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3 Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Relationships

Some habits die hard. Especially if habit or experience is developed during childhood days. That impact lasts for many years. Maybe you know the ways your childhood impacts your relationships. Maybe you have never thought about it. We the impacts of bonds and relationships. From a normal perspective, strong bonds are what keep us grounded, feeling confident and secure in ourselves and our world around us. We all need and desire to feel safe and secure; this is what motivates a lot of us. Sadly, we get stuck in our (not so helpful) coping strategies that ultimately deny us of this and we often don’t even realize we do this. Especially in our adult relationships.

Have you ever wonder why you do the things that you do? Have you ever look at yourself objectively and ask yourself, “What’s really going on for me?”

Well, it could be time to think on those lines Eminent psychologist, marriage counselor, and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo states 3 ways your childhood impacts your relationships.

1.      You Don’t Trust Easily

Trust is the base of any relationship. When you as adults find it difficult trusting others, it may be due to deep-rooted issues from your childhood’s past ruptures with the people you were easily supposed to trust. If your parents or relatives neglected you, abandoned you, abused you, criticized you and created a relationship that was based on terms and conditions, you don’t realize that you deeply feel a sense of insecurity as you evolve into your environment and sense of self as you grow. This doesn’t mean your parents didn’t love you, this doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. This may mean that the tools they had weren’t always productive. Often, your parents “did the best that they could with what they had,” but that doesn’t mean the impact of those means or lack of it should be dismissed. It had an impact.

If your parents or guardians don’t give you the unconditional space to be human-like having emotions, mess up etc. Then you start internalizing emotions and start adapting to your insecurities by not trusting others around you and becoming protective of yourselves in many different ways.

2.      You Always Need A Lot Of Assurance

If you forge an insecure bond with your parents or guardians in infancy and childhood, (whether it’s because they were helicopter parents and never allowed you to have any sense of autonomy, or because they were never around or abused you), you deeply develop a sense of insecurity and doubt in yourselves.

Maybe you weren’t given the reassurance as a child that was required for you to feel a sense of confidence in yourself to explore and make mistakes; maybe you weren’t ever acknowledged, to begin with. Might be you were acknowledged too much and everything you did was criticized or validated in a positive way. If everything you did in our parent’s eyes was unseen or seen under a microscope, or seen through rose-colored glasses, you weren’t given the space or freedom to feel confident in our own achievements, shortcomings, and mistakes.

How does this impact your relationship? Fine, to start, you may find yourself really defensive and it may be because you’re feeling insecure. Instead of giving your partner an opportunity to reassure you, you push them away with your defensiveness because you are struggling and don’t know how to soothe or feel comforted?

3.      You Feel Panic Immediately When You Perceive Your Partner Is Pulling Away

It may be illogical, but in those moments your brain isn’t able to reassure you that you are just being illogical and you have nothing to worry about. If you experience an immediate or overwhelming sense of panic when you perceive your partner is shutting down, moving away and or leaving you, this may be due to your childhood experience. If you experienced any abandonment growing up, this deeply rooted trigger can become extreme in your adult relationships. You may find yourself feeling immediately upset and needing to repair an issue immediately in order to soothe the panic and fear. This may ultimately push your partner away if they want space or are afraid of conflict and the two of you may find yourselves in a difficult situation.

6 Ways You Can Improve Your Mental Health

Mental health consists of our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It impacts how we think, feel, and act. It also helps identify how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Mental health is a lot more than a diagnosis. And while taking care of your mental health might mean seeking professional support and treatment, it also means taking steps to better your emotional health on your own. Making these alterations will pay off in all aspects of your life. It can boost your mood, build resilience, and add to your overall enjoyment and satisfaction of life

Eminent psychologist, marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 6 ways you can improve your mental health.

1.  Always Tell Yourself Something Positive

Some research shows that how you think about yourself can have a huge effect on how you feel. When we understand our self and our life negatively, we can end up seeing experiences in a way that confirms that belief. Instead, practice using words that promote feelings of self-worth and personal power. For instance, instead of saying, I am a loser. I won’t get the job because I struggled in the interview, try saying, I didn’t do as well in the interview as I could have, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to get the job.

