Tag Archive : best marriage counselor india

Are you in a Loveless Marriage? The Possible Red Flags

Every relationship has some rough patches. Sometimes, rough patches can stretch into weeks, months, even rough years. If you feel you are currently in the middle of a lengthy rough patch and you are not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is a good time to stop and evaluate what you want from your marriage. At what stage do you take a step back and evaluate where you are through an objective lens? Sometimes it takes a lot more than perspective, sometimes you need to look for the red flags.

Here are the possible signs in this blog shared by India’s top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo indicates you could be in a loveless marriage.

Couples Therapist Shivani says, be honest with yourself and do a rigorous inventory of your emotions. Although this exercise is not easy, it is far, far easier than staying in a relationship where you are putting nothing in and getting nothing out.

If you feel like you identify with more than one of them (or many), open a dialogue with your partner, look for a marriage counselor and reach out for additional help.

You Cannot Fill the Silence

If you have started to realize that during dinner, long drives, evenings on the sofa, any time spent together, all go in silence and neither of you makes an effort to fill it with quality conversation – this is the sign of a problem. It is unrealistic to hope for great, easy, flowing dialogues anytime you two spend an hour together, but the complete reverse is not symbolic of a healthy and happy marriage.

You are Preoccupied with Other Issues

A better replacement for looking directly at our own problems is looking directly at other people’s problems. If you are actively looking out for opportunities to tuck into some hot gossip with close friends or family, trying to insert yourself in their problem or their solution, then you have to take a step back and ask yourself why you are devoting so much of your time to these distractions.

Feeling Antsy

If you are experiencing itchiness, simply being in your skin is like wearing too-tight clothes, you might be repressing some emotions. Your subconscious is trying to convey to you something that you are not ready to hear (or to admit for yourself). Feelings of restlessness may be a signal to you that you are overlooking something that needs your attention.

You get Intimate Hardly Once a Month or none at all

Definitely, none of the couples are having the same insanely exciting and toe-curling sex that they did at the beginning of their relationship – but abstaining totally takes your foot off the gas. Sex is a physical expression of the love you pledged to each other in your vows, so if you have put your sex life on the backburner for far too long (even if you are still practicing the other forms of your love like friendship, listening, laughing) this is the time to re-prioritize intimacy.

Everything your Partner do or say gets on Your Nerves

Part of marriage is getting annoyed by your partner; it is literally the price for entry. But it is another thing completely when all the time they make a noise, ask questions, snore in bed or load the dishwasher (improperly), it feels like your skin is rushing. If you notice enough of these annoyances in a row (say, a couple of weeks straight) you could be in danger of entering the red zone.

It does not feel Fun anymore

Relationships include a lot of work – and anyone who has been married for any duration of time can attest – but you work at it because it’s fun. Because you enjoy each other, and the relationship brings light and laughter to your lives. But if the fun has gone, the laughter has died down, and the light is dimming, then what’s the point of all those works?

You are way too Close to have an Emotional Affair

Even if you are not comfortable acting on your feelings (and moving towards a physical affair) you feel very attracted to a person – or people – outside of your relationship. You could be leaning on this person for support, divulging a plenty of intimate details, and deepening the connection you feel with this person. Your partner could not accuse you of any inappropriate behavior, but you know you cannot be honest with yourself about how you feel about this individual. That is a strong sign you need to seriously evaluate your commitment.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Reasons a Tender Touch Cultivates and Leads Towards a Greater Intimacy

There are several ways in a relationship that help in fostering love and care for each other. And one of the smallest yet most powerful ways to show your love and care towards your partner is through a tender or a gentle touch.

Shivani says, there are moments in any relationship be it of a husband or wife or any other relationship, when someone is in a crisis or a stressful phase what sometimes have been learned and observed how unbelievable the power of human touch that could be possible. Let us take an example of a small baby who is unwell and is certainly not able to express his problems clearly, except with a cry.  Always feel assured, the moment his mother touches the baby as the baby not only feels assured but for him it acts as a life-sustaining thing. Often, you have heard the qualities of a “mother’s touch”. This is exactly the same.

