Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Relationships are built on trust, communication, and understanding. However, even the healthiest relationships encounter disagreements. While it’s normal to have differences of opinion, turning these differences into a battle over who’s right can be harmful. When couples focus more on winning an argument rather than resolving the issue, it can create unnecessary tension and weaken the bond between them.

This article from one of the top couples therapists in Delhi and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, explores why fighting over who’s right is the wrong approach in relationships, and offers insights on how to handle disagreements more constructively.

Does Being Right Really Matter?

In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to get caught up in proving that you’re right. But is being right more important than maintaining harmony in your relationship? When both partners are determined to win an argument, the focus shifts from resolving the issue to asserting dominance. This can lead to hurt feelings, resentment, and a breakdown in communication.

Answer: No, being right doesn’t necessarily matter in the grand scheme of a relationship. What’s more important is understanding your partner’s perspective and finding a solution that works for both of you. Prioritizing the relationship over your need to be right can lead to healthier communication and a stronger connection.

What Are the Consequences of Trying to Win an Argument?

When you’re fixated on winning an argument, the relationship becomes a battlefield where each partner is more concerned with defending their position than listening to the other. This can lead to a cycle of conflict where neither partner feels heard or valued.

Answer: The consequences of trying to win an argument can be damaging to the relationship. It can lead to feelings of alienation, as one partner may feel dismissed or invalidated. Over time, this can erode trust and intimacy, making it harder to resolve future conflicts. Instead of strengthening the relationship, the constant need to be right can create emotional distance and resentment.

Why Fighting Over Who’s Right Is the Wrong Approach?

Fighting over who’s right in a relationship is counterproductive because it shifts the focus from collaboration to competition. Here’s why this approach is harmful:

It Undermines Mutual Respect: In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel respected and valued. When you’re constantly trying to prove that you’re right, it can make your partner feel disrespected and undervalued. This can lead to a power struggle, where one partner feels the need to assert dominance over the other. Over time, this dynamic can erode the mutual respect that’s essential for a healthy relationship.

It Creates Emotional Distance: Arguments that focus on who’s right often leave both partners feeling frustrated and disconnected. When you’re more concerned with winning an argument than understanding your partner’s feelings, it creates emotional distance. This distance can make it harder to connect on an emotional level, leading to a breakdown in communication and intimacy.

It Hinders Problem-Solving: The goal of any disagreement should be to find a solution that works for both partners. However, when the focus is on who’s right, it becomes difficult to find common ground. Instead of working together to solve the problem, each partner becomes entrenched in their position, making it harder to reach a resolution. This can lead to unresolved issues that continue to cause conflict in the relationship.

It Damages Emotional Safety: Emotional safety is crucial in a relationship, as it allows both partners to be open and vulnerable with each other. When arguments revolve around being right, it can create an environment where one or both partners feel unsafe expressing their true feelings. This lack of emotional safety can lead to bottled-up emotions, which can eventually result in more significant conflicts or emotional withdrawal.

It Reduces the Joy of Being Together: A relationship should be a source of joy, comfort, and companionship. However, when disagreements turn into battles over who’s right, it can drain the joy out of being together. Constant arguments and the pressure to be right can make the relationship feel more like a competition than a partnership. This can diminish the overall happiness and satisfaction in the relationship, making it feel more like a burden than a source of love and support.

By considering these additional points, it becomes even clearer why focusing on who’s right is the wrong approach in a relationship. The key is to prioritize understanding, respect, and emotional safety to maintain a strong and healthy connection with your partner.

Have you ever felt unheard, had your emotions suppressed, or found yourself constantly questioning your actions in a relationship? If so, you might be a victim of manipulation. Manipulation involves harmful influence over others, targeting their mental and emotional sides to achieve personal gain.

Manipulators create an imbalance of power, taking advantage of their victims to gain control, benefits, or privileges at their expense. They lie, make excuses, blame others, or strategically share selective truths to feel superior and powerful.

What are the ways to handle a manipulator impactfully?

There are tactics you can use to deal with a manipulator. Top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi, and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few in this article. 

Do you feel you are being love bombing, and what to do?

When manipulators use love bombing, they shower you with excessive praise, attention, and gifts to create dependence and control. This differs from genuine affection, which seeks nothing in return.

Recognize love bombing by its overwhelming nature, especially early in relationships. Protect yourself by maintaining high self-esteem and healthy boundaries. Be wary of excessive flattery, redirect conversations to objective matters, and focus on facts over emotions. This helps you resist manipulation and maintain control.

Do you think a third person is being involved in how to Avoid Triangulation?

Another form of manipulation in relationships is triangulation, where one person involves a third party to avoid direct communication and manipulate situations to their advantage. To protect oneself, it’s crucial to recognize signs of triangulation early on. Address the issue openly with all parties involved in a group setting to promote clear communication and prevent further manipulation.

Establishing norms for transparent communication and addressing insecurities openly can create a safe emotional environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Are you thinking you need to draw the limit?

Sometimes, saying, “That’s enough” does the trick. It is important to realize that setting clear boundaries is crucial in dealing with manipulators. By defining what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate, you can offer help without being taken advantage of. Keeping a journal of boundaries helps clarify your thoughts and strengthens your resolve.

Manipulators often exploit weak boundaries, so establishing firm limits protects your emotional well-being. Knowing where you end and others begin prevents manipulation, whether through overly rigid or overly involved boundaries.

Body Language Matters to protect yourself against manipulators

Did you know that your body language can reveal a lot about how you feel, which manipulators might use against you?

When dealing with manipulative people, be mindful of signs like crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, slouching, fidgeting, or speaking softly, as these can signal insecurity or submission. Manipulators often use intimidating tactics like standing too close, intense eye contact, or authoritative gestures to assert dominance.

To stay in control, maintain a relaxed posture, direct eye contact, and use assertive gestures. These signals show you won’t be easily manipulated and can help manage such situations effectively.

Are you being pushed into a guilt trip? Don’t feel guilty if you are a victim of manipulation

Say NO to Guilt-Tripping guilt-tripping is when someone uses your emotional connection to manipulate you into doing something, even if you haven’t done anything wrong.

It can strain relationships by making you feel stressed or resentful for not meeting their demands.

To handle a manipulator who guilt-trips you, assert your boundaries firmly and express your feelings clearly. Request that they ask for what they want directly, without emotional manipulation. Make it clear that you have the right to say no and that any agreement will be genuine, not coerced. This approach helps maintain balance in the relationship and reduces the stress and anxiety caused by guilt trips.

Be Calm when you are facing manipulation

Being aggressive doesn’t help when dealing with a manipulator. Instead, staying calm is key. Manipulators aim to provoke emotional reactions to control you, using tactics like belittling or intimidation.

By staying emotionally detached and practising self-regulation, you can frustrate their attempts. Plan your responses calmly to avoid getting caught up in their game of control.

This approach helps you maintain clarity and control over the situation, reducing their influence and preserving your peace of mind. While it is not easy to handle manipulators, understanding their tactics and employing proactive strategies can empower you.

By setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional composure, and fostering transparent communication, you can safeguard your well-being and assert your autonomy in relationships, thwarting manipulation effectively.