Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Have you ever felt unheard, had your emotions suppressed, or found yourself constantly questioning your actions in a relationship? If so, you might be a victim of manipulation. Manipulation involves harmful influence over others, targeting their mental and emotional sides to achieve personal gain.

Manipulators create an imbalance of power, taking advantage of their victims to gain control, benefits, or privileges at their expense. They lie, make excuses, blame others, or strategically share selective truths to feel superior and powerful.

What are the ways to handle a manipulator impactfully?

There are tactics you can use to deal with a manipulator. Top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi, and Gurgaon, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few in this article. 

Do you feel you are being love bombing, and what to do?

When manipulators use love bombing, they shower you with excessive praise, attention, and gifts to create dependence and control. This differs from genuine affection, which seeks nothing in return.

Recognize love bombing by its overwhelming nature, especially early in relationships. Protect yourself by maintaining high self-esteem and healthy boundaries. Be wary of excessive flattery, redirect conversations to objective matters, and focus on facts over emotions. This helps you resist manipulation and maintain control.

Do you think a third person is being involved in how to Avoid Triangulation?

Another form of manipulation in relationships is triangulation, where one person involves a third party to avoid direct communication and manipulate situations to their advantage. To protect oneself, it’s crucial to recognize signs of triangulation early on. Address the issue openly with all parties involved in a group setting to promote clear communication and prevent further manipulation.

Establishing norms for transparent communication and addressing insecurities openly can create a safe emotional environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Are you thinking you need to draw the limit?

Sometimes, saying, “That’s enough” does the trick. It is important to realize that setting clear boundaries is crucial in dealing with manipulators. By defining what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate, you can offer help without being taken advantage of. Keeping a journal of boundaries helps clarify your thoughts and strengthens your resolve.

Manipulators often exploit weak boundaries, so establishing firm limits protects your emotional well-being. Knowing where you end and others begin prevents manipulation, whether through overly rigid or overly involved boundaries.

Body Language Matters to protect yourself against manipulators

Did you know that your body language can reveal a lot about how you feel, which manipulators might use against you?

When dealing with manipulative people, be mindful of signs like crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, slouching, fidgeting, or speaking softly, as these can signal insecurity or submission. Manipulators often use intimidating tactics like standing too close, intense eye contact, or authoritative gestures to assert dominance.

To stay in control, maintain a relaxed posture, direct eye contact, and use assertive gestures. These signals show you won’t be easily manipulated and can help manage such situations effectively.

Are you being pushed into a guilt trip? Don’t feel guilty if you are a victim of manipulation

Say NO to Guilt-Tripping guilt-tripping is when someone uses your emotional connection to manipulate you into doing something, even if you haven’t done anything wrong.

It can strain relationships by making you feel stressed or resentful for not meeting their demands.

To handle a manipulator who guilt-trips you, assert your boundaries firmly and express your feelings clearly. Request that they ask for what they want directly, without emotional manipulation. Make it clear that you have the right to say no and that any agreement will be genuine, not coerced. This approach helps maintain balance in the relationship and reduces the stress and anxiety caused by guilt trips.

Be Calm when you are facing manipulation

Being aggressive doesn’t help when dealing with a manipulator. Instead, staying calm is key. Manipulators aim to provoke emotional reactions to control you, using tactics like belittling or intimidation.

By staying emotionally detached and practising self-regulation, you can frustrate their attempts. Plan your responses calmly to avoid getting caught up in their game of control.

This approach helps you maintain clarity and control over the situation, reducing their influence and preserving your peace of mind. While it is not easy to handle manipulators, understanding their tactics and employing proactive strategies can empower you.

By setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional composure, and fostering transparent communication, you can safeguard your well-being and assert your autonomy in relationships, thwarting manipulation effectively.

Hearing someone say, “I’ve never been in a relationship,” can be surprising in a world where dating is so common. While it might seem unusual, there are many reasons why someone might not have dated before.

They might have been focused on their career, studies, or personal interests, or simply never felt the need for a relationship says relationship counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

If you’re interested in someone who has never been in a relationship, it can be both challenging and rewarding. They might be unfamiliar with relationship dynamics, including compromises, adjustments, and handling potential heartbreak.

What are some of the dating tips if he/she has never been in a relationship?

Here are some tips to help you date someone who is new to a relationship as explained by top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Prioritizing Clear Communication 

Effective communication is essential. Someone who has never been in a relationship might not fully grasp its importance. Guide them on how to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

Maintain clear and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings. Help them understand the crucial role that communication plays in building a successful relationship.

Be Direct and Transparent 

Your partner might not be adept at picking up on subtle hints or reading between the lines.

Be straightforward about your feelings, needs, and expectations. Avoid assuming they “should know” certain things. Explain the meanings behind gestures and actions clearly, but do so gently and without aggression.

Appreciate Their Efforts 

Recognize and value their attempts to show affection, whether big or small. They might overdo or underperform in their efforts.

Help them understand that small gestures often hold more significance than grand displays. Positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep expressing their love in meaningful ways.

Establish and Respect Boundaries 

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, but someone new to dating might not fully understand this.

Explain the importance of respecting each other’s space and limits. Help them establish and respect boundaries to create a healthy and balanced relationship.