The same way a tender touch plays an important role even in a couple’s life. Not necessarily a tender touch does for your marriage, that leads to something towards, more in the bedroom only, but the kind of touch that connects and reassures you as a couple and as a soulmate.

Not only does a tender touch cultivate deeper intimacy; it assists you to communicate with each other on another level. It sustains and boosts your connection. And it is an essential part of a healthy, happy, and content marriage.

India’s leading marriage counselor and couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the reason why a tender touch cultivates and leads towards greater intimacy.

Touch Helps you Feel, Secure, Known, Assured, and Loved

Tender touch conveys your love for each other and creates a level of emotional safety that opens the avenues for deeper intimacy. It is this deep kind of emotional security that further leads to more physical desire for one another in the long run. Although every married individual wish to experience a healthy sex life with their spouse, it is crucial to building that foundation.

When you feel valued, you are more likely to show vulnerability to one another. Affectionate touch does not shut you down; rather, it opens you to that intimacy you are craving from one another–on several levels.

To be feel seen, heard, and truly known by your partner is a powerful component in the health of your marriage. Small daily moments and habits that are meaningful build upon each other and lead to something wonderful in your marriages. Use the power of touch to show your spouse that you are watching, listening to, caring, and valuing him or her.

Like a tiny infant baby, touch is essential to your well-being in your marriages; without that daily contact, one cannot thrive.

It Keeps you Connected

A tender touch awakens you and reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. It is a way to tell each other, “I am for you.” It is a constant reminder that you are not enemies– you are in the same team.

Some ways you can stay connected as a couple with tender touch are:

·       A massage posts a long or tiring day at work

·       Comforting hugs when your partner is down

·       Touching your spouse when you are talking or laughing

·       Holding hands in town

·       Putting an arm around your partner while discussing an issue that bothers him/her

Tender touch is specifically important when you are going through a difficult time in your life or marriage. If you have been experiencing plenty of conflicts, problems with your kids or extended family, health issues, or your professional life, stay connected by making physical contact daily–two to three minutes total, at least. You will be surprised how much you accomplish emotionally by intentionally touching each other every day.

It Conveys Affection Sans any Agenda

Tender touch is not merely meant to lead straight to the bedroom; instead, it is meant to convey affection without any agenda attached. It is meant to be a selfless, supportive and kind act instead of a means to an end.

You touch your spouse because you love them and cherish them; if you merely touch them when you have an agenda, they may start to feel resentful of the fact that you only make physical contact when you desire something.

Practice tender touch without expecting anything for an outcome that is sexual in nature. Be playful and affectionate. Passion is an essential component of any marriage, but it is not the only form of physical affection you and your loved one needs to share.

As an extra bonus, the more physical affection you share without any agenda attached, the more you and your spouse will desire each other in that passionate way. And you will certainly find that you inevitably build anticipation for those private moments later on while you are showing one another true affection.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Ways to Decode your Partner’s Mood, Reveals Shivani Sadhoo

Here’s a situation: one is a mind reader. That’s right, one can glance at their partner and delve deep into their feelings with merely one look. They are also able to correctly interpret and detect a range of emotions based on body cues, and perceived thoughts

However, genuine mind reading is never easy (in spite of how much one tries!). The fact is, none of you can, and piecing together the clues can be mighty difficult when it comes to your significant other.

While your familiarity with each other can provide insight into their changing moods—one shouldn’t try to gauge how your partner’s feeling based on assumptions alone. According to a psychological basis, taking the time to understand and communicate effectively is the finest way to increase your empathy and sense of closeness.

India’s eminent Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog says about ways to decode your partner’s mood, however, first, and the most essential thing to keep in mind are:

It is Not Entirely about you

If your spouse is withdrawing, in a funk, or refusing to communicate with you, the reason is perhaps more complicated than it appears.

Mostly one assumes their partner is mad at them, and they immediately get defensive. This can make you begin arguing about something that may not be the actual issue at all, which as a result makes it impossible to solve the actual issue.

