Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

As we get older and quit meeting people through various extracurricular activities and in school, it may seem harder to make new friends. If you feel that you’re struggling to make bonds with people, you may want to consider some of the best ways to make friends, according to science. There are plenty of studies which prove how people make friends and how others respond to when it comes to forming strong bonds, and knowing these facts can help make finding your new BFF that much simpler.

Whether you like it or not, it can become difficult to belong to friendship for several reasons, as you grow older. People change as life progresses, and forming new friendship can be hard. This could be due to marriage and family life, professional deadlines, moving locations, and many more. To form a friendship, there has to be a willingness and openness to engage and accept each other.

It might sound mind-boggling at first, but in addition to being friendly and genuine, there are a number of things you could do to enhance your chances of making new friends.

In this blog, India’s eminent psychologist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us about the best ways to make friends according to science. Here they are.

Find Shared Similarities

The easiest approach to form friendships would be through a common interest – whether it is at the gym, library, or through a religious institution. People tend to be friends with those who have similarities between them, including likes and dislikes, common interests, and even particular personality traits.

Smile

Your body language plays a big role. Smile often and make eye contact, as this can help to break the ice. Research published in the journal Motivation and Emotion showed that smiling is key to forming new friendships, as people are more adapt to positive emotions when they are making new relationships.

Reconnect With Someone

Instead of focusing on turning a stranger into a friend, give effort on turning friendly acquaintances into friends. Reconnecting with people who have been lost long before can lead to strong friendships, even when lots of time has passed without any contact with them.

Ask Someone For An Assistance

It might sound strange, but asking someone for small assistance can make someone like you more. Asking for a favor could indicate intimacy and trust, and it can appear like an expression of esteem.

Attend A Regular Gathering

Use the exposure effect to your optimal benefit: The more often you are exposed to somebody, the more chances you are to like the person. “Without becoming a pilferer, spend more time at a place where you like to hang out anyway. The more you do, the better you are to be repeatedly exposed to people who have something in common with you.

Keep In Constant Contact

Sense of reciprocity i.e. returning phone calls and text from a friend, for instance — is the strongest factor in whether friendships last. When a friend reaches out, look to respond. When a friend needs you, be there. We get busy in life work, and the business of adulting can keep us away from being a good friend.

Share Jokes

Never hold yourself back when it comes to humor. Sharing a laugh with someone makes them more likely to share personal information about themselves. Laughter makes people feel more relaxed about the details they communicate, so do not be afraid to bust out your favorite jokes.

Have Questions

Make an honest effort to get to know someone. It is easier to spot when someone is going through the motions of listening and just waiting for their chance to speak. As per psychology people who ask lots of questions when getting to know someone are rated as more likable than those who ask lesser questions.

Have A Dog

Getting a pet can do much more than just keep you company at home. It can help you make new friends. People with dogs are more approachable and meet more people normally according to various studies. If you are not able to own a pet, then consider becoming a dog sitter or dog walker.

First comes love, then marriage, and comes happily ever after. This is how the story ends right? It happens in every romantic movie or a bestseller, but not in real life. Though it is true that couples might relax for a while after they have tied the knot. In reality, they may feel to start confused or worried if or when their fairy tale starts to go wrong.

Lots of people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go downhill. Suddenly, you will start thinking that you have accidentally married the wrong person. And the syndrome of HAPPILY EVER AFTER gets shattered.

Although you always want to marry someone you are fundamentally compatible with. The truth is marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right individual than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you have married. In simpler words, relationships are a constant work in progress.

In this article renowned marriage counselor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares few tips to rekindle your marriage.

1.Avoid Entering Into a Critical Mindset

There could be a time when your partner may do something that hurt you, and never feel sorry for it. Maybe they even continue to do so, despite you letting them know that it annoys you. This can cause you to generate bitterness towards them. At a certain point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens. Spouses also start magnifying or zooming in on their partner’s mistakes, recording their flaws, and making a case to use at a later stage. It is far too simple when you live in close quarters with someone to choose them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, wherein the truth is, your partner probably always had those qualities, even when you first fell in love.