2.  Focus on One Thing at A Given Time

Being aware of the current moment gives you to let go of negative or difficult emotions from past experiences that put us down. Begin by bringing awareness to routine activities, such as taking a bath, eating lunch, or exercising. Paying attention to the physical sensations, sounds, smells, or tastes of these experiences aids your focus. When your mind wavers, just bring it back to what you are doing currently.

3.  Note down Something You Are Grateful For

Being grateful has been clearly linked with improved well-being and mental health, as well as happiness. The best-researched method to increase feelings of gratitude is to keep a gratitude diary or write a daily gratitude list. Usually, contemplating gratitude is also productive, but you need to get daily practice to experience long-term benefit. Find something to be grateful for, let it fill your heart, and bask in that feeling.

4.   Eat a Good Meal

Stuff you eat nourishes your whole body, including your mind and heart. Carbohydrates (in moderate amounts) increase serotonin, a chemical that has shown to have a calming effect on your mood. Protein-rich foods increase norepinephrine, dopamine, and tyrosine, which help keep you alert. And vegetables and fruits are loaded with nutrients that feed every cell of your body, including those that impact mood-regulating brain chemicals. Include foods with Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (found in fish, nuts, and flaxseed.) Research shows that these nutrients can improve mood and restore structural integrity to the brain cells necessary for cognitive function.

5.  Open Up To Someone

Knowing you are valued by others is essential for helping you think more positively. Additionally, being more trusting can increase your emotional well-being because as you get better at finding the positive aspects in others, you become better at recognizing your own.

6.  Do Something for Someone Else

Being helpful to others has a beneficial effect on how you feel about yourself. Being helpful and kind and value for what you do is a great way to build self-esteem. The meaning you find in helping others will nourish and expand your life.

5 Ways Couples Can Survive Cheating – Tips by Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Human relationships are quite fickle and tricky at times, particularly in marital life. You never know what will happen next in your relationship. More so if it involves cheating on your partner. When someone you love and betrays your trust, it can feel like a hopeless situation. But when you learn how to move on after cheating, it’s completely possible for your relationship to survive.

Here’s how to turn your relationship around, repair trust, and get things back on track.

India’s eminent marriage counselor, and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals 5 ways couples can survive cheating.

1.    Practice Gratitude

Does not matter what happened in your marriage, coming back to gratitude will set the groundwork for positive transformation.

If you feel destroyed by betrayal and despair, take a moment to focus on appreciation. Think about all the things you appreciate about your mate. After a few minutes of refocusing in this way, notice what changes inside you.

2.      Completely Face Your Feelings

When you are hurt or emotionally broken, you may tend to blame, run, fight, judge or explain. If you can stop and fully feel the heartache gently, you will be surprised at what is possible. When you step completely into the sensation in your heart, beyond thought and explanation, the feeling commences shifting.

3.    Try to Do Things Together

Couples who spend time together and have shared interests recover from cheating much more rapidly and effectively. Try to discover or rediscover things that you can do together that you both enjoy. Always remember that not all hobbies or activities are costly there are plenty of things you can do together that do not cost money.

4.   Create a Vision of the Past And The Future

One of the ways that couples can learn how to move on after cheating is to think about past like when they first met or got married. How did you fall in love? Why did you get married? How did the relationship look like back then?

Now, assume about the future you wanted together enjoying your golden years of togetherness, traveling, playing with the grandchildren, enjoying family activities. What would it look like? Create an image of these things and how nice it can be to share this with the person you love most the person with whom you are married.

5.   Start a better-than-ever relationship

Take a relationship education course or counseling that starts by helping you identify the weaker areas in your relationship and then try to strengthen them for future happiness together. The powerful your skills for talking together about sensitive issues are, the less likely you will be to drift apart or to let anger or disagreement rifts lead to resentment or fights.

5 Benefits of Premarital Counseling in India

Prior getting your driving license a 30 to 90 days time is required to learn vehicle’s controls, traffic rules and to pass the driving examinations.

So if you are a driver or have a car in your family, you must be aware of the efforts one has to put to learn driving. Have you ever thoughts that just as you needed to prepare for your driving license, it would be helpful if you prepared for your marriage as well?

We are living in a time that perhaps set the maximum challenges at family and professional life than ever. There is extreme lifestyle pressure on youngsters and that is why in today’s time it is important that couples should go for pre-marital counseling before their big day.