Some researchers found that while couples do well at picking up on when their partner is happy, they may be missing out on other more subtle emotional clues.

It has been found that when it comes to the normal ebb and flow of daily emotions, couples are not picking up on those occasional changes in ‘soft negative’ emotions such as sadness or feeling down. While daily failing to pick up on these negative feelings can have a cumulative effect, ultimately leading to issues within the relationship over time.

Assumptions are Often Relationship Killers

While several people are proud of their honed mind-reading abilities, this is a strict no-no. Couples should stop assuming they know what their partner is feeling and alternatively, pay extra attention to each other and communicate more.

While one of the partners may incorrectly assume the other is feeling a specific way, this could lead the other to react in an unhelpful way. For instance, if you assume that your partner is upset about a certain thing you feel they should not be (and they are not), it may cause you to get angry or frustrated with them—which as a result actually makes them upset, and then it forms into a fight” (pretty certain some of you have been here before).

But apart from deterring this unhelpful habit, it is better to take a closer look at your interior motivations. Mostly, you are trying to go for intuition or make assumptions about what the other one is feeling because the relationship is unstable and insecure. While in the opposite sense—when a relationship is balanced and secure—you do not have to assume what the other is feeling.

Stop and Listen to your Significant Other

One of the biggest things is that you should be listening to understand, not to respond. Never listen with the goal of figuring out what you wish to say or how to tear apart their opinion or how to catch them in a lie. Also stay away from jumping in with rebuttals, opinions, and judgments until you actually understand your partner’s point of view.

You can always ask questions to clarify, only be careful that you do not try to defend yourself. Always remember that listening does not mean you are agreeing with your significant one’s conclusions; you are merely acknowledging that their feelings are valid and worthy of being heard.

Also, bear in mind the importance of giving your spouse eye contact and waiting to respond. If you wait for about two to three seconds post they are done speaking, your response will be more tailored to them and not a knee-jerk response.

Never be Afraid to Ask

If you are uncertain as to how your partner is feeling, the best way is to ask them. This could be in the form of being curious and supportive, not blaming or getting defensive. It is important to know what state of mind you are venturing into the conversation with.

If you are feeling sad, depressed, or a little wounded, it is quite likely you will bring this to a discussion. Using ‘I’ statements and being open, transparent, and vulnerable will assist your partner know what you are feeling and needing out of the interaction. It might be that you simply need a hug.

It is recommended to allow your partner to know what you need. If you do not know what you need, explain to them.

Learn Each Other’s Emotional Past

Life is a mix of both joy and pain and everyone is conditioned by painful experiences. It is always good to know what painful experiences your partner’s ‘emotional truth’ is made of.”

Many couples take long hours sharing their history with each other. Really open up about parents, trauma, doubts, and insecurities. Try to be as transparent as possible.

If you do not learn about your partner’s past of conditioned pain, then you need to learn about it through conflict—which is difficult, knowing about your partner’s pain informs your response. If you see yourself in the midst of the argument, it is good to ask your partner where they have had this feeling in their life earlier.

Part of it involves cultivating our own sense of understanding and compassion. Knowing that your partner spent several hours waiting for their parents to call and wondering if they ever would when they were merely 10 years old. They may easily explain why they became so hurt and angry when you neglected to respond to her text this evening.” This makes a map that is useful in times of conflict, as understanding their past makes it easier not to feel personally attacked and validates why they were upset.

Eventually, decoding our partner’s moods requires one takes an active, empathetic interest in the inner world of your significant other. It is very useful for couples to look at their partner and ask themselves, ‘Who is this being?’ After all, a relationship takes place in the present, never in the past or future.”

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Signs You Are in a Relationship Which is Based on Inequality

If you love English Songs, then there is a possibility that you may have heard the song “Issues” by Julia Michael. The lines say I’m jealous, I’m overzealous. When I m down, I get really down.

The song may be quite popular, but one thing that song describes a relationship that is solely dependent on power, and control rather than equality and respect.