2. Treat Your Spouse with Kindness

Rather of being critical, try treating your partner with kindness. As this is the ultimate key to keeping your love alive. It has been observed that taking more loving actions indeed makes you feel more in love. In any conversation with your partner, whether it is personal or practical, always try to be kind in how you convey yourself. This way it softens your partner, even in heated moments. Continuing to be loving and generous has an enormous payoff as it not only keeps love alive, it nourishes a deeper level of intimacy.

3. Stay Clear Of Projection

Projection is a psychological defense system in which people accuse others of behaving or feeling a particular way because, in reality, they themselves feel that way. Projection can stem from difficult childhood experiences that get carried into adulthood. One of the common reason couples become so critical towards their spouse is that they tend to project the negative attribute of their parents or caretakers onto their partners. They also try to assume their spouse will act in the same manner that has hurt them in the past and often misread their partner’s words and actions.

4. Reflect On What You Love and Admire In Your Partner

Think of qualities about your partner you admire or feel amused by. If you like that he/she is adventurous, keep sharing new activities. If you enjoy your partner’s playfulness in your communication, encourage bantering and the exchanging new ideas. If you value that your spouse is warm and affectionate, ensure to connect with them every day, rather than getting caught up in other daily things. Your wife or husband will appreciate your interest in doing things with them that you know they love, and it is possible they will do the same for you.

5. Define Your Problems

Spend a few moments looking at your relationship and figure out which areas work and which don’t. Just imagine of perfect day in your perfect relationship. What would this look like? How would you and your spouse interact? Then develop a plan of how you might get from point X (your current situation) to point Y (the perfect day). Jot it down if you require so, then start breaking the issues into small-size pieces and resolving them one at a time.

Relationship Tips by Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Many of you believe that love should be similar to the kind of romance you see portrayed in movies, television, and storybooks. Due to this notion, you may feel that a romantic relationship are less if you do not experience this kind of fairy tale relationship.

Many a time you feel like if you can have a perfect prince or princess then life will be a lot easier. You will think that your life will be safer forever.

The reality is you did marry a prince or a princess but that person is also a human, who will have faults and shortcomings like any other person, does not matter how wonderful he or she is. You need to understand that at some point you have to let go of the unrealistic metaphor of romantic love in order to search true happiness.

So, how could you make relationships work and remain happy?

You need to begin with the understanding of what eternal love is and then redefine and update the romantic fairy-tale into a healthier kind of love.

Today, Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals how to create a strong, intimate relationship. Here they are. These will help you to create true intimacy, find real love and be truly happy in your relationship.

Use Relationships to Teach You How to Be Complete within

Relationships are not just about having another person fulfil you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “ONE” to love the gaps in a relationship as much as the closeness.

Look Your Partner For Who He or She Really Is

The tragedy in romance happens when you look at the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to show, the idea of him or her. When you understand that more often than not you do not actually know your partner, you start to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

Be Willing To Learn From Each Other

The idea is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the image of how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and pointing fingers, remain awake to what is yet to be healed in yourself.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In order to accept that love cannot save you from being alone, try to learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the core of the relationship, you will feel complete and happy.

Own Who You Are

We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re desiring for something that is beyond reach, something in our partner that we do not think we possess in ourselves. Sadly, when we finally get love, we discover that we have not got what we were looking for.

Understand that true love only exists by loving yourself first. You can get only from another person what you are willing to give yourself.

Embrace Ordinariness

Once the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we find ordinariness, and we often try to do everything we can to avoid it. The idea is to see that ordinariness can become the real “spice” of intimacy. The daily loveliness of sharing life with your partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

Monitor Closely Why a Fight May Start

Many couples create distance by fighting and then making up time and again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating scenes and escaping real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you will have a better sense of why you are fighting and are likely to fight less.

Expand Your Heart

One thing that unites us is that we all want to be happy. This happiness generally includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create true intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good inside you. It will be easier to identify the good in your partner when become connected to the good in yourself.

Focus on Giving Love

True happiness is not about feeling good about yourselves because other people love you this is more about how well you have loved yourselves and others. The unintentional result of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

Let Go Of Expectations

You might look at things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will certainly cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in particular ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Create upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurture to yourself when you require it. This way you can allow love to come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

These are some ways by exploring them you can create a strong and intimate relationship.

