Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Summary

• A healthy relationship is built on comfort, mutual respect, open communication, and a shared understanding of love.
• Asking the right questions helps you move beyond confusion and truly evaluate your emotional connection and compatibility.
• Honest reflection reveals whether you are growing together in a meaningful bond or simply staying out of habit or convenience.

No relationship is perfect. There are bound to be moments of doubt, disagreement, and distance. Sometimes, even if you are deeply in love with your partner, you pause and ask yourself: Is this the right relationship I am in?

Is this person really the one for me? No matter how comfortable you feel with them or how much time you spend together, there are moments when uncertainty creeps in. Questions arise unexpectedly. Then come phases when the honeymoon glow fades, and the realities of daily life begin to feel like a wall between you and your partner.

There is no need to feel afraid. You are not alone. Every relationship requires time and effort. Nothing stays the same forever, and growth often comes with challenges.

“Clarity in a relationship doesn’t come from never having doubts—it comes from asking honest questions and having the courage to accept the answers.” – Shivani Misr Sadhoo, a certified Gottman therapist and one of the experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi and across India

Are You Asking the Right Questions About Your Relationship?

When doubt enters a relationship, most people either ignore it or overthink it without direction. What truly helps is asking the right questions—ones that go beyond temporary emotions and look at the deeper foundation of your bond.

These questions are not meant to create fear, but to bring clarity. They help you understand whether your relationship is built on genuine connection or just familiarity. By reflecting honestly, you begin to see patterns—how you feel around your partner, how conflicts are handled, and whether your emotional needs are truly being met.

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an experienced relationship expert and couples therapist in Delhi, India, shares five important questions that can help you understand whether you are in the right kind of relationship.

Are You Really Comfortable Around Your Partner?

This is perhaps the most important question to ask yourself. Comfort here means being your true self without the need to pretend. It means not feeling pressured to act a certain way just to keep your partner happy.

You should not feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells. Instead, you should feel free to talk about anything and everything openly. If this sense of ease is missing, it could be a significant red flag.

Are You Confident in Your Relationship When Others Are Watching?

Ask yourself if you feel proud of your relationship and genuinely happy being seen together in front of others. The real test often appears in social settings, especially when interacting with family and friends. These moments reveal whether there is genuine happiness, comfort, and mutual respect. The way you and your partner present yourselves in these situations says a lot about your compatibility.

Do You Respect Each Other?

Respect is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. However, respect does not mean agreeing to everything just to avoid conflict. It is about valuing each other’s opinions, even when they differ. You should never have to sacrifice your happiness, self-respect, or core values.

True respect allows for honest conversations and disagreements without fear, while still making both partners feel valued.

Do You Listen to Each Other?

Communication is one of the strongest foundations of a relationship. It is not just about speaking, but also about truly listening. Many misunderstandings arise because people hear words but fail to understand the emotions behind them.

When couples communicate openly and listen with intent, confusion begins to fade, bringing clarity about the relationship’s strength and direction.

Do You Really Love Each Other?

When in doubt, it is essential to reflect on what love means to both of you. Love is not defined the same way by everyone. For some, it is about feeling safe and understood. For others, it is about deep affection, mutual respect, and friendship.

When you and your partner discuss your understanding of love, it becomes clearer whether you are truly connected or simply staying together out of habit or comfort. It helps you see whether you are growing together or drifting apart.

Relationships are built on comfort, respect, honest communication, and genuine love. Asking yourself these simple yet meaningful questions can bring much-needed clarity.

If your relationship reflects these qualities, it is likely a healthy one. If not, it may be time to reflect, address concerns, and decide what truly serves your emotional well-being.

I hate fighting, I hate conflict, I hate being upset because of my partner, I hate all the bad feelings that come up for me while arguing. I hate hearing hurtful things my partner says. As a counsellor, these are some of the common issues that a couple’s therapist often has to hear while counselling couples.

In a counselling session it is very common to hear that when one of the partners says, yes, I am conflict avoidant. Several people are, but not everyone. Some individuals actually like fighting. If you like fighting, you may want to stop reading, unless you wish to peer into the experience of people who have a tough time in high-conflict situations.

In fact, John and Julie Gottman say that how often one fights is not a determinant in the success of your marriage, but rather, it is how one fights. Respect is the defining variable. As long as couples respect each one, fighting in and of itself is not a threat to the marital relationship.

