Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo shares 3 must-have qualities for long-lasting love

A healthy relationship or marriage is commonly defined by the couple’s bonding condition where both the partners feel connected to each other and they feel satisfied with how the relationship is growing. A healthy relationship is best suited to travel through all difficult stages of life and survive the iron of time. But unfortunately, that does not happen too often. Many a time we witness couples who are happy today face issues like infidelity, breakups, and disinterest in sex in the future.

So many may, question, why relationships that are happy and fine today, can break tomorrow?

India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests it happens because many times, couples fail to identify if their current non-problematic relationship is actually healthy or not? They fail to identify unhealthy relationships on time and thus fail to take correction steps, effectively on time.

In today’s blog, Shivani Sadhoo shares 5 key qualities of a healthy relationship, that can help couples if something.

1.  Both the partners can communicate clearly
Many a time, one partner does all the talking and the other just listens, the person who does the most talking may identify the relationship as healthy, but what about the partner who might have stopped expressing him or herself. Thus, clear and direct communication by both partners is the first sign of a healthy relationship.

2. Partner’s trust

The second sign of a healthy relationship, is the partner’s complete trust for each other in all key areas of marital life like money, investment, parenting style, faithfulness, and others. Plus, each partner respects the other’s decision on these matters.

3. Partner feels independent

A healthy relationship does not mean staying happy together at cost of sacrificing self-identity and personal space. It’s important that the couples have their own identity independent of their partners. This means having your own interests and hobbies, or your own friendship circle that is separate from your relationship.

But this also doesn’t mean that the husband goes to a party every Saturday night while the wife waits at home and she takes care of home chores and children alone. Make it a collaborative effort, husband must understand and express the gratitude for wife’s contribution if she is a housewife and alternately both husband and wife should take out time to spend quality time together as well as to spend some time for their individual interests.

Personal boundaries are the “limits” that a person needs in his/her life and relationship, to dictate to other people how they should treat and behave with them and what they can expect from them. Unfortunately, a lot of people set poor personal boundaries and suffer, day and night in their friendship, professions, and relationships.

The problem lies in the fact that as toddlers and children, society teaches us to say “Yes” to elders, be it in school or at home. Society at large appreciates obedience and does not encourage kids and teenagers to ask questions, which in fact is the foundation of a free mind, self-belief, and bravery.

The problem starts when this obedient child, grows-ups and enters the throat-cutting competitive world, find himself/herself in a group of peers, or finds a partner with poor morals and weak self-belief, and fails to say “NO” against emotional, psychological, and materialistic worldly exploitations.

In today’s blog, India’s eminent psychologist and couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo signs that can help you identify if you are suffering in your life due to poor personal boundaries.

1. You completely hate it when you let others down

It means that you mostly go along with the other person’s plans and say yes to all the things you wouldn’t normally choose to do, and possibly do not want to do. Joining added committees, agreeing to visit restaurants where you know you will not be able to avail anything for your kid’s health restrictions on the menu, opting to go along with a messy schedule at work in an attempt to accommodate your boss’ new whim.

2. You are continuously tired and don’t even know the reason

And every mother said, “Yes” Though it is completely different from “mom-tired,” it is incredibly common. It occurs as you are giving all your energy away by continuously tending to everyone else’s wishes and needs and putting your own interest on the shelf.

3. You feel like how other person feels is solely up to you

You always worry whether they are having a good time and feeling good. You go beyond your limits to make certain this is the case. It means you feel guilty and anxious quite regularly. You seldom feel settled because there is always going to be an individual who is upset or a blame to put out. And you ought to be the one to do it.

4. It’s simple for others to take advantage of you

It’s simply for others to take advantage of you. You are pretty certain that is not what you agreed to, but you would rather not say anything. And they also, know you won’t either. You might even wonder if you are being manipulated by those who are actually closest to you.

5. Deep within you think no one respects you

This is perhaps because you have been pushed over far too many times, so they never think they need to.

6. It is too difficult for you to take and make decisions on the basis of your own needs

You are not able to take any stand for yourself because you feel what others want or will feel.  Eventually, when you truly decide for yourself, you find it overwhelming or exhausting.

7. You are not certain who you are or what you like

Perhaps you may feel like having an identity crisis. You do not know what you prefer or love. How it feels to make a decision on your own interests. Rather you are preoccupied with what others want you to do.

Stay tuned to Saarthi’s blog because we will be posting soon the article by Shivani Misri Sadhoo on ways one can set their personal boundaries correctly.

Mental health consists of our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It impacts how we think, feel, and act. It also helps identify how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Mental health is a lot more than a diagnosis. And while taking care of your mental health might mean seeking professional support and treatment, it also means taking steps to better your emotional health on your own.

Making these alterations will pay off in all aspects of your life. It can boost your mood, build resilience, and add to your overall enjoyment and satisfaction with life. Eminent psychologist, marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo share 6 ways to improve your mental health.

1.  Always Tell Yourself Something Positive

Some research shows that how you think about yourself can have a huge effect on how you feel. When we understand ourselves and our life negatively, we can end up seeing experiences in a way that confirms that belief. Instead, practice using words that promote feelings of self-worth and personal power.

For instance, instead of saying, I am a loser. I won’t get the job because I struggled in the interview, try saying, I didn’t do as well in the interview as I could have, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to get the job.

2.  Focus on One Thing at A Given Time

Being aware of the current moment lets you let go of negative or difficult emotions from past experiences that put us down. Begin by bringing awareness to routine activities, such as taking a bath, eating lunch, or exercising. Paying attention to the physical sensations, sounds, smells, or tastes of these experiences aids your focus. When your mind wavers, just bring it back to what you currently do.

3.  Note down Something You Are Grateful For

Being grateful has been clearly linked with improved well-being and mental health, as well as happiness. The best-researched method to increase feelings of gratitude is to keep a gratitude diary or write a daily gratitude list. Usually, contemplating gratitude is also productive, but you need to get daily practice to experience long-term benefit. Find something to be grateful for, let it fill your heart, and bask in that feeling.

4.   Eat a Good Meal

The stuff you eat nourishes your whole body, including your mind and heart. Carbohydrates (in moderate amounts) increase serotonin, a chemical that has been shown to have a calming effect on your mood. Protein-rich foods increase norepinephrine, dopamine, and tyrosine, which help keep you alert.

And vegetables and fruits are loaded with nutrients that feed every cell of your body, including those that impact mood-regulating brain chemicals. Include foods with Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (found in fish, nuts, and flaxseed.) Research shows that these nutrients can improve mood and restore structural integrity to the brain cells necessary for cognitive function.

5.  Open Up To Someone

Knowing you are valued by others is essential for helping you think more positively. Additionally, being more trusting can increase your emotional well-being because as you get better at finding the positive aspects in others, you become better at recognizing your own.

6.  Do Something for Someone Else

Being helpful to others has a beneficial effect on how you feel about yourself. Being helpful and kind and valuable in what you do is a great way to build self-esteem. The meaning you find in helping others will nourish and expand your life.