Life of the married couples can turn up extremely hectic in cities, especially if they have school going children. Commonly today’s new academic curriculum, in most cases, puts extreme financial as well as personal pressure on couples. After a tiring day at the office and stressful driving back to home, they are expected to help kids finish their long list of homework, school projects, exam preparation and so on. 

These things consume so much time of the couples that they usually forget that they have a life of their own as a couple that needs attention, rest, nourishment and refreshment.

Unfortunately, such a life situation make a marriage and romance extremely vulnerable. Talking on this topic Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals some easy yet fun things couples can do together to rejuvenate their relationship.

1. Arrange for a Date Night Together

Couples who are parents always appreciate a spontaneous date night. But in the free time between those spontaneous breaks away from your routine, arrange for a complete date night together. Date nights do not necessarily have to be expensive to be fun either. Plan for a less expensive date night that allows you both out of the house without having to think about your family budget.

2. Try a Getaway Together

Pack your bags and suitcase and get away for the night or a weekend. A romantic getaway refreshes you both and gives you some quality time outside of your daily family life. If your budget is limited, try for a one-night excursion and opt for a good local hotel. Or if you are thinking for a getaway on a weekend, then you can easily plan for nearby locales from your city or town.

3. Renew Your Wows

Looking for something to do together it’s a little bit elaborate? Renew your vows in front of family and friends or have a private ceremony in your living room. By renewing you give yourselves a great reminder of the bond you two share with each other and it is also a fun way to include your kids into your vow renewal ceremony.

4. Take Up New Hobbies Together

Find for some common ground and look for hobbies you would enjoy as a couple. There could be a simple connection between your hobbies, such as going to a nature park. He will look to spy through binoculars and you can take pictures of the birds or animals you find.

5. Look to Cook Together

People say that the couple that cooks together stays together. Well, take out the measuring cups and recipe book to spice things up in the kitchen. At least one night a month, you and your spouse must wait to eat dinner until the kids go to sleep. Then cook your meal together and enjoy a gentle quiet dinner for just the two of you. If you can get out of the house take a cooking class together to know some new recipes and cooking methods.
 
6. Celebrate Together

Every day should be of a celebration of your marriage and family. Celebrate those moments. Mark your calendar to celebrate your first meeting, the date of your engagement and, of course, your wedding. But also be sure to celebrate other moments of life. If your spouse gets a promotion, cook a special dish to celebrate or give him or her a gift. We often ignore these regular life moments and keep them under the rug but celebrating them as they happen is another way to celebrate you, your spouse and the life you have together as a couple.

In today’s fast and frantic world maintaining relationships particularly the marital relationship is becoming tricky for few individuals. The honeymoon period in any committed relationship is not meant to last forever. Eventually, it becomes certain that sharing and living a life with another person requires an appropriate set of skills. Many couples start to come apart after the few years of the wedding because some of you are not bothering about how to maintain and strengthen your emotional bonds.

In this article marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo sharing Top 5 Ways To Improve Your Marriage. Here they are.

1.      Soften Your Stance

Arguments are one of the major reasons for discord in marital life. Arguments often flare up because one partner escalates the dispute by making a critical or arrogant remark. Discussing up problems politely and without blaming each other works much better and allows couples to peacefully engage in any conflict.

2.      Focus On The Positive Things

In a happy and content marriage, while talking about problems, couples should at least make 5 times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as compared to the negative ones. For instance, a happy couple will say We enjoy a lot instead of “We never have any fun.  A good marriage must have an abundant climate of positivity. Make daily deposits to your emotional bank accounts.

3.      Learn To Fix And Exit The Arguments

Happy couples know how to exit an argument, or how to fix the situation before an argument gets completely out of order. Examples of fix attempts: usage of humor, offering a gentle remark (I understand that this is not easy for you), making it clear you are on a common page (We will handle this ordeal together), backing down (in marriage, just like any sport, you often have to yield to win) and, mainly offering signs of appreciation for your partner and their feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 15 minutes’ break, and try to approach the topic again when you both become calm and composed.

4.      Refine Yourself

The happiest and successful couples are kind to each other. They refrain from saying every critical thought when discussing delicate issues, and they will search for ways to express their needs and concerns respectfully without blaming or criticizing their partner.

