Today a large population of urban Indian parents face stress and anxiety due to the growing communication gap with their teenager children. Parents struggle to motivate their teenagers to study and to listen to their advice. This generation gap is resulting in a lot of misunderstanding and disconnect amongst many Indian family members.
In this article, India’s leading psychologist and Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few effective tips for parents to improve their communication with their teenagers and will also help them motivate to study well.
1. Shift from yelling mode to discussion mode
If your communication with your teenager is in scolding mode (you scold them even for the smallest of errors they make) then stop showing your aggression. Remember kids during teenage years are extremely emotional and sensitive hence frequent scolding may emotionally distance them from you and they may stop listening as a sign of protest. Hence put your efforts to become a calm, kind and a parent who can listen.
Remember teenage is a transit phase from childhood to adulthood and in this stage, teenager develops ideas, values, and beliefs that are different from those of his/her parents. This is a part of the normal process of moving towards independence.
Hence instead of opposing or fighting their ideas and views, parents must make efforts to put themselves in their kid’s shoes, try to understand their point of view and feel what is happening in the their life. So if your teen is not putting enough focus and efforts on studies, follow these:-
· Understand why your teenager does not want to study.
· Discuss calmly and find out what is stopping him/her from studying.
· Your teenager could be inclined towards one subject and fearful for not liking the other one.
· Your child could be finding it difficult to cope or understand what is being taught in the class.
· Talking to your teen will help you to empathize and identify the source of the problems.
3. Parent’s Expectations
Don’t raise your expectations as parents and more importantly avoid expressing that to your teenagers. Often very high expectations can constrain your teenager and make him/her anxious and pressurized. Instead, emphasize more on a regular pattern and hard work and help your child to aim for small and successive goals one at a time. Working through successive goals will help your teen learn and achieve more in the long run.
4. Get involved
Teens usually get tired after a long day and can be lazy about doing their homework. So just telling your teenager to study will not suffice. Sit with your teen and help him/her figure out how to go about it. Sort out tasks that he/she might be finding difficult. You can look for a good tutor who can assist your teenager with studies.