Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

A boy meets a girl. They fall in love and get married. And the movie ends. But that’s where real life begins. The reality of marriage often contrasts sharply with the fairy-tale romance many envision.

Once the honeymoon phase fades, couples can find themselves grappling with a diminishing emotional connection. The vibrant conversations and shared dreams may give way to mundane routines and silent meals.

While it’s natural for relationships to evolve, losing that emotional bond can be distressing. Emotional bond is vital in a relationship as it gives you that feeling of comfort and safety and mental strength to carry on with your life.

If you find yourself in a marriage where the emotional connection has faded, it’s essential to address it head-on rather than merely coexisting in tolerable proximity.

What to do when you feel no emotional connection with your husband?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi NCR, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few strategies that one can adopt in this situation.

Communication is key

Communication is not just a tool for resolving conflicts but a vital means to rekindle emotional connections. By engaging in open, transparent conversations with your partner, you build trust and address any insecurities.

Regularly check in on each other’s feelings, listen intently, and validate each other’s perspectives. Scheduling dedicated times for deeper discussions, such as date nights, fosters understanding and helps maintain a strong, loving bond.

Clear reassurance and thoughtful communication ensure that emotional needs are met and relationships remain vibrant.

Strategic vulnerability

Embrace strategic vulnerability to build trust and deepen connections. Start by sharing something personal, like a challenging work experience or a hidden feeling, to move beyond surface-level interactions. Instead of answering “good” or “fine” when asked about your day, openly discuss your true emotions and experiences.

Encourage your partner to share by asking detailed, thoughtful questions. Demonstrating vulnerability and openness should be mutual, so be willing to lower your own defenses to foster a more intimate and trusting relationship.

Words mean a lot

A simple “thank you” or “everything will be fine” can uplift your husband and provide him with mental strength. Even if he accidentally breaks your favorite dinner plate while trying to help, it’s a gesture worth appreciating.

Small acts of kindness, whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for decades, should never be taken for granted. So, don’t hesitate to express specific compliments and affirmations, like “I deeply love you” or “I appreciate your efforts,” to ensure your partner feels seen and valued.

Be spontaneous

Pleasant surprises, from spontaneous dates to planned getaways, infuse excitement into relationships, breaking monotony and keeping the spark alive.

While life’s busyness can lead to a comfort zone plateau, maintaining spontaneity—through thoughtful surprises—reminds partners of the joy and effort that once defined their bond.

Though spontaneity often requires preparation, it encourages stepping out of routine and connecting deeply. Regularly engaging in such moments prevents the loss of vulnerability and intimacy that can occur in everyday routines.

Boundaries matter

It is not necessary for a strong emotional connection to lead to unhealthy enmeshment or total dependence. Thriving relationships involve setting appropriate boundaries, even with close family members.

While maintaining a deep bond with parents or siblings is important, overly close relationships can sometimes undermine more intimate connections with a partner or children.

Establishing clear boundaries by identifying problematic behaviors and communicating what you will and won’t accept allows you to preserve your unique sense of self while nurturing loving relationships.

Practice self-care

A healthy relationship thrives on both partners enjoying their own “me time.” Too much togetherness can deplete the energy and experiences that interdependence brings.

Strong marriages feature partners who are interdependent but have rich hobbies, careers, and social lives of their own. Prioritize self-care and allow your spouse to do the same.

Spending time alone helps you appreciate your own company, fosters authenticity, and enhances self-worth, alleviating feelings of abandonment when apart. Include “me time” in your schedule for a balanced, secure relationship.

While it’s natural for emotional connections to ebb and flow in marriage, addressing this challenge with open communication, strategic vulnerability, thoughtful affirmations, spontaneity, clear boundaries, and self-care can rejuvenate and strengthen your bond.

By actively investing in these aspects, you foster a resilient and fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever felt unheard, had your emotions suppressed, or found yourself constantly questioning your actions in a relationship? If so, you might be a victim of manipulation. Manipulation involves harmful influence over others, targeting their mental and emotional sides to achieve personal gain.

Manipulators create an imbalance of power, taking advantage of their victims to gain control, benefits, or privileges at their expense. They lie, make excuses, blame others, or strategically share selective truths to feel superior and powerful.

What are the ways to handle a manipulator impactfully?

There are tactics you can use to deal with a manipulator. Top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi, and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few in this article. 

Do you feel you are being love bombing, and what to do?

When manipulators use love bombing, they shower you with excessive praise, attention, and gifts to create dependence and control. This differs from genuine affection, which seeks nothing in return.

Recognize love bombing by its overwhelming nature, especially early in relationships. Protect yourself by maintaining high self-esteem and healthy boundaries. Be wary of excessive flattery, redirect conversations to objective matters, and focus on facts over emotions. This helps you resist manipulation and maintain control.

Do you think a third person is being involved in how to Avoid Triangulation?

Another form of manipulation in relationships is triangulation, where one person involves a third party to avoid direct communication and manipulate situations to their advantage. To protect oneself, it’s crucial to recognize signs of triangulation early on. Address the issue openly with all parties involved in a group setting to promote clear communication and prevent further manipulation.

Establishing norms for transparent communication and addressing insecurities openly can create a safe emotional environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Are you thinking you need to draw the limit?

Sometimes, saying, “That’s enough” does the trick. It is important to realize that setting clear boundaries is crucial in dealing with manipulators. By defining what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate, you can offer help without being taken advantage of. Keeping a journal of boundaries helps clarify your thoughts and strengthens your resolve.

Manipulators often exploit weak boundaries, so establishing firm limits protects your emotional well-being. Knowing where you end and others begin prevents manipulation, whether through overly rigid or overly involved boundaries.

Body Language Matters to protect yourself against manipulators

Did you know that your body language can reveal a lot about how you feel, which manipulators might use against you?

When dealing with manipulative people, be mindful of signs like crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, slouching, fidgeting, or speaking softly, as these can signal insecurity or submission. Manipulators often use intimidating tactics like standing too close, intense eye contact, or authoritative gestures to assert dominance.

To stay in control, maintain a relaxed posture, direct eye contact, and use assertive gestures. These signals show you won’t be easily manipulated and can help manage such situations effectively.

Are you being pushed into a guilt trip? Don’t feel guilty if you are a victim of manipulation

Say NO to Guilt-Tripping guilt-tripping is when someone uses your emotional connection to manipulate you into doing something, even if you haven’t done anything wrong.

It can strain relationships by making you feel stressed or resentful for not meeting their demands.

To handle a manipulator who guilt-trips you, assert your boundaries firmly and express your feelings clearly. Request that they ask for what they want directly, without emotional manipulation. Make it clear that you have the right to say no and that any agreement will be genuine, not coerced. This approach helps maintain balance in the relationship and reduces the stress and anxiety caused by guilt trips.

Be Calm when you are facing manipulation

Being aggressive doesn’t help when dealing with a manipulator. Instead, staying calm is key. Manipulators aim to provoke emotional reactions to control you, using tactics like belittling or intimidation.

By staying emotionally detached and practising self-regulation, you can frustrate their attempts. Plan your responses calmly to avoid getting caught up in their game of control.

This approach helps you maintain clarity and control over the situation, reducing their influence and preserving your peace of mind. While it is not easy to handle manipulators, understanding their tactics and employing proactive strategies can empower you.

By setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional composure, and fostering transparent communication, you can safeguard your well-being and assert your autonomy in relationships, thwarting manipulation effectively.