In this article Delhi’s eminent relationship expert and marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 points on the benefits of premarital counseling.

1.     Pre-marital counseling helps developing Communication Skills

When couples go to premarital counseling, they talk together to a professional relationship counsellor who is trained to encourage them talk to each other openly and helps them better understand each other. Couples who go through this type of counseling surely build better communication skills because they have a neutral party there to help them understand each other. Undoubtedly this is one of the biggest benefits of premarital counseling. Additionally, to learning how to better communicate individual needs and desires, couples also acquire how to reach to am agreement mutually. They gain compassion and communication skills that will help them through the tough times.

2.      It Helps Couples Plan the Future

Many premarital counselors do more than only help couples talk through their current issues. They also help them plan meticulously for the future. A premarital counselor can help couples set financial or family planning goals, and can aid them to find ways to accomplish those goals. Premarital counseling is the perfect place for couples to talk about the expectations that they have from married life and what they want personally in the future too. Premarital counselors help their clients focus on healthy and realistic goals and relationship changes.

3.   It Gives an Opportunity to Address Issues

Premarital counseling also presents a great opportunity for couples to challenge issues that could possibly lead to divorce before they become serious. By talking with a counselor, couples may be able to settle money matters or talk about their roles and goals around parenting. Addressing issues before marriage is the best way to ensure a solid foundation for the future and to avoid serious conflicts after the big day. Of course, it’s important for couples to be honest when they attend premarital counseling. That’s the only way to realize the benefits of this time-honored tradition.

4.  You will enter into marriage with a framework for building a healthy relationship.

Another reason to get premarital counseling is so that you would not be walk blindly in your marriage. Getting premarital counseling may give you a feeling of stability, safety, direction, and an idea of where you are going and what you are doing. It will take some of the potential fear out of the decision, and give you more hope, reason, and guidance. It will provide a framework for building a healthy relationship, and equip you with the tools and skills necessary to successfully navigate discord and to have meaningful conversations.

For instance, Gottman provides antidotes to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and obstacles to be used in their place. Rather than being critical, we should have a softened, gentle approach to bringing up complaints. Instead of being arrogant about an offence and how our partner failed us, it is much more productive to be descriptive about how we are feeling and thinking about the offence, how we are experiencing it. So, rather than only knowing what we shouldn’t do, and then being unsure of how to react, we now can have a clear roadmap of what we should do without all the guesswork. We will have a plan.

5.  It Allows Couples to Discover New Things About Themselves 

Marriage Counselors ask a lot of questions when they’re working with engaged couples. Listening carefully to your partner’s answers is a great way to learn more about that individual. Yes, many couples perceive that no one knows their partners better than they do. However, premarital counseling can help bring out important information that they might have been reluctant to share. This provides great growth opportunities while helping couples learn more about each other. It’s also a safe space for individuals to share things that they are anxious or upset about with their partners. It can be particularly helpful if one individual in the couple has been in failed relationships before.

5 Ways to Make Yourself More Attractive In Any Relationship – Tips by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Do you know feeling good about yourself can make you more attractive to others?  In fact, the more you can love yourself, the more your relationships can become easier and spontaneous.

A person who can love himself/herself and feel confident is a person with deep inner stability, and one who can adapt comfortably to the inevitable ups and downs that come with various relationships.

Today, renowned psychologist, marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to make you more attractive in any relationship.

1.  Choose To Be Happy:

When you are happy, others sense it and feel relaxed in your presence. One way to actively be happy is to develop awareness for your internal critic that voice in your head that criticizes and judges. Surrendering yourself into your internal critic is like vaulting off a cliff into a no-zone. This is where your internal critic will lead you if you let it. It’s your job to recognize when your critic turns on you and to tell it “stop!”  Distract yourself with exercise, reading, listening to music, helping others, or doing creative things. Do whatever you can, but dispose-off the critic as soon as you hear its voice. Time and again, choose happiness.

2.  Stop Taking Yourself Too Seriously:

You don’t need to be perfect to have stable relationships and love in your life. In fact, it’s being imperfect that puts people feel relaxed. There is a type of intimacy that takes hold, a feeling that you can be open with this person because they are being open with you. Yes, it’s important to connect with supportive and non-toxic people. Mainly, speaking, most of the time, with most people, the negative things others communicate or imply about you are not insults to your character. Don’t give any attention to perceived slights let the small stuff slide off your back. When you’re faced with valid or invalid criticism, try if you can laugh at yourself or make a joke. In the end, you are not defined by others, no matter what they say or do.