But what is the meaning to have an equal relationship? Counselor Shivani says equality in a relationship means that each partner’s interests and desires are respected and met to a reasonable degree as opposed to simply one partner’s needs dominating the relationship. Inequality in a relationship points to an imbalance of power between partners. In an unhealthy relationship one partner practices power and control over the other. If your partner’s needs dominate the relationship without any consideration for your own then that relationship is unequal.

Sounds easy enough. Still, some of the most common relationship issues stem from inequality within the relationship. Think about it. Do you always have to do the house chores? Are you supposed to pay for every meal in order to earn your partner’s affection? If unintentional, these behaviors do not strictly mean your partner is abusive, it simply means your relationship is unequal. Left unchecked, inequality in a relationship can make way to resentment and other controlling tactics over a period of time.

To make certain no one gets the short end of the stick, in this blog Top Delhi based Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo put together a list of relationship red flags that will assist you to determine whether your special one is giving (or not getting) their fair share in the relationship.

They Make All the Decisions

We are all for asserting your needs in a relationship since in some cases, like when you are feeling sick, your needs must come first. However, you likely will not be the only one deciding where you and your loved one will go out for dinner every week. Healthy relationships are formed on mutual respect and working toward the needs of both partners. If you are not certain whether you are dominating the decision making in your relationship, ask yourself the following questions:

·       Do I/ (does my partner) always decide what we will do during the weekend?

·       Do I/ (does my partner) decide which friends we will hang out with and not give a second thought to my (their) preferences?

·       Do I/ (does my partner) always decide when physical pleasure happens?

·       Do I/ (does my partner) decide who will do the home-based chores?

If you said yes to the questions, then it could be time to begin a conversation with your partner about the inequality in your relationship. A good way to teach yourself or your partner to split the decision-making in your relationship is with a D.I.Y. assignment. D.I.Y. projects can become a top exercise in compromise if you and your partner approach the project mindfully. Not only do you get to learn more about your significant other in a relaxed manner but you can make it an attempt to make decisions together.

One of the Partner is Expected to Every Time

In an equal relationship, both partners must be willing to split or alternate the cost of an outing or dates. It’s completely fine if one partner insists on paying for the majority of the things, however, they must not feel that this is to be expected of them in an attempt to earn your affection. If your partner is uncomfortable paying for every outing and you continue to expect them too then it is time for you to re-assess your behavior.

One of the Partner Always Refuses to Compromise When You Disagree

It’s completely acceptable to disagree at times and is not automatically a sign that you are not right for each other. The critical thing here is to work towards a solution that is acceptable to both partners. To do it, each partner needs to be willing to make compromises, rather than competing with the other partner’s needs. There will be moments that you both have to agree to disagree. Making some compromises and knowing that it is fine to disagree (respectfully), will contribute to a more balanced relationship where both partners are at ease. The next time you and your partner disagree and your partner refuses for any compromise, let them know how it makes you feel. The main thing is no one’s opinion is more essential than the other and if your partner continues this unhealthy pattern, it may be time to think of leaving the relationship.

One Partner Always Has the Last Word

In an equal relationship, when conflict happens each partner must feel the freedom to express themselves without feeling afraid or dominated by the other. Rather than shutting your partner down when they are voicing their opinion, take it as an opportunity to get to know your partner better. The aim is not to win an argument, but to gain a mutual understanding of the problem you are both facing. And if you believe that you cannot disagree with your partner without facing severe criticism or fear of being met with an angry outcome then it might be time to walk away from the relationship.

Healthy Relationship is Deserved by Everyone

Equality never means uniformity, rather it means that you both provide each other the freedom to be who you are, while you grow together. Ultimately, you and your significant other will have to define what “equality” will appear like for your relationship.  So, it is essential that each of you feel the freedom to communicate daily about the balance in your relationship.  Understanding the difference between a relationship formed on mutual respect vs control, and learning more about how to form equality in a relationship will assist you and your partner build a healthier relationship together.  And, if you feel that your partner has got some “issues”, it is best you let them know about those. After all, you deserve to be in a healthy relationship that lets you express yourself freely.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.