Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Finding love in today’s digital world can feel like a thrilling adventure or a daunting challenge. With just a swipe or a click, you can meet potential partners from across the globe. But how do you cut through the noise of endless profiles to find someone who genuinely aligns with your goals? While dating apps have made the process convenient, they’ve also introduced complexities that weren’t present in the era of handwritten love letters or classic movie nights of the 1980s.

How do you navigate this modern maze of romance? Can creating the right dating profile really be the key to finding someone special—and perhaps, even leading to marriage?

To answer these questions, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s top couples therapist and relationship counsellor shares her expert tips to craft a dating profile that reflects your true self and attracts the right kind of partner for a meaningful, lasting relationship.

1. Be Authentic when creating your dating profile

Perhaps the first and foremost thing to do when creating a dating profile is to be honest and authentic. Misrepresenting yourself or pretending to be flawless won’t help you find the right person. Be clear about what you want, whether it’s companionship or a lifelong partner, and embrace your imperfections with self-respect. Authenticity is magnetic and shows you value yourself and your journey. Being genuine helps attract someone who truly appreciates you for who you are.

2. Add Your Hobbies and Interests to Your Dating Profile

Always remember, that a successful dating profile should be fun, inviting, and full of personality. Use the 3 Cs— colour, context, and character—to tell your story and stand out. Highlight your hobbies, interests, and how you spend weekends. Focus on passions, like things you love doing, rather than problems.

Take advantage of the dating apps, to add details about work, family, and favourite activities. Keep it lighthearted and engaging to make online dating enjoyable for you and your matches.

3. Get To Know Your Potential Partner

Many times, while creating an attractive dating profile, we focus on showcasing ourselves but forget to express interest in knowing our potential partner. People value being known and supported, especially by romantic partners, where this understanding feels unique. Research shows that the most appealing profiles highlight a genuine desire to know and support a partner. The promise of being truly understood attracts others, as the need to feel known is a fundamental human desire.

4. Do Not Leave Any Gaps

Incomplete dating profiles are a big letdown. They show a lack of effort and interest, which can leave a poor first impression. First impressions matter, especially on dating apps, where your profile is the only way strangers get to know you.

Don’t approach it with a defeatist attitude, thinking it won’t work. A pessimistic outlook is never attractive and will only drive potential matches away. Take the time to complete your profile thoughtfully—it’s worth it.

5. Post Current Photo

Your face is a mirror to your mind, reflecting your true self. It’s important to be remembered for who you are today, not how you looked years ago in high school. Always post current photos when dating, as your partner wants to see the real you.

Outdated pictures often lead to mismatched expectations and disappointment. Include a mix of photos like headshots, full-body shots, and candid moments that reveal your hobbies and personality. Use clear, well-lit, high-resolution images. Avoid filters, as they can create a false impression. Show your true self with confidence.

6. Make Your Intentions Clear

There is no need to play hide and seek with your potential dating partner. Be upfront about your expectations from the start. If you’re unsure about what you want, it’s okay to admit it. Say that you’d like to explore compatibility and see where the relationship leads. If you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy mind games, make it clear what that means for you. Let them know you want a connection without unnecessary drama, chaos, or emotional baggage. Honesty sets the right foundation for any relationship.

In a nutshell, creating an effective dating profile requires authenticity, showcasing your hobbies and interests, and expressing a genuine desire to know your potential partner. Complete your profile thoughtfully, post current photos, and be clear about your intentions. By embracing these tips, you can craft a profile that reflects your true self and attracts a meaningful, lasting connection.

In an ever-evolving world of dating and relationships, new terms and concepts often emerge to describe different behaviours and experiences. One of those terms gaining attention is “floodlighting.” In dating contexts, floodlighting means the act of overwhelming your partner or potential romantic interest having intense emotions, personal confessions, or deep vulnerabilities pretty early in the relationship.

This could create a sense of emotional overload, leaving the other person feeling pressured or uncertain about the rapid progression of intimacy, discloses leading couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What is Floodlighting?

Floodlighting is mostly driven by an urge for a deep connection, but it could inadvertently push people instead of bringing them closer. It usually happens when one person shares highly personal or emotionally heavy details about his/her life too soon in the relationship. This may include discussing past traumas, fears, insecurities, or deep intimate experiences before the base of trust has been established.

While openness and vulnerability are important in any healthy relationship, floodlighting happens when these aspects are introduced at an excessive pace. The receiver of the floodlighting might feel caught off guard, uncertain of how to respond, or even burdened with emotional responsibility that they are not currently prepared to handle.

What are the Signs of Floodlighting in Dating?

If you are puzzling about whether you or someone you are dating is engaging in floodlighting, here are some of the common signs:

1. Excessive Sharing Too Soon – Talk about your deeply personal experiences, past traumas, or unsolved emotional wounds within the first few dates.
2. Intense Emotional Expression – Displaying love, commitment, or deep feelings of attachment way too early in the relationship.
3. Seeking Instant Emotional Validation – Expecting your partner to reciprocate the same level of emotional intensity straight away.
4. Overwhelming Conversations – Making each conversation about deep, serious, or emotionally charged subjects rather than allowing natural progression.
5. Forming Unbalanced Emotional Dynamics – Making the other partner feel responsible for emotional support prior to a strong bond being formed.

Why Do People Floodlight?

Floodlighting could stem from several psychological and emotional factors, that include:

• Insecurity or Fear of Rejection – Certain individuals might floodlight in an effort to fast-track intimacy and look for reassurance.
• Past Emotional Neglect – Those individuals who have felt unheard or unvalidated in earlier relationships might use floodlighting as a mechanism to seek immediate emotional connection.
• Attachment Styles – A person with anxious attachment styles usually struggles with pacing emotional disclosure, leading towards floodlighting.
• Romantic Idealization – A few believe that love must be instant and intense, making them rush emotional intimacy.

How to Avoid Floodlighting in Dating?

If you identify floodlighting tendencies in yourself or a partner, think of these strategies to form a healthier emotional connection:

• Pace Your Emotional Sharing – Develop intimacy slowly and naturally rather than disclosing too much too soon.
• Practice Self-Awareness – Identify when your emotions are driving your actions and take a step back if necessary.
• Form Mutual Comfort Levels – Make sure both partners feel comfortable having the level of emotional depth being shared.
• Concentrate on Enjoying the Moment – Rather than rushing to form deep connections, allow time for the relationship to form organically.

Floodlighting in dating is a conduct that stems from a genuine urge for closeness, but it could often backfire due to an overwhelming romantic interest. Healthy relationships need a balanced way to emotional sharing, letting both partners feel safe, secure, easy, and engaged without any undue pressure. By being aware of emotional pacing and forming natural connections, individuals could form stronger, more lasting relationships sans the unintended outcomes of floodlighting.