3.   Look After Yourself:

People who look after themselves are more attractive because they exude self-discipline. Being in complete control of yourself means others don’t think you as a burden to be taken care. Eating nutritiously, exercising daily, and attending to your emotional psyche should be a part of your daily routine.

4. Do The Correct Thing:

Whenever you struggle with self-confidence, you are likely seeking the approval or suggestion of others. You’re stealthily on the lookout for praise, and a sense that you belong and are doing the correct thing. When you do this, you’re not worrying about the bigger picture because you’re too focused on yourself. A busy search for validation from others won’t certainly bring it; in fact, your insecurity may force people away from you. Instead, do the correct thing for yourself, for others, and for society by and large. Be kind to the people in your life and to those who have less listen, support, and give them your attention. See if this brings you affirmation.

5.   Live For Yourself:

A person who has a sense of purpose and meaning are irresistible because they exude strength. Concentrating on how others may or may not be judging you waste so much time that could be utilized on getting what you expect out of life. Ask yourself questions, what gives me happiness? What would I like to achieve in this life? What provides me a feeling of being at peace? And then shut the voice in your mind that questions your choices, and start living for yourself.

About Shivani Misri Sadhoo: Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the best marriage counselor in Delhi NCR. She has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad. She is India’s best expert on Marriage and relationship issues and gets frequently been featured in leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels. 

Counsellor Shivani is experienced and certified counselling psychologists with specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marital Counselling, Separation & Divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Domestic and Sexual Abuse, Loss & Grief, Suicidal feelings. Counsellor Shivani is currently working withIndia ‘s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Does Couples Counselling or Therapy Really Work?

In general, couples who are fleeting through distressed relationship doubt if couple counselling would never work for them or not or would it be a wastage of time and money – and that stops them from seeking professional help from an expert who can save their relationship and marriage.

The problem arises because there are myths about the low success rate of couples therapy. People with no experience of good counselling or who don’t know about the subject, give the worst advice to distressed people. “Couple Counselling is a waste of money”, “rather wear gems or consult an astrologer, do yoga, meet new people” but don’t trust a trained and certified expert who is trained and experienced especially to help distressed couples and to save their relationship and marriage.

Delhi’s eminent Psychologist and Couple Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell us that the success rate of couple therapy is extremely high. She says there has been much research done to check the success rate of couple counselling and the results are always extraordinary, for example recently a research was done by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, families and couples who have attended family or couples therapy sessions indicate high levels of patient satisfaction. Over 98% of those surveyed reported that they received good or excellent couples therapy. Respondents also reported improved physical and emotional health and the ability to communicate better at work after attending therapy.

So how couple counselling work? Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says good couple counselling works on certain basic principles and that pulls out couples from their distressed state to a positive and healthy relationship condition. These principals are:

1. Good couple counselling changes the views of the relationship.

First, the couple therapist helps both partners see the relationship in an objective manner.  The therapist helps the couples to learn to stop the “blame game” and instead look at what happens to them when they involve each partner negatively.

2. Modifies dysfunctional behaviour.

Effective couple therapist attempts to change the way the partners actually behave with each other. This means that in addition to helping them improve their interactions, therapists ensures that their clients are not engaging in actions that can cause physical, psychological or economic harm to self or to their partner.

3. Decreases Emotional Avoidance

Couples who avoid expressing their innermost feelings put themselves at a greater risk of becoming emotionally distant and hence grow apart. Effective couples therapist helps their clients bring out the emotions and thoughts that they fear expressing to the other person. Attachment-based couples therapy allows the partners to feel less afraid of expressing their needs for closeness.

4. Improves Communication

An effective couple counsellor focuses on helping the partners to communicate more effectively. The new communication mode which the counsellor redevelops within couples is not abusive, nor does it ridicule partners when they express their true feelings. The counsellor helps the couples learn to listen more actively and empathically.

5. Promotes strengths

Effective couple therapists point out the strengths in the relationship and build resilience particularly as therapy nears a termination.  The point of promoting strength is to help the couple to gain back their trust, their love, their bliss and satisfaction which was put on the back burner by both the partners.