Ignore External Intrusions 

Friends and peers might be overly curious or intrusive about their new relationship status.

This can be irritating, but try to ignore it. If it becomes overwhelming, discuss it with your partner and suggest they address it with their friends.

Combat Self-Doubt 

It’s natural for someone new to relationships to experience self-doubt. They might wonder why they haven’t been in a relationship before or why you are interested in them.

Reassure them and focus on the present rather than their past. Encourage self-confidence and affirm their worth.

Maintain Humility and Balance 

Avoid letting your relationship experience create an imbalance. Never think or say that you are an expert while they are inexperienced.

This attitude can undermine your relationship. Approach the relationship with humility and a willingness to learn together.

Handle Conflicts Maturely 

Disagreements are normal, but your partner might not know how to handle conflicts in a relationship.

Help them understand that arguments are a part of any relationship and that resolving them healthily is important. Practice patience and model mature conflict resolution.

Approach Future Talks Gradually 

Your partner might eagerly discuss future plans early on, not realizing that relationships typically progress gradually.

Gently explain that it’s important to let things develop naturally over time. Teach them to enjoy the journey without rushing into future commitments.

Discuss Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Discuss your comfort levels with a PDA. They might be overly enthusiastic or hesitant about displaying affection in public.

Communicate openly about what works for both of you and find a middle ground that respects each other’s boundaries.

Dating someone who has never been in a relationship can be challenging, but with patience and understanding, it can also be a rewarding experience.

By focusing on clear communication, setting boundaries, and appreciating their efforts, you can help them navigate the complexities of a relationship. Remember, it takes time for someone new to relationships to learn and adapt, so be supportive and enjoy the journey together.

We are living in a time where it is increasingly difficult to differentiate between what is real and what is not.

This uncertainty can extend to our most intimate relationships, leaving us questioning whether our partner truly loves us or is subtly manipulating us.

The thrill of new love can be intoxicating, often blurring our judgment. In a healthy relationship, the initial excitement and infatuation will eventually give way to a deeper, more stable connection.

Manipulation is the deliberate psychological influence over others for personal benefit, encompassing both subtle and overt tactics.

It involves unfair strategies aimed at gaining control or advantage, making it difficult to detect due to its varied and often cunning approaches.

How does one recognize the signs of manipulation in a relationship?

Leading couples therapist in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the ways to recognize it:

Looking for constant reassurance

Seeking constant reassurance in a relationship can be a sign of manipulation. While it’s natural to desire affirmation and security from your partner, excessive neediness can lead to controlling behaviors.

Manipulative individuals may justify their actions by convincing themselves that they are rescuing or proving their care.

They might say things like, “Don’t you see how much I care about you?” or “You’re so lucky to have me.”

This behavior can isolate you from others and undermine your independence, indicating deeper issues within the relationship that warrant attention.

Guilt-tripping

When one person in a relationship resorts to guilt-tripping, it often signifies a form of manipulation aimed at securing compliance from the other.

This strategy involves strategically inducing feelings of guilt in order to coerce their partner into actions or decisions they might otherwise resist.

A clear indicator of this manipulation is when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries or asserting yourself within the relationship.

The guilt tripper typically expresses dissatisfaction or disappointment when their desires are challenged, leading the other person to give in to alleviate guilt and restore harmony.

This cycle perpetuates a dynamic where one partner’s emotional manipulation undermines the other’s autonomy, fostering a skewed power balance detrimental to genuine mutual respect and understanding.

Gaslighting

Did you ever feel like your reality is constantly under attack? Gaslighting in relationships manifests through denial of facts, accusations of imagination, emotional invalidation, and even hiding objects to make you doubt yourself.

It erodes your confidence and makes you question your own sanity.

Recognizing these tactics helps identify manipulation, ensuring you safeguard your mental well-being and seek support if needed.

Love bombing

Perhaps one of the most deceptive tactics in relationships is love bombing. Initially, it masquerades as an overwhelming display of affection and attention, leaving one feeling cherished and valued.

However, beneath its surface lies manipulation, aiming to control and dominate.

What starts as a euphoric romance can swiftly transform into emotional abuse once the manipulator’s objectives are met, urging caution in the early stages of any relationship.

When you question your own identity

Another sign of manipulation in a relationship is when one partner feels afraid of triggering the other’s anger or displeasure, constantly monitoring and compromising themselves to avoid conflict.

This behavior often leads to a loss of individual identity, as the manipulated partner gives up their opinions, and interests, and even alters their lifestyle to please the dominant partner.

The manipulator may isolate their partner from friends, family, and personal activities, exerting control over their choices and expression of self.

When you are being constantly monitored

This is yet another insidious sign of manipulation in a relationship, where frequent texts, calls, or emails evolve into controlling behavior.

What may start as innocent communication can escalate into jealousy, accusations of infidelity, and attempts to isolate you from loved ones.

This invasive monitoring of your interactions and movements reflects a desire for dominance, eroding your autonomy and fostering a climate of fear and dependency.

While relationships can be sources of joy and support, vigilance is important to detect manipulation. Recognizing signs like constant reassurance-seeking, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, lovebombing, identity questioning, and excessive monitoring can protect one’s emotional well-being and autonomy.