentically, building a comfortable connection that deepens over time.
• Emotional Safety: A strong relationship provides a secure environment where partners don’t have to pretend, hide their feelings, or fear that every disagreement will end in a massive fight.
• Trust and Respect: These qualities eliminate constant doubt. When partners feel heard and accepted for who they are, they can navigate life’s inevitable challenges together as a team.

What do you think is the most important ingredient of a happy relationship? Today, when we read about painful breakups and heartbreaking divorces, we often wonder whether love is the only glue that holds two people together. Is romance the single force that keeps a relationship alive?

According to many therapists and relationship researchers, several couples live a happy life even when the passionate romance of their younger years no longer occupies centre stage. The butterflies may become less frequent, the grand gestures fewer, and the stolen moments of courtship may quietly surrender to grocery lists, parent-teacher meets, family obligations, and mounting responsibilities. Yet, amid all the hustle and bustle, many relationships not only endure but flourish.

This is perhaps because we have always thought that love and romance are the key factors for a happy relationship. Life does not always resemble the final scenes of a romantic film. In fact, life begins where the movie ends. We do not hesitate to celebrate dramatic proposals, candlelit dinners, surprise holidays, and extravagant declarations of affection. Rarely do we celebrate the husband who patiently waits outside the chemotherapy ward or the wife who instinctively remembers every medication her partner needs without ever being asked.

Marriage counsellors often talk about two different kinds of love that shape a relationship over time.

• The first one is passionate love. It is the kind that sweeps you off your feet. It is filled with excitement, longing, butterflies in the stomach, and the thrill of discovering someone new. It makes every conversation feel special and every meeting something to look forward to.

• The second one is Companionate love, a quieter but no less meaningful form of love. It does not arrive with fireworks. Instead, it grows slowly through years of shared experiences, unwavering trust, mutual respect, and the comfort of knowing that someone will stand beside you through life’s highs and lows. It is the kind of love that remains when the excitement of the early years naturally gives way to the rhythms of everyday life.

While passionate love may bring two people together, companionate love is often what helps them stay together. It is this quiet, enduring bond that carries couples through changing careers, financial challenges, raising children, caring for ageing parents, illness, and all the unexpected twists that life inevitably brings.

Is Romantic Love Enough to Keep a Relationship Happy?

Romantic love is often seen as the foundation of a successful relationship, but therapists believe it is only one part of a much bigger picture. While the excitement, passion, and emotional intensity of the early years can strengthen the bond between two people, these feelings naturally evolve.

As couples navigate careers, family responsibilities, financial commitments, and life’s unexpected challenges, the relationship begins to rely on qualities that go beyond romance. Emotional security, mutual trust, respect, companionship, and the ability to support one another through changing circumstances often become the true pillars of a lasting partnership.

Rather than asking whether romance fades, a more meaningful question is whether the relationship continues to provide comfort, understanding, and a sense of belonging. According to marriage therapists, these enduring qualities are what help many couples remain genuinely happy even when romantic gestures become less frequent.

Let’s find out from eminent couples and marriage counsellor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, if Couples Can Be Happy Without Romantic Love.

1. Friendship Is Important

Friendship is often the quiet strength that keeps a relationship happy. When couples are friends first, they try to get to know each other in a comfortable space and can talk freely about anything and everything. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Romantic love may fade over the years. But friendship has a way of growing deeper. It brings comfort, understanding, and a sense of home, making a relationship happier and far more enduring.

2. Safety and Security Matters

Love is not the sole reason for happiness in a relationship. When couples feel safe with each other, the relationship automatically grows stronger. One does not need to hide their feelings, or pretend to be someone they are not, or worry that every disagreement will turn into a fight. Simple moments like sharing a meal, asking about how the day went, or ending the day with a walk in the park help build that sense of safety. Over time, it is this feeling of being accepted and understood that keeps a relationship strong.

3. Mutual Trust and Respect

A relationship does not last only because of love. Something that keeps it strong and survives life’s ups and downs is the trust and confidence two people have in each other. When there is trust, there is no constant doubt or insecurity. And when there is respect, both partners feel heard, valued, and accepted for who they are. Even when romance fades with time or disagreements arise, trust and respect create a sense of emotional safety that helps couples stay connected, solve problems together, and build a happy life side by side.

4. Sweet memories

 Yes, those sweet memories that a couple creates over the years often become the heart of their relationship. They may smile while remembering their first holiday together, laugh over a silly mistake, or cherish moments spent raising children, celebrating milestones, or simply sharing everyday life. These memories remind them of the journey they have travelled side by side. When romantic feelings are less intense, looking back on these moments rekindles warmth, gratitude, and companionship. Sometimes, it is these treasured memories, more than love itself, that keep a relationship happy and enduring.

5. A Good Company

Some of the happiest couples will tell you that what keeps a relationship alive isn’t grand declarations of love but genuinely enjoying each other’s company. When two people laugh together, talk without effort, share everyday moments, and feel comfortable simply being themselves, they create a friendship that carries them through life’s ups and downs. Love may bring two people together, but good companionship gives them a reason to stay. It makes ordinary days meaningful, reduces loneliness, and helps a relationship remain warm, steady, and fulfilling even when romance naturally becomes less intense.