If you are afraid of conflict and strong negative emotions, here are some reasons stated by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo who stresses why it is essential to be able to successfully engage your partner and manage strife.

Here are several reasons why fighting with your partner could be good for your relationship.

It Bolsters the Relationship by Increasing the Trust

Constructive fighting that happens within boundaries, or rules, that lets for emotional expression while avoiding emotional victimization, bolsters a relationship. Weathering the storm lets a couple see the clearing skies, and with calm waters approaching, a deeper understanding is visible on the horizon.

Coming through the other aspect of an argument strengthens feelings of trust in the process. Knowing that you can survive makes fighting less threatening. Because it is less threatening you tend to avoid delaying a confrontation and present your concerns earlier to your partner when they are less likely to cause an explosive reaction.

At times arguments erupt like an unforeseen squall on the ocean, blind-siding both the partners. Surviving these surprises enhances resiliency to confrontational situations.

You will Feel Better

Letting off steam and expressing your feelings frees tension, anxiety, and fear. When it happens, you feel “unburdened,” lighter,” “like a weight is off your shoulders.” Not only does this feel better, but it is also a healthier state when anxiety and stress, with accompanying harmful hormones, are dissipated (this does not mean venting or dumping toxic elements on your partner). Keeping emotions bottled up every time often leads to rigidity of the mind, body and soul.

Your Partner will get to know about your Views, Feelings, and Thoughts

When you are able to completely express yourself, your partner will understand the depth of your feelings about the given subject. If you say, in a quiet and unobtrusive way, “I do not like it when you do this,” if your partner hears you, he/she will think you are mildly irritated about certain little things. If you are able to put some volume and intensity into the communication, they will get that this is essential to you.

Fighting has a way to bring out your worst tendencies. But it can also bring out your best attributes once you work through the tough stuff. In this process, you get to know the good, the bad, and the ugly of yourselves and your partners and still love them.

Intimacy Enhances

Fighting tells you what is important for your partner, what they do not like, what they desire, where their limitations are, how flexible they are, what hurts or annoys them, and what they need to feel better or loved. Discovering these aspects breeds a deeper intimacy and appreciation of the other.

Fighting could be a growth process in which your self-understanding, and understanding of your partner improves.

Also, many times the physical coziness that makes up post fighting cement intimacy. And to think most of you believe fighting is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.

Your Partner is a Separate Entity

After you become comfortable in a relationship, it is easy to think your partner knows your mood, your needs, and your desires. Some people even think they can, or must, be able to read your minds. Luckily, fighting dashes these delusions in an instant.

When faced with someone who is absolutely upset, and telling you in no uncertain terms that they do not agree with your point of view, belief, or behavior, it becomes quite obvious that they are their own person. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize them at all as new sides of their personality emerge. It could be a scary sight.

Enhances your Character

You are able to increase your patience, care, and love by focusing on what is valuable – that you care for this person and wish them to be happy (without losing sight of your own needs).

Fighting is just like forging steel. Initially, there is no strength or flexibility in the unrefined product. As it is constantly heated, folded, and re-formed – like a well-carved sword– a beautiful piece of art is forged that can sustain the shocks and strains of heavy combat without breaking.

It is Completely Human; you can Stop Try to be Perfect

Fighting showcases that you are human and not some perfect angelic or divine being, or that you have the perfect relationship, or that you are above everything. It displays that sometimes you are in a bad mood, stressed out, or simply plain tired.

It displays wherein your psyche lays unresolved issues, whether they be for control, stemming due to insecurity, power, from feeling helpless, or self-esteem, from not being appreciated or respected. Whatever your problems, you are guaranteed that they will come up in an intimate relationship – that is just how it works. It is hoped that it has been demonstrated that fighting is a useful function for healthy relationships. When done skillfully, a chance for a greater understanding and love for your partner is possible. Talking about it is easy. Doing is harder.

**However, every fight is not healthy for your relationship. You need to observe how frequently fights or arguments take place in your relationship and what are the patterns.  If they are too frequent. Then it is a sign that tells you not to wait for any miracle. It is a time when you should seek professional help from a qualified marriage counsellor or a couple’s therapist. ** Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at Saarthi Counselling Services is there to guide and help you if you are experiencing too much of a fight or constraints in your relationship.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.