5.      Adopt High Standards

Happy couples adopt high standards for each other. The happiest and successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, denies to accept hurtful behavior from each another. Low levels of tolerance for improper behavior in the initial phase of a relationship equals a happier couple down the time.

About Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an expert on Marriage and relationship issues and gets frequently been featured in leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels. Counsellor Shivani is an experienced and certified counselling psychologist with a specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marital Counselling, Separation and divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss and grief. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India’s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and Express Clinics.

Relationship Tips by Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Human relationships are quite fickle and tricky at times, particularly in marital life. You never know what will happen next in your relationship. More so if it involves cheating on your partner. When someone you love and betrays your trust, it can feel like a hopeless situation. But when you learn how to move on after cheating, it’s completely possible for your relationship to survive.

Here’s how to turn your relationship around, repair trust, and get things back on track. India’s eminent marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals 5 ways couples can survive cheating.

1.    Practice Gratitude

Does not matter what happened in your marriage, coming back to gratitude will set the groundwork for positive transformation.

If you feel destroyed by betrayal and despair, take a moment to focus on appreciation. Think about all the things you appreciate about your mate. After a few minutes of refocusing in this way, notice what changes inside you.

2.      Completely Face Your Feelings

When you are hurt or emotionally broken, you may tend to blame, run, fight, judge or explain. If you can stop and fully feel the heartache gently, you will be surprised at what is possible. When you step completely into the sensation in your heart, beyond thought and explanation, the feeling commences shifting.

3.    Try to Do Things Together

Couples who spend time together and have shared interests recover from cheating much more rapidly and effectively. Try to discover or rediscover things that you can do together that you both enjoy. Always remember that not all hobbies or activities are costly there are plenty of things you can do together that do not cost money.

4.   Create a Vision of the Past And The Future

One of the ways that couples can learn how to move on after cheating is to think about the past like when they first met or got married. How did you fall in love? Why did you get married? How did the relationship look like back then?

Now, assume about the future you wanted together enjoying your golden years of togetherness, travelling, playing with the grandchildren, and enjoying family activities. What would it look like? Create an image of these things and how nice it can be to share this with the person you love most the person with whom you are married.

5.   Start a better-than-ever relationship

Take a relationship education course or counselling that starts by helping you identify the weaker areas in your relationship and then try to strengthen them for future happiness together. The more powerful your skills for talking together about sensitive issues are, the less likely you will be to drift apart or to let anger or disagreement rifts lead to resentment or fights.

Generally, in today’s lifestyle, couples find their mornings chaotic; there is a pressure to send kids to schools, getting themselves ready for office, finishing household chores and so on. Similarly, on weekends they get up late to supplement their weekday tiredness & sleep.According to eminent relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, it is essential for couples to find few minutes every morning to connect with each other. Otherwise, day to day professional and household pressure may weaken their romantic bond.  Counselor Shivani suggests that to connect with your partner in every morning does not need much efforts and time rather it can be done by the following 6 things that happiest couples do every morning.

1.      Happy couples try to get up at the same time (if they don’t work on different or odd work shifts):The first step to find a few minutes with your spouse is to get up together at the same time. To achieve this goal, a couple should try to bring a disciplined routine of going to bed every on time.

2.      They Enjoy A Cup Of Tea Or Coffee Together:Having tea together is another great way to keep in touch with each other. Prior a challenging morning starts, the couples may get up 10 minutes early and sit together to have their tea. Even if it’s only for 15-20 minutes, they have their coffee and talk about plans for the day and watch the beauty of nature if they sit in their balcony.

3.      They Make Eye ContactHappy couples often brush their teeth together. For those few minutes, couples look into each other’s eyes. They usually, touch each other, a hand on the waist, gentle touch on the cheek or head on the chest.

4.      They Share Up The Morning Chores:Getting the kids up, preparing them off to school every morning can be a tough task. Usually, we think that it’s the mom’s job. But happy couples share these kinds of family and parental responsibilities. Acting, as a team in the morning, builds connection and relationship happiness that carries throughout the day.

5.      They Bid Kiss Goodbye: It is very important for a couple to always show affection amongst each other before they leave for their respective offices. For example, if a husband or wife leaves home for work an hour before the wife or husband gets up so they always say goodbye with a kiss on their forehead. It’s not about needing the affection but more so knowing that he or she is thinking of them before they head off to work.