A happy relationship is rarely built on romance alone. While passionate love may change with time, friendship, trust, emotional safety, mutual respect, shared memories, and simply enjoying each other’s company often become the real pillars of a lasting bond. Love may light the spark, but it is these everyday connections that help couples build a relationship that feels secure, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling.

“Romance may bring two people together, but trust, friendship, emotional safety, and companionship are what help them build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.” — Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Yet Very Stable Relationship According to Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo

Unluckily, relationship skills and self-care are never taught in school. Yet, these two aspects and life necessities can certainly have a huge effect on any person’s happiness and success in life.

And things become even worse, amidst the chaotic and hectic modern-day life, where most people don’t even have quality time for themselves. So, just imagine how those people can have time for others. And this is the case with several couples too, where they simply have no time to contribute anything to their relationship.

All, these later contribute to arguments, and quarrels, eventually leading to quitting the relationship. On the other hand, we have couples who even in the midst of all the chaos and dramas are living a dream-like relationship that is sometimes even hard to imagine, if that actually is possible. Relationship coach and couples counselor Shivani says, this is very much possible to have a loving and happy relationship.

What are some of the finest ingredients that are needed for a stable relationship?

Through this blog, India’s eminent couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 such ingredients that are needed for nurturing a super romantic, yet absolutely stable relationship.

Knowing yourself

In the process of life, several of us learn to hide our feelings, strengths, desires, and personal goals. If those are hidden from ourselves, we cannot show up as complete people in a relationship. Thus, taking time to look inside of yourself and visit the hidden areas of your feelings, experiences and desires help you to show up as a genuine and honest person.

Too many of you are taught by well-meaning figures to bury your feelings and to be ashamed of your dreams and to simply plain keep others happy. It never works in a relationship. So mostly as Shivani says she hears from couples: “I just do not know who he or she is. I get such mixed signals or no response at all about where we want to go together, in life.”

In knowing yourselves, you do know what you personally need to keep on your own pathway towards success and happiness and then you can communicate that to your partners. It all starts with yourself “Do what you love!”

Practicing self-care

Do you know the number of people who are simply plain burned out in life, lately? You have been tested in your abilities to survive and adapt during certain current tough challenges here in your life. Being the best version of yourself in a relationship means you know how to and you do all it takes to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

When you do not feel good, or you are too stressed or lack faith in yourself or in the future, you cannot be a good partner to anyone. You all know the steps to take for good self-care, but do you really practice these behaviors? As human beings, you need good sleep, exercise, healthy food, time outdoors in nature, adventures, and fun, constant learning, and a belief in something greater than yourself.

Whatever your religious or spiritual thought process may be, spending time with the practices will enhance your vibrational level and lead you to better self-care and creativity.

Communicating in a positive way

As in any relationship, differences will arise. And in fact, in relationships with the biggest differences, growth and deeper learning takes place in an attempt to relate to one another. So enjoy the differences and learn to try to understand each other and those differences.

If you can learn to converse from your heart rather than putting your partner on the defensive, overcoming differences and learning to be more open can truly be fun. For years you have been learning about “I statements.”

They are truly heart statements. Here is an instance. Your partner comes home late. A typical reaction would be a question like “Why are you so late while coming home?” The implication here is that the individual is in trouble or has misbehaved.

A heart statement would be “Oh I really miss having time with you and I get sad or worried when you reach home later than I expected.” Observe how the communication is about caring, about loving the other one instead of interrogating the partner.

Letting do-overs

When conflict and misunderstanding occur in a relationship, it is mostly difficult to practice positive communication. In those situations when buttons are being pushed harder and frustration or anger grows, take a break from the discussion.

During that break genuinely try to imagine what your partner is looking to communicate and where he or she is coming from. Then go back to your inner communication and approach with the aim of understanding, accepting, and loving the other person.

Any one of you can call a Do Over or a Break as things get even slightly heated. In calling a break, again bring this back to yourself with statements such as” I genuinely feel bad with how this is going and I wish to find a better way to understand and support you.

How about if we try the same discussion again when we both feel prepared?” There is so much respect and love in that manner of dealing with misunderstandings or differences.

Keeping passion and excitement alive

As you keep growing in your individual passions and your learning, you bring excitement into a relationship.  This journey is meant for learning and growth and not retreating into comfort or any mundane.

Fear might create a desire to protect yourself from facing life’s tough challenges head-on. The only two fears everyone is born with are fear of falling and fear of loud noises. The remaining ones have learned fears. The good thing about learned fears is that you can unlearn those fears by facing them when that opportunity arises.

As you individually face your fears, you create adventure, fun, and stimulation in the relationship. The passion enhances in response to those behaviors. Words such as “this is interesting” or “challenge accepted” can help assist you in your self-talk as you take on the challenges life gives you. Think of the energy you bring home to the relationship as you keep moving ahead in life and following your dreams.

As you could see, the best relationships need self-focus and an honoring of your true selves. Then when you show up to your partner an incredibly positive and fulfilling relationship will take place.