Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In today’s digital dating and relationship landscape, mixed signals have become almost normal. One day, you receive sweet messages or compliments, and the next day, there is silence. This confusing pattern often leaves people wondering whether someone is genuinely interested or merely using them for attention. This is where the concept of breadcrumbing comes in. Understanding the difference between breadcrumbing and genuine interest is essential for protecting your emotional well-being and building healthy connections, according to Shivani Misri Sadhoo, one of Delhi’s top relationship and marriage counsellors.

What Is Breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing is a relationship behaviour where a person gives you small, inconsistent bits of attention to keep you emotionally invested, without any real intention of committing or moving the relationship forward. The term comes from the idea of leaving “breadcrumbs” — just enough to keep you following, but never enough to satisfy your needs.

This behaviour is common in dating apps, friendships, and even workplace or social relationships. A breadcrumber may send occasional texts, react to your social media posts, or check in randomly, especially when they sense you are pulling away. However, they avoid deeper conversations, plans, or emotional availability.

How Does Breadcrumbing Typically Look?

Breadcrumbing often follows a predictable pattern. The person may:

• Text or call only when it suits them
• Disappear for days or weeks without explanation
• Avoid making concrete plans or cancel them repeatedly
• Offer vague promises like “we’ll meet soon” without action
• Show interest only when you seem less available

The key characteristic is inconsistency. Their attention comes in waves, leaving you confused and constantly waiting for more.

Why People Breadcrumb?

People breadcrumbs for different reasons. Some enjoy the validation and ego boost of knowing someone is interested in them. Others may be emotionally unavailable, afraid of commitment, or keeping multiple options open. In some cases, they may not even realise the emotional impact of their behaviour, but that does not make it any less harmful.

Breadcrumbing allows the other person to stay in control while investing minimal effort.

What Genuine Interest Looks Like?

Genuine interest, on the other hand, feels very different. It is consistent, respectful, and reassuring. Someone who is genuinely interested in you makes an effort to be part of your life, not just an occasional presence in it.

Signs of genuine interest include:

• Regular and consistent communication
• Making and following through on plans
• Showing curiosity about your life, feelings, and goals
• Being emotionally present and responsive
• Clear intentions rather than vague promises

With genuine interest, you are not left guessing. Even if the relationship is moving slowly, the effort and direction are clear.

Key Differences Between Breadcrumbing and Genuine Interest

Understanding the contrast between breadcrumbing and genuine interest becomes much easier when you look at specific behaviours. Below are clear, real-life examples that highlight how the two differ.

1. Communication Style

Breadcrumbing: Communication is sporadic and unpredictable. You may receive a sudden “Hey, what’s up?” after days of silence, with no real conversation or follow-up. Messages often lack depth and disappear once they have your attention.

Genuine Interest: Communication is consistent and intentional. Even during busy periods, the person makes an effort to check in, explain delays, and maintain a sense of connection.

2. Effort and Follow-Through

Breadcrumbing: Plans are vague and frequently postponed. Statements like “Let’s meet someday” or “We should catch up soon” are repeated but never acted upon.

Genuine Interest: Plans are specific and honored. If something comes up, they reschedule rather than disappear, showing that spending time with you matters.

3. Emotional Availability

Breadcrumbing: Emotional depth is avoided. Conversations stay light or surface-level, especially when you try to discuss feelings, expectations, or the future.

Genuine Interest: Emotional openness is present. The person listens, shares their thoughts, and is willing to have honest conversations, even if they feel uncomfortable at times.

4. Accountability and Respect

Breadcrumbing: Disappearances go unexplained. When questioned, the person may deflect, minimise your feelings, or suggest you are overreacting.

Genuine Interest: Accountability is taken seriously. They acknowledge mistakes, apologise when needed, and make changes to avoid repeating the same behaviour.

5. Impact on Your Emotional Well-Being

Breadcrumbing: You often feel anxious, confused, or insecure, constantly questioning where you stand.

Genuine Interest: You feel calm, valued, and secure, knowing where you stand even if the relationship is still developing.

6. Long-Term Intentions

Breadcrumbing: There is no clear direction. The connection remains stuck in the same place with no progress over time.

Genuine Interest: There is forward movement. The person expresses intentions through actions, showing a desire to grow the relationship naturally.

These differences make it clear that genuine interest provides clarity and emotional safety, while breadcrumbing thrives on uncertainty and minimal effort.

How to Protect Yourself?

The best way to deal with breadcrumbing is to set clear boundaries. Notice patterns instead of excuses. Communicate your expectations calmly and observe how the other person responds. Genuine interest will meet your clarity with respect, while breadcrumbing often fades or becomes defensive when confronted.

Remember, consistency is more important than intensity. Someone who truly cares will show up in actions, not just words.

Breadcrumbing and genuine interest can look similar at first, but over time, their differences become clear. You deserve relationships where effort matches words and interest is shown through consistency. Trust patterns, trust your feelings, and do not settle for crumbs when you deserve a full connection.

Be it be proposing to a girl, pitching to a client, talking to an investor or appearing for a job interview, in fact in every important conversation that we have in our life, it is of utmost importance that the other person should recognize our intelligence and maturity. On the contrary, people generally get nervous, tense and anxious during important conversations that suppress their intelligence and they feel like they are a loser.

It’s true that the more we experience a particular situation, the more we become better at it, but that involves a lot of time wastage and loss of opportunity till the time one develops his/her mastery of conversation skills. But is it possible for a person to boost his/her first-glance appearance to others and convey to strangers immediately that he/she is intelligent? Or in other words is there a key that unlocks people’s perception of you as intelligent or not?

The answer is “YES” says Delhi’s leading psychologist and Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo. Counsellor Shivani says the factors that determine the first-glance perception of strangers to be intelligent or not are his/her tone of voice and how fast he/she speaks.

There have been many scientific studies done in this area, one of the famous ones is the study published in the Journal of Psychological Science where MBA students were videotaped while they had given pitches on why they should be hired. Prospective employers and professional recruiters were then given three options: viewing the video, listening to the audio, or reading a transcript. Here’s what the study concluded:

The evaluators rated a candidate as more competent, thoughtful, and intelligent when they heard a pitch rather than read it and, as a result, had a more favourable impression of the candidate and were more interested in hiring the candidate. Adding visual cues to audio pitches did not alter evaluations of the candidates. For conveying one’s intellect, it is important that one’s voice, quite literally, is heard. To summarize, when it comes to first impressions of intelligence, looks don’t matter; your voice does. The reason behind this finding is attributed to human evolution; our voices are the tools that have been carefully honed for communication.

Here are 3 Keys To Making a Good First Impression

Since your voice is important in making your first good impression, Counsellor Shivani shares the key factors that help a person to make a good first impression.

1. Use a lower pitch and vocal inflexion.

People associate a high-pitched tone with nervousness or childishness. Hence deliberately lower your vocal pitch if you generally talk in high pitch during an important conversation or to important people. This will help you to express both your confidence and maturity.

2. Avoid Filler Words

Filler words, sometimes called vocal crutches, are words such as “aha”, “um”, “like”, “so”, “you know”, “yes yes” and other similar phrases. And while everybody uses filler words, overusing it makes a person look underconfident and incompetent at times.

The problem with filler words is that people generally are not aware that they use them. Hence to avoid using filler words, one can record themselves in conversations and listen to the recordings five minutes a day for two weeks. The awareness of using fillers helps a lot along with conversation practice where one can learn to substitute silence for these fillers; verbal pauses, even when overused, only serve to increase a speaker’s credibility.